Beats of 2013

This has been a bit of an odd year musically for me. Once again, idols utterly failed to release a great deal that I found particularly interesting. Momoclo had a great idea but it was let down a little in execution, and both H!P and AKB have disappointed me. I've been gradually exploring more and more indie idols due to this, with mixed results, but that's sorted out one entry on this list at least.  Metal has once again been a mixed bag, with at least one standout release that ripped me a new one. Prog has done me in again this year, with most of my albums coming from that end of the spectrum. Last year's inclusion of jazz nutcases Panzerballett also led to me doing some jazz listenings this year, one of which made it onto my bottom half list at LI.

Originally I planned for this post to be like last year, with all of the Beats crew chipping in. However, that never materialised. Eventually I asked wu if he wanted to do a roundtable where we review our own favourites of the year, and then throw them at each other to see if we could find anything to love in each other's faves. But that was back in December and I've not heard from him since then, so I figured I'd just get on and release this considering it's been sat as a draft on here for about a month and a half now.

So yes: albums you should have listened to last year, by Krv.

ChthoniC - Bú-Tik

Song pick: Supreme Pain for the Tyrant

So, ChthoniC strike back. They've come a long way from the days I used to admin their forum and get reviews published on their album sleeves; nowadays the press following them is more professional and Doris is a sex symbol. I moaned two years ago that Takasago Army suffered somewhat from their change in the way they wrote songs, writing Taiwanese folk or enka songs and then metallising rather than the opposite. This time they've sorted out that minor problem, and refocused into utter carnage. In this respect it's sort of the opposite from Ayreon. Seediq Bale, Mirror of Retribution and Takasago Army comprised a (George Lucas ordered: with the third installment being released before the second) trilogy based around Taiwan's occupation and subjugation by Imperial Japan, and then the Second World War, and then the Chinese nationalist takeover thereafter. Freed from the constraints of this story, they chose to present a chronology of battles through Taiwan's history, leading to a much more focused and violent record than any since Seediq Bale. And it works, especially as they've all matured as musicians since then. Jesse's riffs are more biting than ever, and no longer can they be classified by genre as they used to be. He can be playing the most black metal thing ever written in a Chinese mode while chugging metalcore behind it. Since Seediq Bale I complained there were no true "anthems" in Chthonic's discography since Onset of Tragedy (from 2002's Relentless Recurrence), but Takao from Takasago ended that drought. However, this time there are about 7 songs I could have chosen for my song pick here. In the end I chose the one that had the coolest video, but so many to choose from is disturbing. Glorious album. Hopefully they release a DVD of their joint show with Babymetal in February.

Orphaned Land - All is One

Song pick: All is One

It's not often a metal album picks "being fucking nice to each other" as its theme, but Orphaned Land have done just that with their newest album. If you didn't know, Orphaned Land are from Israel. They're comprised (last I heard) of a melting pot in and of themselves, with Israeli Jews, Arabic Muslims and Levantine Christians all comprising membership in the band at some point. They're banned in a bunch of Arab League countries simply for being from Israel, but at their heart is a message of "stop fucking shooting each other, fools", which I wholeheartedly agree with. They have about as much respect for the Israeli establishment as you'd expect from a metal band, yet their new album is probably more prog than metal. It's as beautiful as anything I can ever remember having heard, mixing Arabic and Northern African influences with Jewish ones, weaving them with prog and metal, and then singing about politics on top. If you've heard of Myrath, it's a bit like that, just a bit more heartfelt. I think the last time I remember hearing a metal album this good that spoke about peace and harmony was Lykathea Aflame's Elvenefris, not that you could tell from the music. Still, worth a listen and a call to the local Israeli consulate that it's time to stop fucking around with Palestine and just get on with their lives.

Bellring Shoujo Heart - Bed Head

Song pick: [audio:http://www.intlwota.com/metalhead/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/13-Ice-Cream.mp3]

Bellring Shoujo Heart, if you've never heard of them, are an idol group. A rather bizarre idol group who seem to be stuck standing with one foot in a timewarp back to the 60s, but an idol group nonetheless. This, their first album, presents such a weird and wonderful mix of bizarre, progressive and downright out-there songs that you'll be checking what colour of tweed your jacket is, then realising it's in black and white. Some songs sound like they emerged fully-formed from the 60s, and some sound like they emerged from prog bands of the present, such as the song above which is more Muse than Muse are nowadays. The girls themselves are also gloriously bizarre. Mizuho is my favourite, probably, simply because she seems so utterly unenthusiastic in her proclaimations of enthusiasm. TIRA is also cute as a really cute thing. So cute, in fact, that the Japanese government won't give her a visa, so at the moment they're reduced to six members. Either way, the best idol album in fucking years, and if it hadn't been for slightly lacking production, possibly ever.

Ihsahn - Das Seelenbrechen

Song pick: NaCl

So, Ihsahn's released (another) new album, this time in a bit of a new style. He's gone fully experimental, and it's up there among the best things he's ever done. I like Ihsahn's solo stuff before this. After was a sexy piece of saxophonic aural violence, and The Adversary, angL and Eremita all had some nice stuff on them. Also, I quite enjoyed Hardingrock, and of course you can't mention Ihsahn without the now (once again) reformed Emperor, of which three of their four full-length albums were masterpieces of the black metal genre. So what does Das Seelenbrechen bring us that's new, other than a German title? Well, less black metal, for one. Jazz, progressive and noises best describe this album. There's also a song which sounds more like a Starofash/late Peccatum song than anything Ihsahn's ever tried doing without his wife, Ihriel, featuring on it prominently. It's called Pulse and it's a sexy piece of jazzy triphop. The opener, Hiber, got stuck in my head on first spin and has stuck there since. Regen sounds like Änglagård up until it becomes bombastic as fuck. Tacit 2 and Tacit (in that order) are progressive drone like you'd get from Khanate followed by jazz excursions into insanity. Rec starts slow then goes prog as fuck, M is a droning ambient sonicscape that reminds me of Thorns, and See is the most brutal song on the album in a way: it'll rip your skin off and leave it hanging on a stick. In a way, this is Ihsahn just doing what he wants. It all progresses slowly into a weird mess of gloriousness. Thank fuck for Ihsahn.

Haken - The Mountain

Song pick: The Cockroach King

This won't surprise anyone really. After the amazing debut of Aquarius and the pretty fucking awesome followup Visions, Haken did some soul-searching (and Tom and Hen took a break to record To-Mera's Exile album, also a must listen) and came back with this, their best record yet. In a way, they mixed the two sides that the first two albums showed off so well: the bizarre circus atmosphere and weird song structures of Aquarius with the maturity and gravity of Visions. What we ended up with is several slices of really sexy music that is sexier than a really sexy thing bathing in a really sexy bathtub full of sexy chocolate. Or something. I can't really say much more than that it's fucking awesome and you should be listening to it right now. Stop reading this and listen.

Tooting my own flute: My band released another album, called Elemental. Pay for a beer for me by buying it. But only if you really want to.

Top 50 Progressive Idol Songs

So, I'm back once again with another of my stupidly long lists. This time, I'm choosing to list the most progressive idol songs.

Now, granted, progressiveness is a hard trait to define at the best of times. I am in the interesting situation that my three cobloggers are also big prog nerds, therefore I anticipate (and expect, don't let me down guys) some criticism regarding my choices. So, before we begin, just what is prog anyway? I had a go at explaining some of the stuff I class as prog metal here, but of course, prog metal is but a drop in the ocean. Prog is a massive sprawling genre, with nearly as many subgenres as metal. So I'll just leave you to make up your own minds on what is prog and what isn't, and get on with explaining some more of the system I've been using to determine my newest list.

This time, I started out with, once again, shitloads of idol songs. Probably approaching 1500 songs now, and I listened to all of them. I also asked Henkka for some recommendations, as he's better versed on early H!P that isn't Momusu than I am.

After that, I narrowed it down to about 140 songs which I deemed had some progressive qualities. I once again attempted using the * system to narrow it down further, but my prog-mind decided to be strict as fuck that day and wouldn't let me pick any more than 11. Not great when you're aiming for a list of 50, eh.

So, I went into my trusty Calc and stuck all the songs in. I deleted a few here and there along the way as I decided I'd been too easy on them, so my final count was 126 songs to get the 700 treatment.

Yes, the Seven Arbitrary Rankings have returned. This time, they are:

• Length


• Structure


• Timbre Spectrum


• Virtuosity


• Musical Curiosities


• Insanity


• Awesomeness

Put them together and we get 700.

Top 50 Guitar Solos in Idol Songs

So, I said it was coming. Since my last post, basically when I haven't been working, sleeping, fapping or watching something idol related, I've been listening to solos. Lots of solos. In total I think I listened to a total of somewhere over a thousand songs and found 223 solos worth further investigation. Those I divided into three groups. Top Tier, of which there were just over 50, Middle Tier, of which there were about 20, and the rest. Then, with the 53 solos I deemed worthy, I began to rate them based on (once again) seven headings of equal worth.

• Technical Proficiency


• Listenability


• Solo Orgasm Faceability


• Flow


• Length


• Jizzability


• Awesomeness

Yes, these are completely arbitrary.

Some explanations of what each entails:

Technical Proficiency ranks various guitar playing techniques that can be hard to pull off. Some, of course, much harder than others. These include but are not limited to: Hammer ons/pull offs, vibrato, tremolo, harmonics, tapping, sweeping, harmonisation. For the record, two songs got the maximum 100 marks for technical.
Listenability ranks how nice the solo is on the ears. Some of the greatest solos of all time had just a great deal of vibrato but not much other technical wankery, and this is what that ranks. How "nice" the solo is.
Solo Face Orgasmability ranks how well a guitarist could guitar solo face orgasm to the solo. This is probably one of the three most arbitrary rankings. Basically if anything has a pattern of three semiquavers and then a crotchet, with whammy bar, that's soloface orgasm.
Flow ranks how well the solo fits into the song. Of course, fitting too well is a bad thing, for example, sweeping around in the pattern of a chord progression is pretty damn boring, but technically good. There are a few solos on this list like this.
Length is pretty obvious. The longer a solo is, the cooler it is.
Jizzability is how likely you are to jizz your pants because of the solo. Also known as Finger Explodability, based on how likely it is your fingers would explode playing it.
Awesomeness is just a ranking of how good it all sounds together.