Year In Review 2011 Part 3: Other Idols, Final and Awards

As I don't know whether or not I'll have a computer over the new year, I've decided to try to condense everything into one post. This might be difficult or it might not. As I stated at the end of the previous post, the "other idols" bit will be much curtailed anyway due to me not having the time or inclination to bother doing an in depth review on things I've a) not heard properly so can't form an objective option, b) heard and disliked, or c) decided to give an award to anyway. As such, the other idols section will basically consist of short writeups only, before I go into the awards and get controversial.

Nice Girl Project

I've been disappointed with NGP this year. Not only have Canary Club left and gone back to Spacecraft (goodbye Mana...), The Possible have released nothing of note (a few abysmal gravure DVDs and one pointless minialbum with solo versions of old songs). This is annoying. Luckily, they have appeared quite a lot on Tsuntube and seem to be helping out in Tsunku's new Akiba Idol Training Café thing, so maybe not all dead yet. Also seems they'll be releasing a new Indies single or something soon.

But yes, all in all quite a bad year. I confess myself disappointed.

Momoiro Clover Z

A rather successful year by non-AKB idol standards has seen Momoclo not only carve out their own little niche in the market, but also start a small scale assault on popular culture. Their singles are now selling roughly the same as Momusu (if you average out Momusu's single sales this year you get 45817 rounded up, while Momoclo's first proper single since Akari left sold 44252, which is more than both of Momusu's singles that weren't Aichan's last), and they seem to be making a quirky little mark on TV shows. Plus their album was full of win.

Looking forward to seeing how they progress (or regress) in 2012.

Passpo

Wow, I'm finally writing something about them other than excuses as to why I've not reviewed their album.

Passpo have had quite frankly a stunning year. Before May I'd never heard of them. Then suddenly they were the first female group to hit #1 on the oricon weekly charts on their debut. NMB later did the same, and sold more than five times as many singles in doing so, but the record had been set and my interest piqued. I grabbed their Indies album, which I found to be rather good. Then I procrastinated and never reviewed it. Then they released their second single, which came third (which isn't surprising when AKB and a Johnny's group release on the same day). How much of their sales are down to the fact that they release 11 versions of singles, I don't know. I'd need one of the Capitalist Thinker wota to analyse that, as a Music Lover I can't be bothered. But still, they seem to be selling at similar levels to Momoclo, and their new album (which I'll touch on later) surprised me.

Again, looking forward to 2012.

Super☆GiRLS

Super Girls are now probably the pre-eminent non-AKB idols, selling 49k of their last single in one week. That said, I still don't find them particularly endearing.

 Sakura Gakuin

Cute, young and awesome, they sell virtually nothing but make up for it with win.

Kikkawa Yuu

Debuted.

Year in Review 2011 Part 2: ○○○48

So, after battling illness for the entirety of the past week I'm not at a particularly good level of mood or wordcount. However, today I've had a battle with Richard Branson and tried my hand on the stockmarket with Splen so I'm raring to go.

Now, the biggest problem with reviewing everything the 48s have released this year is twofold.
On one hand, there have been 72 promo videos (by my count) released by them this year.
On the other, most of them are not on Youtube, except as snippets.
So, I'm left with a dilemma. Do I link the snippet videos for those that do not appear in full, and assume that everyone reading this has heard every song, or do I link in from Tudou and have everyone complain that the videos take 2.5 hours to load?

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure yet.

I'll decide as I'm writing up the stuff that the first group has actually achieved this year.

I'm gonna exclude SDN because 1) I excluded Dream Momusu, 2) I'm lazy, 3) I can't stand any of their songs this year anyway.
Also exluding Baby Gamba because I can't find a full video where the two AKB girls actually appear.
This takes me down to under 60 vids, which is slightly easier.

So, firstly...

Year In Review 2011 Part 1: Hello! Project

So, we come to this time of the year again. It's become freezing cold, snow has begun to fall, and one begins to ponder upon the failings of one's existence in the previous twelve months. One may also begin to ponder what the future might bring.

On the other hand, as I'm a miserly bastard I'll ignore my own failings for now, as I spend most of the rest of the 11 months living in complete acknowledgement of their existence. Instead, I will once again endeavour to dampen any midwinter (or midsummer for those of you on the opposite side of the hemispherical axis) cheer you may have built up by once again reviewing how idols have done this year.

This, of course, will piss many people off and also make make people happy.

Or it could just force people to wonder why their mood can affected by someone writing something on the internet. Like the people who got offended by me saying UFA raped my Buono fandom. Be advised I'm still laughing at you, 4 months later.

For those waiting for the next in the delicious body parts series, normal (lol) service will resume probably upon completion of this series of posts. Unless I suddenly come across lots of delicious idol bottoms in the next week, in which case I might be forced into action.

So, anyway, some structure for you.

Part 1: Hello! Project
Part 2: ○○○48 (including all subunits in a post which will probably once again stretch blogspot to its limits due to the fact that 48's release like 3-5 PVs per single)
Part 3: Other. Momoclo, Sakugaku, Passpo, Idoling!!, TGS, Super Girls, Afilia, NiceGirl Project, AeLL, Fairies, whatever other indie idols have sprouted up that I can find.
Part 4: Overall and Awards. Once again I'll save the major flaming for last.

Dream Momusu and Kikkawa Yuu are not part of this review.

Anyway, so onwards to the H!P reviewness.

BiS - Brand New Idol Society

So, Henkka's last two posts about metal idols were good. But I'm going to try and top it.

Meet BiS, the new shock
rockersidols in town. They seem to be ultimate in underground (the fact that they've appeared on Tsuntube lends credence to this theory, as before that program I'd heard of The Possible and Shinozaki Ai's tits, now I know more idol groups than subspecies of lizards), yet their production is unusually above the level where underground pop generally dwells.

They seem to have been formed when a bored female Jrocker called pour lui got even more bored with the shit she was releasing, and decided to form an idol group. Thus, BiS. At least BiS doesn't have quite as terrible a use of autotune. (Yes, I'm aware not all of Pour Lui's songs were that shit. But hell...)

But yes, just to whet your appetite I'll give you the first BiS PV I'll link to. It features headbanging. It also features high octane lesbianism that would make t.A.t.U proud. More on that later.

Idol Body Parts Top 10 Series: Part 2

So, it's time for part two of my image-spam fiesta of the late autumn. This time, working up the body slightly, is Legs. For those of you who don't like legs, wait a while and I might have a post waiting for you that has a body part more to your liking. For those that do, the following post might just tide you over for a while.

So, a recap of the lists that are still to come:

• Breasts (ie. actual ones)
• DFC (delicious flatchest. Tits that ain't)
• Ass
• Legs
• Feet
• Clavicle
• Lips
• Belly/Waist/Hips/Pelvis (that general area)
• Back
• Armpits

I added armpits because I suddenly suffered a surfeit of shimmering sexyness also known as Miyabi's armpits. Add to that realising that another girl had a armpit that looked kind of like a vagina and I was set.

Anyway, onto the legs. This time I will try to contain myself somewhat and limit myself to a maximum of twenty pictures per person. Seems fair. Also, people may criticise due to a lack of certain old ladies from Momusu. Tough shit. I haven't got any pictures of them so I can't really rank them thus I can't really put them in this picspam post.

Right, onwards to victorythe goods or death.

When Idols Return To The Fold

So, I've been talking about this post for a while, both here and on Blastbeat, so I figured it was time to finally get it out of the way.

Plus I'm bored as shit.

So, I realised lately upon looking at my search labels (most of which are hilarious. My personal favourite is "fappin' away turn on loli oniichan voice"... No clue how that linked here, but it certainly will now) that one of the most popular searches is about a young lady known as Kuwae Sakina. You may remember I did a post about her a few years back, then put her at number 2 on my 2010 top idol list.

Now, I've been holding onto this little titbit of information for a while now, but as one of the search queries is "sakina kuwae what happened to blog" I have to answer.

Super Special Bumper Deluxe Review Spectacular Number Two

So, review time. Two albums to review this time. Momusu's 12 Smart, and Yuikaori's Puppy. Doubt I'll bother doing the Passpo album. Quite old now.

So, let's begin with the most recent one.

Morning Musume. - 12, Smart

Preamble: Some angelic theme going on with the cover. It's not particularly effective, but as it marks Aichan's final demise and ascent to non-idoldom, I'll just celebrate.

Idol Body Parts Top 10 Series: Part 1

I've got a lot of stuff on my mind at the moment. After doing the Idol Guitar Solos list at the beginning of last month, my word count generator ground to a bit of a halt. The ideas, on the other hand, kept piling up. I need to do a proper blog on the return of some of my favourites to the idoldom fold, and still have three albums to review (Momusu 12, Yuikaori's Puppy and the Passpo one I never got around to in my last post on here). Plus, of course, it's getting close to Year in Review time. This year I might start writing them a bit earlier than last year, as last year I ended up writing something stupid like 4000 words a day every day for a few days in a row.

But before all that, it's time for perversion.

There are a hell of a lot of fetishes in the world. I can say I have quite a few of the human body-related ones. Actually, make that most. Therefore I decided to make a blog, listing the top ten of all the various bodyparts. However, Dean (who is currently writing for Yonasu) prevailed on me to do every list in detail, with rather a lot of picspam to prove why each person made the top ten.

So I did.

These rankings will, of course, be based completely on my own personal taste. I'm quite aware that my personal taste is questionable (*cough元彼女cough*) but oh well.

So, anyway. The body parts that will have a top ten of them done are as follows:

• Breasts (ie. actual ones)
• DFC (delicious flatchest. Tits that ain't)
• Ass
• Legs
• Feet
• Clavicle
• Lips
• Belly/Waist/Hips/Pelvis (that general area)
• Back

9 posts to do then. I'm not doing them in any particular order, I'll just write up when I've actually decided on my top ten. Some of them will, of course, be controversial. But then, this is idols we're talking about. I didn't do one for face, because then I'd be sure to make a category for "Worst" and have Aichan there.

Also not going to do some more higher level fetishes because I don't think the wotasphere is yet ready for a series of blogs on "which idol I most want to tie up" or "which idol I would most like to drink the piss of."

...

Well, that lowered the tone, didn't it.

Anyway, some general criteria I'm randomly deciding:

1. Gender doesn't matter. On the other hand I'm more into women than men, so obviously only Matsujun and Kame will make any of the lists. If at all.
2. Age doesn't matter. So on one hand, Nakazawa Yuko might be included. On the other hand, Kudou Haruka might.
3. Eligibility. People who are or have been an idol who has been in a group of which at least one single has been released. This means that Shinozaki Ai and Irie Saaya can be included. Which of course locks out 2 of the places in the "actual tits" ranking.
4. 1-10 rankings not based on numbers or anything else in particular, just a strong desire, with the strongest being higher. Etc.

Anyway, that should do.

So, to the first category.

FEET

Because I finished that list first. Firstly I'll do a quick shoutout to Erika's Hello! Project Feet, which is a cool little blog which does exactly what the title says. Not often I see idol blogs related only to a particular fetish, especially a fetish linked mostly with males written by a girl. So quite notable.

Final warning, this post is image heavy. Like, really heavy.

FAKSM #15: Meza Virs - Crestfallen

Been a while since a song has came along and truly messed with my mind in a way that I could class it as a FAKSM, so allow me to present a song that did it to me a while back.

[audio:http://www.intlwota.com/metalhead/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/03.-Crestfallen.mp3|titles=03. Crestfallen]

Some background, Meza Virs is a group from Singapore, that veritable melting pot of just about every influence and culture ever. I was introduced to their music by my fellow admin on Chthonic's forums, who wanted to show me that Singapore could do this kind of thing too. I listened to it and found myself blown away. He had been rather correct.

This can be classed as the last Gothic/Symphonic metal song I actually really enjoyed in its own right. While Chthonic's Seediq Bale and Mirror of Retribution albums were good, they worked as albums more than a collection of songs. Likewise with Cradle, though I've not enjoyed them since Thornography anyway. I'm not sure entirely why I like it so much though. Or maybe I do. The song goes from generic symphonic metal stuff into a low industrial-esque hum with the (frankly rubbish) male vocalist "growling" (talking in a strained voice) on top. Then a piano breakdown and some triphop elements. And then into the highlight, more symphonic metal with the most awesome pop vocal melody ever. The drums are restrained, the bass is barely audible, but it's awesome. Then come the black metal-esque tremolo riffs, which are also cool. The clean guitar bit is next, and that's also fucking awesome. Then it's back to the pop melody. It makes me hard.

So yea. FAKSM. Though more a FAKS of a few years ago. But still, it's awesome.

Top 50 Guitar Solos in Idol Songs

So, I said it was coming. Since my last post, basically when I haven't been working, sleeping, fapping or watching something idol related, I've been listening to solos. Lots of solos. In total I think I listened to a total of somewhere over a thousand songs and found 223 solos worth further investigation. Those I divided into three groups. Top Tier, of which there were just over 50, Middle Tier, of which there were about 20, and the rest. Then, with the 53 solos I deemed worthy, I began to rate them based on (once again) seven headings of equal worth.

• Technical Proficiency


• Listenability


• Solo Orgasm Faceability


• Flow


• Length


• Jizzability


• Awesomeness

Yes, these are completely arbitrary.

Some explanations of what each entails:

Technical Proficiency ranks various guitar playing techniques that can be hard to pull off. Some, of course, much harder than others. These include but are not limited to: Hammer ons/pull offs, vibrato, tremolo, harmonics, tapping, sweeping, harmonisation. For the record, two songs got the maximum 100 marks for technical.
Listenability ranks how nice the solo is on the ears. Some of the greatest solos of all time had just a great deal of vibrato but not much other technical wankery, and this is what that ranks. How "nice" the solo is.
Solo Face Orgasmability ranks how well a guitarist could guitar solo face orgasm to the solo. This is probably one of the three most arbitrary rankings. Basically if anything has a pattern of three semiquavers and then a crotchet, with whammy bar, that's soloface orgasm.
Flow ranks how well the solo fits into the song. Of course, fitting too well is a bad thing, for example, sweeping around in the pattern of a chord progression is pretty damn boring, but technically good. There are a few solos on this list like this.
Length is pretty obvious. The longer a solo is, the cooler it is.
Jizzability is how likely you are to jizz your pants because of the solo. Also known as Finger Explodability, based on how likely it is your fingers would explode playing it.
Awesomeness is just a ranking of how good it all sounds together.

Of Progressive Metal and Win

Lately I keep trying to write blogs and never quite manage to figure out why I can't particularly think of anything except reviews. I've got a Top 50 Idol Solos list on the go as a counterpart to my old top 50 Idol Metal songs, but I'm increasingly finding it to be quite frustrating. I also had a blog lined up of "things idols do after they stop" to which my answer was, increasingly, "go and do more idol things". I might still do these, but at a later date.

So instead, I'll recommend some Prog Metal. Some of you may disagree on what I class as Prog Metal, but oh well. This has mostly been brought on by a realisation that once again this year the top of my album ratings will be prog metal, after having finally heard Ruud Jolie's Prog side project For All We Know, and the fact that Opeth have a new album coming out. I'm leaving out anything by Arjen, otherwise it'd just be an Ayreon Festival.

Now, I know this is supposed to be mostly "Metalheads take on Japan" or something, but frankly I need to spew pure metal. Or, in some cases, not.

5 Idol Groups You Might Have Heard Of (AKA Review Spam)

So, some new idols. I say new, they aren't particularly, but my introduction to most of them was only recently, hence new. So recent, in fact, that most of them I only started listening to after partenza signalled what was quite possibly the final nail in the coffin of this particular chapter of Hello! Project. So, these idols I'm about to review don't sell as much as AKB (but then, who does?), and they may seem a little more underground (though all are on major labels, except the one that is no more), but that doesn't mean there's no merit in their music. Because that's what it's about for me. TV appearances and photoshoots, that's all just extended promotion for the music. Without music, idols would just be vapid TV talents with nothing going for them. Or pornstars.

Anyway, to start us off I'll go with the one I discovered first, the wonderfully named 可憐Girl's. Fail English aside, the name means Sweet Girls, which they are. Or were. They were formed to create the opening themes for the anime Zettai Karen Children (which is awesome and everyone should watch it), released two singles, one very short album, and then disbanded. Two of the faces may seem familiar later in this rather massive blogpost.

Buono! - partenza EP Review

Fragments torn asunder by hellish hands have tainted the glow of Buono... forever.



Preamble: Cover looks boring, uninspired, and altogether silly. Two pictures of them? Hilariously bad photoshopping? Fuck, if I hadn't already been massively disappointed with Buono since We Are Buono, I could have laughed this off as a joke. But it's no joke. It's reality. It seems that the world truly is coming to an end...

So, the "music"...

1. partenza～レッツゴー!!!～ Where. The. Fuck. To. Start? Beep beep beep beep beep beep wheeee beep beep beep beep AUTOTUNE. Honestly, this is the worse excuse for music of nearly any kind I think I've ever heard. It's fucking dreadful. Like a nightmare of western pop music extravangances all melded into one song with no overlying theme or idea or tune. It's just random sounds. The "chorus" if you can call it that, has a synth line that doesn't even change chord. The raps sound like they're delivered in a purely talking voice. The autotune, as ever, is FUCKING DREADFUL. Why they felt the need to douse Airi (probably the best singer in H!P with Aichan's impending departure) along with Miya and Momo (the only two worth a few solo lines in Berryz) with autotune is beyond me. It just makes everything sound tacky and like H!P, or whoever produced this shit, has no faith in them to actually sing the material present, especially on the bit where the vocaloid is singing with no music behind. I say vocaloid because I honestly cannot identify their voices when they're trapped behind the utter pointlessness of autotune. If it weren't for the autotune, the really bad rapping and really bad Engrish, and the fact that it's Buono, I may have, under certain circumstances (like being under the influence of several shots of absinthe) found this enjoyable. But no. Autotune is a crime against humanity. Usage should be prohibited in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Usage should be prosecuted in the Hague under the same sentences as genocide. -3/10

2. 雑草のうた. This song is shit. However, after partenza (which I would have happily rated -200 if it wasn't rather unfair in a rating system in which the highest possible rank is only 10 [or 11 if you count one exception]) this sounds like a fucking masterpiece. It isn't though. My views from earlier this year still hold. It's a recycled piece of rather not amazingness. After the amount of Buono songs that simply blew me away on We Are Buono, this was a major letdown. However, judging by recent developments, this may even go down as a "decent" Buono song, if they continue along this trend of releasing utter shit. 4/10

3. フランキンセンスΨ. Firstly, why the hell is this titled Frankincense? Secondly, oh fuck, are they singing about Babybells? Thirdly, more unwanted techno. Luckily, this has a tune. And a vocal melody. And the autotune is nowhere near as pervasive. I can see this as viable. Possibly. It's still not very Buono. I'm all for genre experimenting. But all idol Jpop groups change their sound like their clothes. One of Buono's lasting endearing qualities was that they were pretty exclusively rock. They have had a couple of non-rock songs, but they never really moved away from a rock base. Even stuff like Internet Cupid had elements which could be considered rock. Which is why partenza pissed me off. No rock whatsoever. In fact, just about ever stylised beat and note could be considered a calculated attempt to distance the group from rock entirely. Which was then thoroughly screwed up by the fact that Zassou came right after it. This has more rock, musical thought, melody, tonality, and musical merit than partenza, but it's still shit. Again, if it was another group it may have scored more, but no. 1/10

4. My alright sky. Huh? Engrish? This song actually started out nicely (fail Engrish notwithstanding), then in came the beat. I was hoping for a nice, happy, ballady type thing. Instead I get a load of horrid hiphop beats looped all song long. Once again, this is not Buono. This is people who are in Buono, but it is not Buono. I honestly have no idea what this is, except just yet another fucking Toni Braxton song. One of the worst yet. 1/10

5. 夏ダカラ！ Another rubbish song. Honestly, this song is dull. Take it easy! improved vastly from being on an album, padded with good songs. This doesn't improve. In fact, by being preceded by a truckload of shite makes it sound even worse. The beat is pathetic. The guitars descending riff is boring. The acoustic guitars chord progression is boring. The bass does fuck all. The vocal melodies are uninspired. I think I agree with my bandmate on this issue. The silly talking in the mid-8 gets in the way of a perfectly decent Queen-ish solo. Overall it just sounds like someone doing a halfassed job and throwing in a few overdubs of random noises to make it sound a bit fuller. 2/10

6. キアオラ・グラシャス・ありがと Other than the fail Maori (Kia Ora doesn't mean "thank you"), this is actually the first half decent song on this EP. Rock is decent and sounds like Buono, the vocals are Buono-esque. The song isn't particularly amazing, but fuck. After all that shit I've just been through this sounds like a fucking aural orgasm. Major problem with this song is that it ends too soon.After the needless bloatedness of partenza, My alright sky and Natsu Dakara (which all sucked), why make the first decent song so short? Beyond me. 5/10

7. JUICY HE@RT. Ah, Juicy Heart, the second best song on the Zassou single. If only they'd put Runaway on here... Still, better than the Aside. Better than Kia Ora even. Shows that you can mix electronic elements and rock together in one song (not that My Boy didn't do it better and earlier). No fucking need to overdose on autotune and techno when this works. Also, IT'S A FUCKING SOLO. And a good one, even though way too fucking short. Zassou's was shit. Buildup chorus also not sucking. End is good. 6/10

8. 1／3の純情な感情. Sounds like an anime song at the beginning. And it's good. Too good. Easily best song on this album. Chords are some amazingly discordant little things. Verse chord progression isn't bad. Vocals are strong. Pre-chorus is fucking cool. Chorus itself is nice and cool, with some energy. Little lead leading into second verse is good. Solo is pretty cool, with some technical bits. Makes me jizz. First H!P solo since C-ute's last album to do that. Honestly, this is the type of thing I want from Buono. So much fucking better than that shit at the beginning of the EP. Musically interesting, and shows off their vocal talents. What more could one want? 8/10

Overall: Shocking statement: I wish Buono had disbanded after We Are Buono and the Best Album. It would have left their legacy intact, and it would have seen them out at their peak. But no, they had to go and ruin it. It disappoints me to say this, but this is the worst thing I have ever reviewed. Even despite the slight upturn towards the end, even with an actual good song at the end, it still falls just short of Morning Musume's frankly terrible Fantasy Juuichi's not exactly exacting standard. So, Buono, from top of my list of ratings, to the bottom. Way to rape a fandom UFA, go you.

3/10 (-28.4/10 before I decided not to go below -10)

Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 9.2
C-ute - Chou Wonderful 6 - 9
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Ogawa Mana - Teenage Blues - 8
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
AKB48 - Koko ni Ita Koto - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Berryz Koubou - 7 Berryz Times - 6.5
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4
Morning Musume. - Fantasy Juuichi - 3.5

FAKSM #14: Shonan no Kaze - Suirenka

Shonan no Kaze is a group I know absolutely nothing about. They're some sort of happy pop rap reggae collaborative. Or something. I was introduced to this song by AKB48's Karaoke Contest, where Chance no Junban centre Uchida Mayumi and utter insane crazy person Ooya Shizuka covered it. Once in a short version, and then the next day in full form. It was amusing. But halfway through I realised I was enjoying the song. Way too much.　It occured to me that it was actually a fucking amazing song. Also fucking kickass. Thus I'm nominating it for FAKSM.

Here's the crazy AKB version if you feel like it:



Ain't gonna say much else. Let the music talk. There's 7 minutes of it to occupy you. Enjoy.

Token Pervy Post

So, it's been roughly six months since I did anything remotely perverted on here. As my rankings have sort of thoroughly changed (again) due to graduations, silly shit, not so silly shit, and such, I thought I'd introduce what few readers I have to some new girls, wish a merry departure to others, and explains the reasoning behind some other changes. This does, of course, mostly involve AKB/SKE as that's what I've been mostly caught up in of late.

So, to the show.

AKB48 - Koko ni Ita Koto review

So, once again it is review time. AKB's "first" album, Koko ni Ita Koto. I put "first" in quotation marks because, well, shit. Setlist, Kamikyokutachi, Setlist rerelease, plus 12 stage albums (I think, were H1 and H2 released as CDs?)... etc. Not to mention each single is basically an EP once you've got all the songs from them.

Anyway.



Preamble: Well, the covers and booklet and photobook and such were done by Ninagawa Mika, the crazy woman who did the Heavy Rotation PV. The massively vivid colours are the order of the day. On the other hand, the circus theme is a bit odd. Case of do not know if want.

Onwards to the music then.

1. 少女たちよ. From the start it sounds like a 20008/2009 AKB single. Could put it next to Oogoe, 10nen, Iiwake etc without noticing much in the way of difference. Same energy, same timbre, same general gist. So on one hand, I do sort of applaud their return to the days of growing popularity for the opening track on their "first" album, but on the other hand it does already sound pretty dated. I like it, but I want to hear something that at least has a twist on that timeperiod. The string-section solo is an interesting idea. Vocals are decent. 7/10

2. Overtake. So next we come to the Team A song. Intro riff is pretty decent. Doesn't particularly sound very Team A-ish though. From them I usually expect something interesting or aggressive in some way, whether musically or lyrically. But this is falling a bit flat. There's nothing particularly wrong with it, but it lacks power, especially in the chorus. Lyrics are too introspective. Mid-8 tries something different and sounds nice. I think most of the problems are mix-related though. Push up the bass drum and bass a bit, and you'd have a song capable of firing up audiences and the girls themselves. Unfortunately it just fails to deliver. 6/10

3. 僕にできること. Team K's song. Starts off decently enough. Verse starts well, buildup is good. Vocally... well, it's Team K. Chorus is good. Call and response on the vocals, some good lead guitar lines, bass and drums pumping away nicely. This is quite good actually. Second verse buildup is also interesting in its variation from the first. Guitar solo is pretty damn cool. Buildup chorus is pulled off well. I like the bass volume launch there. Bassline is actually pretty good. Generally follows chord progression, but has some interesting little riffs here and there which prop the song up. 9/10

4. 恋愛サーカス. The first Team B song on the album. From the get go sounds nothing like Team B, and I'm preparing for something dark and interesting. Then it gets all major key and pacey with the same instrument presets. Pretty interesting ska beats. Happy and very Team B. Vocally not great, but Team B isn't known for its vocal prowess (a few members excluded). It's a bit of a silly one, and the bloke voices really do put me in the frame of mind that Tsunku probably wrote it. On the other hand, if he did it's the most fun and good amusing thing he's written in years. Solo is cool. Good use of harmonisation. It's just too damn catchy. 9/10

5. 風の行方. Starts out nicely, could have a good ballad on my hands. Syncopated guitar chords work well for adding nice layers in the music. Verse is good. Chorus isn't bad. The choirs give it a wall-of-sound feel, which I find oddly nice. Usually wall-of-sound is used to disurb the listener, but in this case it's almost reassuring. Wouldn't actually hesistate to call this song "beautiful". But I'm a sucker for ballads anyway. The solo fits the song, is well performed. Fade-in is yay. Generally, everything works. 10/10

6. わがままコレクション. The title alone gives me shivers thinking of the abomination that was Momusu's Seishun Collection. The drumroll sounds epic until it jumps into what I can only label a Watarirouka Hashiritai castoff. Fortunately it isn't quite as bad as most WH songs. Quite as bad. It still sucks. The focus is on "cuteness" over any form of musical interest whatsoever. Amuses me that in a song focusing on cuteness Jurina appears though. She herself compares herself to Takamina and Sayaka as the "blokish" type, so to have her alongside Mayu, Lovetan and the other "moemoe" members is odd. The lyrics are pissing me off. "Oniichan collection"? What is this, reverse Sister Princess? Oddly the solo fits and doesn't suck too much. If the aim was to make wota jizz their pants at "little sisters" then I'd say it succeeds. Unfortunately, it's a shit song. Somehow salvages a whole point in the last 20 seconds by harmonies and interesting outro. 4/10

7. 人魚のバカンス. Oh shit a Hawaiian summer song mixed with 90s pop chord progressions and bassline. Boring, boring, and boring. Not even Yuka can lift this song up. Can't even think of anything else to say. Think Manoeri. That type of utter blandness. A complete nonexistence. The ultimate in vanilla. 2/10

8. 君と僕の関係. So, Acchan and Tomochin. Two of my least favourite frontgirls. Oddly, this doesn't sound too bad. Sort of, interesting mix between happy pop music and hardcore dance. I would moan about autotune, but it probably sounds better with it, in all honesty. Melodies are interesting. Syncopated bass synth is good. Synth strings are a bit weedy. They need better VSTs. The rap... "I wanna see you all gay?" Not quite sure what the hell that was about. But yea. Not amazing, but not bad. Room for improvement, but then, it's an interesting mashup. Further exploration in this is needed, maybe next time will hit a proper winner. Ending is way too immediate. 6/10

9. イイカゲンのススメ. Piano intro is fucking win. Guitar and strings buildup nicely. Then, verse hits and slight lack of epic is annoying. But Nyan's voice is good. Chorus is interesting. Am enjoying the palm muted guitar in major key. Sae should stop trying to sing high. It's annoying. Overall I like it though. Would prefer a more interesting beat. Sounds like a spiritual successor to Chance no Junban but a bit heavier. I like. 8/10

10. High school days. Kenkyuusei time. Beginning made me think I was in a 50s Sci-Fi movie, then HOLY FUCK BASS. Downtuned or something. That is one heavy bass. Music is good. Some yay chugging on guitar. Vocals are pretty good. Chorus is good. Vocal melody perhaps doesn't have enough range. Luckily the rest of the music is interesting enough to not make it that important. Solo is too short. Final buildup chorus is the best yet on this album. Pretty good. Better than Anti and Ougon no Centre. Hopefully Team 4 take some of their cues from this. Looking forward to it. 8/10

11. チームB推し. Well, this song is fucking awesome. Surprised they haven't taken Maachan out and replaced with Shihori, they've had enough fucking time. But oh well. Maachan's awesome anyway. Song is still fucking crazy, weird, amusing as all shit, and energetic beyond human ken. If only one could bottle the energy and put it to use, would be very rich. The main thing I like about this song is the structure. Most Jpop songs, and idol ones in particular, are like this:

Intro > Verse > Prechorus > Chorus > Verse > Prechorus > Chorus > Mid-8/Guitar Solo > Buildup Chorus > Final chorus > (Possible return to intro phrase for outro).

Team B Oshi has something more like this:

Chorus > Interlude > Verse > Prechorus > Chorus > Completely Different Interlude > Verse > Prechorus > Chorus > Interlude > Prechorus > Chorus > Ending Epicness > Outro

This structure difference, plus an increasingly more rapid pace as the song progresses ends up with that by the end of it you're thoroughly happy. Thus, it's fucking amazing. 10/10

12. チャンスの順番. Said before, I do like this song. It's not as outright happy as some of their more recent ones, but it is good. The bassdrum pounding insistently every fucking crotchet for most of the song helps. Musically it's interesting, nice and pretty enough. The story behind it is equally compelling. Vocally it's not immense, but having Mayuchi and Nyan at the front helps keep that end up. Not perfect, but definitely a good enough song to have introduced a hell of a lot of perennial theatre girls into the major leagues. 8/10

13. Beginner. Yes. That. Now, for all its glorious evil and pounding rhythms and dark electro soundscapes and surprisingly good vocals, there's one problem.

Acchan's screaming is missing.

Would be epic if that was in it. But yea, when one's problem is that it's not got some screaming, it's already pretty damn good. It certainly hit the "dark dance track" motif better than River did. It's wonderfully evil, even without the video. Not much dark electro is better at being evil than this. I do want moar. Soon. 10/10

14. ポニーテールとシュシュ. Ponytail is a good, happy song. I appreciate it more after Kachuusha. The piano intro is fucking win (especially when Sakiko plays it). The brass section has happy energy, unlike Kachuusha's nagging urgency. The varying dynamics and rhythms between the different sections make it cool. Certainly sounds more summery and way better than the horrid piece of shit that was Ningyo no Vacances. Seriously, who the fuck needs ukuleles? The call and response is cool, the refrain is good, the buildup chorus is good, even the "lalalalala" is good. 8/10

15. ヘビーローテーション. Ah glorious glorious days. Really too much fun. Call and response taken to its logical conclusion. Riffs are good, bass tone is good. Chord progressions are good. Beat is good. Lyrics are good, cute, funny and vocals are well delivered. Yuko is definitely much better as centre for this than Acchan. She pulls off that dirty old bloke grin so much better. Refrain is epic. Is just a damn win song. 9/10

16. ここにいたこと. There are like 200 voices on this track. Therefore it should be much more epic than it is. I like ballads, but this is too... tame. Piano, minimal strings, and a pretty annoying cello. Call and response also good, but some pace or percussion or something a bit more interesting would help this song go from good to fucking amazing. Must say I like the little choirs high notes in the second verse. Unison is annoying. Some harmonies would be nice. Dunno what that fucking trumpet is on. This isn't a Beatles album. Still, good enough song to close it out. 7/10

Overall: So, for a "first" album, not bad. High points and low points, but the low points outnumbered by the high ones. It's certainly not the best I've ever reviewed. Not even the best this year. But the singles and Team B Oshi helped it jump up nearly a point. Even so, without them it averages pretty well. It's a nice album, and while it doesn't quite explore every interesting facet that AKB have to offer, it does give a general overview and could potentially lead to more casuals getting into the stages.

7.5/10

Comparison ratings:

Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 9.2
C-ute - Chou Wonderful 6 - 9
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Ogawa Mana - Teenage Blues - 8
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Berryz Koubou - 7 Berryz Times - 6.5
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4
Morning Musume. - Fantasy Juuichi - 3.5

℃-ute - 超WONDERFUL⑥ review

So, yet again, a review. Two in just over a week. Shocking even to myself.



Preamble: I do think I like this cover. The cybernetic-like quality is frankly awesome. The weird leg paint also makes my slightly fucked up creative side go "yay" and "why didn't I think of that?" One thing that might improve it from a bizarre mindset is to have the paint on Maimai's right leg, and then have her turn around and face the other way. Can't be helped, her face lets the side down... Plus then there'd be symmetry. Chisa's on the right and her side-ponytail is on her left, putting it on our right. Maimai is the on left, yet her side-ponytail is in the same damn place. If she turned around, symmetry would be restored.

Anyway, to the music.

1. 超WONDERFUL！ What an inspiring title to start with. Tsunku doesn't have a humble bone in his body, does he? The riffs in this are quite cool. Bendy as hell. Bass-heavy at the start is awesome. Then the bass gets steadily thrown backwards in the mix. Either that or the low notes are clipping. No particular complaints about the singing. C-ute basically has H!P's best three vocalists at the moment (no, I don't count Aichan as she's going. Good riddance), and the other two don't suck too much. The synths are quite good. Lyrics don't suck. Mid-8 is happily mental. Solo is fucking GUUUUUUUUUH. Came. Seems C-ute are getting some good fucking solos of late. Aa Koi on the last album, now this. If there's aught else like this I'll become impotent through overuse. 9/10

2. Midnight Temptation. What a fucking name. Wouldn't mind Maimi or Airi sneaking in at midnight and tempting me... And what a fucking intro. Sounds like some epic prog intro and I was ready to blow another load, but luckily (or unluckily) the main section kicked in and wasn't a space-time warp in 25/16 time in the key of A♯ minor. Unluckily (or luckily) it was actually also pretty damn awesome anyway. 80s robotic vocoders on their voices work oddly well. Better than autotune for expressing some futuristic fantasy anyway. Musically, this song is quite amazing. Synth bass isn't even pissing me off (holy shit!!!!!). It's syncopated and oddly enough, works fucking well. Good to hear Chisato yelling herself hoarse pre-chorus. Glad she's finally getting a chance to shine. Presolo = godly. Bit of crazy bass, bit of crazy piano, then another fucking jizzworthy solo. Is this H!P's guitar album of the decade or something? This is fucking amazing. Might even have displaced Aa Koi or (shock horror) Ambitious for best H!P solo. 10/10

3. Kiss me 愛してる. And thus we reach the first of the singles. Definitely an odd one, the synth riff in this is FUCKING MENTAL. And I love it. Some mental hit-everything and still be in time and in scale and DAMMIT. Words are failing me. Another synth bass that doesn't suck. If Tsunku and his cronies are finally learning how to use it I will rejoice. Ne~e ad nauseum with effects even works. Also, fair line distribution in a C-ute single? What? Mid-8 is like a damn videogame. 8bit here we come! Still awesome though. Reverse-cymbal-like fade-in to the final buildup is win. I just realised this album might get a good rating. I might faint. 9/10

4. いざ、進め！ Steady go! Retarded title aside... Drums are cool for the intro. Riffs are pretty lacklustre though. Vocals are what drives this song forward. Decent spotlight for them to shine. Chorus vocal melody is interesting but not really the type of thing I'd expect in pop. Not that that's a bad thing. Seem to be some little T-Square style synth twiddles going on. I don't mind, but makes me crave their trademark synth sax. Mid-8 has some decent guitar parts. Solo is, for this album, surprisingly shit. Having said that, on most other H!P albums it'd be a "holy shit this is amazing" thing. But after two solos worth creaming to, this one was shit. 7/10

5. ルルルルル. Yay another retarded title. On the other hand, from the opening moments it sounds like a fucking epic ballad, and I am not disappoint. All the instruments blend nicely. The vocals are once again pretty damn good. String flourishes! Shit, this might be the best ballad since early last year in H!P. Tabidachi is better, but this is nice. Way better than the ballad overdose on Shocking 5. Melodies are good. Solo... is this fucking DAVID GILMOUR? Slow, well thought out, yet effective. Brings the "oh shit I came" solos up to three. I must say I'm loving the subtle little descending guitar phrases. 10/10

6. 別れたくない・・・ GAH! Synth bass and pussy synths at once. Yet why don't I hate it? Is my hate hibernating today? Or have lessons finally been learned on how to utilise these elements with some precision and musicality? Either way, the music ispretty good. A little raspy perhaps on the synth bass, but not bad. Vocals again lifting to a higher level. Quite generally decent anyway. Vocal melody is nothing special, but I can't expect Tsunku to get it right everyday. Surprised he made it this far actually. Still better than every damn melody on Fantasy. 8/10

7. 会いたいのに～～～～～～. Said this before, but this song is fucking amazing. Stupid piano left hand bit at the start notwithstanding, this is fucking awesome. Even if it is a Christmas song. And even if the lyrics are some of the most unimaginative ever. Easily the best single C-ute have released for years. In fact, looking back on it, I was harsh on it last time I reviewed it. I say harsh, I basically gushed a load all over it. But I didn't gush enough. Keyboard solo still fucking rules. Need more of them in H!P songs. Guitar solo also... oops, there goes another. That's four loads. 会いたいだけ会いたいだけ会いたいだけ. Dammit Airi, stop repeating yourself, we get it already. Even so... SHWEET. 10/10

8. サークル Happy ballad time. Little guitar wanks are cool and not shit like usual. Vocal melody is nice. Vocals themselves again are good. I think that's pretty much a given now, I can stop repeating myself. Bassline shows a surprising degree of fluency with some slapping. Unison chorus isn't bad but would prefer choral or harmonising. It has been too damn long. Keep being forced to AKB for harmonies. Guitar solo, again! Dammit Tsunku stop making me cum! Five. Buildup into final chorus isn't quite epic enough, key change would work better if more instruments were added and became truly epic. Even so, good song. 9/10

9. Danceでバコーン！ This song is basically what made me not write C-ute off in the first place. Without this I'd have pissed off and not looked back. But dammit, the riffs, the dance, the actually quite weak (for C-ute) vocals and ponchos and ass shots got me straight back in, hook line and sinker. Chorus is cool as all hell. Synthy brass band is win. Fast, upbeat and best of all, good. Little drum loops are actually good. Bass isn't too bad. I don't think I did this justice in the year review either. 9/10

10. ３番ホーム ３両目 Now we come to another ballad-y thing. Unfortunately not as good as the other two. Has some interesting acoustic guitar twanging, but bass just isn't great. Does sound like part four in Tsunku's Toni Braxton project. Luckily this has redeeming features. Like things happening. Layers in the music. Vocals are good and don't sound bored (face it, Aichan could have owned Denwa if she'd tried, she just sounded fucking lifeless and useless). No fucking clue what's going on in the mid8. That synth is pretty... boring. And doesn't do much of anything. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala. Yay taking a cue from Tabidachi. Fadeout = "didn't know how to end it". I do think this is the weakest song on this album. That's not saying a lot though, as the whole album has been pointlessly strong. Easily best H!P release since Buono's We Are Buono. 7/10

11. キャンパスライフ～生まれて来てよかった～ I stand by my view that this was supposed to be a Manoeri song. On the other hand, listening on mp3 sounds a hell of a lot better than Youtube. I can appreciate the layers more. Toy piano is nice little addition. Nice little melodies. Too tame for a single? Probably. Makes a nice album closer though. Think I'm gonna do a Take it easy on this. It's a good song. Hate to admit it, but I was wrong. Doesn't mean the single wasn't bad. But the song is worth it. The album doesn't suffer from its inclusion (like Platinum 9 did from Kanashimi). The little 好き好き好き at the end of the chorus is cute. First cute thing from a C-ute song in a while. Final chorus buildup is a lesson in coolness. Riffs aren't bad, now I listen again. 9/10

Overall:

Well, I suppose I've shocked the fuck out of everyone with my positive opinions. However, it's proof that C-ute are back on form. I do remember I loved the hell out of Akogare My Star, and I think it's just been topped. This flows well. Manages frantic pace insanity and nice ballads, and pulls them off with aplomb. Has more epic solos than any other H!P album ever. Has no true weak points, instead songs that are only bad in comparison to the others on this album. Had any of these songs been on Fantasy, they would easily be the best damn song on that album, except maybe Iza, Susume, Steady Go. I just can't see Momusu being able to pull that off somehow, which just goes to show that C-ute are capable of dragging slightly subpar stuff up to a good level. Only on a small scale though, nothing could have dragged the steaming pile of shit that was Shocking 5 up to a good level. But I digress. I've just listened to the best H!P (or indeed, Tsunku harem related) album since We Are Buono. And I'm rating it as such.

9/10

Comparison rating:

Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 9.2
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Ogawa Mana - Teenage Blues - 8
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Berryz Koubou - 7 Berryz Times - 6.5
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4
Morning Musume. - Fantasy Juuichi - 3.5

Berryz Koubou - 7 Berryz Times review

So, back again with another review. Cue the music, and the haters...



Preamble: Nice cover. Come into this with mixed expectations. Previous few singles weren't amazing. Can but hope.

1. 一丁目ロック！ Came. This is easily the best song on the album, and it's right at the damn start. The vocals are good, the riffs are pretty cool for what's basically a punk song. Bass isn't bad. Drums are amazing. D-beats, double bass and other amazingness. Also that punk choir in the chorus is epic. Unfortunately as it's at the start of the album it is very much a case of premature ejaculation. 10/10

2. ヒロインになろうか！ Not a bad little song. The video was all kinds of weirdness what with the Adam Ant ripoffness (fuck Lady Gaga, Adam Ant did it twenty years earlier. Shit, Bowie did it ten years before that too. All pop is a ripoff). Energetic, synths work well in context. Vocals are strong. Does make me laugh every time they say Heroine though, for obvious reasons. Mid-8 with the funny little choir is cool. Overall one of the better little dance-y things H!P have done in a while. Blasts all the stuff from Fantasy!Juuichi off the map without resorting to autotuning the main lines (though does use a little vocoder synth lead). 9/10

3. Bomb Bomb Jump. Title sounds like a themetune to 9/11 (I went there), song sounds like Waracchaou yo Boyfriend Pt2. Generally lacking, finding nothing particularly fun about it. It's major key so meant to be happy. Just... isn't. Find it hard to take seriously when it sounds like they're chanting "Bum bum, bum bum bum bum" in the background. Vocals aren't great. Overall, not a fan. 4/10

4. 真っ白いあの雲. Slower, more ballady song, but not a patch on the frankly fucking amazing Kibou no Yoru from Otakebi Album. The synth bass is pretty obnoxious. Vocals sound too nasal. Overall not too good. 6/10

5. 本気ボンバー！！ Already reviewed the single of this. I do like this song, it's upbeat, fun and has a good bassline. Vocals are generally strong. Guitar riffs are generally decent. Lyrics are funny. Rating hasn't changed though. 7/10

6. 女子会 The Night. Sounds like a castoff from 10 My Me. But better. Pretty decent dark techno pulse in the background. Vocals are decent. Generally though, it's so... bland up until the middle 8. Then there's a quite cool little guitar solo. But then it returns to blandness. The main little techno riff is quite cool though. 6/10

7. ガールズタイムス. A bassline? A guitar riff? From Tsunku? Unbelievable... Does sound like some mid-era Momusu, and none the worse for it. Vocals aren't great, but they don't really need to be. This is light, happy and with the bells and xylophone sounds almost Christmas-y. Amusing 50's Shuubidoobas. Pick slide and solo not bad at all, though "yea yea" gets annoying after Osaka Umainen raped the whole concept... Lead riff at the end is cool. Overall one of the better songs on this album. 8/10

8. 女のプライド. Interesting title. Most feminist sounding thing since Independent Girl. Unfortunately music is pretty shit. Also seemed to have a bloke saying "moo" at the beginning, which confuses me. Little DJ scratchings irritate me. Unfortunately Tsunku seems obsessed with the Toni Braxton sounding shit of late. Maybe not as obvious as the Fantasy examples, but still boring. And with none of the Berryz girls a "z0mg amazing" singer nothing really helps. On the other hand this song does have a cool little pop-piano interlude which doesn't suck, which means it escapes the shit ratings I gave the two songs like this on Fantasy. 4/10

9. シャイニング パワー. This song tries too hard. It's not bad, per se. It's just generic. The annoying call and response shows no decency of use. Protip: Using a different melody helps. On the other hand, the music isn't that bad. Vocals aren't too bad, but Yurina's not strong enough to hold a whole song by herself. Really needs Miya to step up and deliver more. Momo's getting there. But Yurina? I'd rank her among the worst in Berryz. Still better than more than half of Momusu, but that's not saying much... 6/10

10. マジカルフューチャー！ Apparently this has been destroyed since its original incarnation. I wouldn't know. Doesn't sound too bad though. Vocally decent. Little falsettos in the chorus are some true fakjea. Guess Tsunku learned from Ogamana's album that it works. And sounds hot. Little beeps seem to work in context for this song. Bassline is interesting. Guitars are restrained but work when you can hear them. Pretty good song. 8/10

Overall:

Not as good as Otakebi Album, but better than I had hoped following the frankly horrid previous Momusu album. Still, could have been better in some ways. I'm not dying of a fucking lobotomy though, so that's good enough. Doesn't quite flow amazingly, so... this is about right.

6.5/10

Comparison rating:

Buono! - We Are Buono! - 9.7
Morning Musume. - 4th Ikimasshoi - 9.2 (Yes, I remarked it down. Relistened lately. Time hasn't been too kind.)
C-ute - 4 Akogare My Star - 8.5
Buono! - Buono! 2 - 7.5
Berryz Koubou - 6th Otakebi Album - 7
Morning Musume. - Platinum 9 Disc - 6.5
Morning Musume. - 10 My Me - 5.5
C-ute - Shocking 5 - 4
Morning Musume. - Fantasy Juuichi - 3.5

Musings on the new direction of Momusu (or why it doesn't suck)

So, enter 9th gen.

I started halfway through the blogpost, sorry. But all will become clear. Or I'll just ramble for 1000 words again like usual. But anyway.

Morning Musume have new members. And with it, their average age has dropped considerably. From an average of 21 on their last single to 17.4444 now. When Aichan leaves it'll drop again to about 16.625 or something (not paying any attention whatsoever to birthdays that happen between now and then). This means that a direction change is pretty much guaranteed. After all, little kids singing about the futility of love and other general emo shit probably wouldn't work. Unless it's Airi in Aa! But that was just amusing.

So, firstly I'm going to outline my issues with the Momusu of the past few years. If you're a fan of that era, you may want to turn back now...

FAKSM #10, by Krv.

Now, I've been wondering since I joined this still yet-to-be-renamed blog what I'd post about first. I figured a FAKSM would be a good start, but, unfortunately, my mind had been thoroughly raped by awesome music and so to pick a single song would be difficult. I'll just talk briefly about what gets me going, for those who don't know. As I'm pretty weird, anything with screwed up time signatures, ridiculous and pointless key changes, silly instrumentation, overuse of syncopation and anti-religious or conceptual lyrics is gonna get me pretty damn stiff. Bonus points if it has Hammond Organs or Minimoogs. Good example of this is Ayreon's Tower of Hope. I'm basically a prog nerd.

Truthfully, before today I was seriously leaning towards making The Meads of Asphodel's Addicted to God my first FAKSM. It fulfilled all the requirements for making me jizz in my pants and overriding my brain with utter incomprehension. They were mixing black metal with jazz and Jesus Christ Superstar. That alone was enough to help propel the wonderfully named The Murder of Jesus the Jew up to third on my yearly album list.

But that was before I heard my FAKSM.

2011 Top 20 Favourite Idols 10-1

So, after the lead weight that was my Buono review, dropped into the lake of the feeding masses to tear apart and take offence at, time for this again. Yay.

I need to make two honourable mentions who didn't make either last year's list nor this year's list for various reasons, despite topping my rankings at some point over the past year, so here goes.

Firstly, Mitsushima Hikari, formerly of Folder5 and awesome actress. I charted her rise and fall in my Year Review Part 4, so no more writing about that.

Secondly, Ono Erena, who graduated AKB to go to London to become an actress, if sources are to be believed. Or rather, she said she was going abroad to be an actress. Sources said London. I went there and tried to see, but to no avail. Oh well. Hopefully I hear more from her or her massive tits before long.

Buono! - Zassou no Uta review

So, Buono, my favourite group in H!P, has a new single coming out, a year after the quite awesome Our Songs. The name of the new song is Zassou no Uta, meaning simply "Weed Song". Weed as in an invasive plant species, not a drug.

So, I'll start simply.

This song is shit.

Not often I say that about Buono, so yes. A true rarity.

Some brief complaints are that the song is boring. The guitars are boring. The bass is boring. The drums are boring. The vocal melodies are boring. Overall I'd give it roughly 4/10.

Now I'm going to go a bit more in depth. For this bit you'll need to have either some musical knowledge or just trust that I know what the hell I'm talking about.

2011 Top 20 Favourite Idols 20-11 + Stuff

Quite a lot happened since I posted the Idol Metal list. I got persuaded into joining The Three Metalheads as the fourth metalhead. In that way, I guess it's a bit like the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which was a trilogy of four books. Until Douglas Adams wrote a fifth one, and then died before he could make a sixth one. That, of course, led to the disaster known as And Another Thing..., but let's not talk about that. What I'm gonna do at T3M (or whatever Henkka decides to rename it as) I don't know yet. I will however keep writing silly crap for here. Maybe I'll divide it so I'll gush about the actual idols and how much I want to do wonderful, horrible things to their helpless bodies (and scathing reviews) here; whereas on T3M I'll moan about how things need to be more metal. And do some FAKSMs when I hear one.

I also restarted my wonderfully awesome fanfic which no one wants to read because "oh noes I killed some idols".

But anyway...

So, it's been just over a year since I did my first foray into making lists, namely:

• Favourite Idols No. 20-11
• Favourite Idols No. 10-1

As it's been a year, and I've discovered new things, new idols, and new ways to fantasise about them, I felt like I should make a new list.

This year, I've set down ground rules. In part this is because I hate rules and thus get to explain why I didn't follow them (thus meaning a decent word count rather than picspam like last year), but it's also because last year there were far too many old people.

Top 50 Idol Metal Songs

So, a while ago I read through just about everything on Three Metalheads, and, me being a metalhead, idolhead and prog nerd, agreed with pretty much everything (except Buono being shit, but can't have everything :P ). Henkka did a rather cool post on his Top 5 H!P Metal Songs. Now, I'll sort of agree with him that H!P sort of skirts metal without confronting it head-on, but times are changing. Idols are changing. Buono! did My Boy, which frankly threw everyone's senses off-kilter and then chopped off lots of people's heads and threw them into the gutter. A bit more recently, Pete (sswishbone) did his own "Metal" blog, which you can read here. This was a top ten, and included both H!P and TNX, as well as H&A (ex-H!P/still-UFA).

So, I got thinking. Just what is heaviness? And what is heavy idol pop?

Dean reckons idols shouldn't do metal. I disagree.

Recently I've been listening to other idol stuff. Not all of them are as metal-shy as H!P. So I decided to do a no-holds barred metalfest of idols, if that makes sense.

Once again, Momoclo and Sakugaku not included.