25/01/2011

Buono! - Zassou no Uta review



So, Buono, my favourite group in H!P, has a new single coming out, a year after the quite awesome Our Songs. The name of the new song is Zassou no Uta, meaning simply "Weed Song". Weed as in an invasive plant species, not a drug.

So, I'll start simply.

This song is shit.

Not often I say that about Buono, so yes. A true rarity.

Some brief complaints are that the song is boring. The guitars are boring. The bass is boring. The drums are boring. The vocal melodies are boring. Overall I'd give it roughly 4/10.

Now I'm going to go a bit more in depth. For this bit you'll need to have either some musical knowledge or just trust that I know what the hell I'm talking about.


24/01/2011

2011 Top 20 Favourite Idols 20-11 + Stuff

Quite a lot happened since I posted the Idol Metal list. I got persuaded into joining The Three Metalheads as the fourth metalhead. In that way, I guess it's a bit like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which was a trilogy of four books. Until Douglas Adams wrote a fifth one, and then died before he could make a sixth one. That, of course, led to the disaster known as And Another Thing..., but let's not talk about that. What I'm gonna do at T3M (or whatever Henkka decides to rename it as) I don't know yet. I will however keep writing silly crap for here. Maybe I'll divide it so I'll gush about the actual idols and how much I want to do wonderful, horrible things to their helpless bodies (and scathing reviews) here; whereas on T3M I'll moan about how things need to be more metal. And do some FAKSMs when I hear one.

I also restarted my wonderfully awesome fanfic which no one wants to read because "oh noes I killed some idols".

But anyway...

So, it's been just over a year since I did my first foray into making lists, namely:

As it's been a year, and I've discovered new things, new idols, and new ways to fantasise about them, I felt like I should make a new list.

This year, I've set down ground rules. In part this is because I hate rules and thus get to explain why I didn't follow them (thus meaning a decent word count rather than picspam like last year), but it's also because last year there were far too many old people.


14/01/2011

Top 50 Idol Metal Songs

So, a while ago I read through just about everything on Three Metalheads, and, me being a metalhead, idolhead and prog nerd, agreed with pretty much everything (except Buono being shit, but can't have everything :P ). Henkka did a rather cool post on his Top 5 H!P Metal Songs. Now, I'll sort of agree with him that H!P sort of skirts metal without confronting it head-on, but times are changing. Idols are changing. Buono! did My Boy, which frankly threw everyone's senses off-kilter and then chopped off lots of people's heads and threw them into the gutter. A bit more recently, Pete (sswishbone) did his own "Metal" blog, which you can read here. This was a top ten, and included both H!P and TNX, as well as H&A (ex-H!P/still-UFA).

So, I got thinking. Just what is heaviness? And what is heavy idol pop?

Dean reckons idols shouldn't do metal. I disagree.

Recently I've been listening to other idol stuff. Not all of them are as metal-shy as H!P. So I decided to do a no-holds barred metalfest of idols, if that makes sense.

Once again, Momoclo and Sakugaku not included.


31/12/2010

A Year In Review Part 4: Everything else + Awards + Lists

So, 2010's been quite a busy year. Hell, just look at the fucking massive post I did last night on the 48s. 52 videos, best part of 7 hours to write. So, this blog is an "anything else I liked, didn't like, hated" etc type post. This will range from idols, to random personal shit, to top 5 lists and worst stuff, and Awards.

Might be a bit hectic, so to start with...


30/12/2010

A Year In Review Part 3: ○○○48

So, the Aki-P family. This year has seen them transcend the definition of idol and become a public sensation. AKB, the focal point, has decimated just about everyone except Johnny's and EXILE in terms of sales, and even then they're still winning, just not quite decimating.

The review will be, however, everything with a PV and any stage songs I particularly like from this year. As AKB don't do "albums" per se, just stage CDs, I can't really review them as commercially available albums. Likewise, the re-release of SETLIST and Kamikyokutachi are best ofs, not really albums in any sense of the word, so they ain't getting reviewed either.

Due to the sheer amount of subgroups, I'm putting them at the end, after I've reviewed the ***48 groups.

Right then, let's start with "those lot".


28/12/2010

A Year In Review Part 2: Nice Girl Project!

So, NGP. H!P's sexy, slightly perverted little sister who tries to give you a footjob under the dinner table when your H!P girlfriend's not looking.

Individually, some of the NGP girls have had an interesting year. Groupwise, not so much. But I am here to review, not digress, but I digress, thus I shall review.


01/12/2010

Fantasy!拾壱 review

Well, I did promise...



Cover makes them look like dolls, which isn't too bad, I guess, considering the content of the album.

Preliminary: WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN... If this wasn't Momusu I wouldn't even deign to review this. How can they have fallen so low?

1. 女と男のララバイゲーム. This starts out as something seriously epic. Why couldn't the whole song have been like this? A fully orchestral one would have been delightful and full of win. More win than anything. But NO! Tsunku lures us in with false promises and then just gives us the same damn song as the single. It's like giving candy to a kid, letting them taste it, then stealing it back and running away laughing. My view of the song is the same as before. It's not shit, but I'm pissed off with Tsunku. I gave the single a 6, but because of Tsunku's bait-and-switch with that gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh into the usual shit I'm giving it something pretty evil in return. 3/10. Take that you prick.

2. ブラボー! Awesome intro. Sounds slightly like overproduced early Slayer. Some nice tremolo picked rhythm guitar is cool. On the other hand the vocals are annoying, the shouting gets on my nerves, and the song is overall pretty bland. The chorus gets some marks back for not being horrid. Solo on MIDI guitars is fucking awful. 5/10.

3. Fantasyが始まる. Intro is nice and dancey. Sayu sounds quite nice on this. In fact, for the first verse, prechorus and chorus I'm actually not even minding the vocoder too much. In the second verse it gets slightly more pronounced, then at the end of 2nd verse it becomes full blown pain. Mark loss. Prechorus and chorus is the same. Refrain is quite a cool buildup, mid-8 verse gets away with the vocoder by Aichan's taking the final line. The vocal operatics over the final chorus are intriguing. 5/10

4. 女心となんとやら. What is this, a kids album? The intro is sappy and shit. The verse has no musical merit whatsoever. Bass is pissing me off. Actually, pretty much everything pisses me off. The tuneless vocals. They finally find a tune in the pre-chorus, then just repeat themselves in the chorus with possibly the most overused vocal melodies ever. "Yea yea yea" and "no no no" piss me off to the power of several thousand. Bad harmonies in second verse. Pretty horrid all around. No energy. Speed it up a bit and get rid of the bass, might be better. Guitar solo is horrendous. Final chorus is even more tuneless than usual. Constant twiddly guitars are pointless and distracting. Fade out is a sign of laziness that they didn't know how to stop it. 2/10

5. 愛の炎. Wow. Reina solo. *yawn* Pianos playing some boring intro, then some acoustic guitars join it, and some other shit, then it becomes absolute bog-standard Slow Pop®. Reina's voice might be pretty good, but it can't break away from the fact that she's singing over a leftover Toni Braxton song. Violin solo is atrocious. It's beyond me how this is even released. Surely there's some quality checking in place on these albums? But no, we have to listen to it. And it's a disgrace. The fact that Reina's voice alone at the end of the song is the highlight of the whole damn thing just shows how crap it was. Honestly, would have been better sung a cappella 3/10.

6. I'm Lucky Girl. Decent intro. Builds up nicely, then comes into something which should never be done. VOCODER AS A SYNTH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Vocal lines are okay, nothing special. Call and response is a bit of a cop-out. Pre-chorus is nice though. Chorus ain't bad. This is, frankly, the best song on the album, even with it's obvious issues, just because it doesn't make me cringe or make me rage. I swear Tsunku is trying to piss me off. Solo isn't the worst thing I've ever heard. Would be cooler with the guitars trading between solo and rhythm though, rather than just switching the solo between channels. But yea, not bad if you can get around the FUCKING VOCODER! Passable. 6/10

7. すんごいマイバースディ. EURGH. Sappy, no music content. It's appalling. Back to the kiddy album again. Voices are annoying. Nearly as annoying as anime-Koha. Even Linlin sounds pretty fucking shit on this. Then again, it really doesn't suit her voice. The only ones who could sing this without looking like pricks are Sayu, Koha and Jun, and that's just because their voices are in that range. Sayu's is the only voice that doesn't annoy me in this though, which is odd in itself, considering it's FUCKING SAYU. Is the world coming to an end? Jun sounds like she's saying every damn syllable separately on purpose. The Chulululu is annoying. Music is repetitive, dull, lacking in any creativity. The refrain has a boring lead, then goes straight back into the lacking chorus. At the moment it seems like Tsunku's trying to out-perform himself for utter shite every damn song. 2/10

8. 1から10まで愛してほしい. This is a pretty bad song. But it's so much more interesting than what's come before that it sounds positively orgasmic. The melodies don't suck, either on the brass or the vocals. Vocals are actually pretty decent. Bassline is crap as is usual for Momusu these days. Some syncopated bullshit following the chord prog. What I wouldn't give for a return to oldschool interesting basslines. What happened to the days of Souda!, The Peace, Koko ni Iruzee and Ai no Sono? Nowadays we're given these boring two-tone basslines or basslines in shitty chord progressions that just about everyone has used. I mean, shit. A real bass once in a while would be nice too. Speaking of chord progressions, when's Tsunku gonna use this one? It's only the most overused of all time. Considering everything else he rips off I'm surprised he hasn't managed it yet. Still, even so, this song doesn't plumb the depth of utter shite the rest manage, so 5/10.

9. 愛しく苦しいこの夜に. Only other passable song on this piece of shit. Intro is a shwing buildup. Reminds me of something. Main riff sounds like an anime theme tune. Not bad, but different. Verse is quite cool. Acoustic guitars work. Again with the shitty synth bass. 10 My Me I wanted to delete the pussy synths, now I want to delete Tsunku's synth basses. GET A REAL ONE YOU LAZY SHIT! Vocals are strong. Solo is pretty good. Dunno why he pays people to do guitar solos but can't get a bassist. 6/10.

10. 電話でね. Can I die now please? Another Toni Braxton leftover. Less musical talent was needed to create this song than exists in one of my eyelashes. Unremarkable instrumentation. Unremarkable vocal melodies. Unremarkable vocal performance. One of the few songs in existence that actually made me considering skipping the damn song before I'd finished listening to it for the first time. Usually I listen to every damn song on an album. I won't be listening to this album anyway, but if I did, I would skip this piece of shit. Considering Aichan is supposedly the best vocalist in the group, this is boring as fuck. Lin might have made it better. As it is, this is a piece of shit. 1/10. I would give it 0, but I gave Osaka Umainen 0 and this at least has a tune so yea, 1/10.

11. Seishun Collection. *YAWN*. Boring, lazy, pointless, too happy without a point. Doesn't have its Bside to push up the rating. Might as well just fall asleep, this song does absolutely nothing for me. Gonna sleep. 3/10.

Overall:

Shit. I was originally gonna give this a 4, but upon relistening to do the full review, it hit me how shit it actually is. So, a matter of two weeks gives me a new victor in the WORST H!P ALBUM OF ALL TIME, as well as becoming the worst I've ever reviewed. Average of the songs rating gave me 3.72rr, but because this is the final album for Eri, Jun and Lin, and Tsunku decided that he wasn't gonna give them a solo, wasn't going to even give them generation songs, but instead give solos to the two most overexposed members of the group, I'm knocking it down. This is truly, fucking abysmal.

3.5/10

Comparison ratings:

Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 10
Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4

Anyway, I'll get around to finishing the year review soon. NiceGirlProject or AKB next, I guess.

15/11/2010

A Year In Review Part 1 - Hello! Project

I'll just warn you, this post is going to be fucking massive. It's gonna review pretty much everything I've liked or disliked this year, so yea. I'll start with idols though as that's what this blog is about.

Hello!Project

Morning Musume.

So, I'll begin with Momusu. Lots of stuff has happened this year. Lots of PBs. 2 albums. 3 singles. One abomination sort of single thing.

I already reviewed 10 My Me (5.5/10) so I won't do it again. I'll do a review of Fantasy! 11 when it's out.

So, let's start with singles.


08/06/2010

Okada Robin Shouko ♥

Title sums up the contents of this post. Since my top idol list back in January, there have been some notable changes. A certain lady called Mitsushima Hikari popped into my consciousness based on her brilliant performance in a masterpiece full of gore, female masturbation, lesbian action, upskirt photography, religious cults and the secret lives of clergy; called 愛のむきだし (Ai no Mukidashi; Love Exposure). It's also four hours long, so that probably imprinted her onto my consciousness somewhat. Doesn't harm her either that she was also in Folder5 with AKINA.

Anyway, the other notable mover was Robin. I started watching a load of Possible stuff, in which Robin always seemed to catch the eye somehow. The music videos in particular of Happy 15, Love Message and (to a lesser extent) Family ~Tabidachi no Asa~.





I love her rock style vocals, as evidenced by some of her yelling in Love Message and the powerful tone before the choruses in Family; and her monologues in Happy15 are cool too. Also, her little loli-jump (for lack of better description) at the end of Love Message is insanely cute.

Her fake guitar attempt in Genki ni Nare is also quite win.



And then, of course, her DVD and Photo collection were announced. The preview shots were, to say the least, erotic. But I had no fears, as one of my favourite Japanese photographers was doing the shoot, one Herbie Yamaguchi, who'd worked with Boy George. And, as I expected, the shots lived up to it. Unfortunately I lack a scanner, so I've only scanned a couple as I'm on a trial period at a publishers and did them while no one was looking. But some of them are truly stunning. A few:










I must say, I'd like to stick a fork in her buttocks...

Her solo DVD is also extremely sexy. I'll leave it to Shirow to do the screencapping and full assology, because that's what he does best, but I will link to the trailer as it gives an idea...



So yes, do acquire :P

But I shall enjoy seeing more of her, definitely. Just a shame the latest Possible PV with her in latex didn't work out quite as sexily as it should have... I mean, seriously, who writes a song with the lyrics about how to make a hotpot? Unless you're from Lancashire...

29/05/2010

Hangry & Angry, Camden Underworld, London, 27th May, 2010

I seem, to be using, a lot, of commas, lately :P

Anyway, to the trip!

My journey started at 9:47am on Thursday, caught the bus into Salisbury, met up with my esteemed bandmate Chris (Captain Epic), missed the 10:20 train but saved £5 catching the next one at 10:45. Didn't do much on the train. Got to London about 12:15, got some money out, got underground tickets, then went up to meet peoples at Camden.

Got there and saw Pete (sswishbone) and Mark (oroboras) hanging around outside World's End, so went over to say hello. Also saw Ole (X5-2000), chr0nik and CDevil, before Pete started yelling that we were all going to the pub. So we went into World's End, and a really small girl called Vicky and a huge Japanese guy made of epic win tagged along. Everyone seemed to like my Buono tshirt and my pink skirt.