Luscious Idolicious!?

2012 Top Idol List

2012-01-29T18:56:00.001Z

So, it's January. Time for my generally yearly idol list. Once again, sorry for those of you waiting for an ode to the idol posterior, but once again I've just not seen enough good ass pics to deliver.

Last years winners have suffered somewhat at the hands of newer (younger) competition, some older members making better impressions on me, and one very prominent re-entry.

Due to this interesting state of affairs, it will now be a top 25. Couldn't fit in all the tags though, so I took out the lower ranked girls.

However, due to the scandal that hit while I was in the middle of writing this post, I have had to search around rather a lot for who in my mind is #25.

Nacchan, I honestly don't care about you having a boyfriend (or your terrible taste in men), but damn you for making me have to think of someone to replace you...

So, first off we shall start with a retrospective of the last two years.

2010 went something like this:
20. Kamei Eri
19. Ohse Ami
18. Iida Kaori
17. Okada Robin Shouko
16. Niigaki Risa
15. Hirano Aya
14. Yajima Maimi
13. Arihara Kanna
12. Michishige Sayumi
11. Lightbulb
10. Tsugunaga Momoko
9. Suzuki Airi
8. Junjun
7. Yoshizawa Hitomi
6. Hirano Tomomi
5. Ogawa Mana
4. Konno Asami
3. Miyazawa Sae
2. Kuwae Sakina
1. AKINA

In 2011 I implemented lots of new rules and thus it went something like this:
20. Suzuki Kanon
19. Tokkii
18. Ogawa Saki
17. Takajo Aki
16. Uchida Mayumi
15. Shimizu Saki
14. ~~HK-47~~Watanabe Mayu
13. Minegishi Minami
12. Yajima Maimi
11. Sashihara Rino
10. Michishige Sayumi
9. Tsugunaga Momoko
8. Suzuki Airi
7. Hirano Tomomi
6. Mitsui Aika
5. Miyazawa Sae
4. Ogawa Mana
3. Oku Manami
2. Okada Robin Shouko
1. Kawashima Umika

So, with that in mind, let's move to the once again completely random rules that I just made up.

1. I define idols as current members of a current group who currently release idol music, or solo singers who do the same and are generally defined as idols.
2. If a former member of an idol group redebuts under a different name or as a solo singer, or both, and is still primarily known as an idol, they qualify.
3. However, members of retrospective groups that merely take the limelight away from current members do not.
4. No fapping this time. Just going to rank with my favourite...

7 Arbitrary Rankings

Namely:

1. Cuteness (in my superior definition)
2. DAWWWWW (ie. want to hug them)
3. DING DONG SHWING (ie. want to bang them)
4. Physical Attributes (ie. how perfect they are)
5. Non-Physical Attributes (ie. personality/disorders)
6. Idol Ability (ie. singing, dancing, hilarity, none of which matters)
7. Awesomeness (most arbitrary, out votes all the others anyway)

700 is impossible.

So, first I'll start off with some notable absenses.

Graduations:

Oku Manami graduated. Only ever see her nowadays on Mariko's blog, and rarely, but she's still cute.
Ogawa Mana, along with Niwa Mikiho and the rest of Canary Club left TNX and went back to Spacecraft. Therefore I don't really know what the fuck is going on with them, because I've not seen a bloody thing of Mana since.
Hirano Tomomi and about 30 others graduated from H!P Eggs, so disappointed I never really got to see them shine, and Tomomi in particular.
Ogawa Saki. Such a shame. Now S/mileage has one half of a good member left. Honestly can't even be fucked with them anymore.

Firings:

Hirajima Natsumi. Obviously. I was in the middle of writing this post when it was announced, and as it stood she had 545 points. That would have put her at #7 on my list. Then scandal hit, so I lost the will to write and procrastinated for a few days to finish writing it while I tried to decide who the hell to add in on the end. Also, she "resigned", but obviously that's just the idol world way of saying "we told her to resign so we wouldn't look bad."

Drops Out Of Top 25:

Miyazawa Sae has been a bit odd for me this year. On the one hand, I still find her funny, sometimes cute, and think she has wonderful legs. On the other, two other members of DiVA have been making way more of an impression on me, and I've not really seen much from Sae this year that would get her ranking back up high enough again. Shame.
Mitsui Aika had a broken leg/ankle/foot/existence for basically the whole of 2011. Plus with the onslaught of newer, fresher members, and Sayu and Reina upping their game in order to keep pace, Aika's now languishing with Gaki at the bottom of the pile in Momusu for me.
Minegishi Minami is still oddly cute, irreverent and silly, but just didn't quite hit the same peaks she did last year for me. Only thing really of note was that Kaspersky Miivirus thing, but as it's Kaspersky, that just made me annoyed.
Shimizu Saki. Berryz just haven't done too well at all this year. Captain should have been out in front leading the way, but instead seemed content to just sit behind her slightly more batshit insane subordinates and dance.
Uchida Mayumi has done pretty much nothing of note this year except go to a Galneryus concert and sing Suirenka at the Karaoke festival. Props for good music taste, but push yourself harder!
Takajo Aki has simply become too popular. And much as she's still cute, has a sexy body and a cute but weird raspy voice, she's attached by the hip to her dogs, which turns me off to the power of a thousand.

So then, that's 10 missing from last year's list, and I have 15 to replace them with. So, let's get on with it eh.

25. Sayashi Riho

Yes, I'm well aware that last year I said that there was no fun in watching someone who could already sing and dance improve. Well... I was slightly wrong. In the past year, Riho has gone from being rather serious to a complete psycho. Personally I blame Norks, but it's fun to see her breaking out of her shell. Of course, her push is pretty massive. I can only think of Nacchi, Gocchin and Reina who've had a quicker push to the front than her. But she's managing to back it up pretty well, and her photobook shows she's possibly the most photogenic member since Sayu. Even if she is a bit chubby.
370/700

24. Watanabe Miyuki

2011 was the year of the NMB. Selling over 250k copies of one's debut single isn't just impressive, it's phenomenal. So yes, props for that. But onto Milky herself. She's... delicious. She has rather massive ears, but they don't detract from her cute-as-hell face, her sexy body or her very random sense of humour. She seems to think it perfectly normal that she needs two entire backpacks of cosmetics for a day. She also has an unhealthy obsession with skin whitening products. But she's from Nara, which makes it all fine. She got involved in one of the numerous NMB scandals this year (was dropped from senbatsu for a single), though no one seems to have a clue what it was actually about. Rumours suggest two girls invited fans back to their rooms, and Milky and another girl knew about it but did nothing. I find that a bit farfetched, so I'd conclude that underage drinking or a fight would be a more simple explanation. But still... DAT ASS.
435/700

23. Norks

She's still as psychoactive as ever. Also, as evidenced by Riho, capable of infecting others with her madness. Maybe instead of Norks I should call her Sheogorath. But yes, her singing voice has done exactly what I predicted and become amazing, she's still the life and soul of basically the whole of Momusu at the moment, and seems like she's managed to even infect Ishida Ayumi, who I wasn't too enthused by at first. But a few months down the line and I can see some cuteness starting to emerge. So yes, I shall dub her Daedric Princess Norks Sheogorath, Unholy Being Who Infects Others With Her Insanity, And Thus Brings Out Their Cuteness. Seems fitting.
440/700

22. Shimazaki Haruka

Paruru would be a lot higher if only she were slightly more insane. At the moment she's a bit slow to react and dense, but cute as hell. She seems to have become Team 4's frontgirl while Minarun was suspended and Ranran was busy playing golf, and Lemon was busy annoying everyone. She's really got this high on the cuteness and DAWWWWW ratings, with a decent amount on the physical perfection. But she's still got time to improve, so shall enjoy watching with great interest.
450/700

21. Takayanagi Akane

Churi, lover of birds. Actual birds. Though due to SKE's new PV maybe she's into the other type of birds too... But yes, the Team KII captain is quite off her rocker. Unlike the Team S captain, the admittedly cute but a bit lacking in presence of mind Hirata Rikako, she's actually a front girl. Pretty steady #3 in SKE and ranks as high Undergirls in AKB elections. Churi caught my eye first in the AKBとXX program, where she lead the SKE team for a good number of episodes. It was this program that also introduced me properly to Milky and two other girls right at the top of my list, so I have it to thank for a lot. Still, she captains quite easily the most insane team in SKE, full of old people (5 over 20, with another 3 in the next year, oldest is 25), and young people (6 are 16 or younger, youngest is 14). KII probably has the oddest age range in the AKB empire. So Churi, at 20, gets to lead them. Even if she is a crazy bird lady.
470/700

20. Tsugunaga Momoko

This year, Momo became popular. She's been on more TV shows than any other H!P member except maybe Sayu, and that's just because I can't be bothered to count. She has a catchphrase that's entered mainstream. She gets kicked a lot. It's quite funny, and Momo has pretty much assumed control. Even so, she's had quite a drop this year. Is it due to Berryz' failure? Buono's failure? I would say yes, but I'm not sure. She seems to be set on continuing the cutesy act into her 20s, but unlike Sayu, it's difficult to argue the case for her being cute in a traditional way. When I look at Momo I can easily see what she'll look like when she's 40. When I look at Sayu, I can barely even tell she's over 20. But, on the other hand, Momo's insanity is a major plus point for her, so she lands here.
480/700

19. Sato Amina

Yay, another weirdo. Amina has a fetish for sniffing people's heads. More seriously though, she's probably AKB's most shafted member. Shafted by the management that is, not fucked. Unlike most AKB members, she didn't join AKB as a step to become a future singer or talent or bogstandard celebrity, she joined AKB because she wanted to be in AKB. She was one of the first female fans of AKB, so went to their shows and decided to join. When she got into Kenkyuusei, in order to have more chances to appear she learned every dance from every AKB song. She got promoted to a team, but never got pushed. Yet somehow, when the first senbatsu election results came through, she was 8th. Ahead of most of the pushed ones. Since then, she's been 18th in both other elections, yet has never been in an Aside except in those singles. Even when she is voted into the singles, she gets less screentime than those below her. Why? I don't know. But she's cute, funny and the eternal underdog, thus she's on my list. This year she may break out a bit more due to getting a role in the AKB0048 anime, which means she gets to be on the themesong senbatsu too.
490/700

18. Sashihara Rino

And in complete contrast, the most pushed girl of recent times. Sasshi's had her own TV show, been put in a unit with AKB's second most popular member, been given her own drama, her own solo single, now has the highest selling photobook in one week ever, and came 9th in the election with a propoganda machine that would be the envy of many governments. So why is she here? Well, she is still hilarious. Also, when Takamina's not around she's often the most likely to speak out on TV shows. She also is damn hot. Don't really have much else to say but oh well, look at the picture...
491/700

17. Michishige Sayumi

I'm not entirely sure what the photographer of Sayuminglandoll was on, but I want some of it. She has become cuter, again, not entirely sure how but it is disturbing. She's seemingly upped her game in the past year. Far from becoming the worst vocalist in Momusu again, she's actually improved. Colour me shocked. She's still got a terrible range and is terribly nasal, but she seems a lot more capable in her comfort zone, and isn't nearly as bad as Ikuta. In the winter concert from last year, Sayu was probably the strongest performer in Momusu behind Aichan, which is saying something. Of course, with Aichan gone and Gaki going, Sayu's in line to be the next leader. Which is amusing, I must say. She does get along well with the newer members, even if she does keep trying to molest Riho. With her and Reina I think they have a good balance of mentors for the newer girls, Sayu to teach them how to act in front of the camera, and Reina to teach them how to sing and dance slightly better. She's also now got one of the lead roles in this new H!P drama which is weird as hell but Sayu is amusing so I can occasionally make myself watch it.
495/700

16. Nakagawa Haruka

So Harugon is 20 in less than two weeks. It also seems that she's finally grown out of her childishness. In photoshoots, anyway. In the latter part of 2011 there were loads of photoshoots with her looking hot as hell, with none of her usual silly grins or anything. But even so, she's still the same as ever on TV shows and suchlike. Of course, losing Nacchan's hard for her and Watarirouka as a whole. Before, Harugon could act silly and let Nacchan be the older, sensible one. Even though Harugon's older. But anyway, now she's the most senior member without question, so she'll either have to change a bit or just learn to delegate. Still, she's cute and awesome, and her voice still makes me a bit hard.
500/700

15. Okada Robin Shouko

NGP have been silent on the actual releases this year. There was a Possible minialbum with solo versions of old songs, and one new song which sucked. There were solo DVDs for each member, which also sucked. But on the other hand, Robin hasn't dropped as far as Mana, Tokkii or Mikki, simply because I have actually seen her on something, namely Tsuntube. In the early episodes Robin and Kohime were the ultimate winners. I think there was an awards thing the other day, and Robin drew with ADNagisa for most 萌え badges. Not bad considering ADNagisa's been on nearly every episode since like episode 5. So yes, she has survived. Just. Hopefully the new Possible stuff this year will be decent. And maybe she'll get another Herbie Yamaguchi shot photobook. That'd make me happy.
502/700

14. Watanabe Mayu

So, our delightful robot goddess. In the past year she's once again instigated minor warfare in Majisuka, experimented with lesbianism in Sakura Kara no Tegami (though I suppose it's debatable if a girl kissing Sae is actually lesbian, considering Sae is a bloke), and now she has her own drama in which she's a 38 year old teacher who sometimes becomes a 17 year old idol. Her photobook was certainly, as Henkka put it, not half-assed at all. Her new single doesn't sound too bad, though need to listen to it more. She's also qualified for a role in AKB's new anime. Plus she got 5th again in the election, so all in all a pretty good year. Here's to another one.
505/700

13. Yajima Maimi

Still too damn perfect. Her DVDs this year weren't amazing, but some of the pictures that came from them were. Likewise Tabioto has some nice pictures. She's also in this H!P drama, which is interesting, and in the silly Berryz/C-ute horror movie which I've not seen. She's also in Zomvideo with Nakky this year which looks interesting. Her singing and dancing abilities have remained constant, that is, above normal for idols. All in all, not too shabby at all.
508/700

12. Kitahara Rie

Bandage moe~! I have really started to like Rie lately. Her lovely dark skin, her sexy lips, her erotic poses, her long dark hair, her belly fat and vagina-armpits, her luscious legs and of course, her pubic hair escaping her bikini... She's really quite win. Plus intelligent. She broke SKE's streak of getting the top member in the Shukan AKB intelligence tests. Plus she does an amazing impersonation of Yankumi from Gokusen. Plus she has a bandage fetish. She's in Not Yet with Sasshi, Yuko and Yokoyama "I Can't Be Fucked" Yui, which boosts her exposure considerably. Glad the rumours about her being dropped from senbatsu for Give Me Five were unfounded. Here's to more unagi!
510/700

11. Masuda Yuka

Yuka's impressed me this year. Her singing voice is fucking awesome (to the extent that Myao told her to stop taking the piss, as it was supposed to be a relaxed karaoke, not a singing festival), her speaking voice is win just because of her Kansai-ben (why does it do so much for me? I don't know, but it does), and I must say she has a very sexy body. Even if I'm not too fond of actual tits. She's now my second favourite in DiVA, even if DiVA itself still annoys me. Oh well, another year for win is at hand. Another solo single plz.
525/700

10. Asakura Saki/Kuwae Sakina

So, she's back. Of course, from #2 to off the list to #10, not too bad. But yea, she's more underground than ever, and cuter than ever too. She seems to be doing concerts at the moment, hopefully she's building back up to something bigger and better, but looking forward to whatever comes out of my favourite non-loli loli goddess.
527/700

9. Oota Aika

Lovetan, Tsundere Princess of Win. Insanely cute, rather funny, rather irritable (also cute) and a lot more mature than she looks. Watarirouka's most mature member probably, now that Nacchan is gone, despite being the youngest. Hasn't gotten a lot of exposure this last year, except appearing in senbatsu for the first time in ages for Kachuusha, but hopefully this year is better.
530/700

8. Kawashima Umika

So, a bit of a drop for last year's #1. A few reasons for that being that 9nine's singles since CrossOver have all sucked, she's now in a drama with Hirano Aya about becoming an idol (Hirano Aya is obviously the worst person for advice on being an idol ever). Her dramas in the past year have been variable quality. Heaven's Flower got cancelled before the end due to the earthquake, so I've not seen the end. Koukousei Restaurant was horrible (much as I like Kansai-ben, hearing people from Kantou trying to speak in it as if a native is really not going to work). Hanawake no Yon Shimai was good, though Umika didn't have enough screentime. Plus no photobook and you get her in 8th. Hopefully she can climb back up a bit.
535/700

7. Ariyasu Momoka

So, yes. #2 of the former Power Age girls on this year's list. Being in Momoclo has some benefits. There are only 5 of them so they all get more screentime. They're also all pretty much psychopaths. Momoka's one of the silliest (if not the most insane, that has to be Reni if the stories about her having split personalities is true), and she's also the best singer and dancer of the group, if not prone to Kanako's contortionist leanings. Still, prone to doing stuff like this at a moment's notice. Or dressing up in nurse uniforms and holding a giant syringe filled with a green liquid that I can only imagine is supposed to be a weird type of enema for extra colourful mess. Or something. Still, she's short and cute, instant win.
540/700

6. Matsui Rena

Delicious super hot curry eating vegetarian psycho blood spurt artery murder melonpan lover. Rena is also kind, funny and silly in equal doses. And prone to having trysts with Jurina. Her silly monologues in Magical Radio were also lulz. But really, once you've stuck a broken pencil up someone's nose, you can't really be any lower than this without being injured. Moderately. Rena's only weaknesses are her forehead (which she seems to hate) and meat. There was a "super hot curry" eating contest on Shukan AKB a while back. Everyone thought Rena would blitz it due to her inability to taste spice. Certainly, everyone before her was like, "It's too hot!!!!" Rena's turn arrived. One mouthful, "Ah! There's meat in it!!!" and started crying. However, she is a complete metalhead. Throws out the horns at any given opportunity, did a magazine shoot where she was giving shoutouts to oldschool Metallica, and did the loudest scream of any member in the 48 family at the Seibu Dome concerts. All in all, win.
555/700

5. Ichikawa Miori

17 has never looked so illegal. Yes, Fresh Lemon, of the most annoying yet catchy catchphrase ever. Of the incredibly hard and painful head. Number #3 former Power Age member, showing that Stardust really did suck at keeping popular girls until they made Momoclo. Lemon's been pushed quite a lot this year, is probably the most well-recognised of any of the Team 4 girls, just for being small, cute and insane. On the other hand, she is growing slightly, she's now taller than Takamina and Minarun. Slightly. But I can't see her star fading just yet, and she does seem to be having some sensible moments in between the psychosis. Few and far between, so she's still adorable, but when the time comes that she can't pull off the cute act anymore the transition may not be as hard as I first thought.
560/700

4. Umeda Ayaka

Umechan's grown on me immensely of late. It's not her dance skills, which are impressive; it's not her singing, which isn't bad; it's not her face, which is hit or miss most of the time in terms of looking attractive. Nope, it's her speaking voice. I could just listen to it all day. It's so calming and deep and luxurious and rich. It's possibly the sexiest voice I've ever heard. She also hit senbatsu for the first time since Baby Baby Baby in Uekara Mariko, and was voted 22nd in the election, so centre for Undergirls. She also has a hot body and a marvellous delicious flatchest. Hoping some of the G+ random talk becomes truth and she's the Flatchest Senbatsu Centre. She's also short as hell, yay.
575/700

3. Suzuki Airi

Airi, the only entry from last year's list to actually go up in ranking. Her photobooks and DVDs this past year have been top notch. Her singing is still top notch. Her dancing is still top notch. Also been in three movies and the new H!P drama. She's also still dense, still silly, and still cute. And still DFC. Yay.
580/700

2. Yamamoto Sayaka

To say my mind has been viciously assaulted by Sayanee in the past month would be an understatement. Since G+ started, she's consistently posted these incredibly moe~ pictures that are at complete odds to her "super hot body cool older sister" character, the above picture being the ultimate example of it. She's cute, she's DAWWW when she does pics like these, she's hot as hell so gets the SHWING points, has Kansai-ben, is funny with her castle impressions, plays guitar, and keeps NMB afloat as Captain. She has this kind of effect on me (don't click if you're squeamish).

Honestly, she's just too damn win.
585/700

1. Kimoto Kanon

Non. Cutest of them all, loli overlord and stab-crazy Tsundere, obsessed with Gyouza, football and other old man habits, yet still not above being cute and silly. Quite sadistic, but scared of snakes, capable of stabbing people with no thought and yet endearingly DAWWW at all times. Honestly difficult to sum up simply because since she's become my oshi, no one else has even come close. Shame she seems to think she's fat, she really isn't. Nothing wrong with having plump thighs and buttocks dammit. The new SKE video has renewed my faith in humanity, and even I have to admit Kuumin really did a job on stealing Non's first kiss (to the extent that apparently she wanted to apologise to Non's parents about it). Still, hope to see her in more lulz dramas and silly things involving Gyouza or minor insanity at any point in time, and if she isn't still at the top of my list next year, I'll be very surprised.
595/700

So, that's it for this too damn long post. Hopefully I'll be back to scheduled broadcasting with the long promised ass post soon. Hopefully.

Year In Review 2011 Part 3: Other Idols, Final and Awards

2011-12-30T00:08:00.001Z

As I don't know whether or not I'll have a computer over the new year, I've decided to try to condense everything into one post. This might be difficult or it might not. As I stated at the end of the previous post, the "other idols" bit will be much curtailed anyway due to me not having the time or inclination to bother doing an in depth review on things I've a) not heard properly so can't form an objective option, b) heard and disliked, or c) decided to give an award to anyway. As such, the other idols section will basically consist of short writeups only, before I go into the awards and get controversial.

Nice Girl Project

I've been disappointed with NGP this year. Not only have Canary Club left and gone back to Spacecraft (goodbye Mana...), The Possible have released nothing of note (a few abysmal gravure DVDs and one pointless minialbum with solo versions of old songs). This is annoying. Luckily, they have appeared quite a lot on Tsuntube and seem to be helping out in Tsunku's new Akiba Idol Training Café thing, so maybe not all dead yet. Also seems they'll be releasing a new Indies single or something soon.

But yes, all in all quite a bad year. I confess myself disappointed.

Momoiro Clover Z

A rather successful year by non-AKB idol standards has seen Momoclo not only carve out their own little niche in the market, but also start a small scale assault on popular culture. Their singles are now selling roughly the same as Momusu (if you average out Momusu's single sales this year you get 45817 rounded up, while Momoclo's first proper single since Akari left sold 44252, which is more than both of Momusu's singles that weren't Aichan's last), and they seem to be making a quirky little mark on TV shows. Plus their album was full of win.

Looking forward to seeing how they progress (or regress) in 2012.

Passpo

Wow, I'm finally writing something about them other than excuses as to why I've not reviewed their album.

Passpo have had quite frankly a stunning year. Before May I'd never heard of them. Then suddenly they were the first female group to hit #1 on the oricon weekly charts on their debut. NMB later did the same, and sold more than five times as many singles in doing so, but the record had been set and my interest piqued. I grabbed their Indies album, which I found to be rather good. Then I procrastinated and never reviewed it. Then they released their second single, which came third (which isn't surprising when AKB and a Johnny's group release on the same day). How much of their sales are down to the fact that they release 11 versions of singles, I don't know. I'd need one of the Capitalist Thinker wota to analyse that, as a Music Lover I can't be bothered. But still, they seem to be selling at similar levels to Momoclo, and their new album (which I'll touch on later) surprised me.

Again, looking forward to 2012.

Super☆GiRLS

Super Girls are now probably the pre-eminent non-AKB idols, selling 49k of their last single in one week. That said, I still don't find them particularly endearing.

Sakura Gakuin

Cute, young and awesome, they sell virtually nothing but make up for it with win.

Kikkawa Yuu

Debuted.

Right then, onto the good bit.

Biggest OMGWTFBBQ Moment of 2011

Shinozaki Ai can sing rather well. All this time I assumed she was merely a mobile platform for her remarkably buoyant mammaries, and now suddenly she's singing. In AeLL.Surprised the hell out of me, and impressed me too. Well done, O Bathykolpian Goddess.

Biggest What Is This I Don't Even Moment of 2011

Need I say more?

Best Photobook of 2011

Watanabe Mayu - "Mayuyu"

Phwoar. Eh.

Worst Singles of 2011

Well... can't be helped.

3. S/mileage - Tachiagirl

This is horrible. Only good bit is really in the prechorus when there's a C-ute-esque melody, but the weakness of the singers just makes it horrible. Really shit.

2. S/mileage - Shortcut

See a pattern emerging? Mid-8 and verse have a microscopic amount of worth, but in regards to the verse, it's again scuppered by the inability of two of them to sing.

1. S/mileage - Koi ni Booing Buu!

If only that had been a guitar riff instead of a weedy keyboard riff. The guitar is the only thing this song has going for it. The music is terrible, the vocal melodies are terrible, the bass is weedy and shit... If guitar noises and the solo are the only worthy things in an idol song you know it's really shit.

Congratulations S/mileage for getting all three places...

Worst Music Video of 2011

See above.

Worst Song of ~~2011~~The Entirety of Human Existence

The fact that people get paid for writing this kind of shit makes me want to hang myself.

Biggest Letdown of 2011

Honestly, I'm torn. On the one hand, Buono took everything that I liked about them, ripped it to shreds and then took a shit on the remains. On the other, 9nine had a downward spiral so steep it's hard to figure out what the hell Sony are on. Every single they released this year has been shit. I'll give them a tie.

Best PV of 2011

Was torn again. SKE had some good ones this year (hooray Akagumi), but in the end this just topped them all by being beautiful.

Looking forward to Alcest's new album next week, should be an early contender for next year's best album.

Best "Did They Really Do That?" PV of 2011

Lulz.

Best "You Just Broke My Fucking Mind" PV of 2011

Oh salyu. Blame Henkka for introducing me to it.

Best "Aww They're So Cute I Just Want To Stick Them In An Asylum" PV of 2011

Lulz Momoclo why you so psycho?

Biggest "Oh Why Couldn't This Have Been More Epic" of 2011

ChthoniC, long one of my favourite bands, released the final album in their Souls Reposed trilogy this year. After giving 9.6/10 to Seediq Bale and 9.4/10 to Mirror of Retribution, I was looking forward to Takasago Army. The first single from the album was Takao, which was awesome.

Indeed, the first 3 songs of the album were so strong it was heading for amazingness. Possibly even higher than Seediq Bale. Then the other seven songs happened.

While not bad songs, they just didn't grab me enough. One song in particular was shit though (Root Regeneration). Just some Pgaku flutes and some guy talking in what sounded like the Rakata language from Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. In the end it managed a measly 7.1/10. I was disappoint. Hopefully next time they become more used to the whole "composing Taiwanese folk then metallising" thing.

Best Idol Songs of 2011

3. C-ute - Midnight Temptation

Live version is so hot. Plus solo is still fucking epic.

2. Momoiro Clover Z - Kimi no Ato

One of the sexiest ballads ever. From our resident idol psychopaths, no less...

1. Super GiRLS - NIJIIRO Namida...

Another sexy ballad. With another sexy solo.

Best Idol Singles of 2011

3. SKE48 - Pareo ha Emerald

Because bikinis, high tempo music and awesomesauce.

2. Momoiro Clover Z - Roudou Sanka

Ian Parton and Ootsuki Kenji doing the a-side, the aforementioned Santasan as the Bside, and an Akirastar composed JpopMetal Cside. What the hell's not to like?

1. AKB48 - Kaze ha Fuiteru

A-side was awesome, Bside was awesome, both Csides were awesome. All in all full of winningness and other awesomes.

Best TV Show of 2011

Bimyo~. Too many lulz.

Worst Album of 2011

Partenza.

Top 10 Albums of 2011

10. Old Silver Key - Tales of Wanderings

A side project of Neige from Alcest and the Ukrainian Black Metal band Drudkh, what we have here is basically an album that sounds similar to Drudkh's Handful of Stars album, with a heavy dose of Alcest added for good measure. On the other hand, it's nowhere near as good as Alcest's Écailles de Lune from last year. Firstly because, whilst Roman Saenko and company are proficient on their instruments, they seem slightly too unused to the more polished shoegaze sound that's needed. As a result, sometimes the instruments sound too muddy, the drums are mixed pretty poorly, and some of the panning is weird. There's occasionally two guitars and the bass sitting in the middle of the headphones, while another guitar is all the way on the left-hand side, but with nothing to counterbalance it on the right. Also, Neige is singing in English here, and it just doesn't work as well as French for expressing the effervescent nature of the music. Still, all told, it's a nice little album.

7.6/10

Standout Tracks: November Night's Insomnia, Star Catcher, Burnt Letters

9. Korpiklaani - Ukon Wacka

Korpiklaani are my base measurement rod for the more fun end of metal. I can rely on them to release a decent-to-good album full of silliness and drinking songs every 12-18 months, and if it makes it on my year-end list then it's been a pretty weak year for metal. Such is the case this year. Ukon Wacka is pretty much the same album as Karkelo, just this year they sing about Tequila instead of Vodka. They also cover a Motorhead song, another band renowned for releasing the same album all the time. Still, the songs are fun, good, epic for drinking to and Jonne still makes me laugh whenever he joiks. The slower, Moonsorrow-esque tracks this time around are quite awesome.

7.7/10

Standout Tracks: Louhen Yhdeksäs Poika, Ukon Wacka, Surma

8. Burzum - Fallen

Varg disturbs me how he can make music so grim yet so beautiful. This album marks the second since he got out of prison, and it's not too bad. His screaming vocals are still weird, but at least they aren't as bad as his "heavy breathing" on the re-recording album From The Depths Of Darkness. He also attempts clean vocals, not as bad as I was thinking they would be. Some wonderfully grim riffs in places though.

7.8/10

Standout tracks: Jeg Faller, Vanvidd, Budstikken

7. Passpo - Check-In

Well, not bad to land on my Top Ten on their maiden voyage... (see what I did there? lulz) Anyway, their new album has both Shoujo Hikou (the debut #1) and Vivi Natsu on it, both quite decent songs. The style is, similar to their Indies album, pop rock. Which of course, goes down well for me. The songs themselves are well-composed, and the girls aren't bad singers, so this is quite a good album. A lot of the tracks are quite pacey too, so yea. All in all, they're looking like they'll almost certainly take off in 2012.

8.1/10

Standout Tracks: Hello, Material Girl, Starting Over

6. Galneryus - Phoenix Rising

Since Yama-B left Galneryus I pretty much left them alone, as I didn't think Ono was as good a vocalist, and the style on Resurrection sounded a bit naff. Luckily I decided to give Phoenix Rising a go, and straight from the off it makes me think "wtf", with a growling Syu taking lead vocal duties on The Rising, and the music sounding more like Bal-Sagoth than Galneryus. From Tear Off Your Chain onwards though, it's back to service as normal, with Syu and Yuhki shredding the shit out of everything, and Ono not doing too bad on vocals. Overall, the ballads and proper Galneryus speed metal are all there, plus The Rising, a load of slightly more epic songs and even a balls-to-the-wall rock-out number in Bash Out makes this one of the more experimental Galneryus albums. All in all, not too shoddy.

8.2/10

Standout Tracks: Spirit of Steel, The Wind Blows, Bash Out, The Time Has Come

5. Alestorm - Back Through Time

I'm so getting lynched for this, but yes, I enjoy Alestorm. The new album takes what they set out to achieve, mixes it with in-jokes, drinking songs and Dimmu Borgir to make a surprisingly strong and even more surprisingly coherent offering. There are your standard Alestorm songs, but also the rather thrashier Shipwrecked, the latest cool ballad Scraping The Barrel, drinking songs Buckfast Powersmash (which even quotes the Chuckle Brothers themetune) and Rum, and the frankly epic closer Death Throes of the Terrorsquid (which does go all Dimmu by the end). Not to mention the lulzy covers of I Am A Cider Drinker (by The Wurzels) and You Are A Pirate (by Lazytown). Good fun.

8.3/10

Standout Tracks: Back Through Time, Scraping The Barrel, Death Throes of the Terrorsquid

4. Momoiro Clover Z - Battle and Romance

Why yes, our little psychos. Ridiculously strong album, featuring especially epic songs, especially silly songs, and especially exuberant songs. Can't really say much more than I did in my review from earlier this year, so I'll just leave you with that rather amusing album cover to look at.

8.7/10

Standout Tracks: Wani to Shampoo, Pinky Jones, Kimi no Ato, Momoclo no Nippon Banzai!

3. C-ute - Chou Wonderful 6

Again, one I reviewed earlier. Tsunku showing that he is still capable of writing decent songs, when he feels like it. Also that he can hire some epic guitarists. Again, read the review.

9/10

Standout Tracks: Midnight Temptation, Lululululu..., Aitai Lonely Christmas.

2. Opeth - Heritage

This album was a surprise. I was expecting an amazing progressive death metal album, along the same lines as 2007's epic Watershed but a bit further out there. What I got was one of Akerfeldt's Italian 70s Prog LPs instead. Nonetheless, it's an extremely good piece of 70s Italian Prog Rock. This is basically a period drama. Just an album instead of a drama. I can just imagine Akerfeldt and company rocking up to the studio in a 70s Ford Capri wearing knitted sweaters and sporting sideburns and handlebar moustaches. It sounds like it was recorded on an 8track, with completely analogue setups. The amp sound is a valve amp with some serious bass. The songwriting is awesome too. The Devil's Orchard is a masterpiece of 70s prog, Slither sounds like Motorhead after nicking Tony Iommi's guitar. The keyboards, which are central, are played well, and all 70s sounds. Hammond, Moog, Mellotron, Flutes, shit, they even got Mendez to play an upright bass. This just is 70s, and it doesn't feel any less natural for it.

9.1/10

Standout Tracks: The Devil's Orchard, Slither, Famine

1. For All We Know - For All We Know

For All We Know is the sideproject of a Dutch guitarist called Ruud Jolie, better known for his time in the hardly metal at all anymore band Within Temptation. This album, luckily, sounds nothing like WT have done for the past ten years, and instead we get a rather wonderful prog metal album. Featuring Kristoffer Gildenlöw on bass, Léo Margarit on drums (both have been in Pain of Salvation), the ever-amazing Wudstik on vocals, some Dutch guys on keyboards and loads of guest vocalists (including Daniel Gildenlöw, Damian Wilson and Sharon den Adel), the lineup is pretty damn good. The music is all by Jolie, with the exception of the first track, which Wudstik wrote. All the songs are pretty damn good, the musicianship is of high quality throughout, and Wudstik has levelled up since he first crossed into prog/metal on Ayreon's 01011001 in 2008. It's amazing to me how a rapper can be such an amazing prog vocalist, but oh well. I'll just keep being stunned. Overall, it's a brilliant album, and I'm looking forward to hearing Jolie do more prog stuff in the future, and for Wudstik to do anything at all in any genre.

9.5/10

Standout Tracks: All of them.

So yea, that's it for this year. Next year has some interesting stuff ahead (Mayuyu and Wasamin solo singles, SKE lesbianism, etc), so I look forward to writing about it.

Pozdrav,
Krv

Year in Review 2011 Part 2: ○○○48

2011-12-25T20:16:00.002Z

So, after battling illness for the entirety of the past week I'm not at a particularly good level of mood or wordcount. However, today I've had a battle with Richard Branson and tried my hand on the stockmarket with Splen so I'm raring to go.

Now, the biggest problem with reviewing everything the 48s have released this year is twofold.
On one hand, there have been 72 promo videos (by my count) released by them this year.
On the other, most of them are not on Youtube, except as snippets.
So, I'm left with a dilemma. Do I link the snippet videos for those that do not appear in full, and assume that everyone reading this has heard every song, or do I link in from Tudou and have everyone complain that the videos take 2.5 hours to load?

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure yet.

I'll decide as I'm writing up the stuff that the first group has actually achieved this year.

I'm gonna exclude SDN because 1) I excluded Dream Momusu, 2) I'm lazy, 3) I can't stand any of their songs this year anyway.
Also exluding Baby Gamba because I can't find a full video where the two AKB girls actually appear.
This takes me down to under 60 vids, which is slightly easier.

So, firstly...

AKB48

Obviously. This year will go down as possibly the most successful year in idol music history, due solely to the fact that no other group in Japan, male or female, can claim to have taken the top five places in the year-end chart, let alone selling over a million for each of them. They've taken apart all opposition, and even had a period near the end of the year where an AKB-related group released a single every week except one (which was marked by an Arashi single, meaning that I guess Aki-P has a deal in place with Johnny's that he won't release on the same day as Arashi because it'll make Johnny's look bad).

On the other hand, this year has been a complete copy/paste of last year.

To run through:

Sakura/Graduation Single: February 2010 - Sakura no Shiori; February 2011 - Sakura no Ki ni Narou
Hair Accessory/Voting Ticket Single: May 2010 - Ponytail to Shushu; May 2011 - Everyday Kachuusha
Senbatsu Election Single: August 2010 - Heavy Rotation; August 2011 - Flying Get
Cool/Dance Single: October 2010 - Beginner; October 2011 - Kaze ha Fuiteiru
Janken Single: December 2010 - Chance no Junban; December 2011 - Ue Kara Mariko

Also, no new AKB stages, unless you count the new addition of Team 4 (also known as glorified kenkyuusei, no matter how much I like them), who're doing a cover stage anyway.

Regarding Team 4, it would be a lot easier to accept that they were actually a part of the "real" AKB now if AkiP actually gave any of them some single A-side time. But, with their highest placed girl in the election currently suspended for suspected underaged prostitution and drinking (though due back in January), and their second highest place girl in the election having the looks, brain-size and mass-appeal of a six year old, it's hard to think of a likely candidate. Paruru still looks too loli, Haruu is a bit too manly, Ranran's probably likely to destroy the place, and Shiori's busy with Uni. The others really don't appeal to me so yea.

In other happenings this year, my favourite, Maachan, graduated. I still haven't found a new oshi in AKB itself. Currently, a ferocious battle of strip-twister is taking place in my brain involving Mayuyu, Nacchan, Harugon, Lovetan, Wasamin, Paruru, Lemon, Amina and Suuchan to decide for me. The result may be announced at some point when I stop fapping.

Regarding fap material, Mayuyu's PB. Delicious it was.

TV shows and dramas have been everywhere this year. Majisuka was more lulz than the first season, mostly because of the lack of Maeda "I Can't Be Fucked" Atsuko. The Sakura drama was shit though, even if the Maachan "I've had plenty of abortions" line did make me lol too much. The Sae/Mayuyu lezzing was not good enough. AKBingo has become a bit stale, relying too much on the same segments over and over again. On one hand, Muchaburi Dodgeball will always make me laugh. On the other, I still want to kill that fashionista queen. Burger Shop battles also suck. AKBeginner was an interesting segment though, if only for Lemon and her steel head. Shukan, Ariyoshi and Naruhodo are as variable in quality as ever, though AKBtoXX was pretty good for a while when they had the three teams facing off against each other. Nemousu specials are always good, but the main series usually sucks. Don't know why. Bimyo~ is full of more win than anything else this year.

Anyway, to the PV reviews:

Sakura no Ki ni Narou

So, the Sakura song. It's a soft, slow ballad. As ballads go it's not bad, but it has the same problem as Sakura no Shiori. It gets dull. Also, due to Sakura no Shiori featuring so many more voices, some good call and response, and harmonies, I can't rate this anywhere near as high. The PV has some interesting production values and a story and Jurina as a tree or something. Not entirely sure. 5/10

Guuzen no Juujiro

So, after trying to no avail to get Tudou to let me actually embed the bloody thing, I'll just link. Also it's horribly low quality. I expect all the Tudou ones to be at least this bad, if not worse. Anyway, this song is cute. Horribly generic, but cute. There are a few points where it picks up, the prechorus is pretty cool, and the palm-muted guitar in the buildup chorus, but other than that it is just an average song. PV is also cute, has Non at the front (with Yokoyama "I Can't Be Fucked" Yui), and also has Maachan, Lovetan, Harugon, Churi and Kuumin. Yet despite it being filled with people I like, the song's still pretty meh. 5/10

Kiss Made 100 Mile

Last year I really hated the Mint song. This year it's completely different in tone, feel and just about everything else too. Quite an upbeat song, it gets points for that. However, it loses points for being unimaginative, vocally poor and musically weak. Not to mention what they're wearing in the PV. It's like they looked at Moeno and Sakiko and thought, "damn, they're ugly... let's make them worse." Maeda "I Can't Be Fucked" Atsuko looks most normal, but she has a giant flower on her head, and Haachan doesn't look too bad. But this is just disturbing. 4/10

Area K

So, the final song of the original Diva before they became a weird shit thing. From their costumes I was expecting cock rock or at least metal. Instead I get weird dance-y Jpop with a fatter Japanese version of Nick Barker (with corpsepaint too) randomly standing around. Song does nothing for me. PV does even less for me. Ends up a right clusterfuck. 3/10

Dareka no Tame ni ~What can I do for someone?~

The AKB downloadable support single for the Earthquake is the same song from the 3rd Team A stage. On the other hand it is one hell of a win song. The PV is formed of clips from them doing supporting things for the earthquake, and suchlike. That guitar riff is still as win and 80s as hell. The call and response heard here and there is win. Solo is cool. All in all, win. Plus it helped raise quite a lot of money for charity, so all good. 10/10

Everyday, Kachuusha

This PV is basically "let's redo every single PV we've ever done. In 7 minutes." The song is okay, not amazingly stunning but has enough hooks and major-key-ness to draw one in and keep you occupied for a while (as if the bikinis in the PV weren't doing that already). This single had the highest number of girls in senbatsu ever (unless you count Sakura no Shiori, which was basically a "let's use everyone!" love fest. Also the first single for NMB appearances. Lots of firsts for this single, and it's not too bad. 7/10

Korekara Wonderland

Just a warning that from now I'm drinking so if I become more rambling and incoherent, that's why. Another fucked up PV. Old school motown style song. Pulls it off better than last year's similar effort, Namida no Seesaw Game. Quite colourful. Interesting enough song structure, quite fun beat and odd enough concept. 7/10

Yankee Soul

Theme song for this year's Majisuka is nowhere near as cool as last year's. But one cannot have anything, and as a song in its own right it does fit in slightly better with the songs that precede it on this single than Majisuka Rock'n'Roll did on Sakura no Shiori. The PV is basically a super-extended version of the Majisuka season 2 opening credits. Songwise it doesn't do a lot for me. It's an okay-ish song but no fireworks. 5/10

Hito no Chikara

The undergirls song. On a Cside. Disappointing. I like the bassline, the song is midpaced and lacks any gaudy frills, but it's cute enough. Chorus is uplifting and good, which is pretty impressive for an unassuming song. Solo is weak though. PV is okay. Lack of negative things to say means pretty short review. 8/10

Flying Get

The senbatsu election single. This song had like seven different PVs, one which hit more than twenty minutes, so it's pretty bloated. Hence I'm only posting the dance version. Easier. Plus, all the PVs sucked anyway. Not that anything could appease me after Heavy Rotation last year. Martial art film parody would only have worked if they'd hired Zhang Yimou to direct it or something. A few surprising results. Yuko eventually lost by some margin to Maeda "I Can't Be Fucked" Atsuko, Yukirin came third, Tomochin dropped out of the top 7, Sasshi came 9th, and Amina came 18th yet again and was completely ignored yet again. Now to the song... Boring. The song isn't particularly good. There are a few bits, but the bassline and chord progression suck. Vocal melodies aren't particularly good (annoying as for a change Sayaka and Yuka are in an a-side, meaning there are at least double the usual amount of people who can sing), but the solo is pretty cool. Still, lacking. 6/10

Dakishimechaikenai

So, from a high budget, overblown yet shit PV, to a cheap, tidy and silly one made much cooler by the fact that it was done in one continuous shot. Song isn't bad either. Bassline is interesting. Song is cuter than usual for undergirls, which is odd and impressive. Another song where I don't have enough to say, so I'll just say that there are quite a lot of SKE girls that aren't Kuumin in it... 8/10

Seishun to Kizukanai Mama

Yes, this video will probably be taken down in a few days, but oh well. Majisuka ending theme. Another ballad. Some Beatles influence in the background, but only quietly. Vocal melodies are okay. Chorus is awesome. This is way better than Sakura no Ki ni Narou as a ballad. Solo is awesome as hell, and this is easily the best so far from AKB in this list. 9/10

Ice no Kuchizuke

So, the AKB tribute to their fake member. The song as a whole isn't amazing, but the chorus changes things up nicely and does a good job as it is. Shame the rest is so meh. Video on the other hand is very cute, giving gifts to each other in a chain brought on by Fake-chan's kindness or something. In any case, glad Eguchi Aimi is properly deceased now. 5/10

Kaze ha Fuiteiru

Again, going with the dance version as the proper video is fucked up beyond any sense of measure. Giant hairy snaggletooth Diglett what? Anyway, the song. Oddly for this year, it's fucking amazing. Let me say that again. This song is fucking amazing. The chord progression for most of the song is based on the 50s progression, that giant sexy beast of a chord progression that goes I V vi IV. Just Kaze takes it, burns it, and makes it vi IV I V instead, which, because it has a different and minor key signature, should be written as I VI III VII. Which is cool. Vocal melodies are also good. Really epic. 10/10

Kimi no Senaka

Yet another cute Undergirls song. And this one is the best yet. Plus Suuchan/Lovetan joint centre is full of yay. But anyway, song. Cute, vocal melodies are good, the chord progs don't suck, and the whole thing is good. Only thing that might improve it is an extra 20-30bpm of speed. Solo is good. Bit after the solo is cute and reminds me of the old Hello Morning themesong. Buildup chorus also win. 9/10

Vamos

Baragumi undergirls, and this certainly has pace. Nacchan as a boy = hot. Not sure how they managed to get a load of celebrities famous for stupid things in the PV, but I guess that's Japan. I'm liking the song, though the PV is pretty shit (aside from Nacchan). Again though, lack of bad things to say. 8/10

Gondola Lift

Yurigumi undergirls with a ballad. Quite a drop between singles for Asuka, Sayaka, Yuka, Amina and Umeda. From top 22 to second Cside. Still, gives this song the required vocal strength (Amina aside) to back up it's ballad credentials, which are already quite stacked. The song is slow, but packs a nice little punch in the chorus, which is one of the better ballad choruses I've heard in a while. Piano solo is much awesomes. Video is nice too. 9/10

Uekara Mariko

Alas, this time a frontgirl won the Janken tournament. Shocking. The original plan was to release the Theatre Cside, Hashire Penguin as the Aside, but with Mariko as front and centre, plus Sayaka, Umeda, and Nyan being rather over 20, they decided to give it to Team 4 instead and write a new Aside. So it's rushed. And it shows. On the other hand the PV actually got a budget this year, which is awesome. On the other hand, once you see the Csides you might prefer they got the budget again. The random music in the PV before the single comes in is better than the single. On the plus side (for Mariko) the song does feature lots of young girls (in accordances with Mariko's tastes) so she does look like she's in her element. Even if she can't sing, can't dance, hardly ever turns up to stage shows, etc. Still, not amazing. Few good points, chorus has a decent hook. Solo's decent, if not amazing. Mid8 is an interesting break, if too short. Buildup chorus doesn't use quite enough stop/start stuff. But still, due to the lack of a certain member who can't be fucked for the first time ever, I'd give this song at least 6/10

Noel no Yoru

20 people in a Bside... overkill. On the other hand, it might provide a clue as to the identities of some of the senbatsu for the start of next year, in which case I'm glad Lovetan and Suuchan made it in. Songwise, Christmas songs almost always suck. This isn't really an exception. Simple melodies, simple background music. The mid-8 is about the only bit worth a damn, and that's over too soon. 4/10

Rinjin ha Kizutsukanai

So, this year the Aside got the PV budget, leaving the Csides to deal with various oddities. With Team A, they've got an idea at least. An idea which could have been absolutely epic, but isn't. Instead, it's just good. Still, that's better than what's coming next. The song for Team A this year is of a better standard than last year, on the other hand the PV isn't quite as good. The Prechorus and Chorus are pretty good, considering the minimal instrumentation. The vocals are just about thick enough to dodge that bullet. Mid8 has an interesting pattern that keeps ascending in tone chromatically, achieving a nice effect. 7/10

Zerosum Taiyou

Team K's PV shows us that, despite them getting the budget last year with the awesome song and video of Alive, this year they got shafted. Basically a glorified dance shot, starts off pretty dark, then turns into a "let's all be Takarazuka and dress as ladyboys!" clusterfuck. The song isn't quite so bad as I feared, but it's still not amazing. Not a patch on Alive. Solo is pretty win though. 6/10

Yobisute Fantasy

Team B's PV gets the Heavy Rotation director, Ninagawa Mika. As such, it's bright. Other than that, it also has a concept, though it's odd. The B song this year is better than last year. That pedobear looking thing is disturbing. The cosine-wave syncopated bass is also annoying. Don't get the whole names near the end bit either. Still, doesn't suck too badly. 6/10

So, that's it for AKB. Thank fuck.

They also released an album which I reviewed here so that I wouldn't have to do it all over again.

SKE48

So, time for the slightly younger sisters of AKB. Considering how young some of the sister groups are getting now it's disturbing. Anyway, few things before we get down to the monotony of more song reviews.

My oshimen. Kimoto Kanon. Last year I said I was wavering between Jurina and Rena, and that Kuumin was sneaking up on them. This year it's been more Kanon flying high, Rena jittering a bit, Kuumin climbing some more, Jurina falling, Churi climbing, Yuria climbing, Shawako climbing... actually, come to think of it, just about everyone save Jurina, Rena and Oya Masana have climbed at least a bit. Possibly due to the fact that this year I've been exposed to them an awful lot more, but also just because Jurina now is established and Rena didn't spill enough blood in Majisuka. Which is another reason why Non is now top, come to think of it. The moment she stabbed Rena she won my allegiance.

Speaking of TV shows though, SKE have had rather a lot this year. Some of the better ones have been:

Itte Koi 48 - Especially a lulzy episode where various girls got trapped in a room with a massive python. Or on a boat with a rat snake. Ah, the lulz that generated.
Sekai Seifuku Joshi - SKE vs. The World. One country at a time. Currently on a massive losing streak, and SKE's token half-foreigner tried defecting to her other homeland.
Magical Radio will end soon but was getting pretty boring anyway.
Mousou Deka from earlier this year was insane. But funny.

So yes, SKE picking it up on the TV front.

KII got their first original stage this year, called Ramune no Nomikata. Some of the songs are okay, some aren't.

PV tiem:

Banzai Venus

I think AkiP's instructions to the composers of SKE singles this year have been similar to George Lucas when directing movies. His commands are but two. "Faster" and "more intense". This philosophy pretty much sums up this year's A-sides. Following the same formula as 1,2,3,4 Yoroshiku from last year, and pumping it up a bit, we get Banzai. Plus, of course, half of Nagoya in the music video. Couple the relatively speedy pace with a chorus hook that's more major key than just about anything ever and the choreography that can make you sweat just by watching them do it, you end up with a song that's bursting with a lot of energy. Musically it's not amazing, solo is meh, vocal melodies are okay but nothing special. The energy though, makes this song. 8/10

Sotsugyoushiki no Wasuremono

So, the first of this year's Jurina-lead Shirogumi songs. This one is pretty bland. Nothing really stands out about the song or video. The whole video runs like an extended trailer for a pretty rubish B-movie. The song is way too cutesy for some particular members (Neesan and SKE's resident man, Nakanishi). Just not feeling it. 5/10

Dareka no Sei ni ha Shinai

Better straight from the off, just by having a wet Rena. Also, Goth Yukiko ftw. Song also has a nice bassline and a nice guitar riff. This'll go down as SKE's first "challenging" PV, a bolder step into a slightly more realistic world. Some nice semi-philosophical/emo ramblings if you can be bothered to read the text in the video. Vocal melodies are good. Guitar solo is cool. All in all, pretty good song and video. Looking forward to the challenging themes continuing. 8/10

Pareo ha Emerald

Faster and more intense, part two. Plus swimsuits. And this is the fastest bpm of all, nearly twenty faster than Banzai, and thirty more than Yoroshiku. Needless to say, it's probably just as well they weren't wearing much while dancing this, considering it was filmed in Hawaii. In hot temperatures. May have got just a little sweaty otherwise. On the other hand, they didn't manage to get the entire population of Hawaii as backing dancers. Shame. Anyway, riff-wise this song has some good ones. Much better than Banzai's lack of much musical interest. Brass band does hearken to AKB swimsuit singles, but doesn't detract too much. Guitar solo is pretty damn win if short. Overall though, I like it. 9/10

Tokimeki no Ashiato

Another boring generic happy midpaced pop song from Shirogumi. They must have thought "shit, we need to be edgy" in the PV, but halfassed it. Mary pulls her skirt up, by about a millimetre. Jurina cuts off a small lock of hair. It's not enough to save this song from being shit. Bassline is about the only thing going for it. 3/10

Papa ha Kirai

Part two of Akagumi's emo series. On the other hand, the video director had a bit of an idea and tried to implement it passingly well. The song makes some good use of Spanish guitars and interesting beats. Chorus doesn't have a hook though. Vocal melodies are uninspired. Still, H!P should take note. This is how to create a no budget/dance/faceshot/slowmo PV that doesn't look tacky. On the other hand, it doesn't take Freud to interpret that this PV is basically about "lost innocence", or rather, broken hymens. Not to mention the lyrics about not being held to the rules of society. As a result, it'll go down as part two in SKE's edgy vids. 7/10

Oki Doki

The name of this song is disturbing. I was expecting it to do a Pareo, level up stupidly and suddenly come out with 200bpm or something. But I guessed they realised that pushing it past 175bpm would probably result in some girls dying due to the dance being too quick. So they slowed it back down to Banzai levels. The chorus vocal melodies are good, but background music has some really weird and bizarre things in it that annoy me. The verse has the best background music (chromatic riff), but an annoying vocal melody. Prechorus is forgettable. Mid8 is forgettable. Overall, it's okay, but nothing special. 6/10

Bazooka Hou Hassha!

What? A good PV from Shirogumi? Colour me shocked. Cosplay is cute. Song is also a step up from their previous efforts. Bassline is good again, but this time the vocal melodies work, the accents work. Syncopated bouncing in the chorus is interesting choice, but it works, especially with the bass slapping away like that. Again, this song is happy as hell, but it's nowhere akin to boring. Mid-8 has an interesting build up, but the main bit is a bit boring until the vocals kick in. The melodies there are good. Buildup chorus breaks things up nicely and pushes the melody up to the top. All good. 9/10

Hohoemi no Positive Thinking

I was expecting another challenging PV from Akagumi, what I got instead was a good song and a non-challenging non-artsy PV (unless shots of them going barefoot through mud counts as arty). The guitars in the verse have a good melody and chord prog, vocal melodies are quite simplistic but effective. The chorus vocal melody is particularly uplifting. Prechorus is good. Their Engrish is funny, sounds like "Positive Singing". Mid8 has a good chord progression. Buildup chorus is the most sparse and awesome I've heard in a while. Also has some Strawberry Fields Forever Flutes. Quietly. Overall I like this. 8/10

So, that's it for SKE. I do think I've looking forward to the new single, Kataomoi Finally, which comes out in January. Takes Akagumi's challenging themes and is like, "let's put it on the A-side!" So we're gonna have a Jurina/Rena/Churi love triangle, a Non/Kuumin kiss scene, and other quite possibly wonderful themes of lesbianism, bullying, suicide and of course, unrequited love. SKE's Keibetsu? Time will tell.

NMB48

So we now come to the group that if you run up behind them and yell "Bang!" they will fall over and pretend to be dead. Because people from Osaka are funny like that.

NMB has not only debuted this year, but also had the most scandals. Now that's some impressive achievement right there. Considering how much the paparazzi must stalk AKB, they only had two which led to any action against the girls. NMB have had at least five. Good going girls, I'm proud of you.

Anyway, choosing a favourite in NMB is hard. Not only because they all think they're comedians, but also because some of them look so weird that they can be cute or sexy depending on the picture (most notably the two original frontgirls, Sayanee and Milky, before Milky became embroiled in one of the scandals). On one hand, Milky is almost always cuter than Sayanee in normal videos and pictures. On the other hand, Sayanee is always sexier in those same styles. Yet when Sayanee takes blogpictures, she suddenly levels up to some ridiculously high plateau where none can reach her. Likewise, Milky, when she's not being dense, can come over as insanely sexy. In the end though, Sayanee wins because she can play guitar.

Anyway, PV tiem.

Zetsumetsu Kurokami Shoujo

This is an interesting idea for a debut single, and it worked well. Playing up the whole "Japaneseness" thing, the video features them doing traditional Japanese things. That's about it really. The song is okay. The bassline is good, reminds me of some old Momusu songs that Dance Man did. The vocal melodies aren't good though. The rest of the instrumentation also isn't amazing. The guitar solo is weird and cool though. 6/10

Boku ga Maketa Natsu

That NMB took the Shirogumi and Akagumi names from SKE is disturbing. Considering it's Osaka, I'd have thought アホ組 and ボケ組 would have been more appropriate, but I digress. What we have here is a good, upbeat song with good riffs. The vocal melodies are cute, but not amazing. Quite predictable. The video starts off like it's going to be an SKE Shirogumi style PV with even less budget. Then Sayanee's shirt gets so wet it's seethrough so I stop caring. Guitar solo is okay. Video does seem to be an excuse to have a few girls get wet. And for Nana to get her top off. 7/10

Mattemashita, Shingaki

Akagumi's song. Quite far from SKE's Akagumi, this sounds more like a Watarirouka Hashiritai song. As that would entail, it's major key, vocally weak, melodically weak, and just generally annoying. Solo is possibly one of the worst I've ever heard. Horrid. 2/10

Oh My God!

So, after a song celebrating Japaneseness, we get this. Sounds like an SKE ripoff. The piano instrumental version over the movie-PV is good though. So is the string quartet. As an SKE ripoff it's not bad, but it would have been interesting if they'd continued in the same direction as Zetsumetsu until they perfected it. This is just a bit of a cop out. I mean, it's not a bad song. The dynamic between the guitars and piano is cool, and the vocal melodies aren't bad (even if they did sound better as a piano right hand in the instrumental). The solo is long as hell and has some interesting bits. The video is a bit silly, but oh well. For what it is, this song is good. For what it could have been, it's lacking. It's hard to rate because of that, but I'll go for living with what it is. As such, 7/10

Kesshou

WTF GIANT PEDOBUNNY. Anyway, that aside, the acoustic guitar in this song is nice. The vocal melodies suck though. Not feeling it, the song or the video. Mid-8 has another thing that sounds like it wants to be a solo, but sucks. 3/10

Hoshokushatachi Yo

This PV runs like a dodgy Yakuza-run brothel. The music on the other hand is a good period piece of lounge music. Bassline is good, brass is good, vocal melodies are good. Lends quite a dark feel to it, as if the video wasn't doing that enough already. 7/10

So, all for NMB. AS I said before, not doing SDN as they're a load of old women and I can't be bothered. Thus, we come to the subunits. Finally.

no3b

Straight to reviews, no time to dawdle.

Answer

This song is nice. Riffs are good, the girls show off their vocal talents well. Beat is good. Vocal melodies are good. Video is weird, but funny and interesting. Weird as hell seeing Takamina with long, straight hair. And without a giant bow. 7/10

Kuchibiru Furezu...

Edgy no3b? Win. Song is good too, riffs and vocal melodies (and harmonies even) working well together and making a pleasing sound. Fast tempo is winning. Chorus in general is memorable and win. The PV is pretty hilarious, with them trashing stuff and acting like rockstars. Which is also funny. The little guitar accents placed here and there in this song are good if you listen out for them. Long solo is long and good. I does like this a lot. 9/10

Pedicure Day

For a song about pedicures there's not enough feet. Anyway, the guitar riffs are decent again, but the song has levelled down in pace. I like the weird guitar chords in the verse. Vocals are at the same level as always for no3b. Prechorus has some pretty growly powerchords. Second verse beginning is quite interesting, but all the good bits are simply too fleeting. Their worst this year, but still decent. 6/10

Watarirouka Hashiritai 7

Warota occupy a bizarre space in my brain. On the one hand, five of them are still battling it out in my brain's strip-twister game for favourite in AKB. On the other hand, I hate their music. It's bland, uninspired, insipid trash written for children. Possibly written by children too, considering I was writing more complex and original melodies, hooks and lyrics by the time I was nine.

Valentine Kiss

Pony Canyon must be really vicious litigators. Can't find this PV anywhere, not even "lol@copyright" Tudou. So you'll have to settle for a studio performance. This song's a cover. The Sayuri/Onyanko version is better, but the best version has to be Lucky Star's version. Just for pre-scandal Hirano Aya doing wotagei. Anyway, bassline is boring and shit, instrumentation doesn't do a lot. Vocal melodies are shit. Vocal power is pretty lacking (still can't understand why the hell Wasamin is in Warota7, she can sing). 3/10

Hetappi Wink

Forgive the shit video quality, but it's a PV at least. Also, this song is better than their usual stuff. Almost sounds like Not Yet. The verse is shit, but the main part/chorus is good. Post-chorus is cute. Dunno why they can't do this more often, managing to get cuteness and some standard of songwriting (even a minimal one) in together. Mid-8 is decent. 6/10

Kibou Sanmyaku

Gonna be gone in a few days most likely but oh well. This is basically a disco song. Completely out of character. I can imagine Boney M singing it. It's not amazing, but the fact that it's not overly cutesy, silly, and actually has musical value means I need to give it a mark. 6/10

French Kiss

Another 3-girl unit, they're probably the subunit that impressed me most last year. So how about this one?

If

The intro to this song is awesome. The main riff manages to screw it up a bit, but the verse goes back to awesome again. Chorus is good too. Nothing really bad to say, all three are decent enough singers to do the material justice. The vocal melodies aren't bad. Solo is nice. Overall, good stuff. 8/10

Kakkowarui I Love You

And for a complete change in style... From those guitars I was expecting a lot heavier, but it's only really the verse which has any decent heaviness. Chorus is cute though, and decent pace doesn't hurt it at all. Vocal melodies aren't quite as good this time, but work. Hoped that was building into a massive dance-y synth solo but it trolled me hard. Shame, would have been epic. Still, decent. 6/10

Kimi nara Daijoubu

These riffs are cool, the verse has an awesome dynamic with the piano, the pace is decent, and in general I'm loving this song by 30 seconds in. Then we get to the chorus and it's a letdown. Hook is weak, the bass doesn't pound enough, and their voices seem to have levelled down. Disappointing. Would be better if they kept singing in the lower registers, suits all of them better. So, split between liking and not liking. As such, 5/10

Saisho no Mail

This song has a few redeeming points, but as a whole it's not particularly amazing. Riffs aren't good, vocal melodies are pretty meh. At least they aren't trying to sing too high pitched this time, but that's about all I can say. Solo might have been good, but I'm buggered if I can hear it over the drama PV voices. Bloody thing. 4/10

Candle no Shin

So, a French Kiss minus Akicha PV. Frankenstein? Harmonies are good. Don't get the male backing dancers. Harmonies aside song isn't very good. Melodies are okay, backing music is shit. Overall it's pretty terrible. 2/10

Not Yet

So, this year was marked by the debut of a few new units. This one featuring Yuko, Sasshi, Rie and Yokoyama "I Can't Be Fucked" Yui.

Shuumatsu Not Yet

Do ignore the fact that it's mirrored. The song isn't terribly good. In fact, it's pretty boring. Bass is doing something, but everything else is pretty boring. Vocal melodies are horrible. Chorus has a horrendously non-catchy hook. Mid8 is pretty boring too. Overall it's not memorable or good. 3/10

Naminori Kakigoori

A hook straight from the start? Much better. Lead riff is also good. Verse has a good vocal melody and decent instrumentation, both rhythm guitar and accents. Chorus is just cool. Just before the mid8 it breaks out into the coolest chord progression ever again (I VI III VII if you've forgotten) and then the mid8 is a nice false-buildup, then it dies down again in the buildup chorus, and then final chorus. All quite win actually. 8/10

Peraperaperao

This has a weird title. But again, straight away with a hook from the start, looks like the composers learned their lesson from Shuumatsu. The lead guitar is good again, the rhythm guitars in the verse are good. On the other hand, this is pretty much stylistically copy/pasted from Naminori. Solo is okay but there's not really a great deal to say about this that I didn't say about Naminori anyway. 7/10

DiVA

My thoughts on this are summed up quite easily.

Gogo AkiP trolling.

They've added some new members, who aren't affiliated with AKB, so I have no idea where the fuck this is going. All I care about is getting Sayaka, Umeda and Yuka out of there, they're too good to be tarred with this shit.

Tsuki no Uragawa

Mirrored but who gives a fuck. Sounds like a mess. Instrumentation is minimal, vocal melodies are pretty horrible, which is disturbing considering this group has AKB's best singer plus two of the other good ones. Guitar accents are okay. Chorus is completely unmemorable. Guitar solo is long yet still manages to be rubbish. Pretty naff. 4/10

Cry

The guitar riffs in this song are pretty cool. The bass VST though is worse even than the horrid piece of shit that Tokyo Girls Style use. Tremolo picking the chord progression's bass notes on guitar in the verse is interesting, but the bass is just horrible. Vocal melodies aren't too bad, so this is at least slightly better than Tsuki no Uragawa, but the bass. Chorus at least has a hook. Solo is a lot better this time around, despite being shorter. 6/10

Sukeban Girls

Oh yea. Sukeban Deka Pachinko Game unit, had two songs released digitally and the two PVs as one vid too. Featuring Oshima Yuko, KasAIDS Tomomi and Matsui Rena.

Tsupparu Riyuu/Tomo yo Yoake ni Machiawaseyou

Tsuppara's guitar riffs are pretty cool, vocal melodies aren't amazing but oh well. Mid 8 is pretty cool, solo is good in regards to flow and technical ability, but listenability is weak. Still, decent enough song. 6/10
Tomo yo is like a drama ending theme from the 80s. This time the vocal melodies are good but most of the instrumentation sucks. The piano spamming hitting that chord in the chorus is cool though. Still, not great. 5/10

Itano Tomomi

So, some more soloists appeared this year, slightly further up the pecking order from previous soloists too. Firstly was Tomochin, former lord and master of the moeblobs, until turning into... whatever it is that she is now. She can still pull off moe stuff sometimes, just not when autotuned and covered in more makeup than a dirt-cheap 40 year old LA hooker.

Dear J

That sawtooth riff is actually quite good. Just the autotune is painful. This would actually be a good dance-y song if they'd let someone who can sing without the aid of autotune sing it. Even Sashihara made it sound better. Still, as a piece of music I like it. Just a shame autotune exists. FUCK YOU CHER! FUCK YOU T-PAIN! 7/10

Fui ni

This is worse. The sales were also pretty terrible after Dear J, so I guess it didn't go down well. Bassline is pretty insistent and annoying, vocal melodies are boring (plus autotuned), though there are a few places where the melody line caught me out. The piano bit in the verse is nice, but this just doesn't flow particularly well. 4/10

Maeda "I Can't Be Fucked" Atsuko

So, at long last we reach the apparent pinnacle of AKB stuff. "Apparent" because I've never understood her popularity. Having said that, I'm usually at a loss to explain the popularity of frontgirls anyway. Shit, just look at Takahashi Ai. To me, Maeda comes across as a dense person who never looks like she particularly gives a shit. Or she's a poorly programmed robot. On the rare occasion she does show emotion it's a cheesy grin and then within minutes she's usually lapsed back into stupor again. Why anyone puts her in dramas I don't know. Maybe someone should give her a magic potion. But anyway, I digress, let me review her single so I can get this bloody post out of the way.

Flower

The way she says 大丈夫 just before the song starts reminds me of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Japanese adverts. Anyway, song. She's not the best singer (or particularly good at all). On the other hand they have given her a pretty decent ballad to work with. Shame about that bass. Vocal melodies are good, chord progression is decent. Not too many accents, but oh well. Just glad they didn't dose her up with autotune too. 7/10

So, that's it for the 48s. Overall, even though they had stupidly high sales, due to it being a bit of a copy/paste of last year, I'll only give them a grade B+.

Next year looks fun though.

Anyway, changed my mind about the Part 3 Indie Idols post, now I'm just going to pick and choose stuff which I liked, because I'm running out of time before the new year, and I can't be bothered to go through and do everything, considering how long this blogpost has taken me (something in excess of 20 hours and nearly 7000 words now). If all goes to plan I'll start that post tomorrow and finish up on Tuesday, then I have the rest of the week to do the final and award post.

So yes. Later.

Year In Review 2011 Part 1: Hello! Project

2011-12-18T18:12:00.001Z

So, we come to this time of the year again. It's become freezing cold, snow has begun to fall, and one begins to ponder upon the failings of one's existence in the previous twelve months. One may also begin to ponder what the future might bring.

On the other hand, as I'm a miserly bastard I'll ignore my own failings for now, as I spend most of the rest of the 11 months living in complete acknowledgement of their existence. Instead, I will once again endeavour to dampen any midwinter (or midsummer for those of you on the opposite side of the hemispherical axis) cheer you may have built up by once again reviewing how idols have done this year.

This, of course, will piss many people off and also make make people happy.

Or it could just force people to wonder why their mood can affected by someone writing something on the internet. Like the people who got offended by me saying UFA raped my Buono fandom. Be advised I'm still laughing at you, 4 months later.

For those waiting for the next in the delicious body parts series, normal (lol) service will resume probably upon completion of this series of posts. Unless I suddenly come across lots of delicious idol bottoms in the next week, in which case I might be forced into action.

So, anyway, some structure for you.

Part 1: Hello! Project
Part 2: ○○○48 (including all subunits in a post which will probably once again stretch blogspot to its limits due to the fact that 48's release like 3-5 PVs per single)
Part 3: Other. Momoclo, Sakugaku, Passpo, Idoling!!, TGS, Super Girls, Afilia, NiceGirl Project, AeLL, Fairies, whatever other indie idols have sprouted up that I can find.
Part 4: Overall and Awards. Once again I'll save the major flaming for last.

Dream Momusu and Kikkawa Yuu are not part of this review.

Anyway, so onwards to the H!P reviewness.

Morning Musume.

Well, 8 new members, one old decrepit person finally buggered off, 3 singles with 4 music videos, and an album which I've already reviewed.

So, firstly:

Aichan's graduation:

Fakjea!

New members:

Fukumura Mizuki: Wasn't too sure on her at first, but recently she's sort of impressing me for seemingly multiplying her cuteness every time I see a picture of her. Would now rate her as most attractive 9th gen. Plus, dammit her thighs! She seems to be shaping up to become the next Eri.

Ikuta Erina: I'm completely nonplussed by her. She has a silly laugh. People seem to like her "inability to read the atmosphere" but doesn't really do anything for me. Sings worse than Sayu.

Sayashi Riho: Everyone's favourite little chubby. Doesn't sing too badly. Doesn't dance too badly. Is quite funny.

Norks: Is lulz.

Iikubo Haruna: Cute, looks decent at everything. Probably my favourite of the 10th gen.

Ishida Ayumi: Would have been cheaper hiring backup dancers.

Sato Masaki: Looks interesting but haven't seen anything in particular to move me one way or the other yet.

Kudo Haruka: Needs to cut down on the fags. But cute and funny, hopefully she can hold off lung cancer until after graduation.

Old members:

Gaki is Gaki.

Sayu has impressed me considerably this year. Her singing sucks a lot less. Her dancing sucks a lot less. She's funnier, she's proven by hosting Mobekimasu tte nani? that she can MC a show, and of course, she's still as wonderfully hated by housewives as ever due to her cute act on variety shows.

Reina was in a movie. Haven't seen it but if it features anything that sparkles I'd happily burn it. Also seemingly upped her vocal performance on the album, so there will at least be some decently strong vocals between now (what with Tsunku's "let's autotune Gaki" fetish) and when Kudo starts to sound like Louis Armstrong.

Aika has had a broken leg or something and disappeared. Just as well I got bored of her really.

Singles:

Maji Desu Ka Ska!

So, this single was, to me, a bit like a wakeup call. After so many years of boring, repetitive single in the same style, Momusu had finally shaken things up a bit. And it was decent. Nowhere near the standard of oldschool H!P ska songs, but still decent enough and so utterly different from anything else they'd released since 2007 that one couldn't help but just go with the flow and enjoy it. The music video is frankly rubbish, don't understand what the hell Aika's doing, but oh well. Video suckage is secondary. UFA seem to be either cheapskates or in a financial meltdown anyway, only Manoeri gets budgets nowadays. Which is hilarious. But anyway, yes. Was a spark of light at the end of a 3.5 year tunnel. Seemingly, Tsunku does still have it. When he can be bothered. 8/10

Only You

Indeed, when he can be bothered. Obviously with this song he couldn't, so it regressed back into the old formula. On the other hand, this song did show that, besides autotuning the only vocalists in the group worth giving a damn about, he did sort of perfect the style before letting it go the way of the dodo. I'd rank this as probably the second best single since Resonant, after Lullaby Game, and only slightly ahead of Shouganai. Due to the autotune it loses marks, therefore ranks lower than it rightly should. Without it, I may have given it a 9 or something, but as it is... 6/10

Kono Chikyuu no Heiwa wo Honki de Negatterun da yo! / Kare to Issho ni Omise ga Shitai

Two videos in one. And what a difference. The first song is again part of the "canon". Sounds similar to Only You, and every other single back to 2008 (Pepper Keibu notwithstanding). The song is boring and uninspiring. The video is even more boring and uninspiring. On the other hand, no autotune and Gaki's glissando. But still, boring. 4/10
Second song is way better. And more psycho. The riffs are cool, the singing is lulz, and it's FUN. Tsunku finally remembered how to have fun when writing. Solo is cool, really don't dislike anything about this song. 8/10

Still, can't help but think when I see this PV, why couldn't they have made a DVD album, with each member's dream having a song. The first song is Aichan's, and as bland and boring as such would entail. Second is Sayu's, and thus is colourful and ever-so-slightly psychotic. But imagine what Norks' dream would have been like. Full on being attacked by green goo and forced to toil in a slave labour camp until aliens invaded and ingested the goo before transporting Momusu to outer space upon the Resonant Blue-class star cruiser Love Machine where they turned into a female super sentai unit protecting species of red goo from the imperious encroachments of the purple and green goo alliance. Or something.

Anyway...

Their album I reviewed here, so if you feel like reading it enjoy.

Thus ends Momusu.

Berryz Koubou

Not sure what to say about Berryz this year. It's a bit like last year, just a little worse.

Memberwise, Momo's finally attained some mainstream popularity due to having the shit kicked out of her every time she's on TV. Also has a catchphrase which caught on to the extent that it was included in a list of "top catchphrases of the year".

Captain finally got a photobook. Was decent, I suppose.

The rest of the members have done... nothing of note. The Ousama Game movie, I suppose, but again, not had a chance to watch.

So, singles:

Heroine ni Narou ka?

So, the David Bowie/Adam Ant ripoff video that people think was Lady Gaga (whatever happened to originality in pop music?) hides what's actually not too bad a song. Chorus is strong. So strong they keep repeating it. Vocals are Berryz standard. That is to say, not great but not shit. For Berryz it's better than it is worse. Choirs in the mid8 are epic and win. Not quite Dakishimetex2 standard, but still a good dancey track. 8/10

Ai no Dangan

Firstly: PHWOAR. PVC gets. The PV is lowbudget studio again, but the costumes are sexy as all hell. So are the dancemoves. Vocals again aren't too bad. The song itself isn't the greatest ever. It's not bad, don't get me wrong. I like the rockiness of it. Some good accents on the guitar, but the music is too far behind the vocals in the mix to pack enough punch. Could be better, but still... phwoar. Eh. 6/10

Aa, Yo ga Akeru

So, from sexy red PVC to... nighties. Not even particularly sexy ones. It's like they just thought, "ooh, we put them in sleepwear, I'm sure that'll make people buy it." But the song sucks. The string VSTs are horrible, the bass sounds like someone's jumping on it while being strangled, the bass drum sounds like a black hole, the snare drum sounds like a bass drum, and the vocals have been messed with badly at the beginning, though it gets easier to deal with. The chorus vocal melody isn't too bad, but the verse and prechorus are horrible. The piano at the beginning and the jazzy riff aren't too bad, it's just what's playing it that's the problem. On the other hand there is a hammond buried in there somewhere. Buildup chorus is the best part of the song. 3/10

The album review is located here, again, read if you feel like.

℃-ute

After 2010 I had very few expectations of C-ute this year. Their 2010 singles were good, but not amazing (Aitai aside), and their album truly was shocking. Then, of course, Momusu released Fantasy and Buono released partenza, so C-ute were freed from their burden of having the worst album in H!P ever.

So they followed it up with possibly the best year they've ever had.

Maimi is still sexy as a really sexy thing.
Nakky's also become sexy, and is rather less annoying.
Airi is still dense as hell, has appeared in some movies, is still cuter than should be possible, and is in general now the best singer in H!P.
Chisato's singing and dancing has now improved to the extent that she's become far awesomer than she was before. May have even overtaken Maimi as second best vocalist in C-ute.
Maimai has shocked me. Not only for her odd tastes in position but also for the fact that she no longer looks like an alien. Her body seems to have grown into her head and now she's actually pretty cute.

Also, as a group, they pwn at dancing so much it's disturbing.

Maimai's now got her own Ustream show, and Chisato's still doing random dances.

Their new group photobook "cutest" does indeed look extraordinarily hot.

Anyway, singletiem.

Kiss Me Aishiteru

I do like this song. Rather a lot. The crazy as hell synth riff is win, the vocals are good, the line distro is good. The video is low budget but actually works, which is shocking enough in and of itself. Synth bass doesn't suck. Ne~e still gets me. So does their cute little Engrish "Please?" Mid-8 is still win as hell and yay let's hit every note! Buildup chorus is win. 9/10

Momoiro Sparkling

This song is too happy. But even so, it provides a decent melody in a very major key scale. Verse vocal melody is nice, if the instrumentation is a little lacking. Prechorus is actually quite interesting, I do think that I like it. Chorus vocal melody is boring though. Syncopation on the bass in the chorus is rubbish. PV is cute, I must say. I do enjoy it quite a lot. Shame the song isn't quite good enough to make it thoroughly enjoyable. Too much "chu"ing after the second chorus. Proof of H!P's lack of budget if they can't even afford to go to a beach to get the beach equipment onto. 6/10

Sekaiichi Happy na Onna no Ko

That opening bass riff is actually awesome. The intro as a whole is awesome, actually. Bass is real, guitars are good. Verse vocal melodies win. Guitar accents in the verse are also good. Preprechorus isn't bad either. Holy shit there are harmonies! Then it goes into a quick Prechorus and then chorus is also not bad. Vocals are really starting to be awesome now. Airi and Maimi are awesome as ever, and Chisato's now capable of doing some really win low vocals and some quite nasal higher pitched ones (as shown in a lot of her Hello!Cover singles). The structure of this song is quite interesting, as the Verse and Prechorus seem linked, yet are separated by the Preprechorus, which sounds more linked to the chorus. Odd choice, but all in all I think it works nicely to break the song up more. Good call Tsunku. Solo is pretty slow and not amazing, but it follows the music well enough and doesn't sound out of place. The PV is cute as hell, though I'm wondering what happened to their dancing. Seems to have levelled down, though in concerts they're still capable of having sex with the floor. 8/10

Their best ever album I reviewed here.

Mano Erina

Ah, the boring one. The Manopush seems to have ended this year. She's only had two singles, is languishing in the charts and hasn't been in several hundred dramas. Truthfully, I still don't find her interesting. But oh well, I'll just listen to her singles from this year and tell you how much I dislike them. Or something...

Seishun no Serenade

Music is pretty meh. Her vocals are still meh. Where's her piano gone? Her backing dancers are just as good, if not better dancers than she is. Synth bass sounds watery, and lacks any sort of punch. If it had some punch this song would sound better, but as it is it merely sits below the level of the rest of the instruments and doesn't pound my ears in enough. Lalalalalala is annoying. What the fuck is this shit in the refrain? Is it supposed to be a rap? Every time she says "Journey" it sounds like Iida Kaori saying "Johnny". This disturbs me. She finds a piano at the end. Wow. 5/10

My Days For You

This tune is actually pretty nice. Her voice is weak, but better than usual and fits the song better. Verse and chorus both have decent vocal melodies. Middle 8 has an awesome vocal melody, and then the guitar solo ruins it by sucking. Buildup chorus only slightly redeems it. PV is cute, I want that camera. 7/10

So, in general... Not as bad as it could have been, I guess.

S/mileage

So, this year S/mileage got 5 new members, threw one away for being weak, lost the best original member and will soon lose she of the AIDS-like voice. The new members don't do much for me, it must be said. Saki's loss is bigger than any ten new members could handle, and with Yuuka going the whole group will have a major lack of cuteness.

Such is life.

Lots of singles to review though. No doubt I'll hate them all.

Shortcut

Apparently a reference to a hairstyle instead of taking the quickest route, this song involved all of them getting a haircut that makes them look like blokes, yet still wearing girly costumes and miniskirts... At least crossdress! Music is pretty meh, still hurts to hear Yuuka and Hitler sing. Chorus is horrible, actually. Vocal melodies would suck even if the bad voices weren't there. Mid-8 is probably the best part of the song, yet still sucks. Just goes to show. 2/10

Koi ni Booing Buu!

Just by looking at the single covers I can tell this is going to be ridiculous. Guitar noises at the beginning are interesting, but then it turns into the weediest and possibly worst keyboard riff I think I've ever heard. The verse has some interesting toy piano under the vocals. The guitar randomness in the middle is interesting. Sounds like Dragonforce or something. Shame the music isn't fast as hell. I would say "good" but Dragonforce haven't been good since like 2006. And shame they're wearing stupid pig noses. Chorus is shit except the "baka" at the end. PV is just shit. Guitar solo is crazy as a really crazy thing and I like it. Would probably hit my guitar 50 list. Shame the rest of the song is a fucking disgrace. 1/10, all of which for the guitar solo.

Uchouten Love

Now, this is much better. Not that it was difficult to be better, you understand. But this song is actually good. Some good old Eurobeat, Tsunku style with his annoying and funny WAHOO over it. The melodies are good, the music is decent if not amazing Eurobeat. Chorus is cool. Not entirely sure about the dance in the chorus which involves the girls anally penetrating each other, but oh well. Vocals are once again split into Saki and Kanon being able to sing, and Yuuka and Hitler sounding like AIDS. Mid-8 has some nice melodies. Buildup chorus shows that Yuuka has actually improved. She's now only slightly less terrible than Moon Kana. Hitler, on the other hand, still requires about 4000 hours of intense vocal reconstruction surgery. All in all though, I liked it. 8/10

Tachiagirl

Bad title pun is bad. So, one less good member and five new submembers. Also the last single for the throwaway submember. Don't know what's wrong with this synth bass. Sounds horrible. On the other hand the music isn't too bad. Until the breathy synth comes in after the intro. Dammit Tsunku you want to kill me? Verse is horrible. Vocal melodies are okay, but the music is boring as hell. Giving solo lines to Yuuka and Hitler again is painful. Chorus hurts. Those beepy things are annoying. Want to kill whoever pan faded them to each side in succession. PV is pretty boring as hell. Mid8 is weird. Buildup chorus is better than the real chorus simply for not having the beepy things. 3/10

Please Miniskirt Postwoman!

Dodgy title yay. WHAT IS THIS BAROQUE FEAST OF WIN!? The harpsichord is raping my skull and I'm jizzing all over the place. On the other hand, then we get a horrible breathy synth. But the pace is pretty good so I'm not minding as much. Chorus isn't amazing, vocal melody wise, but the pace is still unrelenting. The cute pre-verse sort-of talking-sort-of-singing is win. Katsuta Rina can sing, guess that's good. In fact, all the new members sing better than the remaining originals except Kanon. They'd be hard pressed not too though. Mid8 has some more harpsichord which is yay. Everytime they say 少女 it sounds like showergel. End is unimpressive. WHERE IS MY CADENCE? I have no clue. 7/10

Buono!

Oh yay. Time to lay on the hate. Luckily I don't have to review Zassou as I already did it.

But where to start? What went wrong? What has happened to Buono?

I think UFA are just pushing for someone to follow trends. Buono happened to be nearby, relatively well-established and so UFA thought, "I know, let's turn them Kpop." It obviously was a bad move, because Partenza is possibly one of the worst pieces of Jpop I've ever heard.

Luckily, the new single coming out in January sounds better.

Anyway, singles and other PVs:

Zassou no Uta

Juicy He@rt

Can't help but think "I'm on a boat". The title (and Zassou's actually) made me think up some rather funny alternate lyrics. Can just imagine Buono doing black metal, ripping someone's heart out and eating it. Fakjea /,,/ Anyway, the song is not bad. Better than Zassou. Worse than Runaway Train. Not much I can really say that I didn't say in my partenza review. Except maybe HOLY SHIT SINCE WHEN DID H!P DO BSIDE PVS? Also, if Buono wear loads of Union Jack clothes in France I will lol. And they might not enjoy the experience. 6/10

Natsu Dakara!

Such a boring ass song. Such a boring ass video. In general quite boring. Vocal melodies aren't bad, actually, but the music is just so insipid and uninspired I find myself falling asleep. Bassline is terrible. Guitars are rubbish. Drums sound like they were played on a cardboard box. Mid-8 is boring. Rubbish riff. Then we get talking over Brian May pulling off something slightly interesting. In general, shit. 2/10

And the album review which makes everyone butthurt is here.

Random units.

2011 has been the year of H!P trying to have everyone in together, obviously in the hopes that having more members will work better. It seems to have failed.

Anyway, first we had BerryzxC-ute, with a graduation song. In November. Considering Japanese graduations are in March, this is a bit silly.

Amazuppai Haru ni Sakura Saku

Well, this is boring already. Uninspired intro, I must say. Vocal melodies for the verse aren't good. Instrumentation is sparse, leaving the annoying synth bass in. Chorus isn't too bad. Possibly the only redeeming part of the song. PV looks like it had a budget too. Shame it went on such a poor song. Mid-8 is pretty meh. Guitar solo is horrible. Really quite bad. 4/10

Next up we had EVERYONE. And I mean it. Quite ridiculous that they can barely ensure fair line distribution in C-ute with 5 members. How are they gonna manage with 28 members? Easy answer? They don't.

Mobekimasu - Busu ni Naranai Tetsugaku

Song is pretty horrible. Sounds like a mix between Berryz' Aa, Yo ga Akeru and 2008-2010 Momusu. Which basically means it's shit. Increasing the members doesn't really help either. Song definitely seems a bit too adult for the new S/mileage members, and even the new Momusu members except maybe Riho, who seems to pull off the sexier dance moves as if she knows exactly how they look. Verse, Chorus and Mid-8 are all pretty horrible. Generally horrible. 2/10

Finally, take out Momusu and think up the stupidest release strategy possible: release it online more than 4 months before a physical copy is available. It's out this week, and it probably won't sell. It doesn't even have a music video.

Bekimasu - Makeruna Wasshoi!

So, this song is pretty decent at the start. Weird synths are a bit annoying, but already better than Busu. The festival-esque feel of it is fun. It's fastpaced and interesting. Vocal melodies don't hurt too much. Mid-8 is interesting. Chorus is quite awesome... until it starts fucking skipping like an old LP. This is disgusting. I want to kill whoever made that decision. Without them I'd give it maybe a 7. With them, 5/10

So, thus ends Hello!Project for the year.

If I had to grade it...

C-

Definite room for improvement.

Next up, AKB48 and co. Will probably take me 5 days to write it, but I shall endeavour to at least finish all these blogposts before the end of the year...

Idol Body Parts Top 10 Series: Part 2

2011-11-16T16:10:00.000Z

So, it's time for part two of my image-spam fiesta of the late autumn. This time, working up the body slightly, is Legs. For those of you who don't like legs, wait a while and I might have a post waiting for you that has a body part more to your liking. For those that do, the following post might just tide you over for a while.

So, a recap of the lists that are still to come:

Breasts (ie. actual ones)
DFC (delicious flatchest. Tits that ain't)
Ass
Legs
~~Feet~~
Clavicle
Lips
Belly/Waist/Hips/Pelvis (that general area)
Back
Armpits

I added armpits because I suddenly suffered a surfeit of shimmering sexyness also known as Miyabi's armpits. Add to that realising that another girl had a armpit that looked kind of like a vagina and I was set.

Anyway, onto the legs. This time I will try to contain myself somewhat and limit myself to a maximum of twenty pictures per person. Seems fair. Also, people may criticise due to a lack of certain old ladies from Momusu. Tough shit. I haven't got any pictures of them so I can't really rank them thus I can't really put them in this picspam post.

Right, onwards to ~~victory~~the goods ~~or death~~.

10. Miyazawa Sae

Ah, Sae. AKB's most prominent manwhore. So, she lacks a penis. That's never stopped anyone. She also has some nice legs. They can look weird sometimes, but her thighs are firm looking so that's cool. She also usually has a fabulous tan.

Obviously the shirt was cramping her style.

Why does sky blue do so much for a female figure?

Pissed as fuck.

Because backwards is better.

Leg only tanning?

James Bond? Yea, fuck that guy. I have more chicks than him anyway.

9. Kusumi Koharu

Koha, Dream Morning Musume's psychotic vegetable gardening freak. Even so, I would still Koharu her... *oldschooltermnooneoutsideoriginaleurowotawouldget* But yes, due to her tallness her legs do stand her in good stead. Especially in fishnets. Oh yes...

The original picture to Koharu.

Because fishnets make everything better.

Pondering the nature of existence...

And pondering the correct angle of openness...

Not Michael Jackson.

Sky blue again...

Adding bondage gear for good measure...

And finally, repose.

8. Kitahara Rie

Hmm? Truthfully, I wouldn't be surprised if many of you have never looked beyond her lips, but I have and found much to be desired. Including but not limited to something previously mentioned in this post, pubic hair exposure and a flabby belly. Also, some very nice legs. Not to mention she also tans very nicely indeed.

Rivers...

Beach paraphernalia...

White sheets...

Can't distract self any longer. Dammit her tan.

Also available with tights.

More beach stuff.

And more.

White kneehighs... Phwoar... Eh.

And back in the river for more sexyness.

Even Rie is astonished at how hot her legs are.

7. Yajima Maimi

Ah, she's back again, as if all the picspam I did of her last time wasn't enough.

Perfection?

Damn that's one sullen look.

Nice shape...

Damn that is loooooooong.

Not sure which to focus on here. Upskirt potential too...

I love underskirt thighs.

And the backs of Maimi's knees are exquisite.

スカート、ひらり...

Backs of knees again.

And again...

And finally one of her looking like a stick insect.

6. Kojima Haruna

Ah, Nyan, the ultimate space cadet. By which I mean she occupies her own planet 98% of the time. On the other hand, she is probably the most outrightly sexy member of AKB. She is, after all, the Queen of Sexy Janken. Even if Yuko self-upskirted herself to the title afterwards. But yes, her legs. Quite hot.


Because cleaning a pool is easier with a brush. And whatever that thing is on her head.

Delicious thighs, I want to eat.

Poke.

Alas, stockings.

Between thighs, downblouse and stocking removal in one picture. Photographer ftw.

Those boots are amusing, but they do accentuate how long her legs are.

Especially here.

And here.

lol wellies.

5. Junjun

Ah, beloved lesbian panda. Too soon hast thou departed. But anyway. Jun had some massive thighs. And I did like. And the birds and insects and creatures didst verily rejoice, and... I've no idea where I was going with that. On the other hand, it seems that there is a disturbing lack of decent full-body pictures of Jun only with a nice view of leg. Anyway, onto the minimalist spam.

Light blue once again proving its worth.

Red PVC and fishnets and stockings... yum.

Imperious, I believe is the term...

Meanwhile, this is a bit more sexy.

Dead But Dreaming

Chunky Thighs Yes.

Garter ftw.

An all too rare full-body shot.

Ah, Chinese magazines...

She does like showing off on Weibo.

Hmm... guitar case...

Good to know she's still tanned.

IIRC she was moaning about her legs being too fat on this pic...

4. Kamei Eri

Only at #4? I hear the three people and a slightly leaning tree that are reading this post ask. Yes, I reply. Because I can break through fourth and fifth walls like that because I'm awesome. Anyway, Eri. Thunder thighs herself. Nice thunder thighs too. Yes. Anyway, onwards.

Eri, the queen of "nearly" upskirts.

The circumference of her thigh is probably bigger than the circumference of her waist.

Ah, the bikini leg shot.

And stretching...

Ooer.

Nelson. Haha!

Tried to avoid getting pics with her feet in. Chances are they're the ugliest idol feet on the planet.

But her thighs can usually distract one from them.

I have no idea what she's looking at.

This needed to be a gif. Unfortunately I don't think manhole covers suddenly cease to exist in reality.

Back of thighs = yum.

I must say the lighting in this shot is spectacular.

Not so much in this one, but hey, derriere.

Slanted skirt is interesting.

But hint of asscheeks wins outright.

More asscheek/thigh overlap goodness.

And finally a back of knees/thighs/shiny calves shot with a more buoyant ass.

3. Kumai Yurina

Yes, the giantess herself. The reason why I like her legs is pretty damn obvious. They're so damn long! Imagine how they'd feel wrapped around you... Anyway, away from the outright perversion and into the picspam.

School uniform in a bathhouse. Way to go.

Ah, perspective.

Surfboard must be about 3m tall...

Yoga?

Damn her legs look skinny here. Not complaining though.

Fluffy socks, lulz.

Once again, bikinis showing that they don't detract from leg appreciation one bit.

Thighs look pretty good here.

Wheeeeeeee.

Slenderness ftw.

Ah, foreshortening makes its glorious return.

Skinny but loooooooong.

Her knees look odd, but stil

And finally more foreshortening goodness.

2. Takajo Aki

Ah, Akicha, she of the well toned, muscled and tanned legs. What's not to like? ~~Other than her weird dogs.~~ But I digress. Picspam time.

Once again the light blue works wonders...

Captivating...

Foreshortening so soon?

Reminds me of Eri.

This is annoyingly shopped but you get the idea.

Light blue, again, yay.

Want to squeeze her thighs...

Hmm...

Muscle definition!

Soft again.

Those socks are interesting.

Holy triangle of visible light?


And more light blue.

1. Tokunaga Chinami

Well, from my preferences it couldn't have been too hard to guess. Tanned, muscular and long. All fit Chii to a tee. Don't pay much attention to the Berryz members personalities but I did find Chii's Seattle wanderings and attempts at English quite amusing. Anyway, you don't care about that, 3 readers and slightly interested tree, so once again onwards to the pics. Will leave these uncaptioned for better enjoyment, with the exception of the best one.

PHWOAR. Eh?

Right, so that brings me to the end of yet another post. Next time... whatever's next up the body, so depends on whether I'm in a front or back mood, if you catch my drift.

When Idols Return To The Fold

2011-11-05T21:16:00.000Z

So, I've been talking about this post for a while, both here and on Blastbeat, so I figured it was time to finally get it out of the way.

Plus I'm bored as shit.

So, I realised lately upon looking at my search labels (most of which are hilarious. My personal favourite is "fappin' away turn on loli oniichan voice"... No clue how that linked here, but it certainly will now) that one of the most popular searches is about a young lady known as Kuwae Sakina. You may remember I did a post about her a few years back, then put her at number 2 on my 2010 top idol list.

Now, I've been holding onto this little titbit of information for a while now, but as one of the search queries is "sakina kuwae what happened to blog" I have to answer.

Simply put, she left her agency. Therefore, the agency, which ran her blog, shut it down. Therefore, the old blog link no longer exists. The agency was Stardust, most recently known as the agency behind Momoiro Clover. I've spoken about their precursor, Power-Age, several times before, but basically it was the group that had Sakina, Fresh Lemon (AKB) and Ariyasu Momoka (Momoclo) in it. Also, a looooooooong time ago, Kojima Haruna was under Stardust in an even older idol group called Angel Eyes. And I mean really fucking old.

Anyway, enough about Stardust and more about Sakina. She has reappeared. She has had a name change, but she's still as tiny as ever. Also still as cute. She actually reappeared in March but I only found out in May and it's taken me this long to write a post about it. Yes, I'm slow.

So, her new stage name (or might even be her real name, bugger if I know) is Asakura Saki. In kanji, that's 朝倉咲. Her new blog is located here.

She seems to have released an extremely indie single (Ochacha Time) and is mostly doing stage plays and the like, and also did this song for a new compilation, which translates nicely as "Festival for the Invocation of the Dead". Black metal as fuck or what? Shame the song isn't quite so kvlt. She has done a couple of indie live events and also co-hosts an online video thing for a club called Mission's in Kouenji which interviews the bands that play there and suchlike.

But yea, that's just a brief update on what she's up to.

In other news, Ono Erena decided not to come to England and study acting (not that I blame her), and has signed with LesPros, an agency known to me mostly for 9nine. Her new blog is here.

Another mention is Morning Musume's first generation member Fukuda Asuka, who finally returns to the fold in a few days time by releasing a new album with her band Peacestone.

So yea, seems no matter how indie the idol, they still can never seem to properly stop being idols. Not that I mind.

Now just got to hope for a reappearance of Maachan and I'm set.

Super Special Bumper Deluxe Review Spectacular Number Two

2011-10-23T17:44:00.003+01:00

So, review time. Two albums to review this time. Momusu's 12 Smart, and Yuikaori's Puppy. Doubt I'll bother doing the Passpo album. Quite old now.

So, let's begin with the most recent one.

Morning Musume. - 12, Smart

Preamble: Some angelic theme going on with the cover. It's not particularly effective, but as it marks Aichan's final demise and ascent to non-idoldom, I'll just celebrate.

1. Give me 愛. So, the first song is a tribute to Aichan already. Starts off with a decent little piano intro, but then in come the heavy synths and altered vocals to shatter the tranquility. The vocal melodies aren't particularly good, but this is the epitome of the 2007-2010 Momusu style. But still, no matter how much you polish a turd... It's still a turd. Aichan's vocals are, obviously, front and centre. Much as I find her boring as fuck, Momusu does now lack superpower vocals. Or rather, they have them, but will they use them? I'm not entirely sure. The chorus isn't that bad. The bass is moving around a lot. But it's still a synth. The mid-8 is a bit boring. Similar to Berryz' Heroine mid-8, but without the massive bass and spastic shred of the synths. Overall, I get what Tsunku's trying, but this style just doesn't work. 5/10

2. Only you. Well, this song was a fucking let down after Maji gave me some hope. On the other hand, when compared to Seishun Collection, it's a masterpiece. Having said that, a song with one note is more interesting than Seishun Collection. As a song that's part of the 2007-2010 canon (despite it being 2011), it's not bad. I'd put a few above it, but it's by no means the worst of the singles in that time. The main problem is that they autotuned Gaki. I cannot see the point, honestly. She's the only one who can pick up the slack with Aichan gone in regards to the deeper, heavier stuff, but they throw autotune on her? I just hope Kudou Haruka's chain-smoker speaking voice turns into a chain-smoker singing voice so they can at least keep some of the bass in the vocal mix, otherwise it's gonna be a helium-fest. Anyway, the song, despite my dislike of the style, isn't bad. The vocal melodies are better than Tsunku's managed in an Aside for a while. The tune isn't particular mind blowing, but not shit. The solo isn't very good, but it breaks the song up okay. The synth bass is pretty far back in the mix compared to the vocals, so I can't complain too much about that. It is just the autotune I have a major problem with. 6/10

3. シルバーの腕時計. Engrish straight from the start? Piano intro is actually cool. The urban stylings do remind me of really old Momusu. On the other hand, old Momusu had singers who were capable of harmonising. Riho gives her best, but she's still way too nasal, whereas Reina sounds the best she has in a while. Gaki rapping is really quite disturbing. Especially when it sounds like she's saying "Rape me nice". Chorus melody is pretty meh. Aika's rap is also odd (I think it's Aika anyway. Doesn't sound like Gaki's voice again). Mid-8's chromatic synth strings ascent is shit. But really, Reina dominates this song. Maybe Momusu isn't quite as fucked without Aichan as I thought. On the other hand, Aika's rapping sucks. 6/10

4. 好きだな君が. Club song by Sayu and Mizuki? This is odd as fuck. Honestly the first thing that popped into my head was Kyary Pamyu Pamyu. What with Sayu's upcoming PB looking utterly insane, my thoughts seem to be in the correct direction. As a club song this isn't too bad. Would prefer less vocoding, but then, it is a bit of a trend in dance music lately anyway. It's not particularly memorable. The chord progressions are standard, the accents don't get in the way, the vocals are vocaloid but amusing. Sayu seems to be the only person capable of expressing emotion through vocal synths. Mid-8 is crazy as a really crazy thing. Probably best part of the song to be fair. Not spectacular but shows that Tsunku's still living in lalaland. 6/10

5. 怪傑ポジティブA. What's this, guitars? Brass band? Sillily high pitched synths? Vocals are interesting. Screaming is fun. Tsunku's "yea" is lol. The bass isn't bad. Prechorus has some really good melodies. The chorus is quite catchy. Hammond organs ftw. Mid-8 with something I'm not sure I can call a guitar solo is pretty decent. Buildup chorus also cool. Lack of things in particular to moan about. 8/10

6. この愛を重ねて. Aichan and Gaki together for the last time. And what a shock, it's Toni Braxton leftover I don't know what number we're on now. Vocals are decent, and there's even some *shock* harmonising. On the other hand, the melodies themselves aren't particularly amazing. The instrumentation is shit. Mid-8 is boring. Really quite poor. 3/10

7. この地球の平和を本気で願ってるんだよ! Damn this song is boring. It's a song that never should have been. Sounds like a cheap ripoff of Dance*Man's odd as hell boring arrangement of Berryz' Ryuusei Boy. About the only good bit is Gaki's epic glissando in the prechorus. Chorus melody is okay, but the bass is uninspiring, just jumping around octaves. As an upbeat song about peace on earth it should be able to get one happy and jumping. But it just doesn't deliver. Even the mid8 sounds like someone's made something really awesome, then just thought, "that's too good, let's make it worse". 4/10

8. 彼と一緒にお店がしたい! Part two of Sayu insanity. The intro riff is cool. The vocal melodies (and vocoder'd harmonies) are actually good. The verse instrumentation is bad, but the vox melodies are still good. See, this is a song that is silly, whimsical, upbeat and actually has smile-creating possibilities. The PV was created by someone on too much acid, but still. The vocal ability in this song isn't particularly high, but it suits. It's a song that fits the 9th gen's still immature voices. And Sayu's voice, which is shockingly now one of the more stable in Momusu. Never thought I'd say that. The stuff she pulls off in this song is not half bad. Talking style voice while singing. Mid-8/solo is cool and fits perfectly with the 50s rock and roll style guitars in this. Buildup chorus is completely random but win. All in all, thoroughly not shit. 8/10

9. My Way〜女子校花道〜. What the hell? Proper rock? With some odd synths. The vocoder on the voices is distracting though. The instrumentation on this song is probably among the best on the album. The vocals on the other hand, have gone the other way. However, the vibrato in the prechorus and the chorus melody aren't bad. It's just the bloody vocoder on the verse vocals which is confusing and out of place. The random yelled "kibishii~~~~~~~~~~~!" before the second chorus is lol. Presolo is cool as hell, then the synth solo itself is FUCKING AWESOME! Best H!P synth solo ever. Even beats Aitai. Buildup chorus is win as a really win thing. Really, I think I love this song, even with the vocoders. 9/10

10. 乙女のタイミング. So, Aika, Erina and Norks. Slower song, vocal ability isn't as lacking as I thought it would be. Not too bad. Chorus is nice and upbeat. Vocal melodies aren't good, but not bad. These synths are weird. Bassline on the other hand is pretty good. Solo is pretty meh. Buildup chorus has a cello so is quite good. Still, not sure how good this song is. Slightly better than worse though. 6/10

11. OK YEAH! Well, this title is weird. So is the song. It's some heavy dance, but I dunno what happened to the voices being used as instruments. It's not a bad instrumental. Vocal melodies aren't bad. Just the "woo!" spam and the use of the last syllable in the chorus as a spam over the break. Confuses the hell out of me. Honestly it reminds me of The Possible's Nabe song, which was fucked up enough in and of itself. Mid-8 is weird, then second part of it has a decent synth line. Still, fucked up and weird without being too shit. Except the annoying "OK! OK! OK! OK! YEAH!" 7/10

12. まじですかスカ! The song that allowed me some hope to the fact that Momusu wasn't in fact, actually dead, it was merely restin'. Ska punk. It's not the best ska punk ever. It's not even the best ska punk Tsunku's ever done. But after three years of singles in exactly the same style, this was not only a breath of fresh air, it was life itself to the near dessicated husk of Momusu. 9th gen being cute, and the PV being random was also helpful. Of course, Tsunku ruined it by going back to the old style on the single after this, but still. It's cute, fun, upbeat and awesome. 8/10

Overall:

Actually a lot better than I was expecting. It's not groundbreaking, but it puts the last two Momusu albums to shame (not that doing so is a particularly difficult thing to do) and in general gives me some hope for the post-Aichan world of idoldom. Hopefully now the group won't stagnate and rot for another few years. I'm now looking forward to the debut 10th gen single to see if it can pleasantly surprise me.

6.3/10

Yuikaori - Puppy

Preamble: So, Yuikaori. I've been interested in them since the KissxSis themetune "Our Steady Boy", and since a picture of Yui's rather marvellous buttocks appeared on the H!O picboard (more on that in a forthcoming post). They finally got an album, and added to Yui's latest anime role as a hikikomori loli detective in Kamisama no Memochou (in which she was very win), I decided to review it.

1. 恋のオーバーテイク. Synths start nicely, bass is nice, guitar lines are pretty good. Vocals are pretty naff for the whole album, so I'll mention it at the start. They sound like anime characters. Therefore their voices are highpitched and quite annoying. On the other hand, as they're both seiyuu I guess I'll forgive them. Vocal melodies, in this song, for what they're worth, aren't too bad. Introduction of Hammond organ in second verse is full of win. Overall the sound can only be described as cute. Until the mid-8 anyway. Random guitar line, plus then a quite mature sounding vocal bit with a porn-synth underneath, then a semi-alright guitar solo. Well, mixes it up quite well. 7/10

2. PUPPY LOVE!! This takes the cuteness factor and turns it up to 11. Reminds me greatly of a mix of Koharu's weird anime stuff and Momoclo's irreverent insanity. Instrumentation is pretty meh. Lyrics are cute. Vocal melodies are cute. Anime voice fights in prechorus are funny. Guitar bit between chorus and crazy 2nd verse dialogue is win. 2nd verse dialogue is way better than rap. Mid-8 is another slowdown and nice bit with relaxing piano, then suddenly guitar solo. It's not a very good one. Still, cute as fuck. 8/10

3. 未来形アイドル. Dark synths, guitar and anime voices. Odd combination. Has some 80s like bits. Can't be bad. Surprisingly the voices do fit in a way. Instrumentation is powerful and good. Vocal melodies are quite good, especially the 80s bit in the prechorus. Mid8 is the worst bit of the song, because it's boring. 7/10

4. VIVIVID PARTY! This PV had ghost!Michael Jackson in it. On the other hand the song isn't particularly memorable. The syncopated dance synth is interesting, but the rest of the instrumentation is rubbish and the vocal melodies uninspired in the verse. In the prechorus the synth is win and the vocal melodies not bad, but the chorus is back to pretty meh. Mid-8 isn't bad but still this is the worst so far. 6/10

5. キュッ！キュッ！CURIOSITY！！ This is another cute-song with cute voices and music being minimal and not particularly inspired. Slightly similar to Buono's Internet Cupid. Just this has more speaking dialogue. Lyrics are silly. Quite funny, but ultimately can't give a song with this little musical content a good mark. Mid-8 sounds like some telepathy experiment. 5/10

6. Magic starter. Surprisingly strong vocals at the start there, and then we're into full on anisong territory. And quite a good one at that. Beat is good, instrumentation is good, vocals are very good for these two. Vocal melodies are good too. Probably the strongest track yet. Actually, make that easily. Mixes up the dance and rock elements nicely and pulls it off well, and manages to make both of them lose the anime voices for 4 minutes. Some achievement. Wish someone had managed to do that to Koharu... 9/10

7. ふたり. Ballad-y intro. Electric guitar has a nice little melody. Anime voices are back. Vocal melodies aren't bad, but after the last song just isn't anywhere near as cool. Guitar solo on the other hand is good. Still, a bit meh. 5/10

8. 駆け抜けてBlue. Nice guitar lick at the beginning, synth line isn't too bad either. A bit more on the dance-y side this time. Vocal melodies are okay. Prechorus is interesting. Chorus is upbeat, if not enough to get me jumping around. Certainly has its interesting points. Mid8 and solo aren't too bad. 6/10

9. HEARTBEATが止まらないっ！Now this is a bit more upbeat. Sounds like SKE actually. Sounds exactly like SKE. That is disturbing. On the other hand, it has Yui and Kaori singing mostly un-anime again, so that's cool. Plus the music is good. Second verse guitar line is quite cool. Solo is quite win, but way too short. Second solo is less good. Then anime voice buildup chorus. Still, good song. 8/10

10. Shooting☆Smile. Another dancey track with rock elements. Quite good, chorus especially. Verse vocal melodies aren't great, but the chorus ones are nice and catchy. Mid-8 and solo are quite good. Buildup to final chorus is win. 7/10

11. クリスタルの誓い. Bit more rock this time. Actually quite a lot more rock. Vocal melodies are good, instruments are good. Quite a nice little song this is. Chorus is cute. Guitar solo is okay. 7/10

12. Our Steady Boy. Ah, this is win. The song that got me into them in the first place though, so it will hold a certain place in my heart. Riffs are good, vocals are cute. Bassline is quite amusing. Vocal melodies are cute. Kaori's vocals are actually quite good in this one. Yui's are as doll-like as ever. Considering it's the themesong for a wincest anime it's rather normal though. Solo is pretty good. Call and response in buildup to final chorus is win. 8/10

Overall:

Quite a good little debut album. Very cute, as one would expect, plus quite a few rather good songs. Hope to hear more in the future (which I'm sure I will, considering they're seiyuu too). But also want to see more. Yui's ass especially...

6.9/10

Comparison ratings:

Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 9.2
C-ute - Chou Wonderful 6 - 9
Momoiro Clover Z - Battle and Romance - 8.7
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Ogawa Mana - Teenage Blues - 8
AKB48 - Koko ni Ita Koto - 7.5
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
Sakura Gakuin - message - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Karen Girl's - Fly to the Future - 7
SUPER☆GiRLS - Chouzetsu Shoujo - 7
Berryz Koubou - 7 Berryz Times - 6.5
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Tokyo Girl's Style - Kodou no Himitsu - 6
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4
Morning Musume. - Fantasy Juuichi - 3.5
Buono! - partenza - 3

Idol Body Parts Top 10 Series: Part 1

2011-10-14T23:25:00.001+01:00

I've got a lot of stuff on my mind at the moment. After doing the Idol Guitar Solos list at the beginning of last month, my word count generator ground to a bit of a halt. The ideas, on the other hand, kept piling up. I need to do a proper blog on the return of some of my favourites to the idoldom fold, and still have three albums to review (Momusu 12, Yuikaori's Puppy and the Passpo one I never got around to in my last post on here). Plus, of course, it's getting close to Year in Review time. This year I might start writing them a bit earlier than last year, as last year I ended up writing something stupid like 4000 words a day every day for a few days in a row.

But before all that, it's time for perversion.

There are a hell of a lot of fetishes in the world. I can say I have quite a few of the human body-related ones. Actually, make that most. Therefore I decided to make a blog, listing the top ten of all the various bodyparts. However, Dean (who is currently writing for Yonasu) prevailed on me to do every list in detail, with rather a lot of picspam to prove why each person made the top ten.

So I did.

These rankings will, of course, be based completely on my own personal taste. I'm quite aware that my personal taste is questionable (*cough元彼女cough*) but oh well.

So, anyway. The body parts that will have a top ten of them done are as follows:

Breasts (ie. actual ones)
DFC (delicious flatchest. Tits that ain't)
Ass
Legs
Feet
Clavicle
Lips
Belly/Waist/Hips/Pelvis (that general area)
Back

9 posts to do then. I'm not doing them in any particular order, I'll just write up when I've actually decided on my top ten. Some of them will, of course, be controversial. But then, this is idols we're talking about. I didn't do one for face, because then I'd be sure to make a category for "Worst" and have Aichan there.

Also not going to do some more higher level fetishes because I don't think the wotasphere is yet ready for a series of blogs on "which idol I most want to tie up" or "which idol I would most like to drink the piss of."

...

Well, that lowered the tone, didn't it.

Anyway, some general criteria I'm randomly deciding:

Gender doesn't matter. On the other hand I'm more into women than men, so obviously only Matsujun and Kame will make any of the lists. If at all.
Age doesn't matter. So on one hand, Nakazawa Yuko might be included. On the other hand, Kudou Haruka might.
Eligibility. People who are or have been an idol who has been in a group of which at least one single has been released. This means that Shinozaki Ai and Irie Saaya can be included. Which of course locks out 2 of the places in the "actual tits" ranking.
1-10 rankings not based on numbers or anything else in particular, just a strong desire, with the strongest being higher. Etc.

Anyway, that should do.

So, to the first category.

FEET

Because I finished that list first. Firstly I'll do a quick shoutout to Erika's Hello! Project Feet, which is a cool little blog which does exactly what the title says. Not often I see idol blogs related only to a particular fetish, especially a fetish linked mostly with males written by a girl. So quite notable.

Final warning, this post is image heavy. Like, really heavy.

Anyway. Time for the action.

10. Yokoyama Yui (AKB48 Team K)

Truthfully, Yui bores me. She has a boring face. She can be quite funny, but she's attractive in a very bland way. Like Acchan, but with Kansai-ben, which makes her infinitely more awesome. Also part of that equation is that she does have nice feet.

Black and red alternating polish is actually quite cool...

But I can be easily distracted. Ooh, towel...

Her dress is falling off her shoulder. Also nice arches.

Yui looks like Shawako here...

Here too. Just without the epic buckteeth.

Suffice to say the level is already quite high on the "lickable" scale.

9. Tanaka Reina (Morning Musume)

Reina's another odd case for me. I'm not too fond of her, but she does have almost cuddly-looking feet. Mostly from older PBs and stuff, but she's still showing them off on her blog and suchlike so they don't seem to be too old and veiny yet.

This picture just exacerbates her already terrible wonkiness.

Daww, Reina. What do you mean, there are kittens in this picture? Fluffy things should be destroyed.

Red toe polish that I don't hate? Shock...

Don't think any caption can do justice to the look on her face.

Sulky Reina?

Indolence...

Cute, cute. Moving on...

8. Okada Robin Shouko (THE Possible)

Ah, Robin, the half American chick from the possible. Not sure if her feet are actually this delicious or whether it's just another example of Herbie Yamaguchi being a genius.

Because lying down normally is too boring...

Except when half naked.

Shyly covering oneself...

Before finally resorting to brazen exposure...

Well, Robin's certainly got me going. Next up...

7. Ogawa Mana (Canary Club)

This girl is the reason I didn't put "speaking voice" on the list. She'd win by a mile so I didn't bother. Her singing voice probably would too. Anyway, her feet are little and cute and suckable. Wish I had a scanner so I could scan in her PB, but I don't, so you'll have to make do with magazine scans and blog pics.

When a girl has bigger hands than feet... Dunno where I was going with that thought actually...

Ah, cooling ones heels...

Hooray for foreshortening!

Lost for words due to cuteness...

I ain't into shoes, but this is just win.

Four pics for the price of one? Get in.

Overexposure with the camera, but still cute.

Couldn't help it. Flexibility PHWOAR... eh.

So, Mana's evidently raised the bar even more...

6. Kawashima Umika (9nine)

With Umika, it's not so much that her feet are so amazingly cute (though they are very cute), it's just her seeming desire to show them off so bloody much. In her new DVD she keeps going out of her way to move them into the shot, and at one point even commands the cameraman to focus on her toes. I do love it when girls indulge fetishes so much, so yea.

So this time the toes are cooled and the heels not...

Blue toe polish ftw.

Blue toe polish and sand = more win.

Blue toe polish, sand and water = epic win.

Daww, pajamas.

Interesting angle. And her face that says, "you're fapping to my feet again, aren't you..."

Slightly more normal Umika expression...

Because climbing trees barefoot isn't at all painful...

Tanning?

One flip on, one flip flopped off?

Checking for sexiness.

Not drawing any attention to them at all...

"I took off my flipflop. I bet you're in shock, aren't you?"


"Now stare at them, I dare you."

And finally 6-in-1.

Ah, Umika, such a tease.

5. Michishige Sayumi (Morning Musume)

Sayu's feet are really soft looking. And just cute in general, like the rest of her really then.

I wish I was that post...

And that rock...

And that deckchair...

Decoart nails?

Ah, youthful exuberance...

Dunno what that is on her head.

"Lick it!"

The Melancholy of Michishige Sayumi?

Arches...

Multipics ftw. Also stretching ftw.

Another closeup...

She looks a bit stoned.

Not that I'm complaining.

As long as she keeps doing that pose anyway...

Little toe elevation?

Pidgeon-toed.

Yes, Sayu. It was a close miss.

Fluffy paper mat?

Silly pose but oh well.

More foreshortening yay.

Definitely wish I was that worktop.

More cute nailart.

And some more melancholy for good measure.

I dunno why but girls barefoot on grass adds 50 cute points to most things.

Especially with the one leg raised trick.

She looks like she's about to stroke the pole with her feet.

White...

This is just really cute for some reason.

Ultimate in soft tissue.

So yea. This pic spam is becoming disturbing. Might try and cut it down a bit... Might.

4. Watanabe Mayu (AKB48 Team B)

Mayu's feet aren't her best asset, but they're still awesome.

Peacesign distraction value: 0

Ass distraction value: 100

Barefoot on small stones... Brave girl.

I'm torn between the camera and her feet here.

Running along a pier barefoot is silly, but if she stepped on a fishing hook helping her get it out might be fun...

Noticed in her photobook that she seems to enjoy sticking her feet under running taps...

But who can blame her for wanting to keep them looking pretty?

Dunno what to make of the outfit, but she's barefoot so oh well.

Big toe gymnastics?

Leg warmers lol.

All I can say is yum.

Giantess Mayu...

Don't you just want to be crushed?

自由

Evidently, Mayu truly is a fearsome being of perfection.

3. Fujie Reina (AKB48 Team K)

Natsuyaki Miyabi's cousin, but in possession of far finer feet. Some of the pics quality is pretty shit, but her quality shines through nonetheless.

Is nice looking to the background sometimes.

But it's still fun when they climb up on kitchen surfaces.

Or sit in empty bathtubs. This pic really is cute though.

Two nice pics in this one.

Bad quality, but nice feet. Also nice ass.

Aww, scrunched up toes.

Tanned feet oh hells yea.

Upskirt, feet and water. Win win win.

Sand is good.

Climbing on things again...

Ballet-esque?

Her toes are just so "regular". Probably why I like them.

So, up to the top 2.

2. Suzuki Airi (C-ute)

Airi's feet are similar to Sayu's. So soft looking. Too many pictures and getting late so I'm gonna stop captioning.

Which brings us to our number one.

1. Yajima Maimi (C-ute)

I've loved Maimi's feet since I first set eyes on them. Her finger-toes are just awesome. Delicate bone structure and long legs on top = amazingness. Once again, no captions.

Well, that was beautiful.

Next time, another body part. Yay! Hope you enjoyed and also hope your browser didn't crash.

5 Idol Groups You Might Have Heard Of (AKA Review Spam)

2011-08-20T22:00:00.002+01:00

So, some new idols. I say new, they aren't particularly, but my introduction to most of them was only recently, hence new. So recent, in fact, that most of them I only started listening to after partenza signalled what was quite possibly the final nail in the coffin of this particular chapter of Hello! Project. So, these idols I'm about to review don't sell as much as AKB (but then, who does?), and they may seem a little more underground (though all are on major labels, except the one that is no more), but that doesn't mean there's no merit in their music. Because that's what it's about for me. TV appearances and photoshoots, that's all just extended promotion for the music. Without music, idols would just be vapid TV talents with nothing going for them. Or pornstars.

Anyway, to start us off I'll go with the one I discovered first, the wonderfully named 可憐Girl's. Fail English aside, the name means Sweet Girls, which they are. Or were. They were formed to create the opening themes for the anime Zettai Karen Children (which is awesome and everyone should watch it), released two singles, one very short album, and then disbanded. Two of the faces may seem familiar later in this rather massive blogpost.

So, to the review:

Karen Girl's - Fly to the Future

Preamble:

So, the cover is good. Shows the girls, shows them sat at a table, probably supposed to be doing homework (probably what they should be doing at their age, but oh well).

1. ぴかっときらっと! Dash Girl's

Their voices are very childish, but that's to be expected as they were damn young when this was recorded. Music isn't bad. Bass is actually amazing. Synth brass keeps a nice melody at times. On the other hand, the girls themselves hold some good melodies, young voices aside. The little rap/talking parts are amusing. Very major key and upbeat, but then it would be. 7/10

2. Over The Future

I do love this song. Dance beats and good guitar riffs. Didn't hurt that I had to listen to it every time I watched the first half of the anime. Their voices aren't irritating either. It's on the verge of being too happy, but it's cute enough and musically good enough to not fall over the cliff in that respect. The guitar solo is full of win and worth repeating a few times. Overall, I can't actually think how this song could be improved. Even the random shouting at the end of the chorus is cool. 10/10

3. とっぷし～くれっと

Bit of a weirder one now. That synth is annoying. The shouting is funny, but doesn't really add much. The weaknesses in their voices are evident more in this song. The bass is also pretty rubbish. The chorus has a vocoder harmonisation, which is an interesting but ultimately cheap idea which doesn't work particularly well. The synth solo is lacklustre. Overall, weak. 4/10

4. 絶對love×love宣言!!

Ah, a much better start. The orchestra hits add a lot to this dance song. Their voices are a little too high in the mix, and a little bit off pitch, but they're kids. Vocal melodies are good. Synth melodies are good. Random electric guitar phrases are win. Ska syncopation is an interesting effect in a dance song. Mid-8 and solos are lol. The synth solos are cool. Little drumfill at the beginning of the final chorus is a good way of mixing it up a little. 8/10

5. FULL THROTTLE

Starts out very ballad like. In fact, slightly nursery-rhyme like. Then in comes something that sounds 80s as fuck and nearly blows my balls off. Guitar riffs are cool. Dance beats are cool. The scaling down of the instrumentation during the verse allows the voices to be heared clearly, which is both good and bad. On one hand, they're not particularly strong. On the other hand, they don't have to stick the levels up to stupid levels to be heard over the music. The chorus has a nice vocal melody and music. Solo completes the job of ripping my balls off. Harmonised sweeping? The fact that it had to fade out sucks. The ending solo was also good and I wouldn't have minded it going on for another ten minutes or so. 9/10

6. MY WINGS

Strings! Guitar! Dance! Weird sawtooth in the beginning of the verse. This song is probably their strongest vocal performance though. Plus again it has the "heard it 26 times during the anime" factor. Even the little vocoder effects don't ruin it, as they're not the main vocals and they're implemented much better than in Top Secret. The vocal melodies are quite good, especially in the aforementioned beginning of the verse. Mid-8 with the strings is damn sex. Guitar solo is again awesome but too short. Soloface orgasm was probably achieved though. 9/10

7. Bye! Bye! Bye!

Intro to this song is weird. Piano and brass band. After that it goes a bit weirder. The vocal melodies are quite bland. Its synths aren't quite as encompassing as in other songs. The interesting bits that surface fade away too quickly. Mid-8 sounds a bit silly. The synth ending and then the piano buildup chorus is the best part of the song, followed by the final piano bit at the end. Overall I'd say it's neither a particularly good nor memorable song. 4/10

Overall:

Not a bad little EP/album thing. The vocals let it down in places, but all but two of the songs are good enough to pick up the slack. In a way I'm glad they didn't do a bigger album, because no doubt the ratio of good to bad songs would have gone from 5-2 to 5-7 or something. But anyway, I digress, I enjoyed it. Shame they had to stop though, their brand of rocky dance was interesting and I'd like to hear more.

7/10

So, next up I'm going to go for さくら学院, hereafter most likely shortened to SakuGaku because I'm lazy. This isn't an entirely random choice, as they're linked by two members to Karen Girl's. I do wonder how they've improved vocally...

So, reviewing スタート!

Sakura Gakuin - Sakura Gakuin 2010 ~message~

Preamble:

It does make me wonder why it's got "2010" in the title when it was released more than 1/3 of the way through 2011... This particular cover is nice, showing a little cross section of the "clubs" (read: subunits) the girls are in.

1. FLY AWAY

This intro is mental and sounds crazy. Then suddenly, rock. This ain't no pop, surely. Heaviest start to an idol album since 9nine's second 9. Verse is palm muted and has some weird as hell dissonant chords. Sounds as if the guitar is doing one chord progression and the vocals something completely different. Vocal melodies are good. Chorus is nice and happy, with a thick guitar under. A non sequitur, to be sure, but still win. Guitar solo pick up where Karen Girl's left off. Just longer and cooler. 9/10

2. Hello! IVY

Drumbeat! Punk! These are the new rock idols seemingly, now Buono are fucking around with autotune. This is some good punk actually. More than four chords. Vocals aren't amazing, but similarly to Karen Girl's, they're young. I think the youngest is like 10. Might be wrong. Unison overcomes some of their individual weaknesses, but mixing is an issue. Vocals are all too high in the mix. Guitar solo made up of chords is win. Then a lead bit and it's cool. Buildup chorus is yay. Dbeats throughout contribute to the sense of energy and fun. 9/10

3. チャイム

More guitars. Also synths. Music isn't as good this time but the vocal melodies stay at a good standard. Second verse has a little synth melody that's panned at little to the right which is interesting. The bubbly bit before the chorus is cute. Another solo to jizz to. Might displace Chou Wonderful as idol guitar wankery album at this rate. Still, happy and not too bad. 7/10

4. ハッピーバースデー

And then this happens. What is this? Sounds like it invaded from another planet entirely. Little beepy things and weird as hell synths. This is the Cooking Club. Lyrics are cute, but melodies have gone. Random whistles are silly. On the other hand, at least the tempo is fast. And the song is short as hell. 3/10

5. プリンセス☆アラモード

The second of the two Cooking Club songs, this is better, but has an annoying vocoder on the vocal line. On the other hand, the vocoder melody doesn't suck that much. The music isn't that bad. Less random beeping and more chord progressions. Guitar solo makes its welcome return. It's not amazing, but it's a guitar line. Buildup chorus really is a proper buildup. 4/10

6. Brand New Day

Ah, rock returns. The newspaper club. This is a good song, from the guitar chord progressions (which are good), the flute melodies (which are really cool), to the vocal melodies (which are good again). The chorus is also really win. The synths after the chorus are also cool. Brief flirtation with ska and random flange on the guitar is weird but cool. Solo suits the song perfectly, not overly technical but good musicality. I don't have anything bad to say. 10/10

7. Dear Mr. Socrates

Baton Club, this too was released as a single under the group name "TwinkleStars". The bass is all over the place and I love it. Seems to be drawing influences from jazz, ska and lounge music, as well as the obvious rock and pop. The melodies are good. There's a Hammond organ, which is making my entire room fill up with ejaculate. Drumbeat is urgent and the whole thing is just cool. Music video is fucked up, but hell... would be shocked if it weren't. I'm just loving the crazy hyperness of it. 10/10

8. めだかの兄妹

The speed of this album seems to adjust between "fast" and "breakneck." This is no different. This is the "Go Home" club, and is probably the cutest track on here. The chorus where they say nothing but "Nyan" reminds me of something... Not sure what... [/sarcasm]. Still, the synthbass isn't bad, and the beat is cool. The vocal melodies are cute, as expected. 9/10

9. ド・キ・ド・キ☆モーニング

The "Heavy Music" club. Also known as BABYMETAL. Isn't it just. 7 string guitars, what sounds like death growls, cool synths, blastbeats, doublebass... and 11 year old girls. Eh? The genre is groove metal, bordering on Nu-Metal/Metalcore, but then the prechorus/chorus comes in with syncopated palm muting behind blatantly vocodered vocals and I'm just facepalming because I have no fucking clue what's going on. It's awesome and horrible simultaneously. I'm not a fan of Nu-Metal or Metalcore, and I hate vocoders and autotune, but put them together and this seems to be... not bad. I can listen. Buildup chorus is also cool as hell. Shit gets serious when there's some full on double bass at the end. Needed a shredding solo, but still... 10/10 for utter balls.

10. 夢に向かって

Ah, this sounds like Karen Girl's. Guitar driven dance. It's not quite as good as Karen stuff, but it's still got some good melodies and chord progressions, and the vocal melody doesn't suck. One of the things that's a sticking point is that a unison of so many voices doesn't quite work as well as when there were three in Karen. Guitar solo is cool but too short. Was probably written by the guy who did all the Karen singles anyway. Should probably have been done by Ayami and Suzuka only. They've done it before and would have done it more justice. Still good though. 8/10

11. message

So, for the final song, a pop rock song with a harmonica. Unison again (someone needs to learn how to do harmonies). Still, vocal melody is nice, music is nice and soothing. Chanting the name of their own group is odd. I think I know who I'm listening to. Or at least, I hope to hell I do. Cute song though. 7/10

Overall: I'm knocking a couple of decimal points off for mixing issues. They really need to stop the vocals from blasting the hell over everything else in a few songs. But other than that, it really is a good album. Has some good songs in several styles, and pulls off the rockier stuff with aplomb.

7.5

The next group I'm going for confuse the hell out of me. They also make me grin like an idiot, so I guess that's a good thing. They are, indeed, Momoiro Clover. Now comes with a free Z on the end too. And one less member. Anyway, I'm reviewing the 19 track version of the album, with the six solo songs on it, which might strengthen the review, or might drop it down a bit.

Momoiro Clover Z - Battle and Romance

Preamble: So, they've gone from wearing Japanese clothes to superhero and ninja cosplay. And Grease, of course. Album title sounds epic as hell. Almost like Blind Guardian or something. Or Turisas maybe. Anyway, onto the surfeit of music.

1. Z伝説～終わりなき革命～

So this album starts out with a Super Sentai song, complete with cheesy narrator. Lyrics, as they do throughout, amuse the hell out of me. Their vocal abilities range from amazing (Momoka) to terrible (A~rin), but the music isn't bad. In fact it's all over the place. I can barely keep up with the amount of different instrument presets or VSTs they've used in it. But somehow it adds to the song rather than dragging it down. The random reference to the now departed Akari is amusing. Wachaaa! is win. Guitar solo is cool and sounds like it would fit in a sentai song. Weekend Heroines (or Heroin... they certainly sound like they're high on something) ftw. 9/10

2. CONTRADICTION

Bassy synths they don't suck. I'm shocked. Syncopation in bass line also good. Synth melody is good. Vocal melody is a bit weird, but works. Chorus vocal melody is very good. This is less all over the place, but still upbeat, fun and not annoying. Again, it's maybe down to the tempo. If something has a fast tempo I'm more likely to enjoy it despite synth basses. Either that or this synth bass doesn't suffer from Tsunku's "sucky synth bass syndrome". Entirely possible. Mid-8 is interesting. Buildup chorus is cool. 8/10

3. ミライボウル

This is confusing. The odd half-singing half-talking especially. But somehow it doesn't suck. Does sound like it's from a musical. But better than most of them, not that it's hard to be better than a musical. One way to describe this song is just "cute". Then it screws even more with my head, because the chorus is a completely different tempo and key. Plus they sing properly. Second verse lyrics randomly adding their colours is cute and silly, but amusing. Even refers to the tempo randomly about to change and screw my head up again. Such considerate girls. Mid-8 is a cool use of dark sawtooth synths. Rap is amusing. If it's a rap. I'm not sure. Random bit with the harpsichord, strings and guitar is fucking amazing and gets points for just that little section. Ending little melody is cool. 8/10

4. ワニとシャンプー

This song cracks me up. The constant cries of "yabai!" and "maji yabasugiru!" especially. Music is another bass driven song. The weird prechorus with vocoder is odd but amusing. "Maji Yabasugiru!" Chorus is cool and happy and funny. Rap again. Second verse is okay too. "Maji Yabasugiru!" It's just too catchy and happy. I grin like a idiot when listening to it. Mid-8 is pretty cool. If it wasn't for the lyrics this song probably wouldn't be nearly as good, but they're too funny. 9/10

5. ピンキージョーンズ

Another single, and this is even more confusing. How many Indian instruments did they try to fit in? I can hear sitar, tabla, and tambura. It's too cute though. Prechorus adds some little rock sense, chorus itself is chantable. I can see what Dean was saying about songs being "good for wotagei". The "chapa chapa" thing is weird but cute as hell. I can't help myself from copying the little side of head hand movement. Halfway through the second verse some metal guitar, then some kid music, then some bagpipes, then more kid music... Seriously, this is like Idol Prog or something. Flute in the mid-8. A bit like what Haken would sound like with 5 or 6 Japanese girls singing. I guess. Maybe. Probably not but sounding cool. That synth line on the main bit is weird but cool. 10/10

6. キミノアト

Dire Straits? Some of the vocal melody lines sound like Ogawa Mana (and the vocals on this song are a step up from what's been before). The bit after the first stanza sounds like Straits so much it's amazing. This is an amazing little ballad. The bass is audible, the vocals aren't too high in the mix, and the melodies are memorable. Second verse where the bass is harmonising the vocal line is interesting and full of win. Even A~rin doesn't sound bad on this song. Mid-8 sounds a bit Christmassy, but otherwise it's still amazing. 10/10

7. D'の純情

Those strings... This is their ninja song, but sounds too cool. Vocal melodies aren't very melodic, but the synths drive this too high. Prechorus is better. Chorus is much better. Vocal melody wise. Synthwise the dark bits in the pre-pre-chorus are coolest. Been a while since I heard a song with a verse-preprechorus-prechorus-chorus structure. Mid-8 uses them weird DJ vocal yelling sample things well. Possibly the only thing that ever has. Buildup chorus is dark and lush, better than the actual full chorus. But oh well. The strings do make this song awesome thought. 9/10

8. 天手力男

This guitar riff is odd, especially with that rhythm under. Then what's this? Carribean drums? Vocal melody is odd. Ooh, Indian instruments again. Syncopated ska piano? Then a really hooky chorus. This song is mental. The vocal melody in the 追いかけて追いかけて bit is win. The ska/reggae gets even more pronounced. It's just so mad I love it. 9/10

9. オレンジノート

This sounds like an anime song. Then harmonic guitar note plus whammy bar is cool. Verse is a bit too normal after everything before. Chorus is cool though, unison vocals seem to work on this song (and album in general, actually). I guess it's because the mixers know how to mix, unlike those on SakuGaku's album. The guitar riff with the weird digitised voice is interesting and dissonant. Guitar solo sounded like it'd be amazing, but it's just too samey. Not enough variation of note length. Rap is cool. Acoustic buildup chorus is cool, but not as good as real chorus. 8/10

10. 行くぜっ！怪盗少女

This siren annoys me when I'm walking along a road. Keep thinking I'm getting chased by cops. On the other hand the music is pacey and not too bad. Lyric line about taking off a school uniform = I approve. Chorus is cute and weird. Unison again being a bit weird though. Momoiro Machinegun XD These lyrics... A lyric that can be misinterpreted as "I'll eat your heart." (Actually it's more like "I'll partake of your heart" but I prefer the other way...) Mid-8 is all trance-y and cool. Buildup chorus really does buildup. 9/10

11. スターダストセレナーデ

A serenade to their agency? Odd but, the song is still quite good. Has some bits that remind of of Queen. Nice little guitar-driven song though. Pop rock, with some nice synth strings. Vocals are cool. It's a nice, refreshing, normal song. After the insanity of everything else, anyway. Call and response with different lyrics in buildup chorus is actually amazing. I do like this, just not writing as much because there's less craziness to bring up. 8/10

12. コノウタ

Dunno what this is. Techno, Hawaiian and rock at once? It's interesting though. Possibly took a leaf out of Karen's book and added some more stuff. Vocal melodies are good but not amazing. Little quickfire bit in the prechorus is cool though. Rap in mid-8 is cool. Buildup chorus is good. Shows off some vocal ability. Key change! Funny but irrelevant. This is probably the least amazing song on disc 1, but it's still good. I'm shocked. 7/10

13. ももクロのニッポン万歳！

......... Huh. A tour of Japan in song form. If songs are amazingly random. Sounds like something MiniMoni would do. Someone likes Steak... That weird laugh... Ai-ya time. The random changing of dialects to reflect which bit of Japan they're singing about is amusing. Plus the constant changing of musical style. Even put in a funeral bell... What? Chorus is cute and fast and jumpy. Someone orgasming over food. She even says "Iku" in the middle (actually she says Ikura, Salmon Roe, but my dirty mind mutes the "ra"). Guitar lead! Random synth lead! Even puts in a "ganbare!" to Tohoku after the earthquake. Nice of them. This is insane but win. 10/10

14. 太陽とえくぼ

Kanako's solo. She's not a bad singer. It's actually quite similar to Stardust Serenade in that it's light and refreshing pop rock driven by strings, without a load of odd sounds and silliness. It's cute and good, but not quite as cool as Serenade. Problem with having two songs of similar style on one CD. On the other hand the mid-8 is good. Engrish is lol though. 7/10

15. fall into me　

Organs, hell yes. Sounds similar to new Within Temptation or Evanescence (without the suckage of Amy Lee). Until Akari starts to sing. Or rather, rap. She's not a bad rapper, as things go. Japanese is an amusing language to rap in though, having only 6 possible ending sounds (a, i, u, e, o, n). Chorus is cool and shows she's a good singer and it sucks that she left. Bit between chorus and pre-verse 2 is cool. Preverse is also cool. End is quite shwing. Could have done with a solo too though. 9/10

16. …愛ですか？

Shiori's song is... anime like. Guitar lead is cool, acoustic guitars aren't too bad. She falls pretty much in the middle of the spectrum, vocal wise, now Akari's left. Two of them are better, two are worse. She does this Christmassy happy ballad well though. Even slight self-harmonisation. Yay for multitracking. Solo is good. 8/10

17. だってあーりんなんだもーん☆

Oh A~rin... This is terrible and terribly hilarious. Guitar riff is cool. She's quite obviously aware that she's the worst singer in the group, so she's playing it up for fun, I think. The chorus is fun and silly. To be fair, she's better than a lot of singers in AKB and H!P. Like Sayu, Dawa, Yuuka (but a dead cat is better than Yuuka). Oh not again. Orgasm voice with foods... Shou cream... custard... nama cream... chocolate... strawberry... AH! This is hilarious. Not to mention constant Rin Rin Rin Rin Rin Rin Rin Rin. This gets points just for being silly and funny. The music's also good, just her voice is funny. Talking about her cheeks being squishy... What? (no, not those cheeks...) 9/10

18. ありがとうのプレゼント

Momoclo's best singer, another "nice happy ballad", though this isn't quite as happy as Shiori's. Also, her voice isn't as strong as it should be seemingly. Maybe she shines better in pacier songs. Still, it's a nice respite between A~rin's and Reni's bad singing. Music-wise this isn't too bad. The problem is that it just doesn't ask enough of Momoka. Mid-8 is boring. Buildup chorus with self-harmonising is good. Quite disappointed though. 7/10

19. 恋は暴れ鬼太鼓

Reni's song. Wasshoi! Is all I can think of. Enka is lol. As opposed to Momoka, Reni overperforms here. From the rest of the album she sounds pretty bad, but here she pulls it off well. Granted, she can't do any enka vibrato, but not many people can. The enka is a nice new genre to add at the end though, and I enjoy it. Plus it has all the Japanese instruments along with the recent addition of synth strings and other things to enka present, which is nice. Musically it's great. Mid-8 is nicely and quintessentially Asian. 10/10

Overall:

First disc was an amazing mix of genres, joined together by the insanity of the girls and the fact that the song composers were probably high as kites. The second disc wasn't as good, but for a load of solo songs was still admirable. The first disc would get a 9/10, second an 8.333333, so I'll give the album somewhere in the middle.

8.7/10

So, next up we come to the SUPER☆GiRLS. Now, I know basically nothing about them except that they're on Avex and they did a PV filled with bikinis. So, in that regard, onto the music...

SUPER☆GiRLS - Chouzetsu Shoujo

Preamble:

Cover is a bit plain, but oh well. I suppose Avex isn't given to spending money on idols when they have their urban acts to attend to...

1. Welcome to ハート（記号黒つぶし）S☆G Show!!

Drumroll! Sounds like the beginning to a stage play. Then Engrish. An interesting little synth lead, but the crowd noises are weird. Then some new synth comes in louder and it's annoying. Then a radio broadcast... what? Silly intro... 4/10

2. NIJIIROスター☆ (超絶バージョン)

Guitar and bass riffs with some synth strings and piano. And synth brass. The vocal melodies aren't bad, but this is weird. It's trying to be too loud, and it's not quite happy enough. Luckily the chorus is much better. Manages to be happy and fun. Then post-chorus is a bit silly. Second verse goes on with the same stuff as first verse. This is too similar to 90s Western pop. It's not bad, per se, just not quite as crazy as I'm used to. Mid-8 overuse of "yea" is annoying. After that there's some porn music. Buildup chorus is actually good. strings and piano, then bass and bells. Works better than the actual chorus. Oh well. 6/10

3. キラ・ピュア・POWER！

This is much nicer and happy. The unison vocals are a little too high in the mix, but the music is slightly rockier. The riffs are cool. The vocal melodies in the verse are good. Chorus is nice and happy rock. Lyrics are cute. Mid-8 vocal melody is even better. I do like this song, too much. It has some real worth. This should have opened the album instead of that silly intro. 9/10

4. 夢の引力

Okay... really beepy, but then ska brass and more major key than possible result in much fun. The verses and choruses are too fun and cute. But musically they're not quite as interesting as Kira Pure Power. Guitar solo isn't amazing, but it's a slight down point in a fun song. Buildup chorus has drum accelerando and mass crescendo. Win. 8/10

5. THE ロッキュYOU★~キミがくれた証~

More rock! And this is actually punk. Dbeats and unison vocals. Decent vocal melodies. Some possible megaphone usage. Vocal and drum only bits are cool. They're really rocking me, so I'd say the songtitle is correct. Chorus is good and has HARMONIES! I'm shocked. But this Dbeat is giving me so much energy anyway I'm barely able to appreciate the nuances of the music due to bouncing around so much. There was a little hammond organ section. The guitar solo is much better this time around. Some little shredding. This song is fucking win. Blastbeats in the last chorus! Am I dreaming? 10/10

6. 笑顔がぽろり

Ah, that's always the way. From something frantic into a soft ballady thing. The girl can sing though, despite sounding young as hell. Recorder? Is that a recorder I hear? Never actually heard one in a professional recording before. Bloody odd. The ballad isn't too bad though. The girls can sing quite well. Chorus is nice and cute. Duelling recorder solo! That's hilarious. Good song though, other than the recorder being too high in the mix. 9/10

7. ときめき色の風とキミ

More rock but with dance? More Karen influence? This is a bit darker in tone though. The verse is more indie rock with dance beat. Vocal melodies are good though, as are the riffs. Bass is especially interesting. Palm muted guitars. Call and response on vocals in prechorus. Chorus is cool and dancey and quite heavy at the same time. Heavy in a happy way, if that's possible. Synth solo isn't actually bad, some interesting use of pitchshifting. Buildup chorus is pretty much already built up, but still cool. 8/10

8. 虹色ダイヤ~スパガのテーマ~

Funk me. Funk guitars and brass bits. The drums are tom-happy. The verse is odd. The chorus is upbeat and happy, with more dbeats. Vocals are way too high in the mix. Vocal melodies aren't amazing either. On the other hand, the brass section saves this song from mediocrity, by blasting out whenever it seemingly feels like. Buildup chorus is cool. The end is a nice little walking bass motivated piece of seeming anarchy. 7/10

9. 恋愛ルール

More rock. Seems like rock is the idol bread and butter nowadays. Pop rock, but rock. Or happy ballad. Seems to flit between. Piano is good. Acoustic guitar doesn't suck. Vocals and melodies are good. Chorus is nice and "refreshing" I guess. Second verse and chorus add nothing of note. Mid-8 is awesome. Little string section adds niceness to the vocal line. 8/10

10. NIJIIRO涙。。。

6:30? Approaching epic proportions for pop. Title is emo. Starts out with an epic little guitar riff, then quietens down for what was probably supposed to be a quiet verse. Except the mixer left the vocals on 10 and only remembered to mix the instruments downwards. Fail. On the other hand, the chorus is really nice. Reminds me a lot of AKB's Sakura no Hanabiratachi. Quite a lot. Other than that "unfortunate coincidence", it really is quite a nice ballad. Despite the emoness. The title actually reminds me of this little ditty. Tears that turn into (jellybeans all the colours of the) rainbows. Win. Guitar solo is, as expected after the intro, full of awesomeness. After the solo, it sounds like some epic buildup going on with some speaking over the top. This is probably the most epic buildup to the final chorus I've ever heard. The lead guitar makes it even moreso. Little guitar accents in the final chorus are cool. Then we get some lalalala stuff at the end, just to add onto the already sizable... size. More electric guitar win. 10/10

11. Be with you

Ooh, some more digital stuff. I'll be honest, from Avex I expected every song to be like this, consider me pleasantly surprised. This isn't that bad, verse with the piano in the background is nice. The synth bass isn't nearly as nice as Momoclo's though. The vocal melody line is a bit meh. Mid-8 with some more talking is interesting and quite awesome considering the was a guitar sweeping behind it. But then instead of building on the guitar and such, it reverts into buildup chorus. Disappoint. Fail fadeout. 5/10

12. みらくるが止まンないっ！

What the hell. Punk again? More cool riffs. Bit more oi-punk this time. First vocalist is really quite high pitched. Second is much better. Vocal melodies are good though. Speed is fast. Prechorus is mental. Chorus is slightly more sane, but still good. Lyrics are cute, as is the songtitle. Buildup chorus is cute. It's a good little song. 8/10

13. 絆デイズ(超絶バージョン)

Some more rock-dance seemed to be building, then suddenly it became slow pop. Luckily halfway through the verse the beat gets more insistent, and it moves it on a bit. Prechorus is a bit nicer. Chorus has an interesting vocal melody and some interesting synth melodies. The bass is quite good too. Mid-8 has some cool atmospherics. Guitar solo is good. Post-solo stuff is good. Buildup chorus is a bit dull. Solo at the end of the song is cool. 7/10

14. Be with you (超絶バージョン)

Second time this song is on here, and from the start sounds odd. Sounds more like I would assume everything by Avex to sound like. Unfortunately it's stripped out most of the good bits and just left the vocal melody and bass line. The drum beat is annoying. Just Kick Kick Kick Kick Kick Kick all through. Plus what I can only assume are supposed to be hand claps. Some rubbish harpsichord vst in the mid-8. Ooh, a snare in the buildup chorus. Even worse than the other one though. 3/10

Overall:

Not as bad as I was actually expecting, to be honest. I thought it would be sort of trancey and buzzy throughout, or full of RnB, but I was wrong. Some tracks were actually very good, and although the first and last tracks were useless and should have been ditched, the rest of the album held up rather well.

7/10

So, from an Avex group to another Avex group. That's right 東京女子流 or TOKYO GIRLS' STYLE. They're apparently spiritual successors to the late SweetS, who seem to be quite highly regarded. Anyway, onto music.

TOKYO GIRLS' STYLE - Kodou no Himitsu

Preamble:

Hmm, loli lolis.

1. Intro~鼓動の秘密

Heartbeat. Getting faster. Guess the person saw the outfits. Oh wait, what the hell, club beat? Guitar shred? Machine gun blasting? Odd noises. This sounds like Fantomas. Oh wait, a song has started. Sounds like Avex already.Avex on an island vacation, but still... That bass sounds way too percussive. The vocal melodies aren't very good either. I'm not finding a great deal yet in this. That synth saxophone solo is a bit odd. 4/10

2. Love like candy floss -TGS ver.-

This is a cover of an old SweetS song. Acoustic guitar is nice. Vocal melody is also nice. Then it goes all a bit too dancey. That dropped synth bass is back. Vocal melodies are better, but the music is dragging it down. Chorus is just bad. Bass is trying to do the chord progression but just sounds ugly while all the accents are trying to carry on like nothing's wrong. Not finding a great deal to like. 5/10

3. ヒマワリと星屑

Ooh, funky riff. Then dance again. I don't get the point in doing these interesting starts in different genres if they're then not going to touch on it again for the rest of the song. On the other hand, this time there's a real bass which is awesome. The beat is better, and the accents are part of the tune than just flourishing with no particular point. Vocal melody, especially in the chorus is superb. 8/10

4. 頑張っていつだって信じてる

Again a cool start. Sounds like an AKB Sakura song, with nice piano. Then dance again. I'm beginning to see a pattern... This is better than the first two songs, but not as good as the last one. The bass is okay. Prechorus is nice. Chorus isn't particularly memorable. Guitar solos are slightly better than everything else in this song put together. 6/10

5. サヨナラ、ありがとう。

Piano, slow RnB beat, guitar melody... Shock. A slow song. Unfortunately that toneless deep bass is back. Alongside an accordion? Or two... Vocal melodies are good. Guitar slides in prechorus are cool. Chorus is fucking cool, I does like. Guitar solo is amazing. Soloface and finger explosions. All promote this to equal best song, especially that post-solo bit. Synth strings and that flatline bass actually work together, and the unison vocal melody are win. Buildup chorus has nice piano. Ooh, another solo. Even better! Best song so far now. 9/10 (missed out on ten because of the bass)

6. Attack Hyper Beat POP

Certainly hyper. What's with this technical riff? Vocals aren't amazing, but the pace is fast and the bassline is interesting. Chorus is quite interesting, vocal melody is good. Another cool solo, but it's less technically demanding than the main riff. On the other hand, it does have some shred, which keeps me happy. Buildup chorus has some effective use of pan in the vocal tracks. Quite good. 8/10

7. おんなじキモチ

Hmm, happy pop? Seems like the trend of trolling with one genre then switching has ended for the time being. This has some interesting basslines. Not annoying flatline either. Vocal harmonies yay. Also the melodies aren't too bad either. I like this. Chorus is quite 90s pop but not in a bad way. 7/10

8. ゆうやけハナビ

More happy pop. This bassline is awesome. Simple, but it's super effective. Vocal melodies are pretty normal but also effective. Chorus isn't sufficiently removed from the verse in terms of timbre and pace. Weird synth solo is all pitchshifted and quick as hell but cool. Still, not bad. Unfortunately the chorus lets it down. 7/10

9. きっと忘れない、、、

More happy pop. Does seem to be a bit formulaic. The annoying flatline bass is back, and I can't get into it. The vocal melodies are tired. Nothing special here. Chorus likewise does nothing good. Nothing bad apart from bass, but still so meh to the extent that I don't care either way. Goes on for far too long without anything interesting. Boring as hell. Solo is rubbish. This is the perfect example of filler. きっと、忘れますよ。実は、もう忘れしました。残念。 5/10

10. 孤独の果て~月が泣いている~

Piano and bass in a live house at the beginning. Ah, this is better. Pace, brass band, bassline is cool, beat doesn't suck. Vocal melodies are cool. Male harmonisation is cool, better than having Tsunku yelling stuff in H!P stuff anyway. Chorus is nice and fun. Vocal melody call and response makes it cool. Guitar between chorus and verse is interesting. Solo is all 50s and cool for it. I like. 8/10

11. キラリ☆ -Album Mix- ~Outro~

That fucking bass is back. I want to kill whoever tracked this damn thing. Other than that annoying bastard, the music's not too bad. Vocal melodies are a bit dull. Chorus likewise, tries to be happy but the music is sort of buried under the vocals and that bass. Synth solo is actually not bad. Another bit of a middlingly not good not bad song. Then it random transfers into what I can only assume is the outro, with an awesome bass riff and some funky guitars and drums. A bit of a string sample. The girls sounds like they're scat singing. There's a flute in there somewhere. The outro, just like the intro, is confusing the hell out of me. On the other hand, this confusion is much cooler than the feeling of "meh" I had to the rest of this track, so it improved the score slightly. 6/10

Overall:

That bass makes me sick. This album isn't very good either, even without the bass it'd be on the "meh" end of things. Mix-wise, music-wise and vocal-wise there's a lot to be desired, though having 5 songs over 5 minutes out of 11 shows the desire to be "artists" instead of "idols". I'm not sure with their current songwriter they can make it though.

6/10

So, thus ends. I'll probably review some PASSPO at another point in time, and Idoling have a lot of material so I'll have to jump in at the deep end like I did with AKB, but otherwise, I'll probably look for more underground idols now that these lot have proven that there is merit to be found deeper in the idol stratosphere. Also, there's Afilia Saga East, which I'm not entirely sure what is apart from Magical Maids from a Café that also sing and have the shortest idol ever amongst their number. Maybe they'll get a review too at some point. Anyway, hope you enjoyed.

Buono! - partenza EP Review

2011-08-10T21:43:00.009+01:00

Fragments torn asunder by hellish hands have tainted the glow of Buono... forever.

Preamble: Cover looks boring, uninspired, and altogether silly. Two pictures of them? Hilariously bad photoshopping? Fuck, if I hadn't already been massively disappointed with Buono since We Are Buono, I could have laughed this off as a joke. But it's no joke. It's reality. It seems that the world truly is coming to an end...

So, the "music"...

1. partenza～レッツゴー!!!～ Where. The. Fuck. To. Start? Beep beep beep beep beep beep wheeee beep beep beep beep AUTOTUNE. Honestly, this is the worse excuse for music of nearly any kind I think I've ever heard. It's fucking dreadful. Like a nightmare of western pop music extravangances all melded into one song with no overlying theme or idea or tune. It's just random sounds. The "chorus" if you can call it that, has a synth line that doesn't even change chord. The raps sound like they're delivered in a purely talking voice. The autotune, as ever, is FUCKING DREADFUL. Why they felt the need to douse Airi (probably the best singer in H!P with Aichan's impending departure) along with Miya and Momo (the only two worth a few solo lines in Berryz) with autotune is beyond me. It just makes everything sound tacky and like H!P, or whoever produced this shit, has no faith in them to actually sing the material present, especially on the bit where the vocaloid is singing with no music behind. I say vocaloid because I honestly cannot identify their voices when they're trapped behind the utter pointlessness of autotune. If it weren't for the autotune, the really bad rapping and really bad Engrish, and the fact that it's Buono, I may have, under certain circumstances (like being under the influence of several shots of absinthe) found this enjoyable. But no. Autotune is a crime against humanity. Usage should be prohibited in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Usage should be prosecuted in the Hague under the same sentences as genocide. -3/10

2. 雑草のうた. This song is shit. However, after partenza (which I would have happily rated -200 if it wasn't rather unfair in a rating system in which the highest possible rank is only 10 [or 11 if you count one exception]) this sounds like a fucking masterpiece. It isn't though. My views from earlier this year still hold. It's a recycled piece of rather not amazingness. After the amount of Buono songs that simply blew me away on We Are Buono, this was a major letdown. However, judging by recent developments, this may even go down as a "decent" Buono song, if they continue along this trend of releasing utter shit. 4/10

3. フランキンセンスΨ. Firstly, why the hell is this titled Frankincense? Secondly, oh fuck, are they singing about Babybells? Thirdly, more unwanted techno. Luckily, this has a tune. And a vocal melody. And the autotune is nowhere near as pervasive. I can see this as viable. Possibly. It's still not very Buono. I'm all for genre experimenting. But all idol Jpop groups change their sound like their clothes. One of Buono's lasting endearing qualities was that they were pretty exclusively rock. They have had a couple of non-rock songs, but they never really moved away from a rock base. Even stuff like Internet Cupid had elements which could be considered rock. Which is why partenza pissed me off. No rock whatsoever. In fact, just about ever stylised beat and note could be considered a calculated attempt to distance the group from rock entirely. Which was then thoroughly screwed up by the fact that Zassou came right after it. This has more rock, musical thought, melody, tonality, and musical merit than partenza, but it's still shit. Again, if it was another group it may have scored more, but no. 1/10

4. My alright sky. Huh? Engrish? This song actually started out nicely (fail Engrish notwithstanding), then in came the beat. I was hoping for a nice, happy, ballady type thing. Instead I get a load of horrid hiphop beats looped all song long. Once again, this is not Buono. This is people who are in Buono, but it is not Buono. I honestly have no idea what this is, except just yet another fucking Toni Braxton song. One of the worst yet. 1/10

5. 夏ダカラ！ Another rubbish song. Honestly, this song is dull. Take it easy! improved vastly from being on an album, padded with good songs. This doesn't improve. In fact, by being preceded by a truckload of shite makes it sound even worse. The beat is pathetic. The guitars descending riff is boring. The acoustic guitars chord progression is boring. The bass does fuck all. The vocal melodies are uninspired. I think I agree with my bandmate on this issue. The silly talking in the mid-8 gets in the way of a perfectly decent Queen-ish solo. Overall it just sounds like someone doing a halfassed job and throwing in a few overdubs of random noises to make it sound a bit fuller. 2/10

6. キアオラ・グラシャス・ありがと Other than the fail Maori (Kia Ora doesn't mean "thank you"), this is actually the first half decent song on this EP. Rock is decent and sounds like Buono, the vocals are Buono-esque. The song isn't particularly amazing, but fuck. After all that shit I've just been through this sounds like a fucking aural orgasm. Major problem with this song is that it ends too soon.After the needless bloatedness of partenza, My alright sky and Natsu Dakara (which all sucked), why make the first decent song so short? Beyond me. 5/10

7. JUICY HE@RT. Ah, Juicy Heart, the second best song on the Zassou single. If only they'd put Runaway on here... Still, better than the Aside. Better than Kia Ora even. Shows that you can mix electronic elements and rock together in one song (not that My Boy didn't do it better and earlier). No fucking need to overdose on autotune and techno when this works. Also, IT'S A FUCKING SOLO. And a good one, even though way too fucking short. Zassou's was shit. Buildup chorus also not sucking. End is good. 6/10

8. 1／3の純情な感情. Sounds like an anime song at the beginning. And it's good. Too good. Easily best song on this album. Chords are some amazingly discordant little things. Verse chord progression isn't bad. Vocals are strong. Pre-chorus is fucking cool. Chorus itself is nice and cool, with some energy. Little lead leading into second verse is good. Solo is pretty cool, with some technical bits. Makes me jizz. First H!P solo since C-ute's last album to do that. Honestly, this is the type of thing I want from Buono. So much fucking better than that shit at the beginning of the EP. Musically interesting, and shows off their vocal talents. What more could one want? 8/10

Overall: Shocking statement: I wish Buono had disbanded after We Are Buono and the Best Album. It would have left their legacy intact, and it would have seen them out at their peak. But no, they had to go and ruin it. It disappoints me to say this, but this is the worst thing I have ever reviewed. Even despite the slight upturn towards the end, even with an actual good song at the end, it still falls just short of Morning Musume's frankly terrible Fantasy Juuichi's not exactly exacting standard. So, Buono, from top of my list of ratings, to the bottom. Way to rape a fandom UFA, go you.

3/10 (-28.4/10 before I decided not to go below -10)

Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 9.2
C-ute - Chou Wonderful 6 - 9
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Ogawa Mana - Teenage Blues - 8
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
AKB48 - Koko ni Ita Koto - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Berryz Koubou - 7 Berryz Times - 6.5
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4
Morning Musume. - Fantasy Juuichi - 3.5

Token Pervy Post

2011-06-21T21:34:00.018+01:00

So, it's been roughly six months since I did anything remotely perverted on here. As my rankings have sort of thoroughly changed (again) due to graduations, silly shit, not so silly shit, and such, I thought I'd introduce what few readers I have to some new girls, wish a merry departure to others, and explains the reasoning behind some other changes. This does, of course, mostly involve AKB/SKE as that's what I've been mostly caught up in of late.

So, to the show.

Kimoto Kanon

The prime loli in SKE48's Team
loli
E, Non is... hard to categorise. On one hand, she looks like a loli. She's also strictly illegal actual loli (disclaimer, she suffers from what I now call Maachan-syndrome, in which my liking of her is platonic. Too cute to desecrate). She's also cheeky (in the smart-mouth sense, not in terms of plump buttocks), happy to disrespect her seniors, talks rather normally (non-loli) and to top it all off, stabs people for fun.

Hells yea.

Fresh Lemon

So, Ichikawa Miori. Ex-member of Power-Age (along with Kuwae Sakina and Momoka from Momoclo). She is, despite appearing and sounding utterly otherwise, 17. She's a bit of a retard, has a speech impediment, probably has a growth disorder, sucks at singing, sucks at dancing, but is fucking hilarious. She has a very hard head (I bet she gives great helmet), one of the most annoying catchphrases in existence (which is still epic) and is in general just fucking insane. And cute as a really cute thing.

More pic:

Sato Amina

Now, Amina is one I would have no qualms at all about doing just about anything to. She's cute. Bit weird looking, but cute. She gives herself mock facials with pudding, and she's a bit crazy. She's part of Sugar, the irreverent MC section only unit. Also sings in two of the weirdest stage songs around, Tsundere (some fucked up mix of Misirlou, happy brass band, generic pop and eyeburning costumes) and Candy (sugary as a really sugary thing). She also can't restrain herself and visibly orgasms whenever other girls dress up as boys. Still, definitely worth a shot or two.

Nakagawa Haruka

Ah, another of the AKB-related age mindfucks. She's 19, so it's perfectly alright if you want to fap to her. She is a bit... silly. Still acts childish, still looks childish. Other members less than a year older than her say they feel like her mother. If that's not bad enough, she's still the oldest in Watarirouka, which seems weird as she looks the youngest.

Loliest non-loli ever. Plus, voice fetish activated. Win-win.

Masuda Yuka

Easily the best pop singer in AKB, she's also from Osaka and therefore has a win accent. She had her own frankly win solo single. She leads in one of the most enduringly popular stage songs, MARIA. She's also in Diva, but oh well.
Some live vocals:

Matsui Rena

Matsui Rena, aka Gekikara. She's... unstable. Goes from being a complete crybaby to being a happy, slightly devillish girl to a prim, proper young lady to a spice-loving super-hot curry eater to a psychotic titan of war. Or something. She also makes a hot bloke.

Gekikara's still the best though.

Matsui Sakiko

The pianist. That's all you need to know really. She's not particularly attractive, but holy fuck can she play.

Oota Aika

Ah, Lovetan. Tsundere as all hell, and cuter than most things on earth. And pokable. Very very pokable.

In the end though, this gif is all one needs:

Iwasa Misaki

So, AKB's enka singer. And cute in the bargain. Really very cute. Also in Watarirouka. Completely unsure why. She's like, the only one in WH who can sing, and she readily confesses that anything she does sing, she turns to Enka.

So yes. Those are my new protips for awesomeness.

On those who have left, or become boring:

Oku Manami graduated. Much sadness.
Hirano Tomomi graduated from eggs. Much sadness that I never even heard her sing.
Miyazawa Sae is still dropping, though mainly from utter lack of exposure.
Mitsui Aika has dropped lots, along with every other Momusu person.
Takajo Aki has dropped because of squick.

And that is all.