2012 Top Idol List

So, it's January. Time for my generally yearly idol list. Once again, sorry for those of you waiting for an ode to the idol posterior, but once again I've just not seen enough good ass pics to deliver.

Last years winners have suffered somewhat at the hands of newer (younger) competition, some older members making better impressions on me, and one very prominent re-entry.

Due to this interesting state of affairs, it will now be a top 25. Couldn't fit in all the tags though, so I took out the lower ranked girls.

However, due to the scandal that hit while I was in the middle of writing this post, I have had to search around rather a lot for who in my mind is #25.

Nacchan, I honestly don't care about you having a boyfriend (or your terrible taste in men), but damn you for making me have to think of someone to replace you...

So, first off we shall start with a retrospective of the last two years.


2010 went something like this:
20. Kamei Eri
19. Ohse Ami
18. Iida Kaori
17. Okada Robin Shouko
16. Niigaki Risa
15. Hirano Aya
14. Yajima Maimi
13. Arihara Kanna
12. Michishige Sayumi
11. Lightbulb
10. Tsugunaga Momoko
9. Suzuki Airi
8. Junjun
7. Yoshizawa Hitomi
6. Hirano Tomomi
5. Ogawa Mana
4. Konno Asami
3. Miyazawa Sae
2. Kuwae Sakina
1. AKINA

In 2011 I implemented lots of new rules and thus it went something like this:
20. Suzuki Kanon
19. Tokkii
18. Ogawa Saki
17. Takajo Aki
16. Uchida Mayumi
15. Shimizu Saki
14. HK-47Watanabe Mayu
13. Minegishi Minami
12. Yajima Maimi
11. Sashihara Rino
10. Michishige Sayumi
9. Tsugunaga Momoko
8. Suzuki Airi
7. Hirano Tomomi
6. Mitsui Aika
5. Miyazawa Sae
4. Ogawa Mana
3. Oku Manami
2. Okada Robin Shouko
1. Kawashima Umika

So, with that in mind, let's move to the once again completely random rules that I just made up.

1. I define idols as current members of a current group who currently release idol music, or solo singers who do the same and are generally defined as idols.
2. If a former member of an idol group redebuts under a different name or as a solo singer, or both, and is still primarily known as an idol, they qualify.
3. However, members of retrospective groups that merely take the limelight away from current members do not.
4. No fapping this time. Just going to rank with my favourite...

7 Arbitrary Rankings

Namely:

1. Cuteness (in my superior definition)
2. DAWWWWW (ie. want to hug them)
3. DING DONG SHWING (ie. want to bang them)
4. Physical Attributes (ie. how perfect they are)
5. Non-Physical Attributes (ie. personality/disorders)
6. Idol Ability (ie. singing, dancing, hilarity, none of which matters)
7. Awesomeness (most arbitrary, out votes all the others anyway)

700 is impossible.

So, first I'll start off with some notable absenses.

Graduations:

• Oku Manami graduated. Only ever see her nowadays on Mariko's blog, and rarely, but she's still cute.
• Ogawa Mana, along with Niwa Mikiho and the rest of Canary Club left TNX and went back to Spacecraft. Therefore I don't really know what the fuck is going on with them, because I've not seen a bloody thing of Mana since.
• Hirano Tomomi and about 30 others graduated from H!P Eggs, so disappointed I never really got to see them shine, and Tomomi in particular.
• Ogawa Saki. Such a shame. Now S/mileage has one half of a good member left. Honestly can't even be fucked with them anymore.

Firings:

• Hirajima Natsumi. Obviously. I was in the middle of writing this post when it was announced, and as it stood she had 545 points.  That would have put her at #7 on my list. Then scandal hit, so I lost the will to write and procrastinated for a few days to finish writing it while I tried to decide who the hell to add in on the end. Also, she "resigned", but obviously that's just the idol world way of saying "we told her to resign so we wouldn't look bad."

Drops Out Of Top 25:

• Miyazawa Sae has been a bit odd for me this year. On the one hand, I still find her funny, sometimes cute, and think she has wonderful legs. On the other, two other members of DiVA have been making way more of an impression on me, and I've not really seen much from Sae this year that would get her ranking back up high enough again. Shame.
• Mitsui Aika had a broken leg/ankle/foot/existence for basically the whole of 2011. Plus with the onslaught of newer, fresher members, and Sayu and Reina upping their game in order to keep pace, Aika's now languishing with Gaki at the bottom of the pile in Momusu for me.
• Minegishi Minami is still oddly cute, irreverent and silly, but just didn't quite hit the same peaks she did last year for me. Only thing really of note was that Kaspersky Miivirus thing, but as it's Kaspersky, that just made me annoyed.
• Shimizu Saki. Berryz just haven't done too well at all this year. Captain should have been out in front leading the way, but instead seemed content to just sit behind her slightly more batshit insane subordinates and dance.
• Uchida Mayumi has done pretty much nothing of note this year except go to a Galneryus concert and sing Suirenka at the Karaoke festival. Props for good music taste, but push yourself harder!
• Takajo Aki has simply become too popular. And much as she's still cute, has a sexy body and a cute but weird raspy voice, she's attached by the hip to her dogs, which turns me off to the power of a thousand.

So then, that's 10 missing from last year's list, and I have 15 to replace them with. So, let's get on with it eh.

25. Sayashi Riho

Yes, I'm well aware that last year I said that there was no fun in watching someone who could already sing and dance improve. Well... I was slightly wrong. In the past year, Riho has gone from being rather serious to a complete psycho. Personally I blame Norks, but it's fun to see her breaking out of her shell. Of course, her push is pretty massive. I can only think of Nacchi, Gocchin and Reina who've had a quicker push to the front than her. But she's managing to back it up pretty well, and her photobook shows she's possibly the most photogenic member since Sayu. Even if she is a bit chubby.
370/700

24. Watanabe Miyuki

2011 was the year of the NMB. Selling over 250k copies of one's debut single isn't just impressive, it's phenomenal. So yes, props for that. But onto Milky herself. She's... delicious. She has rather massive ears, but they don't detract from her cute-as-hell face, her sexy body or her very random sense of humour. She seems to think it perfectly normal that she needs two entire backpacks of cosmetics for a day. She also has an unhealthy obsession with skin whitening products. But she's from Nara, which makes it all fine. She got involved in one of the numerous NMB scandals this year (was dropped from senbatsu for a single), though no one seems to have a clue what it was actually about. Rumours suggest two girls invited fans back to their rooms, and Milky and another girl knew about it but did nothing. I find that a bit farfetched, so I'd conclude that underage drinking or a fight would be a more simple explanation. But still... DAT ASS.
435/700

23. Norks

She's still as psychoactive as ever. Also, as evidenced by Riho, capable of infecting others with her madness. Maybe instead of Norks I should call her Sheogorath. But yes, her singing voice has done exactly what I predicted and become amazing, she's still the life and soul of basically the whole of Momusu at the moment, and seems like she's managed to even infect Ishida Ayumi, who I wasn't too enthused by at first. But a few months down the line and I can see some cuteness starting to emerge. So yes, I shall dub her Daedric Princess Norks Sheogorath, Unholy Being Who Infects Others With Her Insanity, And Thus Brings Out Their Cuteness. Seems fitting.
440/700

22. Shimazaki Haruka

Paruru would be a lot higher if only she were slightly more insane. At the moment she's a bit slow to react and dense, but cute as hell. She seems to have become Team 4's frontgirl while Minarun was suspended and Ranran was busy playing golf, and Lemon was busy annoying everyone. She's really got this high on the cuteness and DAWWWWW ratings, with a decent amount on the physical perfection. But she's still got time to improve, so shall enjoy watching with great interest.
450/700

21. Takayanagi Akane

Churi, lover of birds. Actual birds. Though due to SKE's new PV maybe she's into the other type of birds too... But yes, the Team KII captain is quite off her rocker. Unlike the Team S captain, the admittedly cute but a bit lacking in presence of mind Hirata Rikako, she's actually a front girl. Pretty steady #3 in SKE and ranks as high Undergirls in AKB elections. Churi caught my eye first in the AKBとXX program, where she lead the SKE team for a good number of episodes. It was this program that also introduced me properly to Milky and two other girls right at the top of my list, so I have it to thank for a lot. Still, she captains quite easily the most insane team in SKE, full of old people (5 over 20, with another 3 in the next year, oldest is 25), and young people (6 are 16 or younger, youngest is 14). KII probably has the oddest age range in the AKB empire. So Churi, at 20, gets to lead them. Even if she is a crazy bird lady.
470/700

20. Tsugunaga Momoko

This year, Momo became popular. She's been on more TV shows than any other H!P member except maybe Sayu, and that's just because I can't be bothered to count. She has a catchphrase that's entered mainstream. She gets kicked a lot. It's quite funny, and Momo has pretty much assumed control. Even so, she's had quite a drop this year. Is it due to Berryz' failure? Buono's failure? I would say yes, but I'm not sure. She seems to be set on continuing the cutesy act into her 20s, but unlike Sayu, it's difficult to argue the case for her being cute in a traditional way. When I look at Momo I can easily see what she'll look like when she's 40. When I look at Sayu, I can barely even tell she's over 20. But, on the other hand, Momo's insanity is a major plus point for her, so she lands here.
480/700

19. Sato Amina

Yay, another weirdo. Amina has a fetish for sniffing people's heads. More seriously though, she's probably AKB's most shafted member. Shafted by the management that is, not fucked. Unlike most AKB members, she didn't join AKB as a step to become a future singer or talent or bogstandard celebrity, she joined AKB because she wanted to be in AKB. She was one of the first female fans of AKB, so went to their shows and decided to join. When she got into Kenkyuusei, in order to have more chances to appear she learned every dance from every AKB song. She got promoted to a team, but never got pushed. Yet somehow, when the first senbatsu election results came through, she was 8th. Ahead of most of the pushed ones. Since then, she's been 18th in both other elections, yet has never been in an Aside except in those singles. Even when she is voted into the singles, she gets less screentime than those below her. Why? I don't know. But she's cute, funny and the eternal underdog, thus she's on my list. This year she may break out a bit more due to getting a role in the AKB0048 anime, which means she gets to be on the themesong senbatsu too.
490/700

18. Sashihara Rino

And in complete contrast, the most pushed girl of recent times. Sasshi's had her own TV show, been put in a unit with AKB's second most popular member, been given her own drama, her own solo single, now has the highest selling photobook in one week ever, and came 9th in the election with a propoganda machine that would be the envy of many governments. So why is she here? Well, she is still hilarious. Also, when Takamina's not around she's often the most likely to speak out on TV shows. She also is damn hot. Don't really have much else to say but oh well, look at the picture...
491/700

17. Michishige Sayumi

I'm not entirely sure what the photographer of Sayuminglandoll was on, but I want some of it. She has become cuter, again, not entirely sure how but it is disturbing. She's seemingly upped her game in the past year. Far from becoming the worst vocalist in Momusu again, she's actually improved. Colour me shocked. She's still got a terrible range and is terribly nasal, but she seems a lot more capable in her comfort zone, and isn't nearly as bad as Ikuta. In the winter concert from last year, Sayu was probably the strongest performer in Momusu behind Aichan, which is saying something. Of course, with Aichan gone and Gaki going, Sayu's in line to be the next leader. Which is amusing, I must say. She does get along well with the newer members, even if she does keep trying to molest Riho. With her and Reina I think they have a good balance of mentors for the newer girls, Sayu to teach them how to act in front of the camera, and Reina to teach them how to sing and dance slightly better. She's also now got one of the lead roles in this new H!P drama which is weird as hell but Sayu is amusing so I can occasionally make myself watch it.
495/700

16. Nakagawa Haruka

So Harugon is 20 in less than two weeks. It also seems that she's finally grown out of her childishness. In photoshoots, anyway. In the latter part of 2011 there were loads of photoshoots with her looking hot as hell, with none of her usual silly grins or anything. But even so, she's still the same as ever on TV shows and suchlike. Of course, losing Nacchan's hard for her and Watarirouka as a whole. Before, Harugon could act silly and let Nacchan be the older, sensible one. Even though Harugon's older. But anyway, now she's the most senior member without question, so she'll either have to change a bit or just learn to delegate. Still, she's cute and awesome, and her voice still makes me a bit hard.
500/700

15. Okada Robin Shouko

NGP have been silent on the actual releases this year. There was a Possible minialbum with solo versions of old songs, and one new song which sucked. There were solo DVDs for each member, which also sucked. But on the other hand, Robin hasn't dropped as far as Mana, Tokkii or Mikki, simply because I have actually seen her on something, namely Tsuntube. In the early episodes Robin and Kohime were the ultimate winners. I think there was an awards thing the other day, and Robin drew with ADNagisa for most 萌え badges. Not bad considering ADNagisa's been on nearly every episode since like episode 5. So yes, she has survived. Just. Hopefully the new Possible stuff this year will be decent. And maybe she'll get another Herbie Yamaguchi shot photobook. That'd make me happy.
502/700

14. Watanabe Mayu

So, our delightful robot goddess. In the past year she's once again instigated minor warfare in Majisuka, experimented with lesbianism in Sakura Kara no Tegami (though I suppose it's debatable if a girl kissing Sae is actually lesbian, considering Sae is a bloke), and now she has her own drama in which she's a 38 year old teacher who sometimes becomes a 17 year old idol. Her photobook was certainly, as Henkka put it, not half-assed at all. Her new single doesn't sound too bad, though need to listen to it more. She's also qualified for a role in AKB's new anime. Plus she got 5th again in the election, so all in all a pretty good year. Here's to another one.
505/700

13. Yajima Maimi

Still too damn perfect. Her DVDs this year weren't amazing, but some of the pictures that came from them were. Likewise Tabioto has some nice pictures. She's also in this H!P drama, which is interesting, and in the silly Berryz/C-ute horror movie which I've not seen. She's also in Zomvideo with Nakky this year which looks interesting. Her singing and dancing abilities have remained constant, that is, above normal for idols. All in all, not too shabby at all.
508/700

12. Kitahara Rie

Bandage moe~! I have really started to like Rie lately. Her lovely dark skin, her sexy lips, her erotic poses, her long dark hair, her belly fat and vagina-armpits, her luscious legs and of course, her pubic hair escaping her bikini... She's really quite win. Plus intelligent. She broke SKE's streak of getting the top member in the Shukan AKB intelligence tests. Plus she does an amazing impersonation of Yankumi from Gokusen. Plus she has a bandage fetish. She's in Not Yet with Sasshi, Yuko and Yokoyama "I Can't Be Fucked" Yui, which boosts her exposure considerably. Glad the rumours about her being dropped from senbatsu for Give Me Five were unfounded. Here's to more unagi!
510/700

11. Masuda Yuka

Yuka's impressed me this year. Her singing voice is fucking awesome (to the extent that Myao told her to stop taking the piss, as it was supposed to be a relaxed karaoke, not a singing festival), her speaking voice is win just because of her Kansai-ben (why does it do so much for me? I don't know, but it does), and I must say she has a very sexy body. Even if I'm not too fond of actual tits. She's now my second favourite in DiVA, even if DiVA itself still annoys me. Oh well, another year for win is at hand. Another solo single plz.
525/700

10. Asakura Saki/Kuwae Sakina

So, she's back. Of course, from #2 to off the list to #10, not too bad. But yea, she's more underground than ever, and cuter than ever too. She seems to be doing concerts at the moment, hopefully she's building back up to something bigger and better, but looking forward to whatever comes out of my favourite non-loli loli goddess.
527/700

9. Oota Aika

Lovetan, Tsundere Princess of Win. Insanely cute, rather funny, rather irritable (also cute) and a lot more mature than she looks. Watarirouka's most mature member probably, now that Nacchan is gone, despite being the youngest. Hasn't gotten a lot of exposure this last year, except appearing in senbatsu for the first time in ages for Kachuusha, but hopefully this year is better.
530/700

8. Kawashima Umika

So, a bit of a drop for last year's #1. A few reasons for that being that 9nine's singles since CrossOver have all sucked, she's now in a drama with Hirano Aya about becoming an idol (Hirano Aya is obviously the worst person for advice on being an idol ever). Her dramas in the past year have been variable quality. Heaven's Flower got cancelled before the end due to the earthquake, so I've not seen the end. Koukousei Restaurant was horrible (much as I like Kansai-ben, hearing people from Kantou trying to speak in it as if a native is really not going to work). Hanawake no Yon Shimai was good, though Umika didn't have enough screentime. Plus no photobook and you get her in 8th. Hopefully she can climb back up a bit.
535/700

7. Ariyasu Momoka

So, yes. #2 of the former Power Age girls on this year's list. Being in Momoclo has some benefits. There are only 5 of them so they all get more screentime. They're also all pretty much psychopaths. Momoka's one of the silliest (if not the most insane, that has to be Reni if the stories about her having split personalities is true), and she's also the best singer and dancer of the group, if not prone to Kanako's contortionist leanings. Still, prone to doing stuff like this at a moment's notice. Or dressing up in nurse uniforms and holding a giant syringe filled with a green liquid that I can only imagine is supposed to be a weird type of enema for extra colourful mess. Or something. Still, she's short and cute, instant win.
540/700

6. Matsui Rena

Delicious super hot curry eating vegetarian psycho blood spurt artery murder melonpan lover. Rena is also kind, funny and silly in equal doses. And prone to having trysts with Jurina. Her silly monologues in Magical Radio were also lulz. But really, once you've stuck a broken pencil up someone's nose, you can't really be any lower than this without being injured. Moderately. Rena's only weaknesses are her forehead (which she seems to hate) and meat. There was a "super hot curry" eating contest on Shukan AKB a while back. Everyone thought Rena would blitz it due to her inability to taste spice. Certainly, everyone before her was like, "It's too hot!!!!" Rena's turn arrived. One mouthful, "Ah! There's meat in it!!!" and started crying. However, she is a complete metalhead. Throws out the horns at any given opportunity, did a magazine shoot where she was giving shoutouts to oldschool Metallica, and did the loudest scream of any member in the 48 family at the Seibu Dome concerts. All in all, win.
555/700

5. Ichikawa Miori

17 has never looked so illegal. Yes, Fresh Lemon, of the most annoying yet catchy catchphrase ever. Of the incredibly hard and painful head. Number #3 former Power Age member, showing that Stardust really did suck at keeping popular girls until they made Momoclo. Lemon's been pushed quite a lot this year, is probably the most well-recognised of any of the Team 4 girls, just for being small, cute and insane. On the other hand, she is growing slightly, she's now taller than Takamina and Minarun. Slightly. But I can't see her star fading just yet, and she does seem to be having some sensible moments in between the psychosis. Few and far between, so she's still adorable, but when the time comes that she can't pull off the cute act anymore the transition may not be as hard as I first thought.
560/700

4. Umeda Ayaka

Umechan's grown on me immensely of late. It's not her dance skills, which are impressive; it's not her singing, which isn't bad; it's not her face, which is hit or miss most of the time in terms of looking attractive. Nope, it's her speaking voice. I could just listen to it all day. It's so calming and deep and luxurious and rich. It's possibly the sexiest voice I've ever heard. She also hit senbatsu for the first time since Baby Baby Baby in Uekara Mariko, and was voted 22nd in the election, so centre for Undergirls. She also has a hot body and a marvellous delicious flatchest. Hoping some of the G+ random talk becomes truth and she's the Flatchest Senbatsu Centre. She's also short as hell, yay.
575/700

3. Suzuki Airi

Airi, the only entry from last year's list to actually go up in ranking. Her photobooks and DVDs this past year have been top notch. Her singing is still top notch. Her dancing is still top notch. Also been in three movies and the new H!P drama. She's also still dense, still silly, and still cute. And still DFC. Yay.
580/700

2. Yamamoto Sayaka

To say my mind has been viciously assaulted by Sayanee in the past month would be an understatement. Since G+ started, she's consistently posted these incredibly moe~ pictures that are at complete odds to her "super hot body cool older sister" character, the above picture being the ultimate example of it. She's cute, she's DAWWW when she does pics like these, she's hot as hell so gets the SHWING points, has Kansai-ben, is funny with her castle impressions, plays guitar, and keeps NMB afloat as Captain. She has this kind of effect on me (don't click if you're squeamish).

Honestly, she's just too damn win.
585/700

1. Kimoto Kanon

Non. Cutest of them all, loli overlord and stab-crazy Tsundere, obsessed with Gyouza, football and other old man habits, yet still not above being cute and silly. Quite sadistic, but scared of snakes, capable of stabbing people with no thought and yet endearingly DAWWW at all times. Honestly difficult to sum up simply because since she's become my oshi, no one else has even come close. Shame she seems to think she's fat, she really isn't. Nothing wrong with having plump thighs and buttocks dammit. The new SKE video has renewed my faith in humanity, and even I have to admit Kuumin really did a job on stealing Non's first kiss (to the extent that apparently she wanted to apologise to Non's parents about it). Still, hope to see her in more lulz dramas and silly things involving Gyouza or minor insanity at any point in time, and if she isn't still at the top of my list next year, I'll be very surprised.
595/700

So, that's it for this too damn long post. Hopefully I'll be back to scheduled broadcasting with the long promised ass post soon. Hopefully.