So, some new idols. I say new, they aren't particularly, but my introduction to most of them was only recently, hence new. So recent, in fact, that most of them I only started listening to after partenza signalled what was quite possibly the final nail in the coffin of this particular chapter of Hello! Project. So, these idols I'm about to review don't sell as much as AKB (but then, who does?), and they may seem a little more underground (though all are on major labels, except the one that is no more), but that doesn't mean there's no merit in their music. Because that's what it's about for me. TV appearances and photoshoots, that's all just extended promotion for the music. Without music, idols would just be vapid TV talents with nothing going for them. Or pornstars.
Anyway, to start us off I'll go with the one I discovered first, the wonderfully named 可憐Girl's. Fail English aside, the name means Sweet Girls, which they are. Or were. They were formed to create the opening themes for the anime Zettai Karen Children (which is awesome and everyone should watch it), released two singles, one very short album, and then disbanded. Two of the faces may seem familiar later in this rather massive blogpost.
11/08/2011
Buono! - partenza EP Review
Fragments torn asunder by hellish hands have tainted the glow of Buono... forever.
Preamble: Cover looks boring, uninspired, and altogether silly. Two pictures of them? Hilariously bad photoshopping? Fuck, if I hadn't already been massively disappointed with Buono since We Are Buono, I could have laughed this off as a joke. But it's no joke. It's reality. It seems that the world truly is coming to an end...
So, the "music"...
1. partenza～レッツゴー!!!～ Where. The. Fuck. To. Start? Beep beep beep beep beep beep wheeee beep beep beep beep AUTOTUNE. Honestly, this is the worse excuse for music of nearly any kind I think I've ever heard. It's fucking dreadful. Like a nightmare of western pop music extravangances all melded into one song with no overlying theme or idea or tune. It's just random sounds. The "chorus" if you can call it that, has a synth line that doesn't even change chord. The raps sound like they're delivered in a purely talking voice. The autotune, as ever, is FUCKING DREADFUL. Why they felt the need to douse Airi (probably the best singer in H!P with Aichan's impending departure) along with Miya and Momo (the only two worth a few solo lines in Berryz) with autotune is beyond me. It just makes everything sound tacky and like H!P, or whoever produced this shit, has no faith in them to actually sing the material present, especially on the bit where the vocaloid is singing with no music behind. I say vocaloid because I honestly cannot identify their voices when they're trapped behind the utter pointlessness of autotune. If it weren't for the autotune, the really bad rapping and really bad Engrish, and the fact that it's Buono, I may have, under certain circumstances (like being under the influence of several shots of absinthe) found this enjoyable. But no. Autotune is a crime against humanity. Usage should be prohibited in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Usage should be prosecuted in the Hague under the same sentences as genocide. -3/10
2. 雑草のうた. This song is shit. However, after partenza (which I would have happily rated -200 if it wasn't rather unfair in a rating system in which the highest possible rank is only 10 [or 11 if you count one exception]) this sounds like a fucking masterpiece. It isn't though. My views from earlier this year still hold. It's a recycled piece of rather not amazingness. After the amount of Buono songs that simply blew me away on We Are Buono, this was a major letdown. However, judging by recent developments, this may even go down as a "decent" Buono song, if they continue along this trend of releasing utter shit. 4/10
3. フランキンセンスΨ. Firstly, why the hell is this titled Frankincense? Secondly, oh fuck, are they singing about Babybells? Thirdly, more unwanted techno. Luckily, this has a tune. And a vocal melody. And the autotune is nowhere near as pervasive. I can see this as viable. Possibly. It's still not very Buono. I'm all for genre experimenting. But all idol Jpop groups change their sound like their clothes. One of Buono's lasting endearing qualities was that they were pretty exclusively rock. They have had a couple of non-rock songs, but they never really moved away from a rock base. Even stuff like Internet Cupid had elements which could be considered rock. Which is why partenza pissed me off. No rock whatsoever. In fact, just about ever stylised beat and note could be considered a calculated attempt to distance the group from rock entirely. Which was then thoroughly screwed up by the fact that Zassou came right after it. This has more rock, musical thought, melody, tonality, and musical merit than partenza, but it's still shit. Again, if it was another group it may have scored more, but no. 1/10
4. My alright sky. Huh? Engrish? This song actually started out nicely (fail Engrish notwithstanding), then in came the beat. I was hoping for a nice, happy, ballady type thing. Instead I get a load of horrid hiphop beats looped all song long. Once again, this is not Buono. This is people who are in Buono, but it is not Buono. I honestly have no idea what this is, except just yet another fucking Toni Braxton song. One of the worst yet. 1/10
5. 夏ダカラ！ Another rubbish song. Honestly, this song is dull. Take it easy! improved vastly from being on an album, padded with good songs. This doesn't improve. In fact, by being preceded by a truckload of shite makes it sound even worse. The beat is pathetic. The guitars descending riff is boring. The acoustic guitars chord progression is boring. The bass does fuck all. The vocal melodies are uninspired. I think I agree with my bandmate on this issue. The silly talking in the mid-8 gets in the way of a perfectly decent Queen-ish solo. Overall it just sounds like someone doing a halfassed job and throwing in a few overdubs of random noises to make it sound a bit fuller. 2/10
6. キアオラ・グラシャス・ありがと Other than the fail Maori (Kia Ora doesn't mean "thank you"), this is actually the first half decent song on this EP. Rock is decent and sounds like Buono, the vocals are Buono-esque. The song isn't particularly amazing, but fuck. After all that shit I've just been through this sounds like a fucking aural orgasm. Major problem with this song is that it ends too soon.After the needless bloatedness of partenza, My alright sky and Natsu Dakara (which all sucked), why make the first decent song so short? Beyond me. 5/10
7. JUICY HE@RT. Ah, Juicy Heart, the second best song on the Zassou single. If only they'd put Runaway on here... Still, better than the Aside. Better than Kia Ora even. Shows that you can mix electronic elements and rock together in one song (not that My Boy didn't do it better and earlier). No fucking need to overdose on autotune and techno when this works. Also, IT'S A FUCKING SOLO. And a good one, even though way too fucking short. Zassou's was shit. Buildup chorus also not sucking. End is good. 6/10
8. 1／3の純情な感情. Sounds like an anime song at the beginning. And it's good. Too good. Easily best song on this album. Chords are some amazingly discordant little things. Verse chord progression isn't bad. Vocals are strong. Pre-chorus is fucking cool. Chorus itself is nice and cool, with some energy. Little lead leading into second verse is good. Solo is pretty cool, with some technical bits. Makes me jizz. First H!P solo since C-ute's last album to do that. Honestly, this is the type of thing I want from Buono. So much fucking better than that shit at the beginning of the EP. Musically interesting, and shows off their vocal talents. What more could one want? 8/10
Overall: Shocking statement: I wish Buono had disbanded after We Are Buono and the Best Album. It would have left their legacy intact, and it would have seen them out at their peak. But no, they had to go and ruin it. It disappoints me to say this, but this is the worst thing I have ever reviewed. Even despite the slight upturn towards the end, even with an actual good song at the end, it still falls just short of Morning Musume's frankly terrible Fantasy Juuichi's not exactly exacting standard. So, Buono, from top of my list of ratings, to the bottom. Way to rape a fandom UFA, go you.
3/10 (-28.4/10 before I decided not to go below -10)
Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 9.2
C-ute - Chou Wonderful 6 - 9
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Ogawa Mana - Teenage Blues - 8
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
AKB48 - Koko ni Ita Koto - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Berryz Koubou - 7 Berryz Times - 6.5
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4
Morning Musume. - Fantasy Juuichi - 3.5
Preamble: Cover looks boring, uninspired, and altogether silly. Two pictures of them? Hilariously bad photoshopping? Fuck, if I hadn't already been massively disappointed with Buono since We Are Buono, I could have laughed this off as a joke. But it's no joke. It's reality. It seems that the world truly is coming to an end...
So, the "music"...
1. partenza～レッツゴー!!!～ Where. The. Fuck. To. Start? Beep beep beep beep beep beep wheeee beep beep beep beep AUTOTUNE. Honestly, this is the worse excuse for music of nearly any kind I think I've ever heard. It's fucking dreadful. Like a nightmare of western pop music extravangances all melded into one song with no overlying theme or idea or tune. It's just random sounds. The "chorus" if you can call it that, has a synth line that doesn't even change chord. The raps sound like they're delivered in a purely talking voice. The autotune, as ever, is FUCKING DREADFUL. Why they felt the need to douse Airi (probably the best singer in H!P with Aichan's impending departure) along with Miya and Momo (the only two worth a few solo lines in Berryz) with autotune is beyond me. It just makes everything sound tacky and like H!P, or whoever produced this shit, has no faith in them to actually sing the material present, especially on the bit where the vocaloid is singing with no music behind. I say vocaloid because I honestly cannot identify their voices when they're trapped behind the utter pointlessness of autotune. If it weren't for the autotune, the really bad rapping and really bad Engrish, and the fact that it's Buono, I may have, under certain circumstances (like being under the influence of several shots of absinthe) found this enjoyable. But no. Autotune is a crime against humanity. Usage should be prohibited in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Usage should be prosecuted in the Hague under the same sentences as genocide. -3/10
2. 雑草のうた. This song is shit. However, after partenza (which I would have happily rated -200 if it wasn't rather unfair in a rating system in which the highest possible rank is only 10 [or 11 if you count one exception]) this sounds like a fucking masterpiece. It isn't though. My views from earlier this year still hold. It's a recycled piece of rather not amazingness. After the amount of Buono songs that simply blew me away on We Are Buono, this was a major letdown. However, judging by recent developments, this may even go down as a "decent" Buono song, if they continue along this trend of releasing utter shit. 4/10
3. フランキンセンスΨ. Firstly, why the hell is this titled Frankincense? Secondly, oh fuck, are they singing about Babybells? Thirdly, more unwanted techno. Luckily, this has a tune. And a vocal melody. And the autotune is nowhere near as pervasive. I can see this as viable. Possibly. It's still not very Buono. I'm all for genre experimenting. But all idol Jpop groups change their sound like their clothes. One of Buono's lasting endearing qualities was that they were pretty exclusively rock. They have had a couple of non-rock songs, but they never really moved away from a rock base. Even stuff like Internet Cupid had elements which could be considered rock. Which is why partenza pissed me off. No rock whatsoever. In fact, just about ever stylised beat and note could be considered a calculated attempt to distance the group from rock entirely. Which was then thoroughly screwed up by the fact that Zassou came right after it. This has more rock, musical thought, melody, tonality, and musical merit than partenza, but it's still shit. Again, if it was another group it may have scored more, but no. 1/10
4. My alright sky. Huh? Engrish? This song actually started out nicely (fail Engrish notwithstanding), then in came the beat. I was hoping for a nice, happy, ballady type thing. Instead I get a load of horrid hiphop beats looped all song long. Once again, this is not Buono. This is people who are in Buono, but it is not Buono. I honestly have no idea what this is, except just yet another fucking Toni Braxton song. One of the worst yet. 1/10
5. 夏ダカラ！ Another rubbish song. Honestly, this song is dull. Take it easy! improved vastly from being on an album, padded with good songs. This doesn't improve. In fact, by being preceded by a truckload of shite makes it sound even worse. The beat is pathetic. The guitars descending riff is boring. The acoustic guitars chord progression is boring. The bass does fuck all. The vocal melodies are uninspired. I think I agree with my bandmate on this issue. The silly talking in the mid-8 gets in the way of a perfectly decent Queen-ish solo. Overall it just sounds like someone doing a halfassed job and throwing in a few overdubs of random noises to make it sound a bit fuller. 2/10
6. キアオラ・グラシャス・ありがと Other than the fail Maori (Kia Ora doesn't mean "thank you"), this is actually the first half decent song on this EP. Rock is decent and sounds like Buono, the vocals are Buono-esque. The song isn't particularly amazing, but fuck. After all that shit I've just been through this sounds like a fucking aural orgasm. Major problem with this song is that it ends too soon.After the needless bloatedness of partenza, My alright sky and Natsu Dakara (which all sucked), why make the first decent song so short? Beyond me. 5/10
7. JUICY HE@RT. Ah, Juicy Heart, the second best song on the Zassou single. If only they'd put Runaway on here... Still, better than the Aside. Better than Kia Ora even. Shows that you can mix electronic elements and rock together in one song (not that My Boy didn't do it better and earlier). No fucking need to overdose on autotune and techno when this works. Also, IT'S A FUCKING SOLO. And a good one, even though way too fucking short. Zassou's was shit. Buildup chorus also not sucking. End is good. 6/10
8. 1／3の純情な感情. Sounds like an anime song at the beginning. And it's good. Too good. Easily best song on this album. Chords are some amazingly discordant little things. Verse chord progression isn't bad. Vocals are strong. Pre-chorus is fucking cool. Chorus itself is nice and cool, with some energy. Little lead leading into second verse is good. Solo is pretty cool, with some technical bits. Makes me jizz. First H!P solo since C-ute's last album to do that. Honestly, this is the type of thing I want from Buono. So much fucking better than that shit at the beginning of the EP. Musically interesting, and shows off their vocal talents. What more could one want? 8/10
Overall: Shocking statement: I wish Buono had disbanded after We Are Buono and the Best Album. It would have left their legacy intact, and it would have seen them out at their peak. But no, they had to go and ruin it. It disappoints me to say this, but this is the worst thing I have ever reviewed. Even despite the slight upturn towards the end, even with an actual good song at the end, it still falls just short of Morning Musume's frankly terrible Fantasy Juuichi's not exactly exacting standard. So, Buono, from top of my list of ratings, to the bottom. Way to rape a fandom UFA, go you.
3/10 (-28.4/10 before I decided not to go below -10)
Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 9.2
C-ute - Chou Wonderful 6 - 9
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Ogawa Mana - Teenage Blues - 8
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
AKB48 - Koko ni Ita Koto - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Berryz Koubou - 7 Berryz Times - 6.5
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4
Morning Musume. - Fantasy Juuichi - 3.5
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