At long last I have summoned up the effort and courage to present to you, dear readers, my ode to the idol posterior. The rump, buttocks, derrière, gluteus maximus, arse, and various other synonyms. Since I last gave you an ode to legs, my blog hits have spiralled out of control. Was it due to the legs post? Nope, that seems to be pretty steady at about 700 hits. The feet post on the other hand is currently at about 2300 and climbing rapidly. I don't know if this thoroughly disproves the theory that legs are the third most fetishised body part, or just proves that there are sufficient numbers of more reputable blogs which feature delicious idol legs that mine just doesn't get any hits. I guess I will find out when this post and the two posts on breasts go up. If they don't even reach the level of the feet post, I guess I'm just that unpopular.
So, anyway, a recap of what has been, and what is to come:
Breasts (ie. actual ones)
DFC (delicious flatchest. Tits that ain't)
Ass
Legs
Feet
Clavicle
Lips
Belly/Waist/Hips/Pelvis (that general area)
Back
Armpits
Also, a word to the wise that due to my obvious and inherent dislike of a certain highly regarded former idol whose buttocks were often on prominent display, I've decided I couldn't be bothered to go through the effort to actually photoshop her face out of all her ass shots (not to mention, downloading them in the first place), so for those of you who expected Takahashi Ai to be first, unlucky.
Also, the picspam this time will be chosen wisely. This is due to me not wanting to hit my upload limit on blogger, and also because one idol on this list has but a single yet delightful shot of their rear, which unfortunately means that others simply must suffer.
So, time for me to start reviewing again I guess. It's been a while since I reviewed anything, and my mind is wanting to get some wordcount out. So I chose to waste it on yet another thing that isn't idol bodyparts. Even though those posts seem to get me the most views. But oh well, such is life.
So yes, the albums I'm going to review are the new Berryz album, the new C-ute album, and the Kikka album that came out in January that Pete and Dean have been telling me to listen to for ages.
Well, that's a lie, I did it once, in 2009. But still, it's like a very very good beer. Hard to come across.
"So, what the fuck is he rambling about now?" I hear you think. Or rather, not hear, but percept.
Well, I'm going to do an entire post about one idol. A little shrine, if you will.
I'm not doing it on Luscious Idolicious because I think, somehow, that the readership here will appreciate her slightly more than the viewers (hesitate to call most of my hits readers) on LI, considering their usual methods of finding the place is "[insert idol] naked", "[insert idol] barefoot", or "fappin away turn on loli oniichan voice" (I have no fucking idea).
On March 7th, 2012, BABYMETAL will unleash their most grim and unholy CD Debut, "Ii Ne!", along with those kvlt practitioners of necro blasphemies, "Kiba of Akiba", as an infernal split release with which to plague the earth.
So went the intro line I wrote for Dean over at Yonasu which he didn't use. But anyway, Babymetal are back, this time with a split-single (how metal is that?) with some silly Wota-ish Death Pop group.
I didn't bother writing about it until now, as there wasn't much to write about.
Now, the PV's out. I grabbed the TS file, fiddled with it a lot then uploaded it to Dailymotion, so here, enjoy:
So, first thing this reminds me of is Blood Stain Child. Techno Metal, with a hint of Gothenburg-ish Death Metal. Except that weird assed "take the piss out of rapper" bit. And the vocoding on some of the vocals. And trying to pass off the deathgrowls as Sumetal's work.
But still, as I said in my last post, it shows that Japan still hasn't lost its touch for genre-fuckery. Much as it's not the best metal ever, nor is it decent techno, it's idols and it's amazingly silly just because of that. For Momoclo, it's even more bizarre, as they're all psychotic. With Sakugaku, you don't have quite as much insanity, and Sumetal's fast approaching the end of middle-school, which is Sakugaku's "too old, gtfo" age. So Babymetal's time is limited, unless they rotate the members or something. But still, that they pull this off at their age is cool. Now just need a better songwriter for them. So, question time, which metal composer would write the best songs for them? My money's on Ihsahn or Heavy Devy.
I'm rambling now, seemingly.
Also, their kitsune is weak. Do some proper horns.
Honestly, I would have preferred that Ijime! Dame! Zettai! were released. From what I've heard of it, despite it sounding sort of X Japan-ish, it's a stronger song than either Ii Ne! or Doki-Doki Morning. Plus it has a wall of death when they play it live.
So, at last I have an opportunity to sit down, compose my thoughts, and spam with wordcount.
Of course, it wouldn't be possible for me to do this without some incentive, and the incentive behind this particular post, were it not already rather obvious due to the title, is that Buono! came to France for a gig.
Unless you've been living under a rock I suppose that's probably not particularly surprising, so I'll say it once again just to be annoying.
Buono! came to France for a gig.
And such begins this tale of woe, regret, tragedy, heartbreak and FUCKING AWESOME TIMES.
So, it's January. Time for my generally yearly idol list. Once again, sorry for those of you waiting for an ode to the idol posterior, but once again I've just not seen enough good ass pics to deliver.
Last years winners have suffered somewhat at the hands of newer (younger) competition, some older members making better impressions on me, and one very prominent re-entry.
Due to this interesting state of affairs, it will now be a top 25. Couldn't fit in all the tags though, so I took out the lower ranked girls.
However, due to the scandal that hit while I was in the middle of writing this post, I have had to search around rather a lot for who in my mind is #25.
Nacchan, I honestly don't care about you having a boyfriend (or your terrible taste in men), but damn you for making me have to think of someone to replace you...
So, first off we shall start with a retrospective of the last two years.
Obviously spurred on by Henkka's last couple of posts, Momoclo have decided to join in the action with their wonderful new rearrangement of that Christmas Bside called Santasan on their previous single, Roudou Sanka (also worth a listen if you're into Kinniku Shoujotai or The Go! Team, as Ohtsuki Kenji wrote the lyrics and Ian Parton did the music).
Anyway, here is the "Bloody Christmas" version of Santasan:
Straight from the start, bells and doomyness remind of Sabbath, but more evilly of a group called Legions of Crows from my hometown of Salisbury who release Christmas songs every year. Doom Metal Christmas songs. Sometimes featuring Paul Di'anno, but I digress. Having jingle bells la'd over the top is hilarious. Then death metal as fuck. Blastbeats and heavy riffs. Then Momoclo vocals being happy and cute over it... This is a niche market that I think could work, need to look into it.
Honestly, this puts Babymetal to shame. And everything on my Top 50 Metal Idol Songs list. Even has a random death grunt in here somewhere. Riffs are actually pretty cool death metal riffs, with a hint of groove at points. Hint of a black metal riff somewhere, but still, this just takes everything idols have been slowly building up to for the past couple of years and melds it all in together. Under a Christmas song.
I think no one would be too pissed off if I said this is more metal than Cannibal Corpse.
Then Santa starts raping and murdering the girls or something, while death grunting "hohoho". Completely "wtf" and "rofl" at the same time. Honestly can't think of what more to write because I'm still too busy being in awe at how amazing it is and then giggling at the silliness of it all.
Of course, this being Momoclo no doubt they're giggling at the silliness of it all too, but then again, on their upcoming next single that's out in March, "Mouretsu Uchuu Koukyoukyoku Dainana Gakushou 'Mugen no Ai'" (if you wondered, this means something like "Violent Universe Symphony, Seventh Movement 'Infinite Love'", just proving their psycho status even further) they have Marty Friedman playing guitar, and it sounds something like a cross between Nightwish's choirs, Megadeth's guitar playing (as you'd expect), random Jpop, bit of Queen, Blind Guardian and some random Vis Kei with added syncopation in the chorus. If you click this within the next two weeks it might still be on youtube. So I'm guessing that despite the ever growing encroachments of Kpop and that generic "sound", Jpop's obsession with metal and general genre-fuckery isn't quite over yet.
As I don't know whether or not I'll have a computer over the new year, I've decided to try to condense everything into one post. This might be difficult or it might not. As I stated at the end of the previous post, the "other idols" bit will be much curtailed anyway due to me not having the time or inclination to bother doing an in depth review on things I've a) not heard properly so can't form an objective option, b) heard and disliked, or c) decided to give an award to anyway. As such, the other idols section will basically consist of short writeups only, before I go into the awards and get controversial.
Nice Girl Project
I've been disappointed with NGP this year. Not only have Canary Club left and gone back to Spacecraft (goodbye Mana...), The Possible have released nothing of note (a few abysmal gravure DVDs and one pointless minialbum with solo versions of old songs). This is annoying. Luckily, they have appeared quite a lot on Tsuntube and seem to be helping out in Tsunku's new Akiba Idol Training Café thing, so maybe not all dead yet. Also seems they'll be releasing a new Indies single or something soon.
But yes, all in all quite a bad year. I confess myself disappointed.
Momoiro Clover Z
A rather successful year by non-AKB idol standards has seen Momoclo not only carve out their own little niche in the market, but also start a small scale assault on popular culture. Their singles are now selling roughly the same as Momusu (if you average out Momusu's single sales this year you get 45817 rounded up, while Momoclo's first proper single since Akari left sold 44252, which is more than both of Momusu's singles that weren't Aichan's last), and they seem to be making a quirky little mark on TV shows. Plus their album was full of win.
Looking forward to seeing how they progress (or regress) in 2012.
Passpo
Wow, I'm finally writing something about them other than excuses as to why I've not reviewed their album.
Passpo have had quite frankly a stunning year. Before May I'd never heard of them. Then suddenly they were the first female group to hit #1 on the oricon weekly charts on their debut. NMB later did the same, and sold more than five times as many singles in doing so, but the record had been set and my interest piqued. I grabbed their Indies album, which I found to be rather good. Then I procrastinated and never reviewed it. Then they released their second single, which came third (which isn't surprising when AKB and a Johnny's group release on the same day). How much of their sales are down to the fact that they release 11 versions of singles, I don't know. I'd need one of the Capitalist Thinker wota to analyse that, as a Music Lover I can't be bothered. But still, they seem to be selling at similar levels to Momoclo, and their new album (which I'll touch on later) surprised me.
Again, looking forward to 2012.
Super☆GiRLS
Super Girls are now probably the pre-eminent non-AKB idols, selling 49k of their last single in one week. That said, I still don't find them particularly endearing.
Sakura Gakuin
Cute, young and awesome, they sell virtually nothing but make up for it with win.
So, after battling illness for the entirety of the past week I'm not at a particularly good level of mood or wordcount. However, today I've had a battle with Richard Branson and tried my hand on the stockmarket with Splen so I'm raring to go.
Now, the biggest problem with reviewing everything the 48s have released this year is twofold.
On one hand, there have been 72 promo videos (by my count) released by them this year.
On the other, most of them are not on Youtube, except as snippets.
So, I'm left with a dilemma. Do I link the snippet videos for those that do not appear in full, and assume that everyone reading this has heard every song, or do I link in from Tudou and have everyone complain that the videos take 2.5 hours to load?
Honestly, I'm not entirely sure yet.
I'll decide as I'm writing up the stuff that the first group has actually achieved this year.
I'm gonna exclude SDN because 1) I excluded Dream Momusu, 2) I'm lazy, 3) I can't stand any of their songs this year anyway.
Also exluding Baby Gamba because I can't find a full video where the two AKB girls actually appear.
This takes me down to under 60 vids, which is slightly easier.
So, we come to this time of the year again. It's become freezing cold, snow has begun to fall, and one begins to ponder upon the failings of one's existence in the previous twelve months. One may also begin to ponder what the future might bring.
On the other hand, as I'm a miserly bastard I'll ignore my own failings for now, as I spend most of the rest of the 11 months living in complete acknowledgement of their existence. Instead, I will once again endeavour to dampen any midwinter (or midsummer for those of you on the opposite side of the hemispherical axis) cheer you may have built up by once again reviewing how idols have done this year.
This, of course, will piss many people off and also make make people happy.
Or it could just force people to wonder why their mood can affected by someone writing something on the internet. Like the people who got offended by me saying UFA raped my Buono fandom. Be advised I'm still laughing at you, 4 months later.
For those waiting for the next in the delicious body parts series, normal (lol) service will resume probably upon completion of this series of posts. Unless I suddenly come across lots of delicious idol bottoms in the next week, in which case I might be forced into action.
So, anyway, some structure for you.
Part 1: Hello! Project
Part 2: ○○○48 (including all subunits in a post which will probably once again stretch blogspot to its limits due to the fact that 48's release like 3-5 PVs per single)
Part 3: Other. Momoclo, Sakugaku, Passpo, Idoling!!, TGS, Super Girls, Afilia, NiceGirl Project, AeLL, Fairies, whatever other indie idols have sprouted up that I can find.
Part 4: Overall and Awards. Once again I'll save the major flaming for last.
Dream Momusu and Kikkawa Yuu are not part of this review.
