22/12/2019

Year in Review 2019: The End

This year has been boring and shit. As such I'm phoning this post in.

Twat of the Year

Well, this is a hard one. There have been so many twats this year. From the complete breakdown of Zekkyou (Hamada two years in a row?) to the revolving door of cast members in Chicken Blow (Daichi again?) to whatever the fuck this Saki/VDC colloboration is; there are no shortage of competitors even amongst the people I know. Ultimately though, the biggest twat has to be Boris Johnson. Fuck Politicians. I honestly wish the EU would just annex the UK already and turn it into a protectorate or something; because British policitians are completely incompetent and pointless.

Music Video of 2019



NSFW if you didn't know. Rammstein this year released two videos which pissed everyone off. Deutschland had a black woman playing Germania, which of course pissed off all the racists. Then, just to make sure they pissed off everyone equally, Rammstein made the video for Ausländer. At its core is an anti-colonialist message. The buffoonish white people arrive in a dinghy, and within minutes are masters of this new colonial domain. The Africans are caricaturized as willing subservients, carrying them around, the women take the white men to their beds, and beg them not to leave once laden with children. It's right on the very edge of being played straight. And I mean right on the edge. The outfits, all of them, are authentic. The colonial suits worn by the band are from the 20s and 30s; the tribal outfits are also handmade heirlooms, complete with bare breasts. If you watch the making (here) you can tell that the band and film crew had obviously discussed the theme of the video and what their aim was with the cast when making it. The director and band members talk about being uncomfortable doing what they were doing, wondering if, especially in today's culture, they were taking it too far. But Rammstein somehow succeed in finding the ragged edge and doing just enough to not step over it. They manage to change the narrative. The overarching narrative between colonial nations and their colonisers was always the concept of Orientalism, the cheapening of Other into commodity, whether through the exploitation of their art and culture or the people themselves. In this, the whites are shown as the other, through the dinghy (so redolent of the Mediterranean migrants') and their stupidity with guns costing a real hunter a chance of catching his meal.

Honestly if this weren't at least on some level offensive it wouldn't be Rammstein. I still think that the attention to detail was still not quite enough (the huts were papier-mache) and they would have been better served with an African director to give greater authenticity and also further reverse the narrative. Still though, to navigate the tough seas that are colonialism and Orientalism and survive without taking too much of a pounding is kind of an amazing achievement in 2019. Good job.
[disclaimer: written by a white man. Despite the attempts to unbalance the narrative, it's still going to offend some people. That's your prerogative. Please feel free to share your opinion. I'd be interested to hear from people of colour about how it comes across to them.]

Most Black Metal Music Video of 2019



So, Ihsahn's back. This sounds like the most black metal thing he's ever done, but also has classic Ihsahn hallmarks like the saxophone and hard rock elements. It could also be kinda similar to Kvelertak, what with the Norwegian lyrics and blatant hooks. Still, the music video is black and white, with snow and shadows. Very pretty. 

Best New Idol Group of 2019

This one isn't even a fight.




Utsu-P plus idols? Win win. Zsasz debuted in October. I have no idea who the members are, but I don't really care, when the music is this good.

Best Windows Movie Maker PV of 2019



Angelina Jordan's voice is fucking incredible, and has been since she won Norway's Got Talent when she was 8 or something. This time she's decided to get her grandmother to film a very low-budget PV for her first foray into modern-sounding music (all her previously released stuff was curated from seminal jazz and blues repertoire stuff with a smattering of Sinatra and the like) and in addition to being low quality it looks like it was just put through a stock filter on aftereffects to make it seem "artsy". Nevertheless, she's still young and I'm sure plenty of opportunities to work with incredible music video directors will come along in the future.

Biggest Disappointment of 2019

No Lily of the Valley album. No 2& real album with all new songs. Nothing really happening worth me falling in love with idols again. The Burst Girls album. Meads of Asphodel's new album. Babymetal's album.

Best Photobook of 2019






This year it's not even an idol photobook. This wonderfully nutty exercise in photography is the first major publication from photographer Sonoda Noa. Titled "ケンカじょうとういつでもそばに" (I'm down for a fight whenever by your side), it's almost a collaborative effort with her daughter, who goes by the pseudonym Mokuren as she's still 11. Taken entirely on 35mm film, the colours, diptychal layout and interplay between images and themes is kinda reminiscent of Araki Nobuyoshi's It Was Once A Paradise, only without the bondage and nudity. Generally the diptychs are one picture of Mokuren doing something nutty, with a companion image of something vaguely related, either in terms of colour, content or feel. It's a gloriously madcap way of arranging a photobook, and my only big complaint is the size (It's A5. Photos this immersive need to be A4 or bigger for my preference). I feel quite let down by idol photobooks in 2019. Probably the best idol photobook would go to Kawashima Umika (If she's even still classifiable as an idol) as, like the Sonoda photobook it was all film and there are some amazing images in there; but unfortunately whoever decided to 50% opacity pictures of wallpaper and lay them diagonally over the other pictures needs to be fired.

Best Picture of Dani Filth Looking Like A Spanner in 2019



Best Tsunku Song of 2019


Honestly I don't get this. The instrumentation is awful, there's this weird distortion effect on some of the vocals and the overall mood of the song is weird. But behind it all it sounds like it has the base of something that could have come from one of the first two Morning Musume albums. The PV is also beautifully shot, which is rare for H!P, so that gains it some points.

Most Annoying Drum Sound of 2019



I think Lily of the Valley's members are cute and some of their music is great, but this drum needs to be painfully murdered. 

Best Football Failure of 2019



She makes even the Scottish team look somewhat competent. On the other hand the PV is pretty well shot with some basic attempts at a story, with a not too terrible song that wasn't written by Daichi and as such doesn't quite attain the heights of his compositional ability. She also did a PV shoot for the B-side of this single, some cover of an Indonesian song. This was in summer. The PV still hasn't been released. Probably because they shot it in a live house with free entry and even then only 20 people or something turned up.

Speaking of...

Worst Cover Song of 2019



It's really bad. The original video has 139 million views. (Here) Saki's brief flirtation with Red Music consisted basically of this atrocity which consists of one riff for the whole song. Yawn.

Hottest PV of 2019
Most References To Completely Irrelevant PVs of Decades Past PV of 2019
Most Metal H!P Song Possibly of Ever



This should not exist. H!P is paying tribute to some incredibly random acts from the 70s and 80s here, as well as Dragonforce. There's a not even exhaustive list of what's being parodied on Youtube (here) and Twitter has been super active about all the references that aren't in the video rundown. Also where the fuck did this even come from? Beyooooonds had a weird introduction with Nippon no DNA, the glasses boy thing and the Village People cover. Then suddenly this. Full blown metal murder mayhem. With piano interludes to give the audience time to breathe. How nice of them; although not too subtle, explicitly saying so in said piano interlude. Another thing this is, is cruel. H!P banned jumping in concerts recently. Then they release this. "You fucking bastards," I thought as they yell "jump jump jump" high spiritedly, despondent that it should never actually happen.

Best Ode to Psychopathy of 2019



Devin is a glorious masterpiece of a motherfucker. His album is jam packed of crazy. And then slap bang in the middle is this little piece of magical musical-esque floating around thing. And it works. That's just how amazing Devin is. 

Weirdest Trend of 2019

The growth of reaction videos to somewhat insane levels. Normally I pay them no attention but nowadays they're basically 9/10 of what Youtube recommends me at any given time. Particularly big this year seems to be Floorgasm, that is, Nightwish singer Floor Jansen giving people orgasms by her vocal amazingness. Not just in Nightwish, but this year she's been a regular on Dutch music show Beste Zangers, which has famous Dutch singers take on each others songs in genres unfamiliar to them. All it proved is that Floor cannot do anything wrong in any genre. Another prominent new genre is vocal coaches reacting to stuff. Mostly Devin Townsend.

Whiny Semantic Bitch of 2019

What the actual fuck is a "visual" photobook? Please answer me, H!P. Does it just mean a photobook in which the girl doesn't want to parade around in a bikini? In which case, it's still a fucking photobook. Don't give pervy wankers an out. If they support a member they'll buy the damn photobook whether she's in a bikini or not. On the other hand H!P need to get their act together with photobooks anyway. I think I said it last year, but a 54 page photobook is not a book. It's a pamphlet. Stop withholding the best photos for the digital photobooks as well. Idiots. 

Best Norwegian Black Metal Referential Reggaeton Parody of 2019




Nanowar of Steel are still going strong, and still doing their multilingual shit. They're Italian, here they're going between English, Spanish and Nowegian. Also the video is the best twerking/headbanging mashup that has ever, or will ever happen.

Best Prog Idol Song of 2019



So xoxo Extreme (along with Kinzoku Yebis) covered Anekdoten. Fuck. Yes. If this is the next big trend in idol I'm down.


Top Ten Five Albums of 2019

This is a hard one. I'm not sure if I've even heard 10 really good albums in 2019. A bunch of groups I thought would release amazing albums (Meads of Asphodel [7.2], Babymetal [7.3 almost entirely for the second disc], Darkthrone [7], Opeth [7.4], Alcest [7.6]) released merely okay ones.  As such I've decided to cut my list to 5 albums for the first time in... shit. I don't even know. And even then only 2 are really so amazing they're still stuck in my head. Take that as you will.

5= Utsu-P - Renaissance


Standout tracks: Greatest Show On Earth, Echo, 天使だと思っていたのに

So kill me, it's 6 albums because two got the same score at number 5. If you don't think Utsu-P is amazing you have some listening to do. He's basically capable of making Vocaloids growl, scream and sound almost human at points, which is something very few other Vocaloid producers seem capable of. Some of his songs on here are fantastic as well. Honestly sonically it's the closest thing I can find to Guso Drop without sounding like a parody. I'll also be honestly and say that I think the cover art is fucking spectacular. The cover of Echo, a song by American Vocaloid producer Crusher (formerly Crusher-P) is honestly fantastic. It's only 36 minutes long but it delivers.

8.5/10

5= Dream Theater - Distance Over Time


Standout tracks: Untethered Angel, Room 137, Pale Blue Dot


It's rare I'll give a good review to Dream Theater, being as they are somewhat over-rated the vast majority of the time. This new album, however, packs a punch. Even in the nice bits it's heavy as fuck prog. Unfortunately James LaBrie still sounds like James LaBrie, but they've managed to drown him in enough reverb and multitracking that it's not as horrible as usual. Room 137 has an epic solo part. Makes the whole album for me. There are a couple of songs which just go balls out prog. And then Pale Blue Dot could be the theme tune for a good sci-fi movie. Damn good album.

8.5/10

4. Richard Henshall - The Cocoon


Standout tracks: Cocoon, Twisted Shadows, Afterglow

So, Hen from Haken released a solo album which sounds like a Haken album. All good there then. Cocoon has some glorious Shining vibes with the saxophone parts in it, Lunar Room has some rap parts, Twisted Shadows has Ross Jennings from Haken make a "guest" appearance, and yea, is amazing. Goes all bluesy and jazz at points. Afterglow is a nice closer with some shoegazey aspects. Altogether a damn good solo album. Try it out.

8.6/10

3. Mayhem - Daemon


Standout tracks: Agenda Ignis, Malum, Daemon Spawn, Of Worms and Ruins,


So, Mayhem are back again. After Esoteric Warfare, which bored everyone to tears, and with all the 25th anniversary of De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas stuff they've been doing and touring lately they've obviously decided that they're going back to basics. As De Mysteriis was basically THE black metal album. Not just in terms of the music, with Snorre and Euronymous's riffs basically inventing the standard by which all black metal would thereafter follow, or Varg's bass and Hellhammer's drums combining to form the most evil rhythm section ever; but with all the shit that went on around it. You know, Dead killed himself, Euronymous took pictures of the body and used parts of skull to make necklaces. Necrobutcher quit in disgust. Varg joined. Varg killed Euronymous whilst Snorre waited outside. They both went to jail. As much as Gorgoroth tried they never scaled those heights of complete insanity. To Daemon then. This is the first album to which Ghul (Charles Hedger, formerly of Cradle of Filth and Imperial Vengeance) has been involved in writing, and weirdly sounds like it took some cues from Imperial Vengeance's method of militaristic black metal. The pace is much faster than on recent albums, and sounds more black metal than their experimental phase. Kinda even more black metal than Chimera, which was their reaction to getting scolded for being too crazy on Grand Declaration of War. I love how high in the mix Necrobutcher's bass is on this album as well. Audible bass for the win.

9/10

2. Gloryhammer - Legends From Beyond The Galactic Terrorvortex


Standout Tracks: The Siege of Dunkeld (In Hoots We Trust), Legendary Enchanted Jetpack, Hootsforce, The Fires of Ancient Cosmic Destiny

Gloryhammer. Christopher Bowes' swordshammers and sorcery project. As opposed to his pirate band, or his plate of beans (because Napalm Records will give a record deal to just about anything seemingly). Gloryhammer's universe is based in a universe where Scotland is the universe and the Kingdom of Fife is the most powerful, due to the glorious hammer and skills of Angus McFife, a legacy of mighty warriors stretching back to the middle ages. The various incarnations of Angus are constantly at battle with the evil mage Zargothrax, who got frozen at the end of the first album. In the 2nd album, set in 1992, Zargothrax was defrosted and went to battle with Angus McFife XIII, eventually being sent into a portal to another galaxy by the sacrifice of the Hootsman, actually a cyborg with a neutron star bomb as a heart. Angus chases after him, and thus this, the third album. The story continues being completely ridiculous, such as the hammer not working in this alternate universe. The songs are some of the catchiest and most anthemic Bowes and Ben Turk have composed yet, with the vocal skills of Thomas Winkler keeping it all tongue in cheek and fun. Hootsforce is basically an EDM song, with guitars. The closing song is one of the most epic songs that has ever been created and the plot twist in the middle is worthy of Bioware. Super fun and intense album. Also props for the greatest lyrical joke in metal. A choir chanting in Latin, with said Latin chant being Vanitati Latinae Canentis, bad Latin for "meaningless Latin chanting". Oh Gloryhammer...

9.6/10

1. Devin Townsend - Empath



Standout tracks: All of them.

So Devin is a genius. We know. Yet somehow he manages to flirt with genres, completely break people's expectations with songs like "Why?" and still just gets better and better. That's not to say I love all his albums. The original Ziltoid was amazing; Dark Matters was kind of a letdown. Casualties of Cool I just really didn't get. But Empath I see as the continuance of Epicloud and Transcendence. It's really quite broad and inclusive of genres whilst still being "metal", I guess. Genesis is a beautifully expansive song, which leads into the almost anthemic Spirits Will Collide. Devin is still the only person who can meld gospel choirs to metal and not sound like a complete psychopath. Evermore is kinda alt metal, ballad, musical, prog and basically everything just thrown into a blender. Somehow it works. Sprite is a cute little number which honestly sounds like a kids song with the narration and stuff at first, before turning into one of Devin's more spacey songs. Hear Me features the most bizarre guest appearance of the album. It's the most bombastically heavy and fast paced song on the album, bringing to mind more Strapping Young Lad than Devin's recent stuff, and has Chad Kroeger doing some vocals during the chorus. Like, what? Why is up next, and it's up above in the music video form. It's a wonderful little musical-esque piece of wonder, and Devin's vocals are fucking amazing. Borderlands is just chill-out music. Ukelele as well. Also super long and winding. Requiem is a nice little interlude, and then the closer, Singularity, is 23 and a half minutes long and every single note is perfect. Part 3, There Be Monsters, is basically symphonic black metal. Singularity is one song that encapsulates everything that is Devin and then expands on it. It's phenomenal. So is this album. Listen to it. Your ears deserve it.

9.8/10

Afterword:

I have been writing on this blog since 2009. 10 years of writing posts that are far too longwinded. In recent years I've scaled everything back to the point where I'm writing one post a year, and as such I always dread the coming of December as in addition to work being busy as hell I've somehow got to watch and listen to an increasing amount of stuff in the ever expanding world of idol as well as keep up to date with metal and prog; as well as review it. It's got to the point where idol has reached saturation point, especially loud idol groups.

My first idol group, not that anyone will remember them, was Power Age. I kinda discovered them in 2007 when I was watching the live action drama for a manga called Negima. The cast were all provided by Stardust, and they had been experimenting with the whole idol thing on and off, with Angel Eyes, then Power Age. One of the cast members was in Power Age, and another one joined a new group, known as Momoiro Clover, during the show's run. She didn't last though and was one of the members that left before Momoka transferred from Power Age to Momoclo. Momoclo didn't have any music at that point but Power Age had some really bad songs (Example 1, Example 2) and so I had the impression that yea, most Japanese pop music sucked.

Not long after my bandmate discovered Ayaka's Surprise English Lessons, and from there we explored Morning Musume's music which we were surprised to find (being unredeemable metalheads) didn't suck. What followed was an intensive whirlwind of musical discovery, through Japanese metal (Galneryus, Sigh), Rock (Mad Capsule Markets, Kinniku Shoujotai), Anime Songs (Hirano Aya, Wakeshima Kanon, Ootsuki Kenji, Ali Project), and other idol groups (confined to the H!P umbrella at the time). It was refreshing and so, having started hanging around Hello!Online and Eurowota chatrooms which introduced me to a bunch of people who I still consider my best friends, I felt the need to wax lyrical. I opened this blog specifically so I had a place to post Shirow's Cuddle List, which started off on WotakuNow (I think, ancient history in the wotablogosphere). From there it... escalated. I discovered that a surprising amount of people had kinda... found idols at the same time as I had. In addition, the main thing that we had in common aside from idols was metal. It wasn't everyone, for sure, but what was the thing drawing all these serious metalheads into Japanese girls singing?

I can't really say that it was anything apart from Tsunku. His ability to create songs which, no matter the instrumentation used had that rock base that metalheads are drawn too was unquestionable. In addition, metalheads, particularly of the extreme variety, tend to place less emphasis on lyrics, being that most of them are indecipherable (I speak as someone who has performed said indecipherable vocals for the past 15 years), and so have less hang-ups about listening to something in a different language.

From there it was a short road to taking my interest in metal and interest in idols to merging them. I posted this lengthy assed tome (Top 50 Idol Metal Songs) at the beginning of 2011 and it led me to being added to the writing crew of Henkka's ever-name-changing blog (The H!P Thoughts of a Metalhead > The Three Metalheads > Beat Laments The World). Though my posting style differed one thing that was clear was that we all wanted idols to go metal. Properly. We kinda liked it when H!P skirted metal in Kanashimi Twilight and My Boy, we liked the increased usage of guitars in AKB, and the metal breakdown in a pop song that Pureful gave us (back before they became Alice Juban and part of Kamen Joshi). When Momoclo released the Bloody Christmas version of Santa-san and Babymetal released Headbanger, we were kind of vindicated. We had what we had always wanted. That lasted for a while until Henkka realised how profitable translating 2ch was and Beats died a death.

After that I kinda kicked into action in my real-life, getting money and started going to Japan again, first on holiday, then to live. I encountered a huge number of underground idols, some of whom I still kinda support now. I moved back to the UK and did some more studying, then went right back to Japan afterwards. Since then... my interest has waned. The aforementioned "Top 50 Idol Metal Songs" was a product of its time. Nothing in the top 50 would probably crack the top 500 today. Heavy idol is not just something metalhead wota were yearning for, or a very niche subscene of idol anymore. It's turned into a worldwide touring level of insanity. Before this, very few idol groups toured abroad and it was mostly the ones that sold enough stuff to get noticed or the ones who had done an anime song and got brought over to do an anime convention. Nowadays groups that sell not well at all (on an AKB/H!P kinda level anyway) can go and do lives abroad. I reviewed Necroma's first foray into the UK over at Homicidols (see here) and then kind of got involved with getting Saki onto the follow-up. The subsequent Saki-led tour I had very little to do with, and my last proper idol gig actually was at the welcome-home gig for that UK tour with Saki, Hanako and Garuda. Very few people turned up and it was kinda so... unsatisfying that it basically stopped me from going back to any lives. Saki was like my last thread of hope, and with all the VDC bullshit that was going on I just didn't want to get involved and distanced myself from idol shows entirely. I've kinda been keeping up via Twitter and Youtube but I've kinda regressed into an "at home" wota; if I can even be considered an wota at all. I recently went to some onsen where Saki was performing just as a one-off, but it's still not really doing anything for me.

As such, as this marks both my 10th anniversary as a blog and the 10th Year in Review, I feel it's a good time to call it quits. The first five years I had a good run. The last few I really have just been posting one thing a year; so it's not like I'll be missed terribly. I might open a new blog to explore whatever I feel like whenever it takes my fancy, but I wouldn't hold my breath that I'll post any more on there than I did on here. Finally, because it's the end.



Pozdrav,
Krv

28/12/2018

Year in Review 2018: Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.

Once again we reach the end of the year, whereupon the post I've spent the last month crafting goes live. This year is going to be heavy on the metal. Also idols. Also metal idols. I imagine most people will disagree with a lot of what I say this year. That's good.

Biggest Twat of 2018

Hamada, Zekkyou's producer, for being worse than useless with basically everything this year. Zekkyou got super boring, lives happening so far away there's basically no point in trying to ever go see them. On the rare occasion I have the live has been insipid, and apparently Julian's the only person they'll do interesting chekis with anymore. Oh, and Montero not showing up for the UK tour was because he can't be bothered to read visa requirements for Filipinas. Not to mention a whole litany of other screwups around the tour which aren't my story to tell. So yea. Hamada this year.

Biggest Swerve of 2018

When Maboroshi Karen Gene, who I thought were on track to become my top group at the end of last year, did the shittest one man at O-east in existence in January, and announced some regular live show, played a couple of songs to about 60 people and then did the buppan having hired a bunch of freelance staff for the event despite not needing them. I'm guessing the cost of hiring O-east and the staff far outweighed the amount they took on merch and tickets. Probably bankrupt the management company, so a month later all the members quit the management company and graduated from the group, and debuted the next day as Maboroshi.no. Self-produced, with Yumino operating as the boss, Yumachi the choreographer and Ako and Aoyan just there. They hired the same staff as they used to use, and nothing really changed except all the songs and costumes. The members are still fun as hell and down to randomly chat on the street if you ever bump into them though.



Most Pointless Name Change of 2018/Best Linguistic Fail of 2018

callme. Having split from Dorothy Little Happy to self-produce themselves (with often hilarious results. The music and the lyrics are both laughable); callme decided this year that callme was too common and hard to find on the internet without being bombarded with porn sites. The name originated as a mashup of the three members' names. Koumi, Runa and Mimori. Kourumi is close enough to callme in katakana English that it kind of worked, despite all the hot sex tonight call lines. Their new name, however, is kolme. A Finnish word, meaning "three", which makes sense as they have three members. Also probably the number of fans they actually have left. The main problem is that kolme, despite the similarities in appearance to the bastardised English of callme, sounds rather different. Unless Mimori became Memori...

Meanwhile, their 2018 output has been... trash. They've also started even locking their music videos behind a paywall. Imagine paying to watch music videos. Yea, these guys can fuck off.

Best New Idol Group of 2018




Sordid origins aside, the much maligned agency behind Kuromiya Rei has finally decided to try to make money from young girls without needing them to parade around in... well, not very much at all. The result is Lily of the Valley, a 5 member group featuring three members that still do parade around in not very much at all, one member who through some unknown influence has managed to release DVDs on the label without once having a bikini scene, and one who even the agency realises is too young to do that shit yet. On the other hand, they seem to be taking the idol group thing seriously. The songs are pretty good quality, and with the agency having been encouraging its "talents" to do 踊ってみた videos on Niconico for a long time now their dance skill is pretty great. Singing isn't quite there yet; but Sawamura Risa is a guitarist as well and apparently has started playing at lives. Their Tokyo debut live was hilarious as it took place at Village Vanguard, and no one could see anything. The pinchike at the back were hilarious though. The members have personality, and the group seems to work; attaining pretty good success already. Whether that comes from the fact that the fans actually enjoy the music or if they're just people who "enjoyed" the members' previous work I'm not too sure; but giving the members an out of the gravure if they want it is good news to me.

Biggest Disappointment of 2018

Oh so many. Burst Girls' entire existence, their songs being terrible and no Guso fans even turning up because it's such a trainwreck. Chicken Blow the Idol losing so many members I can't even keep up, and the debut live being a one-man, lasting ten minutes and having 20 people show up. Zekkyou's continued boringness. Koto's EP. Chthonic's new album. Kaishin no Ichigeki going on hiatus and coming back wearing shoes. So many.

Best Photobook of 2018

Photobooks are a weird thing with me lately. I try to keep up but there are just too many damn groups that release them nowadays. They all seem to have started fitting into little islands of similarity though. 48 groups for the past two years have been all about implied nudity and boundary pushing. Hello! Project photobooks have been about releasing as little content as possible for the highest price. It's got to the point where photobooks that have 50 pages are being released. That's a leaflet, not a book. Not to mention their DVDs, which have been 10 minutes of footage played at 0.25x speed for the past 10 years. The Nogi/Keyaki books seemed to be somewhat classy until Neru's last year, whereupon they went down the same route as 48. Actress photobooks seem to depend on the photographer and how open the actress is to suggestions; although it's pretty much a given at this point that Kawaguchi Haruna will have a naked bathtub shot. In the end I decided to give it to the photobook which created the most lasting impression. In that regard, there really is only one possible winner.



















AKB's Kato Rena takes the "implied" out of implied nude and basically just owns it. There is no subtlety to 誰かの仕業 (Someone's Actions). Everything is in your face. A good portion of this book was set in London, which seems to be the norm for photobooks these days. I've seen quite a lot recently. It's also seemingly the spiritual successor to Iriyama Anna's photobook, which was also risque as all hell. Anyway, at least no one can scream "filthy bikinis" anymore. They've gone well beyond that with this.

Best Picture of Dani Filth Looking Like A Spanner in 2018


 
Music Video Most Likely To Induce Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder of 2018



Anaal Nathrakh doing some exploration of the horror of war with their ever-subtle touch.

Weirdest Stop Motion Conceptual PV of 2018



Saki's PV for her latest single involved random drawings moving on pieces of paper.

Best Song of 2018



Asterism knocked it out of the park with this one. Seeing this live is like a religious experience.

Most Hyperactive Dance Hit of 2018



Ebichuu and Watanabe Naomi just doing their thing. 

The Black Metal Band Trying Hardest To Create Nature Documentaries in 2018



This music video has no meaning, no point, and no purpose. But oh look, pretty.

Idol of 2018



This, if you don't know, is Mayumura Chiaki. She's somewhat nuts. She came to my attention when one of the old 2& Family/Gushin guys I've know for years started going to her lives almost exclusively. Then a random video surfaced of her doing a street live in the Kabukicho Square (outside Blaze, next to Toho) where she was playing an acoustic guitar and singing. Then she took her sandals off and carried on barefoot for some reason. Then later when she'd finished playing, she and her fans made a big circle on the floor, invited a bunch of foreigners to join in and started playing duck duck goose. She can do everything. On the stage she switches between the normal idol thing of singing and dancing and the singer songwriter thing of playing an acoustic guitar and singing. Then she messes with you by getting behind the drumkit for a song, or picking up a bass. She really does do everything. She composes on stage, sometimes. She's been on TV a bit recently and randomly written songs in two minutes for challenges. She also does some crazy music videos, like the one above and this one, where the English translator just kind of gave up inside a minute. She's nuts and that makes me happy. Her music doesn't do much for me but still this is great.

Best Throwback to 2008 of 2018



So, Charlie Griffiths, guitarist for Haken, decided to reupload the old Anchorhead demo tapes this year. This is Star Wars Metal (or Darth Metal, in their parlance) done right, unlike that American Galactic Empire ripoff thing. 

Best Random Idol Gimmick of 2018


 
Kobushi Factory bouncing back from last year's scandals by randomly a cappella covering their own songs. Not perfect, but pretty funny. 

Most Bizarre Idol Encounter of 2018



During Golden Week I ended up at a show in a venue in Aoyama called Rizm. Ostensibly I was there to see Maboten, newly renamed. What happened before that, however, confused the hell out of me. A girl wearing a rabbit hat and a Chinese dress came out from behind the crowd and decided to dance in the crowd for a while. During the proceedings one of her shoelaces untied so she proceeded to rip her shoes off and throw them in any direction, get on stage and start singing about random shit while beating the shit out of a guitar, and just went weird. Welcome to Rein. Her PVs aren't much more sane, with a low budget aesthetic that I really like but that's really fucked up. They deal with suicide, mayonnaise, eating too much Chinese food and dieting, and the sexual assault of dolls. She's stopped performing live recently because she hates people.

Best Mortiis Song of 2018



So, Mortiis, everyone's favourite ex-Emperor bassist turned Industrial workhorse troll (in the literal sense) seems to have gained an idol follower in the shape of Garuda. I went to her birthday and she played with a live band and it was pretty fun. Certainly better than any of Mortiis' releases lately.

Most Ridiculous Number of Overtly Costumed Extras in a Music Video of 2018



How are Momoclo even still going. This is the only song they've released this year which doesn't totally suck. I see Stardust is still pumping in the money in the hopes they retain a modicum of relevance, but they are now totally irrelevant and so why even bother.

Best Dearth of Lyrical Ideas of 2018



The Ocean, having run out of Biblical prophecies to write lyrics about, have turned to palaeontology for their latest album. 

Most Misheard Lyrics of 2018



Lonely Lonely Lonely Lonely Lonely Lonely Kong. Koto is mental. So is this song. The video, with the kindergarten, elementary and junior high school clothing; and the lyrics, with the very easily misheard Lonely Kong, definitely pointing to a specific demographic. On the other hand Koto herself turned 20 this year. She signed a deal with a major label, and released this, her catchiest earworm in years. Unfortunately the EP she released afterwards is pretty weak.

Most Ridiculous Fashion Trend of 2018



Imada Mio is cute. This year there was a spiritual sequel to the original Japanese Hana Yori Dango drama called Hana Nochi Hare; where the F4 was replaced by the C5 and Imada Mio was one of the members. Her character was totally insane, driven mostly by yandere tendencies. Despite this, her sometimes clingy, sometimes cold-as-ice persona became the breakout success of the show. Why? Her hair. Japan has become a sucker for flash in the pan new trends (remember the boob ribbon a few years ago?) and so the bondage corset-esque hairstyle immediately sent competitive parents into a tizzy who immediately started grooming their little daughters into what became known as "Airi-chan hair". It looks like it takes forever to make, and that the mothers were so into it they've managed to make kids as young as six (from what I've seen) sit still long enough to complete it just shows how far parents are willing to compete in Japan.

Best Lowkey Advertising of 2018



This video was on every person I know's Youtube recommendations. Those who listen to idols, those who listen to metal, those who listen to neither. On the other hand, it is fucking gorgeous. I think the Mongolian government or tourism campaign must have helped fund it, because the visuals are some of the best I've ever seen in a music video. Oh, and the music is awesome too. Folk rock without any rock instruments. Also throat singing for the win. 

Most Random Guest Appearance of 2018




Yukueshirezutsurezure are Codomomental's heavier unit, and so the odd bit of screaming is to be expected. But that they approached metalcore security-suckerpuncher Fronz and that he accepted is proof that money talks, I guess. Next I'm looking forward to seeing Burst Girl's Rei on a Crass song.

Best Black Metal Sellout of 2018





Mayhem, purest of the pure; truest of the true; kvltest of the kvlt. Their 2000 album, the widely maligned (but perfect) Grand Declaration of War got a makeover this year. Normally black metal bands shun any kind of crass commercialism. Albums have been released which sound like (and probably were) recorded in a basement with a microphone two floors above. When Grand Declaration of War was released, the traditionalist wing of the black metal elite deemed it too sterile, too polished, too produced, too perfect. 18 years later, they have busted out the original master tapes and added fuzz, removed the drum triggers, pushed the bass up ridiculously high, and generally dirtied up the sound. It's the first time I've ever heard a remaster which aims to sound worse than the original.

On the other hand, by removing the triggers it showcases Hellhammer all the more for what a phenomenal fucking freak he is. No human should be able to play this album at that speed with that many fills. The original triggered version sounded so ridiculous you couldn't quite be sure some of it hadn't been programmed. Now, we know. He really is that fucking good. The guitars sound grimy and evil instead of mildly uninterested. And Maniac still sounds like Maniac.


Ultimately I'm torn over it. I loved the original. It's my favourite Mayhem album; and I'm possibly one of the very few people in the world that would ever say that. The polished sound was so disconnected from anything else in black metal that it was glorious for prog fans in black metal. It split the community, but that's what black metal does. By releasing this remake, are they pandering to those who didn't like it originally? Regretting their production decisions 18 years later? Who knows. It's still an amazing album, production notwithstanding. Give both versions a try. See what you like.

Best Windows Movie Maker Effects of 2018




Minna no Kodomochan having fun with effects and filters. On the other hand, I love the grimy and low production value of the video. Really fits in nicely with those dirty, dirty synths. And that doom metal. And the random In The Hall of the Mountain King. 

The Best Reasons Everyone Should Listen To Indochine of 2018
Best Music Video of 2018

So, if you're not from mainland Europe or Québec you probably have no idea who Indochine are. They are quite possibly French music's best gift to the world, from their 80s new-wave beginnings where they'd have given Duran Duran a run for their money had they not been singing in French to their current synthy-rock output. 

This year they released three music videos from their album 13 which was released last year (Black Sabbath ripoff, much?) which basically ruined the competition for best video this year, because I could have given it to two of them.







Worst Music Video of 2018



Himegoto Zettaichi are one of only two acts left in Daichi's stable what with the death of Guso Drop, the abandonment of 2& and Fumimi and breaking off from Aminor to form McDog. For this PV they got a cute girl to give up ten minutes of her day and just look at the camera. What the fuck is even the point.

Best Nightwish Knockoff of 2018




So this year Dimmu returned from their 8 year sojourn to wherever the fuck they disappeared to and their first reminder that they were alive was... this. Disco light pentagram. Choirs. Galder gurning like he's never gurned before. It gave everyone a fit of laughter. That pop hook using a black metal riff at 2:22 is fucking amazing. Many people, myself included, joked that Xanthochroid's Dimmu ripoff April Fool's Day joke from years ago sounded more like Dimmu than Dimmu do now. Remarkably, the album itself was pretty fucking good. It got 8.1, which I think is the most I've given to a Dimmu Borgir album since the original Stormblåst. Didn't make it to my top ten though. Just proof of how fucked up this year has been.

Best How-To Manual of How To Perform a Song In Reverse of 2018



Unlucky Morpheus showing that turning the score upside down works. Kind of. Revadac turned out better than the original, Cadaver did. Also Fuki. Fucking hell she's still the best Japanese power metal vocalist.  

Top 5 EPs/Mini-Albums of 2018

Because I did it last year, and as this year there were 4 good EPs and one reasonable one released, I figured I'd do it again. It's worth noting that one EP on this list is longer than one of the albums on my top albums list, showing that my statement about definitions of EPs last year was almost certainly bullshit; another one would probably have been disqualified by dint of having too many songs too. Oh well. Arbitrary is my stock in trade after all.

5. xoxo (Kiss&Hug) Extreme - Works Collection #1



Song picks: 鬱-utsu-, キグルミ惑星 -Kigurumi Planet-.
 
So, this is supposedly some kind of best of collection? Best-ofs are never eligible for top albums or EPs. But I can't find three of the songs on their other releases, and it says it's a collection of early singles which seem to be out of print or something, so it's on here. This is on here by dint of one song. xoxo claim to be prog-rock idols, which in itself piqued my interest. But sometimes the music can lack any progressive elements. However, the first song on this, 鬱-utsu- has mellotron flutes and so brings things like Änglagård to mind, along with some harder King Crimson stuff at the beginning. Having said that, it's not amazing. It's passable, though. The 2nd and 3rd songs are kind of just regular idol music, with some hammonds in track 2. However, the 4th song is pure sex. Progressive metal and opera. The girl in the group who can sing opera is amazing. Not something I ever thought I'd hear from idols. The last song is again just upbeat pop. It's kind of jarring. They have done some other crazy stuff, like an 11:26 song and a seven minute one; but this genre shifts between the progressive stuff and the overly idol too much to work effectively as a proper EP or album.

7.1/10



4. Asterism - The Session Vol.2



Song picks: Rising Moon, YYZ, Yunagi

After taking top spot on my EP list last year; their January EP fell somewhat short. Whilst the leading song, Rising Moon, is fantastic and should be top of any good metalhead's playlist, the band made some pretty basic mistakes when putting their cover repertoire together for this one. Whilst the cover of Rush's YYZ is amazing (having no vocals needing Haruka to shred in lieu of gives them freedom to reinterpret the song a lot more heavily); the lacklustre version of Ace of Spades, which has been covered so many times it's a bit pointless was a let down. Not to mention Lemmy's singing would have been better imitated by Miyu's bass thrown through several layers of distortion instead of the guitar. The cover of Rage Against The Machine's Guerrilla Radio borrows far too heavily from the original; down to the exact guitar tone. Add to that the misplaced addition of vocals by a pissed off Japanese woman yelling Engrish makes it impossible to enjoy. Finally, however, Yunagi is fabulous. Funky, delicious and showing off a different side of complexity to these prodigial youths. Not as good as Vol.1; but I'll give it a pass.


7.6/10




3. 鳥籠 - I Can Fly



Song picks: Escape, Gomibako, 森

Toricago are a group I know basically nothing about aside from the fact that they're young as hell and a bunch of 2& fans are going too much. This has too many songs for an EP but it's short as fuck so it's on this list instead. It's wonderfully heavy with tints of shoegaze, and that makes me happy. The vocals, surprisingly for a group with the members so young, are quite impressive. The fact that every song is soaked in ridiculous levels of reverb regardless of its character is great. There are a few songs which don't sound amazing, but honestly it's pretty strong throughout leaving me with not a great deal to talk about. If the reverb is how you get your kicks, give it a try.

7.8/10



2. The Meads of Asphodel - The Voiceless Dust of Ages



Song picks:A Forgotten Key To A Conundrum of Hate, The Angel With One Eye, Hark The Potter's Field

Meads really need to give us a new fucking album, which they apparently are next year. In the meantime, this tide-over release (they released it physically as a split with Chinese group Rerthro a week later without the "bonus" 5th and 6th tracks) is typically Meads. The production sounds unchanged since 2003. The songs still sound like some weird mashup of 70s prog and 2000s black metal, despite less Hawkwind involvement than usual (Alan Davey only appearing on one track this time). The Oriental influences still abound, whether in the lyrics which reference Middle Eastern themes pretty exclusively; to the fact that it's ostensibly a split with a Chinese band; to the presence of Sigh's Kawashima Mirai on one of the tracks. Ultimately, raw and punishing. Lyrically this is just as mired in allegory as their previous releases, with the anti-Zionism taken not from the actual beliefs of Metatron but as part of the overarching narrative drawing in trends from the Middle East and the actual feelings between the people of the region. Still crazy and provocative as ever. Though still nothing on this.

8.6/10



1. みんなのこどもちゃん - 起きたら死んでたい



Song picks: All of them.


This EP, coming before their album, was fantastic. It introduced a lot of the album songs, with more interesting mixes and some more stripped back arrangements. The concept of the group is hilarious, with a literal "wall" coming between them and their fans (it's attached to their backs), and the music holds up. I can't find a lot to criticise. The electronic elements are done well, the rockier elements are done well, and the singing is adorably bad. The lyrics are kind of emo, but it plays well with the concept and overall insanity. Ano ne (Umm...) has some wonderful electronic elements supported by one of the nicest guitar hooks ever. Shinebaii (It'd be best if you died) is nice and heavy. The switch from breakneck speed digital hardcore to soft flutes in Okitarashindetai (I want to die if I wake up) is amazing. Also that shoegazey middle8. Asa wo Koroshitai (I want to kill the morning) has some brutal fucking riffs. Futari ha Nakayoshi (Us two're good friends) is as close to a ballad as they probably get, with pounding double bass drums and a decent BPM. The middle 8 goes jungle. Finally, Nakunaru Watashi (I'm going to pass away) is evil. The video is up above somewhere. The dirtiest fucking bass synth I've ever heard is evil. All the synths in this are perfect. Then doom metal. Good grief that is some pure sexy evil. Honestly, this is glorious. You should listen to it.

9.3/10




Top Ten Albums of 2018

So, this year there was a good deal of severe competition at the top of this list. Actually throughout most of it. As usual I asked a few people for recommendations but they either hated all but one album released in 2018 or just had stuff I'd mostly already listened to. So, here we are. Ten good albums.


10. みんなのこどもちゃん - 壁のない世界



Song picks: 深爪, 15の夜, 亡くなる私, 不番の花

So, you might be wondering how they came first on my EP list but only 10th on my album list when all six songs from the EP are on the album. That's the exact problem. The other songs are good, I'll give it that. But the songs from the EP, understandably, have been somewhat re-recorded to give the fans a reason to purchase both. Unfortunately what they've done on the re-recordings is not particularly good. The song quality is still good, but the production has taken a step back in most cases, and sounds murky or otherwise somewhat shit. In this case as well I think it might come down to preferring the version you first heard. Everyone has biases, and I was looping the EP pretty heavily the first part of this year. The album I haven't, and so I'm not particularly convinced by the random solos and stuff they've added. The new songs, even if there are only four of them, are pretty cool though.


8.3/10



9. Necronomidol - Voidhymn



Song Picks: thanatogenesis, Samhain, psychopomp, Strange Aeons

So, when I started listening to Voidhymn for the first time, I was immediately pissed off. They had utterly ruined one of my favourite Necroma songs, Dawnslayer, with really crappy production quality. I know they're going for the black metal aesthetic and everything, but after Minna no Kodomochan and Mayhem doing the same thing it's kind of annoying. Is 2018 the year of going back and ruining old songs? Luckily, the rest of the album is utterly fantastic. thanatogenesis is actually grim as fuck, one of the most bleak, frostbitten and kvlt idol songs I've ever heard. In Black is a creepy bitching song, which is nice. Would have fit Hotaru's era amazingly. The synths are great. Samhain is ska. Horrorska. I love ska. What's not to like. It's so bouncy. Innsmouth sounds like the Mass Effect soundtrack. psychopomp is still glorious, and still my favourite Necroma song. Strange Aeons is a sexy little number, with very Japanese pop hooks inscribed over its metal foundations. Brings Babymetal to mind a little actually. Les tenebres sans visages (The Faceless Darkness) is another nice little darkwave track. Kadath is Necroma's Finnish metal song. Sounds like a folk metal song a la Finntroll or Korpiklaani, with a little less bounce. Some Turisas elements too. And lastly, the now obligatory inclusion of Skulls in the Stars, this time with added guitars. All over, with the exception of ruining Dawnslayer a damn good album.

8.5/10



8. Haken - Vector



Song picks: Puzzle Box, Nil By Mouth, A Cell Divides

I never thought I'd see Haken this far down a list. But I think I said that a couple of years back for the last album too. Again, it's a good album, but the concept this time is a little unclear and the music a little less on the interesting side than the last four albums. On the other hand, a less interesting Haken album is still a phenomenally interesting album. Just when you have a back catalogue as strong as theirs it must get hard to try to top it every time. Once again the musicianship is top notch and Ross's singing is still highest class. This album is also pretty short for a prog album only 44 minutes. Still, worthy addition to the collection.

8.7/10




7. Asterism - Ignition



Song picks: Light In The Darkness, Midnight Hunter, Warning, Dawn, Disperse

Asterism are one of the best live bands on the planet. Their shows are tight, their musicianship is beyond anything anyone else their age is doing, and they impress basically anyone who comes to see them. Their first EP was fantastic, their second EP was solid (see above), and their first album is very good, although not without its problems. The first major issue is the production. Asterism is a power trio. This album has been overproduced to excess, as evidenced by the sheer number of staff involved. Why they need so many rhythm guitar tracks I don't know. Miyu's bass is perfectly capable of providing rhythm, chord progressions and heaviness at the same time. Some of it is wall of sound level, especially the Bootsy Collins-produced tracks Blaze and Warning. That brings us to problem number two, which is Bootsy stamping his trademark all over the aforementioned songs. Asterism is an instrumental band. The second EP's RATM cover showed that a vocalist was more in the way of the music rather than contributing to it. So in comes Bootsy adding some really weird narration. It's kind of a disconnect. Problem three is the fact that, never mind Bootsy Collins and his bass, they have Buckethead on this album as well. All he does is add some dissonant guitar noises in Warning, and on Blaze he apparently has a guitar battle with Haruka but I can't tell which is which. If you're having a guy as renowned as Buckethead on your album, you should give him something interesting to do. Despite me listing so many problems, the songs themself are fantastic. Blaze when played live without all the overdubs is great. Light in the Darkness has one of the best choruses of any instrumental song ever; Midnight Hunter is short but violent. Warning, despite the singing, is damn impressive. Dawn is a nearly 10 minute epic with plenty of heavy and soft parts resulting in much sexy. Up the Horns is a bluesy little metal number with some impressive shredding. Stand Up And Shout goes NWOBHM on our asses. Helter Skelter takes the original proto-metal song by the Beatles and makes it shred. Needed more blisters on Mio's fingers though. Overdrive is solo heaven. Basically just a bunch of solos by all three, then into some funky as hell stuff. It's good. God Speed You is back to the NWOBHM end of the scale, and then Disperse is the sexiest song created in 2018. This really is a great album. Without the production misses it'd be even higher. In any normal year this would probably be top 5. Not bad for two 16 year olds and an 18 year old.

8.9/10



6. Ihsahn - Àmr



Song picks:Arcana Imperii, Sámr, Where You Are Lost And I Belong, Twin Black Angels

Ihsahn is back with another album. Arktis was ridiculous. It blew away most people. It's not surprising he can't top it; but Ámr is still a great album in its own right with some glorious little songs and showcasing his full range of genre flitting. His vocals are great as ever, and with fewer guests this time around (Fredrik Åkesson from Opeth doing some guitars on Arcana Imperii, and some marching drummer on Where You Are Lost And I Belong) Ihsahn's working less to incorporate his disparate influences and more on jarring the listener. Sámr is almost radio friendly with Ihsahn's clean vocals providing nice harmonies. It's a wonderful little pop song. One Less Enemy kind of dissects Black Metal riffs piece by piece. It's quite interesting. Marble Soul sounds very like Arktis and Eremita. Twin Black Angels is a glorious mix of soft, post-metal like ramblings and a catchy chorus. Wake is a nice little closer. Overall a good addition to the Ihsahn catalogue, full of little catchy moments amongst the violence.

9/10



5. Tokyo Blade - Unbroken



Song picks: Bullet Made of Stone, Burn Down The Night, Bad Blood, Black Water, The Last Samurai


Tokyo Blade are a special band for anyone growing up in Salisbury who is into metal. As the only band from the area to have "made it" they were an inspiration for all of us aiming to actually have careers in music from a time when the city was only known for Stonehenge and a rather large phallic structure where people did some weird rituals to a divine entity or something. Of course, this year the city has been ground zero for Russian interference in world politics, what with the Novichok poisonings and such. In any case, Tokyo Blade, a decade after reforming with a bunch of Americans, then a German and most of the original lineup, then bringing one American back, then rehiring their second vocalist Vic Wright for a few gigs, decided to go the whole hog and bring back the original vocalist Alan Marsh. This is good news as he was the best vocalist the band ever had, and had it not been for record label interference in the 80s he probably would never have been replaced by Vic in the first place. As it was, the second album was ready to be released when they fired Alan and sent Vic into the studio to re-record the vocals. I might be a bit biased in this story as Alan was a great help in the early days of my band, providing vocals for some songs and giving useful advice for everything. Unbroken is a NWONWOBHM album, if you will. New wave of NWOBHM for the 21st century. Whilst Maiden, Priest, Venom and the like never really stopped; the second tier of the movement have stepped it back up this side of the millenium, with Tygers of Pan Tang also still releasing stuff. The songs are great, a lot of them are a lot more polished than the 80s stuff but still retaining the character that made NWOBHM the style that all current metal owes its roots to. There are hints of more modern songwriting, notably Burn Down The Night, but it works amazingly well. The Last Samurai is a spiritual successor to Warrior of the Rising Sun from Night of the Blade, and My Kind of Heaven is a weird continuation of the first album's If Heaven is Hell. The mix of modern and traditional make this album a great success. The musicianship is top notch, with Andy Boulton in particular bashing out some speedy solos I haven't heard him pull off this well in a while. The rhythm section is tight as hell, and Alan is as good as he ever was. He might not be able to hit the really high notes he used to, but he's still punching way above his weight in the Di'Anno class of NWOBHM style vocalists. Also worth remembering these guys are all in their 50s and still making awesome music. Not many bands can claim that. Also notable is the middle finger to Iron Maiden. During the early 2000s especially a lot of Tokyo Blade riffs seemingly made their way onto Maiden albums, Dance of Death being the most egregious example. In this album Dead Again has a very familiar sounding vocal hook; and Bad Blood a very famous chord progression. What's a little borrowing between NWOBHM bands...

9.2/10



4.  ・・・・・・・・・ - 「         」



Song picks: ねぇ, ソーダフロート気分, 星屑フィードバック, サテライト, スライド, 1998-

As idols, Dots do very little for me. Their anonymity gives me no incentive to spend money on chekis with them. But as a musical project, and as complete trolls, they have my full approval. The album name consists of 9 spaces. The band name is 9 dots. This makes it impossible to type into a search engine. But after releasing a 72 minute single consisting mostly of noise, a 0 minute single with no songs, and existing solely to challenge people's preconceived notions of idol, nothing surprises me anymore. The music on this album is shoegazey as hell and relaxing as all hell. Those drowned in reverb guitars. The wall of sound distortion. The vocals that are weak and seem to just float on top of, around the side of or slightly drowned by the music. It's glorious, gorgeous and easily the best idol album this year. Even though I obtained it last year. For free. Because Dots also like just releasing shit for free sometimes.

9.3/10



3. Deafheaven - Ordinary Corrupt Human Love



Song picks: You Without End, Honeycomb, Canary Yellow, Glint, Worthless Animal

Deafheaven get a bad rap in the black metal community for being unkvlt, unpure, hipster trash. My reaction is, so what? They're not Alcest, they don't quite have Neige's gift for impressing the ephemerality of the human condition and they're a lot more immediate. But as much as Alcest developed the blackgaze genre and pushed its boundaries sonically; Deafheaven are the band that somehow took the impenetrable wall of sound distortion and shrieking paired with dainty melodies to the mainstream. And unlike New Bermuda, which I felt was subpar for the amount of praise the music press were wanking over it, this album is actually really fucking good. You Without End kinda surfy at the start, Honeycomb is just reverby perfection. Canary Yellow is slow and then builds in surfy black metal. It's just a slab of sexy music. Near is all ambience and relaxation. Glint is the most Alcest-y thing Deafheaven have done yet, and it's beautiful. Night People is kind of weird, but Worthless Animal delivers. Overall a fantastic album. Debate all you want about blackgaze and whether it's still metal, or whether genre even exists anymore. It's good shit.

9.4/10




2. Anaal Nathrakh - A New Kind of Horror



Song picks: Obscene As Cancer, The Reek of Fear, Forward!, New Bethlehem/Mass Death Futures, The Apocalypse Is About You, Mother of Satan, The Horrid Strife.

Anaal Nathrakh are pure, unadulterated terror played at breakneck speeds. I have lost count of the number of times I've listened to this album. At first, I found it less rewarding than 2016's The Whole of the Law, but repeated listens have given me deeper and darker understanding and now it's only just been beaten to the top by a band who will almost always be at the top. This album is violent, and almost gleeful in it. Forward! in particular has no qualms in using a machine gun instead of a bass drum to push its message across. The vocals are the usual black metal screaming, but with a dose of King Diamond and operatic stuff thrown in for good measure. This album is short as hell. 33 minutes of condensed chaos. But those 33 minutes provide no short measure of amazing songs. Gear up.

9.6/10




1. Sigh - Heir To Despair



Song picks: All of them.

The cover art looks positively normal at first glance, until you notice the smashed glass behind her, that she's watering a dead plant, that her arm is a leg, and the shadow in the other room. Sigh are once again back at their most insane, and it's glorious. It could almost be a direct follow-up to Imaginary Sonicscape. The first notes of Aletheia are the Middle Eastern melodies, the weirdness and odd beats that defined that album. Of course, Sigh have changed a bit in the past few years. They fired their long time guitarist Shinichi and replaced him with Oshima You from Kadenzza because apparently Shinichi was following around a pre-teen idol and spending all his money on her. Mirai has never had a particularly good impression of Japanese music in general, in the past he's hated on visual kei bands, gagaku, idols and Japanese pop in general, as well as Japanese metal bands who try so hard to sound so Western. A blog like this that specialises in idols and black metal must be Mirai's worst nightmare. But I digress. Oshima's guitar work is fabulous, and the rhythms are tight. Mirai and Dr. Mikannibal sound as psychopathic vocally as ever. The Heresy suite is just that. Completely heretical. I've seen many black metaller piss themselves at its "hipsterness". My view is as unchanged as ever. Good music is good music. Hands of the String Puller has some great flute, sounding like the merging of Venom and Focus. Heir To Despair (the song) is a ten minute tour de force of everything Sigh. It's great. This album is insane but fun. Go for it, if you think you can handle it.

9.7/10



See you next year. Pozdrav fuckers.

Krv