Top 50 Idol Metal Songs

So, a while ago I read through just about everything on Three Metalheads, and, me being a metalhead, idolhead and prog nerd, agreed with pretty much everything (except Buono being shit, but can't have everything :P ). Henkka did a rather cool post on his Top 5 H!P Metal Songs. Now, I'll sort of agree with him that H!P sort of skirts metal without confronting it head-on, but times are changing. Idols are changing. Buono! did My Boy, which frankly threw everyone's senses off-kilter and then chopped off lots of people's heads and threw them into the gutter. A bit more recently, Pete (sswishbone) did his own "Metal" blog, which you can read here. This was a top ten, and included both H!P and TNX, as well as H&A (ex-H!P/still-UFA).

So, I got thinking. Just what is heaviness? And what is heavy idol pop?

Dean reckons idols shouldn't do metal. I disagree.

Recently I've been listening to other idol stuff. Not all of them are as metal-shy as H!P. So I decided to do a no-holds barred metalfest of idols, if that makes sense.

Once again, Momoclo and Sakugaku not included.

Ratings were divined by two methods:

  • A basic shortlist of 72 songs that fit my general criteria, rated between 70 and 100 based on my vague feeling of "heaviness"
  • A final rating out of 700, based on seven subheadings of equal worth, namely:
    1. Heavyness
    2. Coolness
    3. Vocal Power
    4. Riffs
    5. Bass
    6. Drums
    7. Solo (whether guitar, keyboard, whatever)

That gave me generally enough to work with. Of course, there are always exceptions, and I'll point these out as I go along. You'll also notice that certain artists are rather over-represented (you can probably guess who), but that's simply because most of their catalogue is rock-based.

I won't be revealing the actual ratings though, because I didn't save my spreadsheet.

Another problem is, "what type of metal is heaviest?" I can't say.

So, as the heaviest thing I can think with idols associated, this was my grading gauge:

Even that only got 680 though.

I also, perhaps controversially, decided not to include Melon Kinenbi, because I only really know one song of theirs and couldn't really spend enough time familiarising myself with their material before writing this post. So, do forgive.

Even more controversially I left out a specific song that scored well on both Pete and Henkka's lists. I just felt it lacked a certain edge.

Anyway, onto the list. And videospam.

50. Berryz Koubou - Yuujou Junjou Oh Seishun

Tame, isn't it? I realised when making this list that 5 was too small, 10 was too small, 25 was too small, but 50 was too big. But I like multiples of 2, 5 and 10, so, I got stuck. Truthfully, this isn't particularly heavy. But it has some palm-muting, some nice bass, and a pretty funky harmonica. Also Tsunku going "OI!" a hell of a lot. Also some pretty decent D-beats. Solo is certainly not the worst I've ever heard. Blastbeats near the end certainly helped.

49. Morning Musume - Onna ni Sachi Are

"What!?" I hear you ask. Well, yes, this certainly isn't metal in any traditional sense of the word. Though it'd make a fine Rammstein song if someone threw some chugging behind it. But I digress. What makes this a metal song, beyond the little riffs at the back, is ATTITUDE. Like that, in bold and capital letters. The first song with Jun and Lin, and in my opinion, the best single they were actually a part of. It followed up Kanashimi Twilight, which was probably their most aggressive song ever at the time, and was in the same genre, but not. Lyrically, they're both pretty emo, but pretty much everyone has gotten used to Emomusume in the past 4 years of defected, so yea. The song resonates, and the solo is cool. The plucked guitar bit after the solo is cooler. The PV is even more ATTITUDE, with the constant 「バカ!」 being mouthed at the screen; the "fuck it, we forgot our shoes, let's dance anyway" attitude; the fact that they look like they've been dragged backwards, screaming, through Gok Wan's fantasy wardrobe yet don't seem to mind, etc etc. It just screams "yea, we're doing what we like, fuck you lot." It's not, of course, but the mere fact that it manages to fool one into thinking it makes me very fond of it.

47=. Berryz Koubou - Munasawagi Scarlet

Digital cowbell and heavy riff? This song starts out properly cool. Unfortunately, this stage is still too early for true heaviness, but this is promising. The riffs are well-thought out, and pretty damn awesome. Dance beat is passing okay. Vocals are not bad. Far from my favourite Berryz single, and far from their heaviest, but still cool. Weird beatbox is cool. Solo is cool, in a way. Post solo bit is cool. Does sort of well in it's attitude, but it's the main riff that gets it.

47=. Berryz Koubou - Sayonara Hageshiki Koi

Berryz again. This song is more rockish in attitude to Munasawagi, but lacks as many cool riffs. The bass is the focus in this song though, and it's rather good. Vocals are pretty weak, as Berryz were until very recently. Solo is, frankly, cool. Dual guitars are always cool, even if they're as boring as this one. Other than that, not much to report.

45=. C-ute - Seishun Song

This is much more rockish. I like Maimi's voice, it has much potential. The riffs are good, the vocals are good, the drums are good. The song has energy. I like songs with energy. Solo lets this down a lot. There was room for something hectic and awesome, but only got a pretty crappy thing. This group version is cool. Adds more energy.

45=. Mano Erina - Genkimono de Ikou!

I really don't like her voice much. Sounds like vocaloid. Or a robot. Either way it has no power. But this song gave it some quaint wrongness that made me like it. The music is pretty heavy, the riffs are quite good, solo is bland but at least continues the energy, and in the PV, Mano has a fucking whip. That's all you need to know. The making of was also hilarious where she was showing the gimp how to slap properly. Makes me think more of her. Also makes me wonder how S she is, and how far she'd go...

But idols + whips = metal, without even trying on the music. Whips are fucking awesome.

42=. 9nine - Show TIME

Now, 9nine are a bit of an oddity for me at the best of times. I don't follow them as idols, in the same way I do H!P or AKB. It's more than I follow Umika and she just happens to be a member of 9nine. Their first album, honestly, doesn't do a lot for me. None of them are spectacular vocalists, and it had only a few memorable songs. I'm all for genre switching, but at least decide what genre you're in before switching it. Some songs would start off with something, build up, then go into something completely different. The second album was far more focused. Dean accused it of being too metal. It's really quite rockish, but a few songs skirt metal. Four were in the running for top fifty, two got in. This is one of them. The bass is fucking amazing at times. Guitar lines can be good. Vocals are weak. Drums are pretty decent. What gets me about this song is the chorus. It hits you out of fucking nowhere. It's a pure chant. Completely at odds with the verse. The guitar nonsense sounds are pretty fucking win. Squealing all over the fucking place. Rap is odd, but still amusing. Solo is again, all over the fucking place. Second solo even more so. Drums go crazy. Riffs get weird. This song is fucked up for most rock, let alone idol pop. But I love it.

42=. Canary Club - Hitomi ga Kirakirara

If it weren't for Pete's blog I wouldn't know about this song. But it is quite awesome. It mixes dance and metal phrasing and I love it when that happens, for some reason. The main riff is quite cool, the little buildup is spine tingling. Canary Club have some of the better singers in Tsunku's harem, and, in my opinion, the best of all of them, Ogamana. I know people still say Aichan, but Ogamana's got more emotion and passion, and can pull shit off that no one stuck in such a loli body has any right to. The drums in this are shitty dance beats, but doesn't detract much from the coolness of the riffs. Ogamana's scream pre-solo is awesome. Solo is decent enough. Truthfully, Ogamana's one of the few girls my voice fetish is active for. I want to make her scream. In a nice way. Also make her say dirty things.


42=. Heike Michiyo - Daikirai

Should this be higher? I'm unsure. Truthfully, Heike's vocals do nothing for me. I know she won ASAYAN and everything, but I always rated Asuka, Nacchi and even Yuko higher, vocally. And really, her voice doesn't fit this. The music's not bad, but it's more pussy-rock than metal. Guitar isn't too bad, the drums are good, the bass is boring. The solo is decent. Hatake's probably only good for shit like that. Dakedo Aishisugite might have challenged this for it's place, if it wasn't for the fucking stupid sounds.

40=. S/mileage - Onaji Jikyuu de Hataraku Tomodachi no Bijin Mama

This is where the fun begins.

This is rock. No doubting that. I still hate two of their voices. But this song is cool enough to stop my doubts for a while. It's got so much variation and awesome guitar work I'm actually envious of the bastard who did it, if they pulled it off in one take. Basswork is less spectacular, but the drums are pretty cool. The little grindcore bit at the end confuses and pleases me. The monologues over the solo please me not so much, though the fucked up channel shifting is intriguing enough to draw people in from the artistic side of the spectrum. Not sure this song won them many mainstream fans though. Also Nono windowsexing.

40=. AKB48 - Kagami no Naka no Jeanne d'Arc

This sounds like Maiden to me, silly dancy weak-drumbeats aside. Riffs are pretty typical NWOBHM, vocals aren't brilliant. Bass is standard metal fare. The song though, for all its metal credentials, lacks power. It's something of a problem I have with Maiden too though, so not really AKB's writer's fault. More the fault of NWOBHM for being a pretty toothless genre most of the time. The solo is pretty cool.

36=. Berryz Koubou - Otakebi Boy! WAO

Now this has some power, but less metal. The metal in this comes mostly from the vocals, which, unlike Berryz from earlier in their career, are strong as fuck. Risako's virtually growling, for fuck's sake. That's cool though, as usually her voice is annoying and here's it's not, so she's found her niche. It would amuse me no fucking end to see Risako and Miya do a "Beauty and the Beast" style gothic metal thing. The bass is pretty decent, drums are pretty standard. Solo is mental as fuck, not sure what the guitarist was on, but he was probably channelling me. I never have a damn clue what note I'm hitting either in solos. The apocalyptic video helped.

36=. Morning Musume - Koko ni Iruzee!

Well, you certainly can't get more energetic than this song. Drums are epic. Bass is epic. Ska feel is epic. Guitars are ska. Vocals aren't bad. Reminder that once Momusu were all powerful. What I wouldn't give for a return to stuff like this. The pace of this is so quick I'd almost label it thrash ska or something. The whole getting dirty in a mine thing reminds me ridiculously strongly of the PV for Rammstein's Sonne, which is cool enough in itself. Guitar solo is cool. Final refrain is a bit of a break from the madness, which is probably needed. Stuff as scarily cheerful as this is possibly more likely to induce insanity in people than Xasthur. The ass shot makes the PV at the end though.

36=. Buono! - Kirai Suki Daikirai

This song hasn't even been performed live yet. That first riff just gets me with its instant heavyness. Some of the guitars in this song are distorted beyond reason, some are pretty crap. The vocals are good as ever. What pisses me off about this song is the chorus. It's shit. I don't criticise Buono often, but this is a shit chorus. On the other hand it's heavy, so it's on the list. But it's not a song I particularly care for. Drums are heavy. Bass is crap. Guitar solo as chords is an interesting choice. It contributes to my disdain for Take it Easy as a single though.

36=. Morning Musume - Ambitious! Yashinteki de Ii Jan

This is probably the song that made me realise idols could have metal cred. The beats are annoying, the bass is pretty annoying synth bass, but the guitars man, the guitars! And the orchestrations too. The riffs are frankly mindblowing. If they were in a metal song I'd have jizzed by now. Vocals are pretty strong. The solo in this is mindblowing. If it weren't for that Man!Beast!God Michael Romeo, I'd probably put it among the coolest shreds ever. I can just imagine the guy pulling off a soloface as he's playing it, and shooting a load at the end. And maybe his fingers exploding.

32=. Queen & Elizabeth - Love Wars

When I first heard this I was like "wtf." How can two of the "cutie" members of AKB pull something like this shit off? Because this song pulls no punches. It rocks. The riffs are omnipresent. The damn thing rips shit apart. The chorus is a nice enough power-esque chorus, with the synths and everything. Drums are good, bass is good, riffs are cool. Vocals aren't as powerful as I'd like, but shit. It's the two Tomomi's, not much you can do. The little bit before the solo sounds like something Sepultura would do. The solo ain't bad at all, even with the mini-breakdown (hate that word) in the middle on the rhythm guitar.

32=. Hangry&Angry - Sadistic Dance

Yossie is cool. This song is also cool. I have a weakness for dance and metal at once. This fucking grabs me by the balls and rips them off. It's energetic in a totally non-"genki" way. It's like, dark energy. Energy best put to use smashing up hotel rooms and getting it on with groupies. In terms of pure metal value, this doesn't have a lot. The riffs aren't great. The bass isn't there. The drums are dancy shit. But the vocals are power. And what the fuck is with their damn bike? The solo is phased to fuck, but it's cool.

32=. Morning Musume - How Do You Like Japan?

Gaki fucking rocks this song. She basically growls on this too. The guitars are heavy, the bass is heavier. The drums aren't amazing, but the vocals. Attitude. It's very nu-metal, in reality, but it's heavy. No one can pull off Yossie's crazy shit vocals like Yossie though. I miss them. The Engrish pisses me off too. But the energy is there. The energy seeps out and is frankly epic. There is no solo so can't grade it, but the doubletime at the end is cool.

32=. Fujimoto Miki - Namida Girl

This is fucking punk. The bass does something though, so it's not. But the drums are good, the bass is good, the guitars are good, Mikitty can sing brilliantly. The speed is damn good. The chorus isn't special, but cool enough. The whole song is basically spastically hit everything, especially at the end, but it's cool.

30=. Buono! - Independent Girl

The riffs in this are pretty damn cool. The bass is cool, the drums are cool. But as ever, it's the vocals that get me. That and the attitude. The lyrics to this song are so feminist it's actually amusing considering the audience. The heaviness is more subtle than in certain Buono songs though. On the other hand I've put slightly less heavy Buono songs above this. It's just cool. Cool and win. The whole solo bit is just laziness. But it works.

30=. Buono! - Nakimushi Shounen

This song got me from the beginning of the first Rock n Buono. It's just fucking pacey and win. The slightly chugged guitars, the bass, the drums. It's a cool song, and relatively heavy. Maybe not metal, but it's getting closer. The chorus is just anthemic. The vocals, especially live, are deep and awesome. The solo, especially in the original studio version is win. Not technically, just in how it sounds and doesn't sort of interfere. The drum/vocal bit is just punkish. Still one of my favourite Buono songs.

26=. Buono! - One Way=My Way

You may see what I'm getting at with one group domination now. This probably doesn't sound quite as heavy, and nowhere near as metal as the last two though. On the other hand, the bass is just so much more interactive. The chorus is cool, the verse is cool. The vocals are deep and sexy as ever. Shame it didn't have a backing band. The solo in this song is so 70s rock though, it's cool.

26=. C-ute - Forever Love

Not linking the PV because the concert version is so much sexier. This song has cool riffs and a cool dance beat. Not easy to pull off. The vocals are as annoyingly biased as ever, but Airi and Maimi do a good job. This is definitely one of the cooler dance metal things H!P have done. The suits are cool. Remind me of Akercocke, though Airi in a suit is infinitely hotter than Jason Mendonca. The solo is actually fucking cool. Until a certain song, it was probably the best guitar solo in a C-ute song. General solo-wise though, Massara is still top.

26=. Buono! - We Are Buono!

The heavyness in the bass in this live version is great. The song is short, sharp, and pretty much a "fuck you" to people who don't like them. The solo in the album version is cool, the interaction with Dolce in the live version is cooler. Miya's "BUONO!!!!!!!" yell is cool. If she got a bit more power into it I could imagine her ripping the roof off or something. If music were energy, this song would power a small city for weeks.

26=. Ogawa Mana - Teenage Blues

Now, Mana. I can wax lyrical about her vocals all day, but some of the stuff on this album was truly cool. This is one of those songs. The riff is heavy in a Chili Peppers way, the song is more funk rock than metal if I'm honest. But Mana's vocals are epic. Her little falsettos are great. The bass in this song is so win Flea could be playing. The chorus is, from a musical perspective, quite brilliant. The refrain is odd and downright shwing. The solo has both the guitar and bass soloing at the same time, and manages to work. That's a virtual impossibility, so I'm buggered at how it was pulled off. So, even despite not being metal, this is more metal than some metal just by being better. If that makes sense.

24=. Buono! - Goal

Most people's favourite Buono song, seemingly. This reminds me of shoegaze, honestly. With a bit of tinkering and a few more chords, and more interesting drums, and you're at Alcest. Oh, and don't forget the vocal reverb. It's not the heaviest song on earth, but the orchestrations in the chorus are sweet, and it works. The little post-chorus breakdowns are the heaviest bits, but the whole song just reminds me of different metal songs at different times, hence why it's so damn high. Final orchestration is epic.

24=. Hirano Aya - Harmonia Vita

Excuse Spanish subs. I had to wonder at this. Is Hirano Aya an idol? Surely as a seiyuu she's subject to some of the same restrictions, and some of the publicity, and shares some of the fanbase, and she was briefly part of Tsunku's harem when he did her Namida^3 single for the Hyakko anime. So I decided that she was and she wasn't. I decided to discount any of her anime work (despite me not doing the same for Berryz or Buono!), and any of her more commercial sounding pop punk, even though some of it does come off quite heavy. I was left with this. It truly is a fucking dark song. The piano, the guitars, the keys, hell, even her the drums contribute to the atmosphere. The solo is shit, but fits. Her vocals on the album version are pretty good. I dunno what happens to her live, but her voice gets more vibrato than a girl with a vibrator in every hole, so it's not quite as effective live. Even so, it's undeniably metal. Probably more metal than Within Temptation have been since Mother Earth, even. Would that Aya had the vocal control of Sharon den Adel though.

21=. Buono! - Gachinko de Ikou

This has energy, certainly, and some of the riffs are bordering between punk and metal. The prechorus has a decent little NWOBHM style arpeggio riff. The vocal melodies are good, back before their balls all dropped. Drums and bass are cool. About the most annoying thing with this song is the keyboards. They don't quite add anything. The refrain and solo on the other hand, is cool. It's nice and spacey, slightly prog. I like prog. I like stuff like this, and it's heavy enough to get it to here.

21=. 9nine - awake

This riff is heavy. And cool. Vocals are pretty bland as ever, but the riff, when it's going, is pure metal. The prechorus too. The tempo change for the chorus is just cool. The lead guitars are cool, even if on Dailymotion they're slightly inaudible. Bass is okay, drums are cool, even the silly dancy ones in the verse. The solo is weird as fuck. Fiddling around on the bottom strings with keys hovering, sounds weird as fuck but cool. I dunno what Sony plan to do with 9nine, but if their next album has something this cool on it it's on my buy list.

21=. Morning Musume - Tsuyoki de Yukouze

Energy. Pure energy. Bass. Metal riffs. Fast drums. This is thrash. I dunno whether it's thrash metal or thrash techno or what. But the speed of vocal delivery, I mean, fucking hell. Even I struggle with shit that fast. The bass fucks around like it's on speed. Solo is quick and easy. That ending is pure distortion guitar and cool.

20. Berryz Koubou - Otoko no Ko

Metal riffs make this a fucking sexy song. It's an odd one. Metal riffs, into something that ain't metal. It doesn't quite have the punch needed. But the metal riffs give it more metal cred than anything before. The prechorus and chorus at least some metal drumming. Vocals are decent. Solo is fucking evil. Those little bends are great for the minor key. Overall, good song.

19. AKB48 - ALIVE

This is metal. Proper metal. No more pussy shit. Listen to the fucking riffs. That guitar's screaming. The drums and bass are real. The vocals aren't perfect (face it, unison's never good in metal. You need one strong as fuck singer or epic harmonies), but the music is so metal. The bass does something too, so more metal than most metal. Wish I could explain why metal bassists are mostly shit. Can't though. This PV is metal as fuck too. Goth makeup, attitude, beatings, explosions, Yui faceplant. Win. Solo is cool too. Also, that dance near the end with them punching the floor animalistically... /,,/

18. AKB48 - Pioneer

More metal! Even the piano is fucking metal in this song. Dunno who writes these AKB metal songs, but they've been listening to way too much fucking power metal. Not that I mind. But some of this shit is brilliant as just metal, let alone idol metal. Drums, bass, guitars... all good. Would like an AKB metal solo song, to spare me the unison stuff, but oh well. Even so, epic. Solo is crazy cool. I think this is proof that some AKB guy sold his sold to demonic forces of some kind. Even if this isn't enough, more proof is forthcoming.

17. Buono! - Lady Panther

This is prog punk? Hammond organs bitch! Too fast and energetic to be prog metal or prog rock, so prog punk. Whatever it is, it's lush. Guitars, bass, drums, hammonds... all meld together in this fucking epic rush of awesomeness. Might be the Hammonds though. I have a hard-on for them. I can headbang to this, so it's metal enough for me. Solo is short but awesome.

16. AKB48 - Zannen Shoujo

Less powerful metal from AKB this time, but it's still metal, and it's better songwise. Mayuyu is some sort of robot anyway, her voice is cold and emotionless as Varg. In a different way. Also has "Lucifer" in the fucking lyrics. The two solos are epic. Chris has more emotion than Mayuyu, and Mayumi more than Chris, but all together, they make this shit pretty unnerving. Not to mention the entirely scripted "talking on the phone in the middle of the song" is pretty metal. "Fuck the song, I'm making a call". Hell yea. The end is just an epic metal cadence. I can see Mayuyu becoming HK-47 in the near future. Fucking hell. That turns me on actually.

15. Hangry&Angry - Angelia

This, unlike Sadistic Dance, actually has metal worth besides being epic. Also dance worth. It's just full of worth. It's the best H&A song to me, and the vocals and guitars, mixed with the crazy dance synth, make something fucking heavy and volatile and altogether fucking win. It's so dark and lush and nightmarish. The refrain has church bells. Sabbath much? Ignore the DJ shit and the solo ain't bad.

14. Buono! - Janakya Mottainai

This has some truly cool riffs. It's not as overtly metal as the AKB songs, but damn it rocks harder. The bass punches way above its weight. The drums are good, the vocals are good. The solo is truly the best in Buono's catalogue. All that string bending and crazyness. Happy, energetic, and good.

13. Morning Musume - Kanashimi Twilight

"So soon?" you ask. Why, yes. The riffs are metal, the bass is metal, the drums aren't far off. The vocals are good, the attitude is right. But it's not the most idol metal thing I've heard. Though I will admit those uniforms in the PV are hot. Yes, definitely. The problem with this song is that it just doesn't... kill enough people. The first riff is so good, but the rest just doesn't quite work as well. I think I judge it harder because I judge it as a metal song, rather than pop. The solo isn't great. Good, but standard.

12. Morning Musume - Samishii Hi

Now I bet you didn't fucking expect this. This song is probably to metal what Sarah Palin is to free love. Yet still I rank it higher than Kanashimi, the most metal song in Momusu's history. Well, let me explain. This song is fucking evil. It's been performed twice, and both times by the end of it no one could fucking see because they were all crying so much. Therefore, it's Doomusume. I mean, shit. This is My Dying Bride, not Jpop. Morning Dying Musume. This scored lowest of anything on my metal 700 scale. But it's this high because of its impact. It's so fucking depressing I want to kill myself. Usually only Xasthur make me want to kill myself, and that's got nothing to do with it being "suicidal black metal", it's just because Xasthur's such a shit band. Frankly, any Jpop song that is as thoroughly anti-genki and full of self-loathing as this deserves some massive praise.

11. Morning Musume Otomegumi - Yuujou ~Kokoro no Busu ni Naranee!~

So from utter despair to utter punk. Frankly, Sayu's voice suits this song. Mostly because no one in punk is supposed to be able to sing, but oh well. This is true punk. The riffs are cool, the bass follows the guitar perfectly. Creative bassists aren't allowed. Shit, the best known punk bassist couldn't even play bass properly. Drums are Dbeats and some cool fills. Vocals... Sayu wins. Hands down. No one else can sing that bad that well. Not even Charmy. Solo is punk as fuck. Thus shit. It's really amazing. This song is epic. The blastbeats are fun too. Lyrics are punk. It's cool.

10. Buono! - Kataomoi

This is heavy dammit. Not metal per se, but heavy. The chorus is just pure rocking. The verse less so, but the chorus gets it all. The guitars are heavy, the bass is heavy. The drums are good. The solo is good. But the vocals win. I really fucking hope the new Buono single is fucking epic, because to do less is to put down their voices, which just shouldn't be done.

9. Berryz Koubou - Baka ni Shinaide

This song is so fucking 80s it's a joke. The riffs are cool in a artificial harmonic way. The bass is annoying as it's synth, but the guitars and 80s synths make this more metal than metal. It's like, fucking Duran Duran metal. Beverly Hills Cop Metal. It's just cool as hell, and I fucking love it. The solo is also 80s. That slide at the end is cool. The vocals just work. This is cool.

8. Buono! - My Love


SKA METAL!!! You don't know how fucking long I tried to make a song blending ska and metal, never fucking could. Then Buono get this. This! It's got some fucking downtuned as fuck (or 7string) guitars, the chorus is epic. It's pretty much what Kirai Suki Daikirai tried, and failed dismally. The ska bits are epic. There's pace. There's energy. There's fucking awesome. Solo's lol. The doublebassdrumming at the end is fakjea. But the trumpets man. I hate trumpets. But in ska I love the fuck out of them. MOAR TRUMPETS!

Shit, moar ska metal plz.

7. Hangry&Angry - The Peace

Now, covers is probably cheating. But FUCK ME WITH A SPOON if this isn't fucking death metal musume? There's growls in this. Real growls, not Risako with stomach pains because she hasn't eaten in the past 3 minutes. The riffs are so dense they're fucking win. The drums are basically metal. No getting around that. The vocals are good. That breakdown is so fucking heavy it makes my head want some Slayer. Solo ain't bad. Doublebass at end is too much fucking win. Yea, cover be damned, this is heavier than fucking everything on H&A's discography.

6. Buono! - Our Songs

Heavy. Spastic drums, downtuned guitars, rocking rhythms. Not only would I headbang to this, I would start a fucking massive pit. The verse tones it down, but has a nice chord progression in there. Prechorus knocks it back up a notch, then chorus is nice and sweet vocally, with these fucking massive evil chords under it. Chorus into verse is a damn odd transition but it works. Vocally, this is probably their second best after Tabidachi. Power and emotion in one. The solo sounds like me, ie. hit fucking anything. Random keychange at the end is so unexpected, pointless and awesome I love it.

5. AKB48 - AKB Sanjou

That guy's at it again. The riffs, the drums, the bass... NWOBHM. Dunno if he's been taking lessons or something, but it fucking works. And has energy that a lot of NWOBHM lacked. Vocals still aren't great. Solo is fucking cool. Very NWOBHM, very memorable. This song is cool dammit.

4. Suzuki Airi - Aa Koi

When I first heard this, encased within the pile of diabolic crap that was Shocking 5, I had to blink. This is fucking evil. That riff. Airi's vocals. Everything about this screams "evil". I can see Airi performing a black mass onstage and sacrificing someone. That would be cool. Airi covered in blood = hot. The guitars are damn awesome. The bass does something. The drums work. Her voice is stronger than just about everyone in H!P now, and might challenge Mana for topspot in Tunky's harem soon. What's most evil about this song though, is the solo. Rivals Ambitious for soloface orgasm.And finger explosions. Fucking dark, sexy, and this song is win.

3. Ogawa Mana - Suppin Rock

Not as metal as you expected, maybe, but the riffs in this are still fucking potent enough to kill small animals, and her voice is still enough for me want to do lots of fun things to her. Not to mention her Afro rivals Slash. The bass is what gets this high up though. The more metal things get, the less imaginative the bass, seemingly. Maybe could do a mathematical equation to that effect. But the combination of Mana's fucking win vocals, the cool-factor, the cool riffs, the bass, and the not-shit drums made up for its lack of relative heaviness, and brought it this high. Solo ain't bad either. All in all, fucking win.

2. AKB48 - Korogaru Ishi ni Nare

This was the only real challenger for first place. I mean, listen to it. Fucking NWOBHM has nothing on this. This has production and cute girls. NWOBHM had hairspray and spandex. The riffs are frankly godlike within even that stale genre, the bass stays out of the way but doesn't suck. The drums are actually fucking good. The solo is godlike. Does what the hell it's supposed to, shows off like fuck, works with the music, but doesn't technical-freak the fuck out of it. Some slow blastbeats at the end. Really, there's only one song that could possibly outmetal this.

1. Buono! - My Boy

I bet no one guessed...

But, yes. Obviously. The problem with Korogaru is that is was an entrant in what's basically an established metal genre. It took NWOBHM to its boundaries, broke the fuck out of them, shot it in the back of the head and raped its corpse, but it was still NWOBHM.

I don't have a fucking clue what My Boy is, except awesome. Digital hardcore industrial thrash? Fuck knows. Guitars are cool. Bass is cool when you can hear the fucker. Drums are programmed but cool. Vocals are cool.

In a way, this song has shaped the past 2 years of my life. Without this song, I wouldn't have gone to Sweden. Without Sweden, no Eurowota, no awesome mates. Also no [censored for the good of the public] but who the fuck cares about her anyway. Maybe soon she'll [censored for the good of the public] on her own vomit.

Anyway, the solo in this thing is fucking mental, I've yet to figure out if it's physically possible for anyone to play, or if I'm just that shit of a guitarist.

But yea, taking genres, fucking them up and making what's virtually a new genre out of them is fucking amazing. And I'd say it's a type of metal, because it's too fucking awesome not to be.

In Conclusion

Shocking eh. No "JUMP" by C-ute. No THE Possible, despite Robin's rock vocals being fucking awesome.

So, what is metal? What is heavy?

Only answer I've gained from this is POWER. Anything that can grab a listener's attention, using a rock base, rock hard and draw the listener in. I guess. Metal can be fast or slow, hard or soft, uses more instruments now than most people know even exist. Fuck it, why bother.

But oh well. This is my list, and I'm bored now having written 10000 words in 5 hours again. Moan away, and make your own lists if you care.

Hva faen,



  1. haha win, I was thinking which of the songs you omitted and at first I was expecting KT but I remembered you like Yossie too much :p Interesting list with some surprises to it, but cool to see

  2. This was awesome. Made me giggle like a little girl every so often. Especially the Risako jokes. God, I don't think they'll ever get old for me. Anyway, I think you pretty much got every song in there that needs to be included, EXCEPT... I was kinda wondering if you forgot about Aa!'s Yume to Genjitsu, cause that track is badass. Or, perhaps you just didn't find it metal enough, in which case, fair enough.

    In any case, props for this. This post needs to become like the bible for the metalhead H!P fan.

  3. Yume to Genjitsu was on my list of 72, it just never got 700'd. Not sure why. I was pretty drunk when I did all the ratings though so I must have missed it :P Even so though, I'd probably only put it around 30. Dammit, don't want to have to rewrite the whole thing, so I'll just list here :P

    Songs that missed the cut were:
    Aa! - Yume to Genjitsu
    AKB48 - Blue Rose; Dareka no Tame ni; Honest Man; Majisuka Rock n Roll; MARIA; Mushi no Ballad; Uhouhohoho
    Berryz - Maji Bomber; Tsukiatteru no Kataomoi
    C-ute - Bokura no Kagayaki; Jump; Massara Blue Jeans; Meguru Koi no Kisetsu
    H&A - Kill Me Kiss Me
    Momusu - It's You; Shabondama
    9nine - Monster; sky
    The Possible - Aishite!Give Me; Happy 15; Love Message

  4. When I saw you included AKB48 the first song that came to mind was Korogaru Ishi ni nare. It's my personal favorite and now I know why! I always knew there's a metal chick somewhere inside XD