Year in Review 2015: I can't think of any witty subtitle this year.

So, at the end of this year which has seen me blog basically nothing, I somehow have decided to create a year in review to encapsulate everything.

Obviously, living in Japan means rather than being able to sit and review things I'm usually out doing things, so that's counted against me this year. So to has the fact that I think I've only actually listened to one non-idol album released this year. Not good.

So, to get this underway...

Biggest Twat of 2015

So, this year, being inundated in the underground as much as I am, it's gonna have to be someone in that field. I'll give it to Seiji. If you haven't heard, Alice Project's manager/producer/whatever got embroiled in many, many scandals. Disturbing scandals. It came to light that Steam Girls member Karen's death last September was probably suicide. There were claims of members being forced into sexual service, plus the obvious fact that many were being paid very little.

Many members quit in light of these scandals, and the man himself has disappeared since. Kamen Joshi went from getting a ridiculously high selling single to all but disappearing from the mainstream in the space of months. Many of their long-time fans quit. In light of this I'm not surprised Alice is on a downward spiral. I was kind of tempted to go to Nanaka's birthday just out of nostalgia, but I didn't. It seems like flogging a dead horse.

Alice Project is dead. It's just not stopped moving yet.

Best Music Video of 2015



Bowen Staines. Need I say more? Everything the man touches is magic.

Best Photobook of 2015

Never honestly thought I'd do this.

It's like they hired a professional photographer for a change. Only taken them 11 photobooks.

Biggest Disappointment of 2015

Honestly, Lolisyn. It was all going so well, then in the space of maybe one month it all went shit. At the one-man show in May, they performed so many new songs that no one knew what to do. They were also completely different in style. I tried getting behind it. I failed. Since then I've seen Lolisyn maybe twice. The first time they failed at going to France. The second time they had 7 fans. Since then they've been to America, but now they've announced that second gen is leaving. I can only hope they go onto something better.


Longest Short PV of 2015



Mugen Regina are an adult, actressy kind of idol group. Their music is also pretty much on the metal end of the spectrum, and sometimes they like going rather proggy in their direction. I think I'd like it more if it weren't just 5 riffs repeated in different orders for the 12 minute duration of the song, but the short version PV is 9 minutes long which I think is slightly non sequitur.


Best 80s Throwback PV of 2015



KOTO is fun. I keep meaning to review her album and I just... can't. I know I'll give it a bad rating. I love it but I'll give it a bad rating. Dammit. Her dancing so fun.


Best Genre Crash of Idols in 2015



Now, metal in idols is big now. We can all see that. The whole Kawaii Metal thing has exploded what with the mainstream press attention lavished upon Babymetal, and some other groups have been getting some exposure recently (more on that later), but... Doom Metal? Really? nIo were always kind of on the cutting edge, helping to introduce crazier ideas into other idol groups (including stage crashing at times). But they're from Ishikawa, which despite the new Shinkansen isn't exactly the best location you'd think for idols. Being a subgroup of Oyayubi Princess is also kind of weird. Either way, I kind of dig the song. Channels Pentagram like hell. I love some old Doom.


Most Morbid PV of 2015



Well, cannibalism. Yay.


Most Manly Man In An Idol Group of 2015

Rei would kill Ladybeard in a fight. That's actually a deathmatch I want to see. Also Rei's growls are better. 

Most Fruitless Way To Raise Your Wage



They've already taken you to NYC and LA to film the PV, don't push your luck.

Still a better gimmick than Death Rabbits though. And their songs are better.

Biggest CD Release of 2015

Yes, that is a CD in an LP sleeve. No, I don't know why.


Best Picture of Dani Filth Looking Like A Spanner of 2015

Best Baseball Batting Instruction Video of 2015



Aaaaaah, MONTERO!

Best Ronnie James Dio Impersonation of 2015




Holy fuck, Maina. You got some pipes.

Also mad props for the Bathtime parody.

Most Accessible Idol Group of 2015




I mean in terms of being open, friendly and normal, not the music, which is pretty damn challenging if you just listen to idol pop. I dunno if anyone has heard of Necronomidol, but they're pretty chill. They do many shows with punk and metal bands, their members are all pretty nuts (Sari wears corpsepaint, Hotaru doesn't wear shoes often, Karen is often doing more wotagei than dancing), and their manager is an American with a huge beard. That certainly makes participating in their lives and buppan a hell of a lot easier if you speak no Japanese. They also have basically the most liberal "rules" in the idol world. There's no love ban rule, they're not really banned from doing anything that's not outright illegal. Also at buppan you can basically talk to them until the queue gets big enough for Ricky to bother moving you. Chekis are also ridiculously cheap at 500 yen. Honestly, even though I have groups I like musically more, Necronomidol are definitely always worth sticking around for or going early for if they're on. Or going at midnight, as I did at the weekend. Dammit.

Most Metal Album Artwork of 2015

  

Necronomidol's artwork is always amazing too. Though this is a single rather than an album.

 

Easiest Song To Thundersnake To of 2015

Thundersnake being the wotagei move.



That chorus is just made for it. Also well done ANGERME for finally unleashing your inner anger.


Best Ankle Breaking Dance Move of 2015



I'm surprised and awed that none were hospitalised.

Most Amazingly Non-Sucky English in an Idol Song of 2015



I'm surprised. It actually sounds like English instead of Engrish. Let's leave aside the multiple problems with trying to fit English lyrics into a Japanese melody and just appreciate the effort they made.

Worst Idol Experience of 2015

Has to be Angerme. Went to their release event for the above single, waited in the rain to see a pretty shit performance, then for the handshakes had to go through a ridiculous amount of security, all for 0.002 seconds of interaction. My first H!P experience in Japan, and probably my last. Even 9nine don't fuck over fans that much.

Biggest Idol Surprise of 2015

That Hiroro and Cha-pon from 9nine still remember my name, despite going nearly a year without seeing them, and then a good 6 months. As for Umika... well. She was mildly less frigid than the Antarctic.

Most Experimental AKB Song in a Long Assed Time of 2015



Team 8 are cute. But this has some crazy guitars, weird synths, strange vocal melodies and everything. I'm actually even nearly finding myself liking it.

Most Epic Song of 2015
Most Psychedelic Video of 2015



Oh, Ebichuu. I love this song. I love this video. And it's all for a biscuit commercial. Why can't they be this good at doing their own stuff?


Most Photogenic Idol Group of 2015

Maboroshi Karen GeNE. Only two of their four members but I've not taken pictures of the other two. But these two are really good. Kanami (top one) is tiny and she has a really fun way of acting at both buppan and during photoshoots. She's just chill. Yumino (bottom) is the leader and she's really down-to-earth and easy to talk to. Also she's really good at getting exactly the right pose at exactly the right time, which means I get many more usable photos from much less time.


Top 5 Idol Albums of 2015

As I've not listened to much outside idol music this year, I'm just doing idol albums for a change. And there have been some good ones. Also, despite me loving the Guso Drop disc, it's only got 6 tracks and the length is firmly in EP territory so I'm disqualifying it from the running. If I hadn't it'd be second.


5. Passpo - Beef or Chicken?

When you just really need a happy, cheerful slice of decent to good pop-rock, Passpo deliver. They follow the same kind of formula as usual, but spice it up with some more harder numbers, including American thrash inspired stuff (Not in Theory, Fake), some slower ballad rock that turns into punk (向日葵), actual upbeat pop (Shiny Road), an experimental in mixing dance beats and heavy guitars (High Tension Emotion), and kinda folky funky something (Fairy Tale). Some of the guitar solos are also pretty good. The girls all blend into each other as usual. I've honestly never had any interest in learning who the members of Passpo are. Still, the album is a good little ride. 7.8

4. Passcode - All is Vanity

I've already reviewed this so you can't be too surprised. They impressed me at TIF and I've not seen them since. But the album was a highly toxic, brutal journey through the realms of EDM, Punk, Thrash, and Digital Hardcore. Honestly not much to complain about except what I've previously mentioned. They replaced one of their members. I'm not sure which one. I'm not sure it really matters. Oh well. Still, worth a listen. 8.2

3. Fruitpochette - The Crest of Evil

That is one sexy cover. Fruitpochette released their debut album this year and basically eliminated 90% of their "core" and focused entirely on metal, which was to the good. This album punches hard, but backs it up with good instrumentals, good vocals, and decent production. The style is pretty consistent throughout, but there are some standout moments, notably the entire song of Paradox which is basically guitar sex. There are some more experimental moments that play with synths and acoustic guitars. All around good album. 8.8

2. Hauptharmonie - Hauptharmonie

Hauptharmonie confuse me. Their songs are basically divided into three categories. 1) Post-rock which has some kind of indie sensibilities. 2) Dark, classy adult songs, most of which are ballads. 3) Ska. The third one is the one that originally got me into them but that this album takes all of these diverse styles, presents them alongside each other and still somehow manages to come out with a coherent album is amazing. It starts off in the indie rock/post-rock mode, with some really good songs. Then we move onto a brief ska interlude with Tempting 10 Attempts of Temperance. I love ska. Then we go into dark adult mode for a song, before returning to post-rock with Ictus of Sun, another gorgeous little song. The next two songs fuse the two genres, before we get Bou, the most dirty little seedy song ever. It just oozes sex. The guitars and bass intertwine with piano and the vocals to produce something that sends shivers up your spine. We continue in the kind of adult rock kind of mode for a few more songs, then hit Nikolaus Knopp Platz, a ska-tinged ode to the Japanese cluster in Dusseldorf where their producer used to live. After this we have the slightly more straightforward ska Discovery Kataisi, which is sexy as a really sexy thing. Then, Caterwaul. It screams, it wails, it's ska metal and jazz all together and I love it. After reaching climax it's like the warm glow aftermath with Her Herb's Harvest, and it all ends in glorious lesbianism with Love Likes a Mille-Feuille. Great album. 9.1

1. 2& - Live Idol Artist

It had to happen. 2015 was the year that an idol album finally did what no other idol album had ever done. It made me give it a ten. Seriously, this album has no filler, no wasted seconds, no extraneous shit, no bad moments. This is basically a little diamond that's not been polished to oblivion. It has rough edges, but they add to its charm rather than detract from it. The whole album is beautiful, and with Saki releasing her first new song in nearly a year in February, I'm looking forward very much to where she goes from here. 10

Year in Review 2013: Life, the Universe, and Everything

So, at last we come to the end of the gloriously monotonous year that was 2013. In this post I'll strip away the pretty facade of idoldom and lay bare the ugly truth: 42.

Anyway, randomness aside. This year has seen some idol success, some idol failures, and lots of cracks in the veneer that makes up the whole wota/idol symbiosis. As I haven't the time, inclination or beer to do my usual "review fucking everything then give out awards" year in review, I'll just do the awards and then flame everyone in the meantime. So here we go again, remember to have your mouse handy to hover over the text so you can click on links.

Biggest Twat of 2013

I mean, seriously. Morning Musume '14? Get off your drugs, put some clothes on and get back in your study and work on some not shitty music. Okay, Momusu and C-ute had some decent stuff this year. Berryz and S/mileage sucked like usual. And Juice=Juice went all sexy saxman saxogram on us, but it can still be a shitload better. Now get to work.

Heavy as a Really Heavy Thing Award



Babymetal continued to ruin me this year. Megitsune was weird, heavy, and actually pretty damn win. It even inspired me to write a song about Moa tormenting Su-metal for all eternity, sacrificing Yui to Satan and becoming Empress of the Universe. Because she's fucking brutal. And so is this song.

Best Photobook of 2013

My first instinct for this award was to give it to Kojima Fujiko, one of my favourite actresses and seemingly an utterly indolent wastrel at heart. Her photobook FUJIKO was full of amazing shots and Fujiko herself doing some things a lot of young actresses wouldn't do. However, this plan was scotched when I realised the release date was the 15th of December. Last year. Well, bollocks, I thought. My second instinct was to jointly award it to two idols, who both had acceptable photobooks released this year, namely Shimazaki Haruka (whose tedious existence doesn't cause quite as much suffering in photographic form as it does in video) and Ishida Ayumi. However, Paruru, Komaru had a fair share of frankly cheap production, and Ayumi's eponymous release, whilst showing off her deliciousness quite well, suffered from the same lighting problems as most H!P photobooks and a disturbing bit of plagiarism. In which case the title falls to Tokyo Girls' Style's Eien. Shot with much the same subdued style as their music videos, it was well-lit, well-exposed, well-metered and in general pretty. Proving that one doesn't need to be in a bikini to make a good photobook. As for photospam, I have none. It's damn hard to find online (in fact impossible), so I'll leave it up to your wallet or imagination.

Biggest Letdown of 2013

I'm torn, as there were several. The Meads of Asphodel's 2010 album The Murder of Jesus the Jew was amazing. Their followup Sonderkommando, set in concentration camps, was not amazing. It was pretty dreary actually. It wasn't terrible but there weren't a great amount of standout moments of pure genius. Another letdown was Momoclo. Their second album wasn't terrible by any means, but considering the first album and the singles from the second album it should have been a lot better than it was. Thirdly, Ayreon's new album, whilst actually pretty good, still wasn't fucking out-of-this-world amazing, which, from Arjen, you sort of expect by default. So yes, musically not a terrible year, but my hopes ended up being higher than the material that eventually arrived.


Comeback of 2013

Nacchan! After getting fired for a scandal at the beginning of last year, they announced this year that the election would be open for graduates as well. She entered, became the only one of the former members to rank (at #62), and then has kept her G+ open since. She's also been a part of the WH7 get togethers of late (considering Komori retired) and now they've announced a WH7 final concert, which I imagine she'll be a part of. Not bad considering the cloud she graduated under.

Top Music Videos of 2013:

This one is a bitch to decide. Unlike the last two years, nothing really jumps out at me and punches me in the face. I've narrowed it down to two, neither from idols. I'll let you decide after explaining why each is in the frame.



This video is fucking beautiful, as I'd really expect as it's the same guy who directed last year's winner, Solstafir's Fjara. However, unlike the Solstafir video, where the video matched the pace and tone of the music, this really doesn't. With the theme of the video (a recreation of a Norse saga revolving around a brother and sister falling afoul of Loki's not-so-very-charming children [which include Fenrir, Hel and Jormungandr]) being very dark, the bouncy folkiness of the song on top is a little jarring. Still, the sexy cinematography is worth it. I swear if I ever want a video done for my band I'm going straight to Bowen Staines.



Ah, Chthonic. Who else would invade a KMT/Nazi party and assassinate everyone? Stylishly done, and the choreography makes a nicely weird change from the usual metal fare. The fight choreo is well done too, far more realistic-looking than in their Defenders of Bu-Tik Palace video from the same album (which looked more like a Zhang Yimou wuxia film than a music video). Perfectly sums up violence, which is their theme for the Bu-Tik album.

Which is better? You tell me.

Best "Holy Shit I Just Jizzed in My Pants" Four Chord Progression of 2013:



That opening... chills every time. (So, the album was from 2012 but the PV was uploaded in January so it counts.)

Best Metal Scream of 2013:



If you haven't figured it out yet, I fucking love Fuki's voice.

Best "When Did Herman Li Start Moonlighting for Japanese Producers?" Guitar Solo In An Idol Song of 2013:



As I sat on a cold train platform in Basingstoke in early November this year, I remembered thinking to myself, "I've had this Afilia Saga album for ages now but haven't actually listened to it yet. I guess I shall." What followed on the first track was pretty bogstandard, even the beginning of the solo. Then suddenly tapping and sweeping and wtf. Unfortunately the rest of the album wasn't amazing either, to the extent I didn't even bother to review it.

 Best Genre Crash of 2013:



Depagumi Inc. are always delightfully nuts, but never moreso than when they fuck around genres even more than Momoclo and come up with crazy shit like this that make me happy for some really peculiar reason.

Best "When Did Arjen Lucassen and Yasutaka Nakata Start Collaborating?" Song of 2013:



9nine, I love you and all, but this is really quite intriguing. That riff is more Ayreon than anything even from the new album (except maybe the title-subtrack), and it reminds me in places of Perfume-ish technopop, so I guess it's secretly a collaboration.

Best "I Think Spraying White Fluid From A Head Situated In Your Crotch May Require Medical Attention" PV of 2013:



Ah, BiS. Never change.

Best "I Thought Metal Idols Were Supposed To At Least Be Interesting" Fail of 2013:



Fruitpochette are a sister group of Himekyun Fruitscan. They're supposedly metal. They've got the heavy guitars, but this is less metal than Passpo, simply because this is metalcore. I suppose it had to happen eventually. Infiltrating even this far. Damn them.

 Best "Why Hello Vivaldi, Since When Did You Start Writing Idol Songs?" Song of 2013:




Cheeky Parade doing their take on Vivaldi's Winter. Really quite weird, but quite nice also. I quite like Cheeky Parade for some reason.

Best "So Byron Roberts Decided To Write An AKB Song Title?" Song Title of 2013:

"Suzukake no Ki no Michi de 'Kimi no Hohoemi o Yume ni Miru' to Itte Shimattara Bokutachi no Kankei wa Dō Kawatte Shimau no ka, Bokunari ni Nan-nichi ka Kangaeta Ue de no Yaya Kihazukashii Ketsuron no Yō na Mono" makes "The Dark Liege of Chaos is Unleashed at the Ensorcelled Shrine of A'Zura-Kai (The Splendour of a Thousand Swords Gleaming Beneath the Blazon of the Hyperborean Empire Part II)" look short. Still, The Meads of Asphodel's "The Mussulmans Wander Through The Infernal Whirling Fires Amongst Silent Shadows To Be Fed Into The Thirsting Jaws Of A Godless Death Machine To Cough Up Their Souls To The Nazi Moloch Who Sits Within A Ring Of Smoking Infant Skulls" still wins.

Best "So Passpo Aren't Even Trying To Hide Their Rock Ambitions Anymore?" Song of 2013:



It's just an extended guitar solo. Also a very good one. Fuck sake Passpo why you so win?

Best "If You're Going To Rip Off Yes, At Least Pick One Of Their Good Songs" Song of 2013:




Silly 9nine.

Commie Idol of 2013:



Uesaka Sumire, speaks Russian, loves Russian culture, and her PV is full of shit like that. After metal idols, commie idols? There's a non sequitur if I ever saw one.

Mindfuck PV of 2013:



Miyu's my TGS oshi, but this just breaks my mind. And somehow I like it. 

Top Albums of 2013 from 10-6:

Once again I've got something planned for Beat Laments the World, so I'm leaving my top 5 for now. It might not be out until after new year, but I'm sure people can wait. It's not like I blog frequently anyway.

10. Gloryhammer - Tales from the Kingdom of Fife

Song pick: The Epic Rage of Furious Thunder

What a ridiculous concept for an album. But hell, it's Chris Bowes, the guy who creates a new musical project for nearly every random idea he has. Sometimes they get popular (Alestorm), sometimes they toil in obscurity, producing amazing (though random) stuff but never obtaining recognition (Splen), and some just end up fusing together as asdfgfa. With Gloryhammer, they've set about creating a new fantasy counterpart to the real area of Fife, Perth and Angus in Scotland. With, you know, magic dragons, unicorn invasions and a hefty dose of utter ridiculousness. But hell, all power metal is cheesy, this just doesn't bother hiding it and just blows you away with better power metal than many more "serious" bands of the genre would love to have written. The riffs are cool, the melodies are catchy as hell, and it's all brought together by Bowes himself, a veritable keyboard wizard focusing far more on the orchestral elements here than he does in Alestorm. It does at points remind me (Magic Dragon) of an incredibly talented Japanese doujin band that I discovered by accident at Comiket in 2008. The guy had his stuff set up on a Cradle of Filth towel so I decided to buy his album. Good choice, their name was Dragon Guardian and they're awesome. Anyway, Gloryhammer make me remember Turisas, Rhapsody (of Fire) and pretty much every epic power metal band, mixed up with the silliest and most awesome lyrics ever. So you should like it too.
8.3/10

8= Tokyo Girls' Style - Yakusoku

Song pick: LolitA☆Strawberry in summer

Finally they managed to win me over. The fact that the songpick for this album is a cover of an old SweetS song is by no means saying that it's inferior. Actually the opposite, they've improved the song so vastly it's amazing. There are other amazing songs on this album, such as the glorious Sigh tribute Bad Flower, but those acoustic guitars get LolitA the win. The album is mostly funk, with enough nods to previous stuff to keep old fans happy, but the progression in it is phenomenal. The melody writer regained his groove, the mixer wasn't fucked off his head on drugs, and the arranger managed to get nearly everything to sound just right. For an idol album, this is brilliant. For a regular artist, this would be very, very good. As such it's up here.
8.4/10

8= Kvelertak - Meir

Song pick: Bruane Brenn

Ah, Kvelertak. Longtime darlings of the Norwegian underground scene, they bust out large with their self-titled debut album in 2010. Fast-forward three years and they released the follow-up, the aptly titled Meir ("More" in Norwegian). Growing out of Norway's mid-to-late 2000s recreation of black metal into NWOBHM and crust punk (see Scum, I, Chrome Division and Darkthrone for more examples), they mix the heavy party-rock anthemic choruses of Turbonegro, the black metal screams of Emperor, the triple-guitar craziness of Iron Maiden, the "Vikings are we shtick" of Bathory, and mix it all up with mead. Because mead is awesome. My main gripe with the first album was that there was an immense lack of Suck My Glock (the coolest song from their demo Westcoast Holocaust). My main gripe with Meir is exactly the same thing. Though at least this time they've included Snilepisk, probably the third best song on the demo after Suck My Glock and Mjød. It's still a fun, raucous crazy partytime.
8.4/10

7. Kawaguchi Senri - À La Mode

Song pick: Spanish Pirates

There's something amazingly compelling about young Japanese musicians. However, they rarely obtain the fame available to Senri at such a young age. Releasing her first album at the age of 16, featuring a mesmerising mix of talented jazz and rock musicians (Yamamoto Kyoji from Bow Wow being the most famous to readers of this blog, probably; but it also features Brian Bromberg and Suganuma Kozo), and performing so tightly that you'd think it was an experienced jazz drummer three times her age. Released back in January, it almost instantly commanded attention for a possible place on this list. It's amazingly complex (as is most jazz), and features songs like the one I picked that also give a damn good showing for prog fans. Senri also piqued my attention in the wider world of Japanese jazz, which led me to this blog that houses a huge variety of old jazz. Still, I'd advise checking out Senri. She has another new album out in January with the keyboardist Otaka Kiyomi under the name KIYO*SEN. I'm gonna be paying much attention.
8.5/10

6. Ayreon - The Theory of Everything

Song pick: As there's only four songs, each over 20 minutes, broken into 42 subsections, it's almost impossible to pick one.

So, Ayreon is back. The world of prog rejoiced, the world of metal rejoiced, and I decided to find problems with it. Granted, 01011001 was bloated, had too much filler, and could have been improved vastly by simply cutting out the "everyday on earth" bits, but the underlying themes and music were still amazing, as was the vocal talent on offer. However, 01011001 happened to end the story, leaving Arjen with rather too much time on his hands, as seen by Guilt Machine's moody atmospheres, Star One's amazing metal adventure through the stars, and Lost in the New Real. So, rather than start (another) new project, he went back to Ayreon with a new story. However, the story is rather rubbish. Plus, I can't see him making a multi-album opera cycle out of it like he did with his first storyline. The vocal talent on offer is good, but not at the level of 01011001 or even the Human Equation. I can understand him wanting to work with only new people, but Tommy Karevik is lacking, Sara Squadrani is weak, and John Wetton just sort of blends into the background after a while. On the other hand, Michael Mills and JB are phenomenal. The riffs and songs themselves sound like Ayreon. They're not at the level of Electric Castle or Human Equation, but just ahead of 01011001. If it was music alone, it'd get an amazing score, but the dreary vocalist choices and uninspired plot and lyrics just leave me dragging. Shame it wasn't a perfect comeback, still, hoping for something mindblowing next time.
8.8/10

So, keep an eye on Beats for the top 5, which will probably be a collab with wu in which we also review each other's top 5. Could get interesting. So, have an enjoyable new year, and I'll probably see you next month for my idol list.

Top 50 Idol Music Videos

Well, it's been a while. wu has gone more than a week without posting, quite a drastic change from about fifty in under a month. Henkka's busy translating for benefit of pageviews and glorious profit for nation of monotones, and I haven't seen skald or Delrey around in a while.

So we come to this, the latest of my insanely long, occasionally pointless and soon obsolete lists. This time I’ve chosen to step away from music momentarily and focus on the other side of my formal training. Sort of. I’m a stills photographer, not a cinematographer, but I have a deep-seated affection for the art-form that is the promotional video. That said, I do have a slightly different view than some as to what makes a music video good. To me, a promotional video should be a silent film with the music in the background, a short film no more than a minute or two longer than the length of the song. I also look highly upon abstractions, concepts and PVs that tell a story without the need to resort to dialogue. This sort of disqualifies a lot of later-day AKB48 videos that may otherwise have stood a chance, because they’re no longer really PVs at all, but full-fledged drama episodes. Another thing I disapprove of is ridiculous amounts of post-processing work unless it’s in some way required to gain the needed effect. For example, the ridiculous sparkles in recent Momusu PVs = instant fail.

For a change, there are no draws in the top 50. This happened by accident, which is confusing, considering how many PVs there are in incredibly close proximity to each other in score. In fact, in the 84 PVs I gave scores to, there's only one draw: between AKB's Hitsujikai no Tabi and Momusu Sakuragumi's Sakura Mankai at 66.

I drew in some help for listing the PVs this time. As I had no inclination to watch nearly 1000 PVs to determine the best, I helpfully found a way around it: get other people to do it for me. Sort of. I asked a bunch of people for recommendations and as a general rule got about zero. A few people gave me one or two. Henkka gave me about 30, some of which I deleted. So in the end I had to go through and watch a bunch of stuff. Of course, AKB were the most annoying. Any group that puts out 32 PVs in one year, not counting sister groups, subgroups, soloists or other stuff is really going some to annoy me. Even so, through sheer spam power, AKB have more PVs in this list than any other group. I suppose if you release enough of something you're bound to get a good one eventually. For most groups I accepted that the vast majority of their output was shit, and then carried on thinking so until convinced otherwise, unless I could specifically remember something. Thus, SKE PVs were done entirely from memory, Momusu almost entirely by memory, yet on the other side of the coin I watched some PVs I'd never even heard of before, let alone seen, including a bunch by older groups like Hinoi Team and SweetS. However, none made it to the list so I could have better spent my time elsewhere.

This post will contain possibly a huge amount of "alternative" video sites, because for some reason some idol groups seem to not want to release their music videos online. Also one label which blocks us filthy gaijin from watching entirely. I may devote an entire hate post to them at a later date. So, if you have problems with Yinyuetai, Tudou, Youku or other Chinese video sites, you may not be able to see all of them. But I'm sure there are "resources" at your disposal anyway.

Year In Review 2012 Part 2: Everything Else and Awards

I won't lie, Part 1 of this post was a bit of a rambling, incoherent mess. Such are the problems with trying out a new format for something. Anyway, this post will probably adhere slightly more to my usual standard than that last piece of nonsense. So, awards, bests, worsts, and a top ten list which should probably have been posted like ten days ago on Beats but which has been sitting in the draft section fully completed just waiting for someone to click the post button. All of these and more to be found below.

Biggest Tosser of the Year 2012

That's right, it's Hyadain. Don't get me wrong, I think the guy's fucking gifted, and while maybe not quite a genius, he's only a few rungs down from it. So why's he the biggest tosser of the year? Well, a few reasons. I've decided that I can't give the award to Tsunku yet again (face it, he'd probably get it every year), and I don't think any idols have pissed me off a great deal this year. AkiP has been at his trolling-best, so that basically leaves Hyadain. So, how has he been a cunt this year? Well, his (incredibly bloated) solo album was finally released. It contains some very good songs (plus decent cameos in some of them from other artists he's written for, including a lulzy Momoclo appearance). It also contains one of the most sudden and out of place random Gothenburg Death Metal songs I've ever heard. The English version is here, but the album version is in JP which sounds slightly less awkward. However, the main problem with this album is that there are 27 tracks on it, containing no less than three versions of Kakakatakataomoi. Also, a great deal of the songs are frankly, shit. He could have had a very good one disc album, but instead we get a mediocre two disc set. If he had a record exec or even an executive producer to tell him he needs to excise some of the shit, we'd have a better album. Either that, or he needs to learn to self-critique more effectively. So yea, for that reason, completely unrelated to idols really, he's the biggest tosser of 2012. Still awesome though.

Biggest WTF ARE YOU ON NOW DEVIN!? of 2012



Really speaks for itself doesn't it?

Best Non-Prog Metal Band of 2012

And no, I'm not even fucking kidding. Normal metal this year sucked ass. Babymetal even had some prog tendencies (Ii ne, for example, having 11 consecutive sections before repeating any), but Headbanger and now the early PV release for Ijime Dame Zettai just rocks fucking harder than anything since I can remember. Plus, add to that the fact that metal this year was just plain boring as fuck (I'd say the best non-progressive metal album this year was Mors Principium Est's ...And Death Said Live, and I fucking hate melodeath most of the time), makes the bringers of the Mosh Pit of Chaos probably the best exponent of the genre this year. Even though most trve kvlt grim necro metalheads hate them, at least their music transcends genre boundaries, takes risks and just does not give a single fuck. INFERNAL HAILS!

A Year In Review 2012, Part 1: Idols

So, this year I'm being slightly lazy. Also slightly unfair to you, the reader, as I'm going to make you trawl through all my year review on all idol groups in just one post, whereas in previous years I've kept it all separated into nice little easy to consume and ignore posts. However, this year I've decided that my approach of yesteryear is no longer even possible. How could it be, with an ever expanding number of idols that demand my attention, all of which having PVs and songs and personalities and catchphrases and so on to keep up with? Indeed, my excess had to reach its end at some point. This year, for example, the 48 family post would have been especially ridiculous had I kept the previous format. AKB alone had 20 PVs from singles, then an extra 3 for old songs and I don't know how many for Team Surprise, but I think it was 12. SKE had 12 (IIRC), NMB had 16, HKT had 1. By this point we're already at 64 and that's without any subunits or soloists. I think everything needs to end and at this point, merely attempting to come to terms with the sheer number of PVs resulted in my mind breaking.

So, as a result, you will see a slimlined version of my previous posts. I will take each group, and give my opinion on which has been their best song, their worst song, and best and worst PVs. With some of the bigger groups I'll also probably say which is their best standout moment or something. This saves me time and effort, which is good. After that I'll do another post of my usual tirade of weird and wonderful awards. So, into the fiery pit we descend once more...

WARNING: Embedded video heavy.

Passpo☆ - One World review

And at long last it ends. The review reign of terror that has lasted since August has come to an end. And what better way to end it than with the group that I've always meant to review properly, but just never got around to doing.

So yes, Passpo. Those flight attendant people who randomly got number one on the single charts last year thanks mostly to releasing about 15 versions of one single. But hey, if it works. Music-wise they're right up my street. Good pop, good rock, and a mix of both with damn good hooks and not bad vocal wise. So, onwards to the review.

Preamble: Blue, white and silver. Very airline-like. I just hope their seats recline and that boarding times aren't as bad as all the airlines I've been on lately.

When Passpo met the bassist from Jane's Addiction and a guitarist from the band of Shakira.

Or something.

So, Passpo's new single is called Next Flight, continuing the theme of flying and rock. What is slightly new is that they went to LA to film the PV, in order to achieve a feeling of "LA Metal" in the song.

They said that a famous LA Metal Musician would be in the video, which I guess is supposed to be Chris Chaney even though I wouldn't really class Jane's Addiction as metal. Josh Freese and Robin Fink were apparently also involved in the song in some way, but who knows.

The next few singles they're doing are going to be themed on locations and their music scenes, so personally I'm hoping for either some grim as fuck Norwegian Black Metal, some Brazilian Thrash, Italian Prog/Power or some Gothenburg DM. Still, the preview of the "LA Metal" song doesn't sound half bad.

So, without further ado, the short video...



Desert theme is quite cool, but for that would prefer it sound a bit more Kyuss-ish though.

Honestly, it's not metal, but it does sound like pretty anthemic rock. I think I like.

Year In Review 2011 Part 3: Other Idols, Final and Awards

As I don't know whether or not I'll have a computer over the new year, I've decided to try to condense everything into one post. This might be difficult or it might not. As I stated at the end of the previous post, the "other idols" bit will be much curtailed anyway due to me not having the time or inclination to bother doing an in depth review on things I've a) not heard properly so can't form an objective option, b) heard and disliked, or c) decided to give an award to anyway. As such, the other idols section will basically consist of short writeups only, before I go into the awards and get controversial.

Nice Girl Project

I've been disappointed with NGP this year. Not only have Canary Club left and gone back to Spacecraft (goodbye Mana...), The Possible have released nothing of note (a few abysmal gravure DVDs and one pointless minialbum with solo versions of old songs). This is annoying. Luckily, they have appeared quite a lot on Tsuntube and seem to be helping out in Tsunku's new Akiba Idol Training Café thing, so maybe not all dead yet. Also seems they'll be releasing a new Indies single or something soon.

But yes, all in all quite a bad year. I confess myself disappointed.

Momoiro Clover Z

A rather successful year by non-AKB idol standards has seen Momoclo not only carve out their own little niche in the market, but also start a small scale assault on popular culture. Their singles are now selling roughly the same as Momusu (if you average out Momusu's single sales this year you get 45817 rounded up, while Momoclo's first proper single since Akari left sold 44252, which is more than both of Momusu's singles that weren't Aichan's last), and they seem to be making a quirky little mark on TV shows. Plus their album was full of win.

Looking forward to seeing how they progress (or regress) in 2012.

Passpo

Wow, I'm finally writing something about them other than excuses as to why I've not reviewed their album.

Passpo have had quite frankly a stunning year. Before May I'd never heard of them. Then suddenly they were the first female group to hit #1 on the oricon weekly charts on their debut. NMB later did the same, and sold more than five times as many singles in doing so, but the record had been set and my interest piqued. I grabbed their Indies album, which I found to be rather good. Then I procrastinated and never reviewed it. Then they released their second single, which came third (which isn't surprising when AKB and a Johnny's group release on the same day). How much of their sales are down to the fact that they release 11 versions of singles, I don't know. I'd need one of the Capitalist Thinker wota to analyse that, as a Music Lover I can't be bothered. But still, they seem to be selling at similar levels to Momoclo, and their new album (which I'll touch on later) surprised me.

Again, looking forward to 2012.

Super☆GiRLS

Super Girls are now probably the pre-eminent non-AKB idols, selling 49k of their last single in one week. That said, I still don't find them particularly endearing.

 Sakura Gakuin

Cute, young and awesome, they sell virtually nothing but make up for it with win.

Kikkawa Yuu

Debuted.