Fantasy!拾壱 review

Well, I did promise...



Cover makes them look like dolls, which isn't too bad, I guess, considering the content of the album.

Preliminary: WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN... If this wasn't Momusu I wouldn't even deign to review this. How can they have fallen so low?

1. 女と男のララバイゲーム. This starts out as something seriously epic. Why couldn't the whole song have been like this? A fully orchestral one would have been delightful and full of win. More win than anything. But NO! Tsunku lures us in with false promises and then just gives us the same damn song as the single. It's like giving candy to a kid, letting them taste it, then stealing it back and running away laughing. My view of the song is the same as before. It's not shit, but I'm pissed off with Tsunku. I gave the single a 6, but because of Tsunku's bait-and-switch with that gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh into the usual shit I'm giving it something pretty evil in return. 3/10. Take that you prick.

2. ブラボー! Awesome intro. Sounds slightly like overproduced early Slayer. Some nice tremolo picked rhythm guitar is cool. On the other hand the vocals are annoying, the shouting gets on my nerves, and the song is overall pretty bland. The chorus gets some marks back for not being horrid. Solo on MIDI guitars is fucking awful. 5/10.

3. Fantasyが始まる. Intro is nice and dancey. Sayu sounds quite nice on this. In fact, for the first verse, prechorus and chorus I'm actually not even minding the vocoder too much. In the second verse it gets slightly more pronounced, then at the end of 2nd verse it becomes full blown pain. Mark loss. Prechorus and chorus is the same. Refrain is quite a cool buildup, mid-8 verse gets away with the vocoder by Aichan's taking the final line. The vocal operatics over the final chorus are intriguing. 5/10

4. 女心となんとやら. What is this, a kids album? The intro is sappy and shit. The verse has no musical merit whatsoever. Bass is pissing me off. Actually, pretty much everything pisses me off. The tuneless vocals. They finally find a tune in the pre-chorus, then just repeat themselves in the chorus with possibly the most overused vocal melodies ever. "Yea yea yea" and "no no no" piss me off to the power of several thousand. Bad harmonies in second verse. Pretty horrid all around. No energy. Speed it up a bit and get rid of the bass, might be better. Guitar solo is horrendous. Final chorus is even more tuneless than usual. Constant twiddly guitars are pointless and distracting. Fade out is a sign of laziness that they didn't know how to stop it. 2/10

5. 愛の炎. Wow. Reina solo. *yawn* Pianos playing some boring intro, then some acoustic guitars join it, and some other shit, then it becomes absolute bog-standard Slow Pop®. Reina's voice might be pretty good, but it can't break away from the fact that she's singing over a leftover Toni Braxton song. Violin solo is atrocious. It's beyond me how this is even released. Surely there's some quality checking in place on these albums? But no, we have to listen to it. And it's a disgrace. The fact that Reina's voice alone at the end of the song is the highlight of the whole damn thing just shows how crap it was. Honestly, would have been better sung a cappella 3/10.

6. I'm Lucky Girl. Decent intro. Builds up nicely, then comes into something which should never be done. VOCODER AS A SYNTH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Vocal lines are okay, nothing special. Call and response is a bit of a cop-out. Pre-chorus is nice though. Chorus ain't bad. This is, frankly, the best song on the album, even with it's obvious issues, just because it doesn't make me cringe or make me rage. I swear Tsunku is trying to piss me off. Solo isn't the worst thing I've ever heard. Would be cooler with the guitars trading between solo and rhythm though, rather than just switching the solo between channels. But yea, not bad if you can get around the FUCKING VOCODER! Passable. 6/10

7. すんごいマイバースディ. EURGH. Sappy, no music content. It's appalling. Back to the kiddy album again. Voices are annoying. Nearly as annoying as anime-Koha. Even Linlin sounds pretty fucking shit on this. Then again, it really doesn't suit her voice. The only ones who could sing this without looking like pricks are Sayu, Koha and Jun, and that's just because their voices are in that range. Sayu's is the only voice that doesn't annoy me in this though, which is odd in itself, considering it's FUCKING SAYU. Is the world coming to an end? Jun sounds like she's saying every damn syllable separately on purpose. The Chulululu is annoying. Music is repetitive, dull, lacking in any creativity. The refrain has a boring lead, then goes straight back into the lacking chorus. At the moment it seems like Tsunku's trying to out-perform himself for utter shite every damn song. 2/10

8. 1から10まで愛してほしい. This is a pretty bad song. But it's so much more interesting than what's come before that it sounds positively orgasmic. The melodies don't suck, either on the brass or the vocals. Vocals are actually pretty decent. Bassline is crap as is usual for Momusu these days. Some syncopated bullshit following the chord prog. What I wouldn't give for a return to oldschool interesting basslines. What happened to the days of Souda!, The Peace, Koko ni Iruzee and Ai no Sono? Nowadays we're given these boring two-tone basslines or basslines in shitty chord progressions that just about everyone has used. I mean, shit. A real bass once in a while would be nice too. Speaking of chord progressions, when's Tsunku gonna use this one? It's only the most overused of all time. Considering everything else he rips off I'm surprised he hasn't managed it yet. Still, even so, this song doesn't plumb the depth of utter shite the rest manage, so 5/10.

9. 愛しく苦しいこの夜に. Only other passable song on this piece of shit. Intro is a shwing buildup. Reminds me of something. Main riff sounds like an anime theme tune. Not bad, but different. Verse is quite cool. Acoustic guitars work. Again with the shitty synth bass. 10 My Me I wanted to delete the pussy synths, now I want to delete Tsunku's synth basses. GET A REAL ONE YOU LAZY SHIT! Vocals are strong. Solo is pretty good. Dunno why he pays people to do guitar solos but can't get a bassist. 6/10.

10. 電話でね. Can I die now please? Another Toni Braxton leftover. Less musical talent was needed to create this song than exists in one of my eyelashes. Unremarkable instrumentation. Unremarkable vocal melodies. Unremarkable vocal performance. One of the few songs in existence that actually made me considering skipping the damn song before I'd finished listening to it for the first time. Usually I listen to every damn song on an album. I won't be listening to this album anyway, but if I did, I would skip this piece of shit. Considering Aichan is supposedly the best vocalist in the group, this is boring as fuck. Lin might have made it better. As it is, this is a piece of shit. 1/10. I would give it 0, but I gave Osaka Umainen 0 and this at least has a tune so yea, 1/10.

11. Seishun Collection. *YAWN*. Boring, lazy, pointless, too happy without a point. Doesn't have its Bside to push up the rating. Might as well just fall asleep, this song does absolutely nothing for me. Gonna sleep. 3/10.

Overall:

Shit. I was originally gonna give this a 4, but upon relistening to do the full review, it hit me how shit it actually is. So, a matter of two weeks gives me a new victor in the WORST H!P ALBUM OF ALL TIME, as well as becoming the worst I've ever reviewed. Average of the songs rating gave me 3.72rr, but because this is the final album for Eri, Jun and Lin, and Tsunku decided that he wasn't gonna give them a solo, wasn't going to even give them generation songs, but instead give solos to the two most overexposed members of the group, I'm knocking it down. This is truly, fucking abysmal.

3.5/10

Comparison ratings:

Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 10
Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4

Anyway, I'll get around to finishing the year review soon. NiceGirlProject or AKB next, I guess.