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2011 Top 20 Favourite Idols 20-11 + Stuff

Quite a lot happened since I posted the Idol Metal list. I got persuaded into joining The Three Metalheads as the fourth metalhead. In that way, I guess it's a bit like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which was a trilogy of four books. Until Douglas Adams wrote a fifth one, and then died before he could make a sixth one. That, of course, led to the disaster known as And Another Thing..., but let's not talk about that. What I'm gonna do at T3M (or whatever Henkka decides to rename it as) I don't know yet. I will however keep writing silly crap for here. Maybe I'll divide it so I'll gush about the actual idols and how much I want to do wonderful, horrible things to their helpless bodies (and scathing reviews) here; whereas on T3M I'll moan about how things need to be more metal. And do some FAKSMs when I hear one.

I also restarted my wonderfully awesome fanfic which no one wants to read because "oh noes I killed some idols".

But anyway...

So, it's been just over a year since I did my first foray into making lists, namely:


As it's been a year, and I've discovered new things, new idols, and new ways to fantasise about them, I felt like I should make a new list.

This year, I've set down ground rules. In part this is because I hate rules and thus get to explain why I didn't follow them (thus meaning a decent word count rather than picspam like last year), but it's also because last year there were far too many old people.




For recap purposes (I'm assuming you ignored all the links above) I'll repost last year's list.

20. Kamei Eri
19. Ohse Ami
18. Iida Kaori
17. Okada Robin Shouko
16. Niigaki Risa
15. Hirano Aya
14. Yajima Maimi
13. Arihara Kanna
12. Michishige Sayumi
11. Lightbulb
10. Tsugunaga Momoko
9. Suzuki Airi
8. Junjun
7. Yoshizawa Hitomi
6. Hirano Tomomi
5. Ogawa Mana
4. Konno Asami
3. Miyazawa Sae
2. Kuwae Sakina
1. AKINA

So, to start:

Rule 1: Thou Shalt Not Include Any Ex-Idols. Any Ex-Idols Thou Shalt Not Include and Not Include Any Ex-Idols Thou Shalt.

This means that anyone no longer an active idol (I'm defining idol as being someone who sings in an idol group which releases music) can no longer be included. I've decided not to include Gatas, as they're a futsal team and they ain't done a song in a while. From last year's list, this rule knocks out ten from being graduated from their groups and/or agencies, and who have yet to join a new group, or whatever. So, goodbye Akina, Sakina, Konkon, Yossie, Junjun, Lightbulb (who I'm treating as gone, as ICM have disappeared), Kanna, Kaori, Ami and Eri.

Rule 2: No poofters.

Rule 3: In the case of a tie, time oneself fapping to said idol. The one who gets you off quickest, wins.

Explains itself, really.

Rule 4: No poofters.

Rule 5: Thou Can Include Any Girl From Any Group Or Any Solo Artist If They Are Known Primarily As An Idol.

This knocks out another, one Hirano Aya.

Rule 6: There is no rule six.

Rule 7: No poofters.

Right, that's that out the way. Forgive me for butchering that sketch.

Anyway, so... TO THE IDOLS!

Sounds a bit like a Viking raid. "To the idols men! We'll be mounting them 'til lunchtime, then a beer, some food, a shit, then back to mounting them!"

Ah, the good old days.

Anyway... First ten.

20. Suzuki Kanon



Yes, she's new. Who cares. And before anyone asks, yes, she is the only 9th gen member I'm putting in. "Why not Riho?" because she's boring. She can sing, she can dance. She's already good, where's the fun in watching her improve?

Anyway. Why is she on my list? Well, potential, for one. She had no dance lessons pre-audition. She yelled into the mic badly and called it singing. She did some seriously embarassing skit with a fake phone. Yet through the whole damn thing she didn't lose her smile once. And just look at that smile. All cheery and sweet on the surface, but lying just behind the surface of her eyes there's some monster that just wants to be released. She'll probably make everyone love her through her smile and her already audacious acts of bribery, then viciously brutalise and murder everyone.

I've also nicknamed her "Norks", as she's surprisingly... well developed for her age.

19. Tokkii



Now, I'm not usually a fan of largebigmassivefucking gigantic tits. Girls usually have to make me like them before I can accept their tits. Sometimes even when I like them I can't like them fully because of these large globes of fat attached to their chest. Some exceptions are Konkon, Erepyon, Irie Saaya and Shinozaki Ai.

Tokkii, on the other hand, pulled off so much pure innuendo in her debut DVD Tokkii Mekki Happy! that I don't really care if she can sing, if she can dance. She's NGP's most eye candy member. She basically exists to give wota something to fap to. But all said and done, she just has a filthy mind. And that's enough for me.

This, btw, was one of the "RULE 3" girls. She beat Niwa Mikiho, the flattest idol in all existence. Not quite sure how Tokkii won, actually. Flatness is awesome. Must have been because Tokkii was second in line. Dammit, should have thought of a fairer system. Or at least waited an hour in between.

18. Ogawa Saki



Sometimes I swear I see a different reality than other people. Sakitty is, to me, easily the cutest in S/mileage. Yuuka's cute too, but Kanon looks a bit like a man and hitlerDawa is so thoroughly meh I can't even really describe her. Vocally too, Sakitty has the strongest voice, followed by Kanon, followed by every tone deaf child in the world, followed by Sayu, followed by Dawa and then Yuuka. Yuuka's voice is like a step up from Moon Kana, in the same way that AIDS is like a step up from chlamydia.

But anyway, Sakitty is awesome. Her laugh is ridiculous. Plus she can lay the smackdown on silly visual kei failures.

That's enough for me. Waste of time me describing her facial features and why they're attractive, they just are.

17. Takajo Aki



Yay, first AKB girl on this year's list, but by no means the last. Once again hooray for flatchests. And once again, boo! Because the girl with slightly bigger tits beat another small titted girl down a place when I couldn't decide. The next one up is that one.

Anyway, Akicha. I had a period when I thought she was seriously cute, but had no idea who she was. That was when she was in the RIVER USA PV. With yellow makeup. Eventually I figured out who she was. I rejoiced.

She did climb rather high, but her newfound popularity plus the thorough dullness that was her DVD mean she's languishing down here a bit.

However, time to mention my voice fetish again. Akicha is one of its objects. Victims? I dunno what to call it. But her voice is so cute in a weird way. Sounds as if she's got a sore throat all the time. When she's high pitched it's cute, when it drops down it crackles and I like it. Yes, I'm weird.

16. Uchida Mayumi



So, am I jumping on the bandwagon based on Chance no Junban? Probably. But then, I'd only have classed myself as properly "getting into" AKB with Heavy Rotation, so I didn't exactly have much time to pick out favourites before the Janken tournament gave me a load of new toys to play with (myself to). Ucchi, as centre girl, did stand out the most. In several ways actually. Her tits especially.

Honestly, Mayumi reminds me of Konkon. Slightly ditzy but with a sexy body, tits and ridiculously cute face. Actually, with some of the random faces she pulls she looks like a fatter Ogamana. Or on the other hand, a non-obese Risako.

But yea, she gave me a good impression, and thus far it's proving a good one. I'm hoping she gets more senbatsu time sometime.

15. Shimizu Saki



ペッタンコ万歳!

Captain is a bit of an oddity for me. She sort of flits around at the edge of my consciousness, never standing out too much, but never annoying me. She has a decent voice. She looks pretty cute, but not stunning. She dances well, but I have about as much knowledge of dance as Risako does of dieting techniques, so I can't really judge.

However, she comes across as the member of Berryz who'd be the most approachable of the lot of them. Momo would probably tango me as easily as make friends. I have a feeling Chinami would do a Xenia Onatopp and scissor me to death. Miya would probably run away. Maasa would throw lightning bolts at me, as befitting her deity status. Yurina would probably fail to even notice me, me being as short as I am. I'd be lucky if Risako just ate me.

But Captain seems nice. Girl next door, if you will. And for that, she makes the list.

Her photobook, on the other hand, is shit.

14. Watanabe Mayu



THE ASSASSIN DROID FROM HELL. Or at least, from Darth Revan's workshop.

Shit, I'm getting confused again.



So, Mayu. Her voice sounds cold and emotionless. Only other voice I can think of that's similar is this lovely person. She will open the gates to hell one day. Oh hell yea. I can actually see Mayu covering Burzum. Ea, Lord of the Depths maybe? Or maybe even Burzum itself (ignore German name).

But, she's cute as hell. And has hips to do many naughty things to. Before I saw Mayu, I didn't know hips could be attractive. Now I know different. She has ultimate hips.

She also has a really cheeky little smile. And she's amusing. Altogether, win.

13. Minegishi Minami



天天天使、天使よ~

Miichan is too cute. And rather hilarious. Outspoken as hell, which really is quite awesome. She's almost like AKB's Kemeko. Just slightly younger and more weird looking.

Because face it, Miichan's true identity is this.

But despite having a weird face she's cute enough. And funny. And sings well. And acts very well. Plus, who could ever forget her Majijo Rockout. Watching her on AKBingo is a breath of fresh air. Her silly faces are also cool.

12. Yajima Maimi



I do seriously believe Maimi has the single most beautiful face on the planet. The rest of her ain't half bad either. One could devote an entire life to studying the minutiae of her existence, both of the physical aspect and the mental. However, I am a lazy git and thus I can't be bothered.

Putting it nicely, Maimi is too perfect. Too beautiful. Good at singing. Very good at doing raunchy dance moves. Funny in her own quaint way. Ridiculously good at sports.

It's hard to bask in perfection whilst knowing one's own deficiencies, thus I can't rank Maimi too highly. Looking at her too much is like the ultimate in self-flagellation. "Here is perfection. Your ugly face is making the picture burn. Go away."

11. Sashihara Rino



Ah, Sasshi, the "good-for-nothing" idol. She does make me laugh too damn much. Her silly "wota gay" to being the complete butt of all jokes (and taking them all in her stride).

Took me a while to get into her, but after watching AKBingo she came into her own. She is top notch when she's on form. Suitably, she now has her own TV show with which to infect the entire world with wota gay or other randomness.

Part of her appeal to me is that she's truly a wota. She's as messy, unorganised and scatterbrained as most wota are stereotyped. She just happens to lack a dick. And has tits.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Pozdrav,
Krv

2 comments:

  1. "Yuuka's voice is like a step up from Moon Kana, in the same way that AIDS is like a step up from chlamydia." Hahaha. Harsh! Anyway, I'm also the most hopeful about 9th gen Kanon. Definitely know what you mean about Riho being boring in that sense.

    PS. My apologies for being so goddamned slow with renaming the blog. I'm ashamed of myself, I really am (a little bit!) I made a poll over there just now, hopefully someone will step in with a golden suggestion!

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  2. How totally unexpected... I like one of them lol I'd be surprised if your list had Reina, Ai Chan or Hashimon on it, and you're wrong about Kanon... Fukuda Kanon that is lol

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