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Post Japan Group Write Up 1: A Ludicrous Paradoxical Perplexity of a Syndrome of Legal Young Girls and Sin


Gouhou Lolita Syndrome

Also known as Lolisyn.



They had impressed me last time I went to Japan, especially Hiro who had flounced over to give me a free cheki because she was bored or something. At the moment they are formed of two girls, Hiro (left) and Halu (ハル in JP, but she romanises herself as Halu so who am I to argue? right). They previously had two other members, without Hiro and Halu, but they both graduated at the same time so 2nd gen is now it. They're also sometimes joined by Rinen, who is actually not legal, thus they change their name to Gouhou Lolita Syndrome・Kai (revision) when she performs. They're also sometimes joined by the band Slipperknot who play live instruments behind them.

First off I'll go into some ground rules with Lolisyn. Just because they're quite mental doesn't mean there aren't any. Firstly, absolutely no touching. No handshakes, high fives, or anything of the like. Hiro often puts her hand up and says "yo!" when you talk to her. Most foreigners (including me) would likely take this as a "high five bro!" signal, but if you try she'll get pissed off at you. You can air high five, but that's about it. Apparently she sometimes runs wild a bit and people get away with more, but don't take this as something that happens all the time. Secondly, yes, Lolisyn will step on you. No, the bottom of their shoes does not count as "touching" so they're allowed to do it. Some of the fans bring props. One guy wears nekomimi and wraps a pink chain around his neck with a bell on it for Hiro to hold whilst she stands on him. As long as it doesn't involve proper touching they pretty much can stand on you any way you want. Thirdly, I have no idea how old Rinen is but I think it's safe to say the same standards don't apply to her. Unless you see Rinen standing on wota personally I'd stick to the regular cheki stuff (peace signs and such) until she's a full member or legal.


(Rinen Debut)

Their songs are on the heavier side of the idol spectrum, coming probably just above half of Babymetal's output and just below the rest. When it was Rina and Natsumi they were supposedly "emo" idols but there's scarce any trace of that left now. The fans though are probably a level above Babymetal's on the crazy scale. Whilst a wall of death may be fun, the sheer exuberance of the wota at Lolisyn gigs is a level above. As many metal fans (and physicists) will tell you, a sparser number of moving objects tend to collide at greater velocity, thus the sea of people moshpits that form at Babymetal concerts tend to be more suffocating than violent. Also the fewer number of people means it's easier to escape if you fall, which you can't always do at more popular groups.


(First gen)

Because I can, I decided to translate the lyrics to Kyoaku Naru Croissant.



Still the most gloriously fucked up wotagei ever.

Ahh, Yossha Ikuzo! Tiger! Fire! Cyber! Fiber! Diver! Viber! Ja ja!
Curry! Bean Curd! Ramen! Pork Cutlet! Beef bowl! Tempura bowl! Gotta be a croissant!
Anpan! Minipizza! Curry bread! Loaf of bread! Cornet! Danish! Gotta be a croissant!

Round 1
Fight

I'm starving... nope, it's just my imagination
(That ain't true)
A gourmet TV show is on, gulp, now I'm drooling
(Haa haa haa)
I'm a maiden, I've got to stick to my diet
(No way no way no way)
I was going to eat, but with merely water I shall prevail.

I haven't eaten anything today; what if I die tomorrow?
(That's just an excuse)
I've only lost 100g so far and I'm already at my limit, I don't get it!

But I won't get anywhere if I don't do my best, I want to alter myself.
So I'll pour all my effort into this diet, just like I dreamed.
Oh yeah, we won't get anywhere if we don't smile, we all want to change
So let's do our best and give it a shot, let's make our dreams come true

I want to eat a croissant.

Round 2
Fight

This kind of delusion is surely a punishment game
(White eyes yo)
I will soon rebound from this reality.
(Oh my god!)
I'm a failure of a human, f-f-f-failed human
(Non non non)
Just one bite will be fine, f-f-f-fruitless diet.

I deliberately buy clothes one size too small
(On yahoo auctions?)
Whilst watching TV I do four sets of crunches, then have a long bath.

So I'm gonna start moving now, I've gotta seize my fate,
Seriously I can't stop moving, there's nothing now but the future.
Oh yeah let's seize this never ending circle of fate,
Seriously I can't stop moving, the future has no limits.

What will I do if I can finish this diet?
(What will we do?)
Can I make a request? Almond croissant, chocolate croissant,
I'd like five of each.
(Fucking croissant!)

But I won't get anywhere if I don't do my best, I want to alter myself.
So I'll pour all my effort into this diet, just like I dreamed.
Oh yeah, we won't get anywhere if we don't smile, we all want to change
So let's do our best and give it a shot, let's make our dreams come true

I want to eat a croissant.
I really love croissants.
I'll have to wait for croissants.
But I'm gonna eat the croissants. Yea!

You lose.
 Obviously I translated the least heavy song they've ever done. Oh well. With any luck, I've piqued your interest somewhat. Go fucking see them.

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