I need to make two honourable mentions who didn't make either last year's list nor this year's list for various reasons, despite topping my rankings at some point over the past year, so here goes.
Firstly, Mitsushima Hikari, formerly of Folder5 and awesome actress. I charted her rise and fall in my Year Review Part 4, so no more writing about that.
Secondly, Ono Erena, who graduated AKB to go to London to become an actress, if sources are to be believed. Or rather, she said she was going abroad to be an actress. Sources said London. I went there and tried to see, but to no avail. Oh well. Hopefully I hear more from her or her massive tits before long.
Anyway, today we move onto the Top 10. A recap for those not paying attention:
20. Suzuki Kanon
19. Tokkii
18. Ogawa Saki
17. Takajo Aki
16. Uchida Mayumi
15. Shimizu Saki
14.
13. Minegishi Minami
12. Yajima Maimi
11. Sashihara Rino
And a recap of the rules:
Rule 1: Thou Shalt Not Include Any Ex-Idols. Any Ex-Idols Thou Shalt Not Include and Not Include Any Ex-Idols Thou Shalt.
This means that anyone no longer an active idol (I'm defining idol as being someone who sings in an idol group which releases music) can no longer be included. I've decided not to include Gatas, as they're a futsal team and they ain't done a song in a while. From last year's list, this rule knocks out ten from being graduated from their groups and/or agencies, and who have yet to join a new group, or whatever. So, goodbye Akina, Sakina, Konkon, Yossie, Junjun, Lightbulb (who I'm treating as gone, as ICM have disappeared), Kanna, Kaori, Ami and Eri.
Rule 2: No poofters.
Rule 3: In the case of a tie, time oneself fapping to said idol. The one who gets you off quickest, wins.
Explains itself, really.
Rule 4: No poofters.
Rule 5: Thou Can Include Any Girl From Any Group Or Any Solo Artist If They Are Known Primarily As An Idol.
This knocks out another, one Hirano Aya.
Rule 6: There is no rule six.
Rule 7: No poofters.
Right, with that out the way the idol pictures can flow, my keyboard can become a weapon, and the opinions can trickle in.
10. Michishige Sayumi
Lucifer in human form. A fallen angel, descended not to hell, but earth, the true hell.
Or something. Sayu is frankly hilarious. Her character pisses off so many people it's beyond belief. She's probably the only current member of Momusu known to the wider public based on her numerous variety performances. Her constant refrain of cuteness is thoroughly vexing to those Japanese housewives who feel obliged to watch every variety show on TV. Making an entire nation of housewives hate you is a job well done. Good job.
Yet the other part of her is just as awesome. The slightly odd kid who never fitted in thing. Shows on her blog a lot.
She can't sing, obviously. It's quite fun though, so I enjoy seeing her fail. Badly. She's no longer the worst in H!P though, so I guess that's something. In fact she's no longer the worst in Momusu. Yay Norks! Until, of course, Norks learns to control her shouting and pubescent-boy style vocal acrobatics, whereupon Sayu shall once again become number one Momusu vocal suckage. Hooray. When she becomes subleader it might become amusing again, actually. Still hoping Gaki can pull out of Aichan's shadow and do something when Ai buggers off, but won't hold my breath.
Anyway, her face, attitude and hilariousness get her here.
9. Tsugunaga Momoko
I chose this picture for a variety of reasons over the other, slightly better known picture from Momochi Zukan. For starters... She has her pinky out holding a water pistol. Oookay... Secondly, some quite wonderful cameltoe. Thirdly, her bikini bottoms must be rubbing because it looks like she's enjoying it. Or at least getting a bit wet. Or it's a reflection.
Anyway, Momo. The nutter. Once again proving this past year that she's psychotic, available for hire, studious, scared of horses, and that her buttocks can defy the laws of physics.
Vocally she's improved. She's no longer the weak link in Buono. She can still do her silly cutesy vocals, but her deeper ones now have a newer maturity to them. Her vocal performance on We Are Buono and Buono's tours this year have been epic. In Berryz, her duet with Miya was one of the better songs on 6th Otakebi. In general, she's had a very successful year. Only thing stopping her from being higher is that lots of new people came in who made me like them too much. Sorry Momo, I'm sure you're too busy bouncing off walls to notice anyway.
8. Suzuki Airi
Like Momo, Airi's had a strong year. Her vocals have improved to make her now probably the best in H!P, as Lin's left. It's not a gap easily filled though.
She had her own "solo" single, in Shock! Which had shocking line distribution but wasn't too bad. Her C-ute album song Aa Koi was heavy as a really heavy thing, and with Buono she's been on top form as usual. Dance wise, nothing can beat the ass shots in Dance de Bakoon though.
Photobook wise, Toukoubi looks rather lush. I'll probably buy it when I can afford stuff. Snaggletooth aside, she is ridiculously cute and now she's 16 I'll add "shaggable" to the list too.
Her sense of humour is still wacky as hell and she's still awesome. Yay.
7. Hirano Tomomi
It seems to me that not only does she not age, she also seems to be aging in reverse. She's a graduate ballet dancing twin, who looks about 12, is 26, and talks so cutely it's not entirely possible, surely.
Truly, my liking for her is based almost entirely on her eerie as fuck looks, inability to smile, and general sense of weirdness about her. Still haven't heard her sing. Or do anything really. Hopefully at some point I will. If I do and she blows me away, she might move up the list a bit. I'm hoping she gets put into a unit at some point though. Would be like TERROR IDOL or something.
6. Mitsui Aika
Aika's been surreptitiously creeping up my ranking for a while now, to the point that when Junjun graduated, I wanted an Aika towel. Now, certainly she's not the world's most attractive person (that's Maimi), nor does she have the best body (Irie Saaya) nor the best flatchest (Niwa Mikiho). However, she is cute. In an extremely quaint and bizarre way.
When I first saw Aika, in the auditions, her accent knocked me back a bit. Some Kansai-ben thick enough to drown in. Not to mention her voice. She is the root cause of my voice fetish. When she speaks naturally it's so deep and gravelly it's just rather unthinkable. Her higher pitched idol voice isn't as cool. It would be great fun to make her say dirty things. Or tie her up and do lots of things to her whilst recording the sounds she makes. Or hear the words she whispers in one's ear during...
Hell yea.
She got my attention when she started raping Eri's face with a rhino float on Alo Hello. Since then, interest surged and she's now my favourite in H!P. That's right. No more H!P from here on out.
Her photobook looks like it could be made of win, and hopefully I'll obtain it shortly.
Altogether, Oh Hells Yea.
5. Miyazawa Sae
Flatchest: Check
Random sense of humour: Check
Ridiculous levels of exuberence: Check
In the past year I've found out a hell of a lot more about the only AKB girl in last year's list. I've also found that knowing more didn't make me like her less. So, yes, she's taken a knockdown of two places. But the four above her really hooked me this year. Sae's stayed about the same level of awesomeness.
But yes, anyway. I watched Majisuka Gakuen purely for Sae. I got introduced to a few new AKB girls that way. Then I started checking out their singles, and I was always looking for Sae. But it got too easy. I like having to work at it, and Sae has been pretty steadily senbatsu for ages now. So she's no longer my oshimen.
But she's still awesome. AKBingo proves why. Her epic fails at fashion shows she's brilliant. Her epic win at text messages proves she's perfectly able to deceive men (no matter how much that's supposed to be Kashiwagi's plan).
She's also the only girl to get me banned from H!O. I got a little too enthusiastic in my descriptions and Krusha banhammered me.
Oh well, it was worth it.
4. Ogawa Mana
It has been, by all accounts, a fabulously successful year for my favourite loli. Even though she's no longer a loli. Three MM Gakuen Gasshoubu singles, one awesome solo album, a slightly less good Canary Club single, and that COCOCREW abomination. Also Ohastar, still being the voice for Kitagami Mimi in Gokujou! Mecha Mote Iinchou.
And Cocolulu CMs. And an iPhone app called iSocks. Which iTunes deleted because they hate idols or something. Yay.
So, yea. She's improved remarkably as a singer. She's probably among one of the best in J-pop now, if I'm honest. Her album was fucking amazing, and she still looks like a loli. All in all, great fun.
3. Oku Manami
This was an intense battle for second place, which Maachan lost solely because she couldn't compete, if you get my meaning.
I love Maachan, but it's completely different to my normal liking of idols. Rather than wanting to do naughty things to her, I just want to hug her. Makes no sense, but does. Besides that though, she can sing well. She's awesome, being the oshimen of lots of the older AKB members. Due probably to Meetan, she's a complete pervert. She's putting on a bit of weight, but she's still at least 70cm away from Risako's waist size. She'll probably do a Maasa actually, and suddenly shoot upwards. Or suddenly develop massive tits.
I also seem to have a serious attraction to half-Japanese people. The only reason Akimoto Sayaka didn't make this list is because of Mikiho and Tokkii's fight. But Maachan is here. She's flying high, and could get higher. She's now my oshimen, so I'm gonna support her properly. Yay.
2. Okada Robin Shouko
Yep. Second half-Japanese girl in a row. And one I'm perfectly happy to fap to. Robin's year of awesome can be summed up in two words. Herbie Yamaguchi. The guy is a god, getting away with some of the shit he pulled in Robin no Shouko. And he did it magnificently. Thus I'd say it ranks as probably the best idol photo album/book ever. Not to mention, of course, that all the pics were individual prints.
Truly awesome.
Other than that, The Possible had their weird hotpot single, and their weird double A-side. Robin's vocals are still awesome. She still needs a good rock song to sing to, because when she lets rip (see: Prechorus in Family, End Yelling in Love Message, monologues in Happy 15) she's awesome. She probably has the best rock voice in Tunky's harem. I'd like to see her and Mana do a proper rock duet, actually. Would be awesome.
Hoping to see a lot of new awesomeness from her this year.
1. Kawashima Umika
I discovered Umika entirely by chance when I tried watching one of this year's many Johnny's drama vehicles for their male
By this point she was already pretty much pushing the two above for dominance, but recent events have pushed her way ahead. Firstly, watching 99nen no Ai ~Japanese Americans~ made me respect her more as an actress. Then she took her first villain role in Heaven's Flower. I say villain, but it's more like anti-hero. She's an assassin, which is quite a brilliant stroke at avoiding typecasting. She's also doing well in the role, so yay.
Finally, she played Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu, which automatically got her lots and lots of win points.
Now I'm watching Aishiteru on Henkka's recommendation. He rated it 5/5 and he has good taste, so I'm guessing that it'll stop making me laugh when I really shouldn't and become awesome. I'm hoping for another PB, with even more random teasing shots (she seems to have rather a dirty sense of humour, which is cool), and from there... the world.
Right, that's it for that.
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